Amanda's knuckles tapped at her lieutenant's office door before carefully letting herself in. "I'm gonna head out, Lieutenant. Anything else you need from me?"

Olivia pulled off her glasses and offered Amanda her familiar, tired smile. "Nice work today, Rollins. Go home, get some rest," she replied with a small flip of her hand.

She nodded and began to turn away, but stopped. Giving in to her curiosity, she asked, "hey, uh, Liv? Where'd Carisi go? I haven't seen him since five."

"He took this case pretty hard, I think. I sent him home to regroup." She eyed Amanda almost suspiciously. "Why?"

Kyle Turner. Amanda had noticed the shift in Carisi's affect after he talked about his own experience with bullying in an attempt to illicit a confession. He hadn't admitted the story was true - but he didn't say it wasn't, either. Carisi was one of the most honest people she knew, so Amanda suspected that he had offered up a truthful piece of himself in the interrogation room that day. She cleared her throat. "No reason. Just wondering. Night, Liv."

"Amanda?"

About to leave, she turned around, looking at Liv expectantly. "Yeah?"

Liv eyed her in silence, appearing as if she wanted to say something. Amanda felt her heartbeat quicken slightly in anticipation, unsure of what her lieutenant was thinking. Their relationship had been rocky at points, mostly due to Amanda's personal struggles, but she had a deep respect for Olivia Benson. She constantly wanted to prove to her that she was level-headed and capable, even if some days it all felt like an act. Finally, Liv shook her head and gave another smile, although this one seemed less genuine than the last. "Nothing, nothing. Get out of here."

Amanda left the squad room feeling slightly on edge. It had been a long day. No, more like a long month. The distance she had created between she and Carisi had only increased after he had told her off that Sunday morning on the sidewalk. This time, though, it wasn't Amanda being cold - the chill was coming from Carisi. His assessment of her had been humbling, to say the least, and it hung in the air between them every time they interacted. He no longer went out of his way to idly chat with her, he didn't show up at her door to offer food and company or text her random facts about teething one year olds. He was simply her colleague again; any attempt on Amanda's part to close the gap between them was met with the politest resistance.

She hugged her jacket close to her in the cool night air. There was only one thing she wanted to do: see him. The farther Carisi drifted from her, the more she yearned to be in his presence. He had spoken the truth that Sunday; somehow he knew her better than any man she had ever dated. Hell, he knew her better than her own family. It terrified her that Carisi had her figured out, but more than anything she hated that the wall she had tirelessly built up was now even too massive for him to climb. He saw her for what she was - selfish, irrational, stubborn - and retreated. In a way, Amanda figured it would have been easier if she could just be pissed off and move on. Instead, this lingered like a strange kind of ache, one similar to loneliness.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, Gambler's Anonymous would preach to her. It was up to her to demolish the tower of cold concrete that kept her isolated and aloof. Her hand was reaching for her iPhone and pressing his name in her contact list before she could stop herself. As it rang, her heart began to race, part of her hoping he wouldn't pick up. When he did, she had to stop walking, like she needed all her energy to be engaged in the conversation. "Hey."

"Hi. You home?" she asked.

"Yeah... why? Catch another case?"

"No, no, I just left... but, ah, was wondering if you're hungry or anything? I could bring some food by, return the favor for once?"

There was a long pause that incited panic in Amanda immediately. Maybe he lost cell service, or he suddenly died, maybe...

"You didn't cook it, did you?" Carisi's skeptical tone was a relief when it reached her ear.

"No..."

"Alright, sure."

It wasn't the most enthusiastic response, but she would take it over an emphatic no or awkward avoidance. After hanging up, Amanda texted Kim to ask her to hang out with Jesse, which she excitedly agreed to do. She had to admit that her sister was great with her daughter and lately Amanda had been inspired to give her more of a chance. Perhaps it was her attempt at being a little more open, a little more forgiving. Amanda certainly wasn't ready to leave Jesse with her all the time, but here and there Kim had taken the responsibility of watching her niece seriously.

