Prompt: Clarity

Characters: Jean

Rating: PG-13

Jean Kirschstein is panicking, his heart is thumping wildly in his chest and he swears it's going to bust through his ribcage any second now. Sweat drops are streaming down his face and his bottom lip is bleeding slightly from where his teeth clamped down on it in an attempt to curb the fear that is threatening to consume him.

But his mind is clear.

He isn't thinking about the fact that he might die and his own skin is suddenly the last thing that matters...which, he muses, is odd considering he's only ever been concerned about himself. The wind is whistling past his ears as he goes into a swing, his ODM gear holding him up by only two small wires, but he trusts his gear to carry him onwards towards the building in the distance because there is no point in being worried about equipment malfunction when you're making a mad dash for your life on a limited gas supply in your tanks. Take advantage of the momentum, unhook, use a little gas and re-hook, momentum, unhook, gas, re-hook...it's a dance he knows well, one he's proficient at. He didn't graduate with the best scores in ODM use for nothing!

Why am I so calm?

He shouldn't be, he knows that; death is all around him.

But Marco is by his side, smiling at him and moving forward with him towards their goal...and that is all he can think of: reaching that goal alive.

Because if Jean doubts himself now, if he hesitates...his comrades will falter and fail; so he keeps going and keeps his mind focused on reaching HQ, because he took this task on himself and these people's lives are his responsibility. He knows they don't have the mental strength to continue without someone taking the lead, Sasha had tried to rouse them and no one had budged and Mikasa's words had left them stunned and shamed; for some reason he would never be able to fathom, they had followed him without question.

This sudden clarity...he wondered if everyone was feeling this way? Or was he different than them somehow? The look in Marco's eyes told him it was the latter.

"You really came through for us back there, we owe you big time! Don't shrug it off, I'm serious! We're alive because of you! Like I said, you make a great leader."

Marco's words made Jean blink in confusion for a moment. A LEADER? Jean Kirschstein was no leader, he was just here to get into the Military Police so he could live an easy life inside the inner Wall. He didn't have any dreams of glory and honor...

"Easy with that crap," he snapped at his comrade, "We're not out of this yet!"

But, despite his distaste of Marco's statement, he continued forward. Because, even if he didn't WANT to be a leader, he was one for now and he was going to do whatever he could to get his comrades into that building.

Without hesitation, he unhooked his grapples one last time, letting his momentum carry him forward towards the windows of HQ. He tucked his head under his arms and angled his body as he flew towards the glass in an all or nothing dive towards the safety of the stone building.

The impact of the glass was loud in his ears and he gracelessly rolled across the floor when he landed, groaning as his shoulders connected painfully with the wooden floors, but he didn't even stop to consider any pain he might have been in, he only had one thought on his mind: Did they make it?

The sound of shattering glass and heavy landings filled the room and, for a brief moment, despite all that had happened to them that day, Jean felt a sense of peace sweep over him and he sighed with relief.

He'd remained calm, clear and collected...and the majority of his comrades were alive and by his side due to his actions.