Booth slammed his fist into his palm in frustration. "A nude beach. Great. How the hell am I supposed to arrest him there?"
Bones looked puzzled. "I don't see the problem, Booth. We've gone to a great many unusual places to apprehend suspects. What's the problem here?"
Hodgins couldn't help himself. "Well, for starters, where would he keep his gun and badge?"
Angela had to chime in. "I have one suggestion for how he could carry his handcuffs…"
Booth shot them both a glare. "You two perverts keep out of it."
Hodgins put his arm around Angela. "We aren't perverts, we're married."
"Fine, you're married perverts. Just shut up." They looked at each other and shrugged. They could live with that.
"As I was saying, Bones, I am NOT taking you to a nude beach so you can scope out naked men in front of me. We'll find some other way to nail him."
"Booth, you're being ridiculous. Let's be honest – I'm the only person who could identify the suspect based on what we have."
"No, you aren't." Booth looked around frantically. "Wendell – you could ID the guy, right?"
The intern knew better than to get between the two. He stepped back. "Sorry, Agent Booth, but my job description does not include 'getting naked in public with male FBI agents.'"
Booth turned towards Cam. "Don't even think about it, Seeley. Even if I could identify him, you are not getting me on to a nude beach."
Bones folded her arms. "Booth, just admit it. I'm the only one who can make the identification. Here, let me prove it to you." She turned towards the other two men. "Dr. Hodgins, Mr. Bray, would you kindly step behind that screen and remove your shirts?"
"Hey, I thought I just said…" Wendell started to protest.
Jack took the intern's elbow and tugged him towards the screen. "Come on, kid. If you haven't learned your lesson by now on when to just shut up and go along with her, you have no business working here."
"Bones, what the hell are you doing?"
"Making my point, Booth." She turned towards the screen. "Are your shirts removed?"
"Yes."
"Fine. Now, I want each of you to extend one arm out from behind the screen, one on each side. And be careful to not let any of the rest of your bodies show."
Two bare arms poked out from behind the screen. "Now, Booth, you know both Dr. Hodgins and Mr. Bray fairly well. Can you tell me whose arm is whose?"
"What? Of course not."
"That's my point, Booth. Dr. Hodgins is slightly shorter and has pronounced body hair. So that is his arm to our left. Mr. Bray is taller and younger, and has better skin tone – that is his arm on the right. Gentlemen, please demonstrate to Agent Booth that I am correct." Both hands flashed into thumbs-up gestures. "Now, are you convinced, or should I have them remove their pants and prove it again with their legs?"
Wendell's "No!" was drowned out by Agnela's eager "Yes!"
Hodgins answered her from behind the screen. "Not helping, honey."
"Gentlemen, thank you. You may put your shirts back on." Angela sighed her disappointment. "Now, Booth, are you convinced that it has to be me to identify the suspect?"
"Yeah, but… geez…"
"I understand you are somewhat disabled by the nudity taboo – probably as an outgrowth of your Catholic upbringing – but we have little choice in this matter here. Or would you prefer that I go and apprehend the suspect alone? I think I would appreciate the chance to test my abilities in such circumstances."
"What? No! You're not going there by yourself!"
"Then, perhaps, you would recommend another agent to accompany me. I understand Sully has returned to active duty; he would probably enjoy the chance to go along. Or perhaps Andrew – he's often expressed dissatisfaction with his office duties, and spoken of occasionally returning to the field." Bones knew it was unfair to bring up the two other agents she'd dated, but she had to make her point here.
"Absolutely not! Both of them would kill for a chance to see you naked, and they'd never take their eyes off you."
"Then, perhaps, we could bring in Agent Perrotta. Would you find it less threatening if I were accompanied by another woman?"
"Threatening? I'm not threatened by…" he sighed. He knew when he was beaten. "Fine, I'll clear it with the Bureau, and we'll head out this afternoon. Pick you up here around 1?"
Bones considered it. "That should be fine, but make it at my apartment. I'll take my car home and throw together what I'll need. We can eat lunch, then head out."
Booth sighed. He was going to have a hell of a time explaining this one to his bosses. And he knew it would be a long time before he heard the end of it at work.
"Oh, and Booth?"
"Yeah," he said, turning back from the door?"
She smiled. "Be sure to bring plenty of sunscreen."