Title: Confessions

Pairing: Lily Evans & James Potter I

House: Slytherin

By Alicia

Disclaimer: The genius behind the settings and characters is JKR.

Spots of black were dotting my vision. The world was spinning. The constricting feeling in my throat was growing each second. I was falling...falling...falling...

"Pretending to stick your fingers together to make a gun which you will eventually shove into your mouth so far inside that you will feel nauseated does not actually kill you, Lily," drawled Alice from where she sat on the edge of her bed.

My fingers retreated from my mouth as soon as they touched my tonsil, making me relive a nauseatic feeling. Coughing violently, I grabbed my chest and stood up from the dirty floor, crawling my way back to the comforts of my bed. My fingers clawed their way around the red bed sheet till they came contact with the headboard. Gripping it firmly, I pushed myself off my legs only to collapse on the fluffy pillows.

"Merlin, you're such a drama queen," snickered Roxanne as she entered the dorm, shutting the door firmly behind her and plopping down on the bed closest to her with a contented sigh. She pushed her ebony locks out of her eyes before turning to lie sideways, propping her head on one arm as she faced Alice and I. Alice sat up, grabbing a pillow form behind her and hugging it to her chest protectively as she grinned with interest.

"How'd the date go?" asked Alice. Today was a Hogsmeade weekend but Alice and I had stayed back at school. Me, because I needed to catch up on my studies after excessive partying and Alice because after her recent fight with Frank, she had no one to go with. Marlene and Dorcas had already left each with dates, so she had no other option than to enjoy her day inside the unusually silent school.

"He asked me to come visit his family during winter break," grinned Roxanne, but I could feel her holding something back.

"That's wonderful," said Alice with an encouraging yet slightly bitter smile. No doubt, she was missing Frank.

There was a slight pause before Roxanne finally felt the need to blurt out, "He told me he loved me!"

Grinning like a madwoman, I squealed with Alice and jumped off my bed to go and hug Roxanne. She had been dating Caradoc Dearborn for a year; Caradoc was a tall athletic-looking guy with silky blonde hair, friendly green eyes, and an innocent face. He was very cute in a boyish, easy way, but what really struck me about him was his kindness. It was rare these days to find a guy who wasn't all into pleasure. He was a Hufflepuff and one of the best keepers in the school. Roxanne couldn't have scored a better guy who deserved her more.

"Tell us everything!" demanded Alice excitedly.

"Well, the date went really well. He took me to the Three Broomsticks for butter beer and then we sort of went hitchhiking away from Hogsmeade, but we didn't go far. He took me to this place behind a hill and it was magical. It was like we had apparated out of Britain and went to Jamaica or something - I don't know, there was this huge meadow with all kinds of flowers and birds and it was just so romantic!" said Roxanne as she paused to catch breath, "We had a picnic there and just lay on the grass for some hours talking about random stuff when out of no where he kissed me and then told me he loved me. After that, he invited me to meet his family and that was that"

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I told him I loved him back of course," she giggled girlishly and let a smile settle on her lips. We stayed silent for a few minutes, not feeling a need to fill in the silence.

"But how do you know you love him?" I inquired, turning to face her once again and she stared at me with a bemused expression before opening her mouth to speak.

"I - I don't know. That's just love, I guess. You know you love him when the time is right"

"But what if it's just a silly infatuation-"

"It isn't," stated Roxanne with so much confidence that I believed her, "A silly infatuation wouldn't make me feel like I could trust him with my life completely. A silly infatuation wouldn't make me want to walk to the ends of the earth just to see him all over again. It's love, Lily. I'm sure"

And so I spent the next few hours crawling the corridors, attacking anyone who passed by me with questions of love.

"Love?" asked a timid second year, "I suppose it's when you protect something that's close to you, isn't it?"

"It's about trust" a sixth year Ravenclaw said seriously, "Trusting someone not to hurt you. Trusting them to see past the imperfections. Trusting them to never leave your side" he shot a glance towards a girl barely younger than him clad in her school robes walking past us.

"It's about feeling alive," smiled a fifth year that emerged from the library with a wistful smile on her face, "It's when your senses get sharper, everything becomes clearer, you see the world in a whole new light, a world where nothing can go wrong..."

"It's nothing but an illusion," frowned a bulky Slytherin, "You're born alone and you die alone. Besides, a filthy mudblood like you couldn't get even a sewage rat to like you let alone love you"

I paid him no heed and turned to question a spunky Ravenclaw emerging from the broom closet, "Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?" he smirked.

"How about you walk away again?" I scowled.

"Well, Miss Evans, I suppose love is as a wise muggle Frost puts it, an irresistible desire to be desired with a hint of something else I find most of my students these days indulging in" said Dumbledore. I nodded and walked away quickly, trying to muffle my laughter. Who would have thought of Dumbledore saying something remotely related to sex?