Amanda didn't dare pick up Italian food, so she headed to Carisi's apartment with an assorted bag of Chinese. She didn't let herself think too much about what she was doing and why she was doing it, so when she ended up at his place, she felt totally unprepared. When he pulled open the door, she realized she had been holding her breath.

"Hey, come in," he offered, moving aside so she could enter. He was out of his suit and in a t-shirt and jeans.

Amanda tried to read the expression on his face. He looked tired but otherwise normal. In that moment she opted to pretend nothing had changed between them simply because she she didn't know how to behave any other way. She took off her coat and set down the bag on his coffee table so she could unpack it.

"Wanna beer? Where's Jesse?" he called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure. Kim's with her." With the little white boxes set out, she sat down on his couch, legs crossed. She caught herself scanning the area for signs that Bridget had been there, but realized she didn't even know what she was looking for. She picked at the fabric of her dark jeans instead.

Carisi reemerged, looking at Amanda with an eyebrow quirked. He handed her a fork and an open beer bottle - there was no formality required here - and sat down next to her. Not necessarily far away, but definitely not close, either. "Kim? Y'sure that's a good idea?"

Amanda cleared her throat as she set her drink down and reached for the box of sesame noodles. She stuck her fork inside so she could focus her gaze somewhere other than on Carisi. "Yeah. She's been doing really well with her lately and... I'm trying this new thing where I... trust a little more. Give people more credit," she explained slowly.

"How's that workin' out for ya?"

There was an edge of sarcasm in Carisi's voice that she hadn't expected. She felt like all of her flaws were captured in a big, red sign, blinking garishly above her head in his living room. Her instinct was to recoil, run, cut him off at the pass so he didn't get to toy with the most vulnerable parts of her again. She chewed the inside of her cheek, the self-inflicted pain grounding her slightly. "Okay so far."

She looked up from the noodles she had been so intently staring at to find Carisi eyeing her. His brow was knitted together like he was trying to figure out a challenging math problem without a calculator. "Why are you here, Amanda?" he finally asked her after a few beats of silence.

Before Amanda could answer, her phone rang in the back pocket of her jeans. Instinctively she put down what she was pretending to eat so she could answer it. Carisi looked unfazed, as this was their normal: chained to their cell phones, waiting to be summoned. It wasn't Liv or Fin, though. It was Kim.

"Kim? What's up?" Amanda asked.

"Amanda! Amanda, I... I don't know what happened!" Kim's voice was frantic. "All of a sudden Jesse started getting fussy, she didn't want to eat or move and she was so warm. Then she started coughin' and I think she's having a hard time breathing, her little chest is goin' up and down so hard-"

She felt the blood drain from her face, her free hand automatically gripping Carisi's forearm that had been draped across the top of the couch, like she needed to steady herself. He looked at her with a combination of confusion and concern, but Amanda's focus wasn't on how he was receiving her anymore. "What? What do you mean? Damnit, Kim, I leave you alone with her for a couple of hours and-" she shook her head, trying to organize her racing thoughts. This probably wasn't Kim's fault, but in Amanda's panic she needed a target and her sister was always an easy one. She leapt up from the couch with the phone pressed tight to her ear. She tried to keep her voice calm, to channel the seasoned detective who could navigate any crisis smoothly, but this was her daughter, the very best part of her. This was more important than anything. "Take her to Presbyterian! I'm coming right now."

"I know! I know! I've got her, I'm going now. I'm going right now!" Kim exclaimed.

Amanda hung up the phone with trembling fingers. She almost forgot where she was or that Carisi was there as she moved toward her coat.

"What's goin' on? What's wrong with Jesse?" he asked her, getting up from his seat.

"I don't know. Kim said she's not eating and she's having trouble breathing and she's taking her to the hospital," Amanda babbled.

"I'm goin' with you." Carisi grabbed his keys off the table and his coat from the rack.

Too distracted to argue, Amanda let him lead the way.