"It's when you get to know the guy first, Lily. Now, it doesn't have to be love at first sight," said Hestia who was a friend from Hufflepuff with a steady Gryffindor boyfriend. "It can also be those love-hate relationships. Anyways, it should be without pressure. Nobody should force you into flirting with him or something but it should come from the heart. You know, then you get to know him better. Become his best friend of sorts - predict his ways, anticipate his actions, keep in synchronization... and then its not long before you start feeling that thing in your stomach that makes it go all squiggly and squishy from inside. Sooner or later you're melting at his touch, and you just can't think of anyone else. He's on your mind day and night. You have your occasional fights and witty banters and neither of you seem to think the either as perfect because that's just who you are. And in the end you end up in a steamy room having constant sex, moaning and-"

I laughed, interrupting her little speech, "I get it"

"So, why'd you ask anyways?" asked Hestia curiously.

"Just felt like taking the general opinion," I smiled cheekily and strode off to another direction, encountering a group of four familiar boys before I blurted out the same question I had been asking everyone else.

It was Remus who replied first with a mischievous smirk playing around his lips, "Oh you know, its when you have a woman in a hand's reach, and you can't be bothered to restrain your actions. Just thinking about it makes even me a little light-headed" he gave a low husky chuckle, "when you sit all alone in a cold dark place" he sighed slowly "your imagination just running wild of its own account, lusty kisses all over your skin-"

"I think I get it," I stepped back cautiously; this was so not the Remus I knew.

Sirius clamped a hand around his shoulder and turned to me with an apologetic smile, "He gets horny when he's drunk - talks nonsense. I should probably take him back to the dorms, c'mon Wormtail."

"Yeah you do that" I chuckled nervously before edging round the corner. I jumped, startled when I heard a voice from behind me, I had forgotten the presence of the last Marauder.

"What, aren't you going to ask my opinion?" asked James mischievously. I opened my mouth to reply but he beat me to it, losing his mischievous expression and replacing it with a serious one,"Its when you can't stay mad at someone for any long period of time. Either you forgive or you forget. Its when you can recall any form of communication between the two of you, whether it be notes or letters," started James as he crossed his arms and leant against the stone wall. I copied his actions and nodded my head to show I was listening.

"Its when you take as much time as you can to spend each and every minute with that person, to drag your feet slowly across the floor so you have an excuse for staying with him for so long. Its when you feel nervous, maybe even shy when you're around him though you show it in weird ways. Love is when-"

He broke off to come stand beside me, excruciatingly close for my liking. I could have sworn the tone of his voice dropped when he next spoke, "Love is when your heart beats faster when you're with that person and just the sound of their voice makes you smile"

I think I was having a heart attack. My heart was beating really fast, like a thousand miles per minute. Oh sweet Merlin, I was dying! I couldn't even pay attention to what he was saying - my mind was too jumbled. What if I die any moment? What if my corpse is seen next to Ja-Potter and he gets expelled for wrongly murdering me? What if I never get to tell my parents I love them - tell Petunia that its alright if she hates me, I knew she was jealous anyways. What will happen to my incomplete will? I haven't even decided what to legally pass on to Alice yet - Oh, Bugger. I never mentioned Alice could have that parrot green dress of mines she liked in my will. What if I-

"You can't see anyone else when you're around him. You feel alone as if you two are the only people left in the world," he had moved away from be now but was still standing close. His mouth was dangerously close to my hair as he continued to speak in hushed tones. Why was this corridor so deserted?

"Love is when you've memorized his scent and can spot him a mile away, its when you know you're always smiling to yourself when you think of him, when you'd do anything for him, when-"

I turned around to face him, breathing erratically. He stood there, leaning over, taking in every inch of my face as I did his. Our eyes locked for a second and I noticed a hue of gold in her hazel eyes before the glanced at my lips then stared back unreadable into my eyes again.

"When all this time you were thinking of only one person." he breathed.

We stayed like that for a moment. Neither of us moved nor talk, because if we did then terrible things would happen. The moment was to precious to lose.

"You" he muttered before moving his face closer to mine - his lips a fraction of an inch away from mine. I grew impatient, was he going to kiss me or not?

Wait. Did I even want to kiss him? The guy who chased after me since fifth year, the guy who bullied everyone constantly-

But he doesn't bully anymore, he's become responsible-

But he's a selfish toad-

Who's been helping tutor first years in Transfiguration-

He's a cocky, arrogant brat-

Who hasn't flaunted once since term started-

He's-

Imperfect.

But-

You love him for it.

"I-I like you" was all I muttered before I reached up and smacked my lips against his.

But I lied. My feelings for him were even stronger than like – I suspected that I loved him. And it turns out I did. It wasn't just a silly infatuation, I soon found out. It was exactly how Roxanne had described it to be – that annoying tugging sensation in your gut that would only appear when he was in sight.

Curse her.