Oh good God.

Had I really just told Newbie to go and kill himself?

I mentally ran back over the conversation that I had ended seconds ago. Then why don't you go ahead and pump yourself full of drugs until you're stone cold dead, Newbie. But that was just a normal thing for me to say, wasn't it? He had known it was just me being…me, hadn't he?

But even I had to admit that it had been a bit over the top even by my standards. Newbie's pale, shocked face had confirmed that. I couldn't get the image out of my mind, even when I concentrated hard on my surroundings. Dammit.

I strode swiftly to the nurses' station, grasped the edge of the counter and brought my head down on it twice, harder than usual.

When I raised my now pounding head, Carla was watching me dispassionately.

'Something wrong?' she said coldly.

'I…uh…' I rubbed the back of my head. 'I was just talking to Newbie.'

I saw her stiffen, but her face remained blank. 'You were?' She shuffled papers absently; I saw her eyes flicker quickly up to mine, hope showing briefly in her face. 'He was pretty upset earlier. Have you guys sorted out things between you?'

'Not…exactly.'

Carla narrowed her eyes.

What the hell. I was in too deep already. 'I practically told him to go and kill himself.'

'What?' she gasped, the papers slipping from her hands to the ground.

'Yep.' I grinned, spreading my arms wide. 'Told him to – let me see…to pump himself full of drugs just like he did that patient, because that would be the only way he could set it right. Oh, don't look at me like that, Carla! This is the way it's always been. I dole out a little tough love, Newbie learns a life lesson and…and…' My throat was becoming tight, but I choked out the words anyway, still grinning insanely, '…and he may or may not go home and attempt suicide. Now isn't that just fan-tas-tic? Isn't it?' I whammed my forehead down onto the counter with even more force than before, and this time I didn't raise my head.

After a long moment, I felt something entirely unexpected – her hand touching my hair. 'Perry,' she said softly, and the sadness in her voice was a hundred times worse than all the anger she'd thrown at me over the past week. 'Why are you doing this?'

I sighed, raising my head, resting my elbows on the countertop and rubbing my eyes. 'I don't know.'

If she hadn't been angry before, I was certainly expecting her to be angry with that answer. But she only continued to look at me sadly. 'Then maybe you should work out why you're doing this, and then you can deal with your issues,' she said simply. 'It's not fair to JD. You know that.'

I stared into her eyes, my stomach clenching with the sudden panic to explain. All I could say, hoarsely, was, 'I never meant any of it.'

Carla smiled at me then, a soft, genuine Carla-smile. 'I know,' she said. 'And I think deep down JD knows it too.'

I nodded shortly, staring down at the counter. 'I – I hope so.'

She squeezed my hand.

'Baby!' Oh great, Gandhi had just bounded up, staring between his wife and me. 'What the hell are you doin'?' he hissed at her. 'You're fraternising with the enemy!'

'Dr Cox isn't the enemy, Turk,' Carla said soothingly, kissing his cheek.

He looked down at her with wide eyes. 'Is this a joke? 'Cause I told you what he was like to JD earlier! Did you lie?' He pointed his finger at me. 'Did you tell her that's not really happened? If you did – '

'Clam up, Bowling Ball,' I said shortly. 'I'll have you know that I have since – ' I cleared my throat, ' – seen the error of my ways and – '

The end of my sentence was lost in a deafening bang that echoed around the corridor. There were gasps and sharp cries from the people surrounding us. Gandhi and I turned to stare at each other, then to look at Carla. Her eyes were wide. 'Was that a gunsh – '

BANG.

This time there were more screams and a scattering of people from further up the corridor. My pulse quickening, I pressed my back against the counter of the nurses' station, craning my neck to see what was going on…

And then my heart stopped.

A muscular guy who looked familiar – Joe, his name was Joe, I had seen him just minutes earlier – had was striding forward in our direction, nurses and doctors scrambling and tripping over each other to get out of his path. In one hand he held a gun, and in the other...in the other he was gripping Newbie's upper arm.

'JD,' I heard Gandhi whisper almost inaudibly.

Newbie's dark hair was standing on end and his face was white. His panicked gaze met mine briefly, and then I saw his eyes move to Turk and Carla. Now he was turning his head, looking away from us, searching the crowd of terrified staff; I followed his line of vision and saw Barbie standing near us, to the forefront of the crowd, one hand clamped over her mouth.

BANG.

The third gunshot made me leap into the air, the end of my stethoscope flying up and whipping me in the chin. Joe had fired into the ceiling; bits of plaster rained down. The janitor isn't going to be happy about that.

'Quiet,' Joe called in a loud, clear voice. There were moans of horror and scufflings towards the door. 'I said, QUIET!' The scufflings stopped and a deathly still fell over the crowd. I was barely aware of Carla gripping the back of my lab coat tightly. Joe looked pleasantly around at us. 'Good. Okay, let me make a few things clear. I am going to have complete silence. That means no one is allowed to talk. That includes you, Dr Dorian.' He shook Newbie roughly. Newbie's eyes were now glued to the floor. 'Also, if anyone leaves or tries to call the police, I will shoot them. I hope that's understood. Now…' He started scanning the crowd with narrowed eyes. 'Dr Cox.'

My breath caught in my throat when I heard him pronounce me name, and my feet were suddenly stuck to the ground. Joe's eyes landed on me and he smiled. 'There you are!' He strode over to me, dragging Newbie with him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gandhi's hands slowly curling into fists. My hand shot out and landed on his wrist. 'Don't try anything stupid,' I muttered in a low voice. I wasn't about to take any chances while that guy had both Newbie and a gun in his grasp.

I was piercingly aware that every shocked, fearful gaze in the room was on me, and I cursed the fact that Carla and Gandhi were both standing right beside me, in the line of fire. But I didn't have long to contemplate on this because Joe was right in front of me, grinning.

'Hello again, Dr Cox,' he said. 'As you can see, I've decided that you need to learn a lesson or two.' I opened my mouth, but he waved a finger at me. 'Remember, no talking.' He suddenly pushed Newbie forward, still retaining a tight grip on his arm. 'How does it feel, Dr Cox?'

Newbie's eyes met mine and we stared at each other for what seemed a long, long time. I had no idea what my face looked like. Newbie's was blank with horror. I could feel the frozen terror of Carla and Gandhi.

Joe was still talking. 'Are you listening, Dr Cox? I said, how does it feel to know that Dr Dorian will be dead very soon because of you?'

Because of me? What the hell is he talking about? I tore my eyes from Newbie's. Desperation had me talking without even realising it. 'Look, just put the gun down and we can talk this through – '

Joe was grimacing regretfully. 'I don't think someone who has such a poor memory would make a very good doctor. Didn't I just say no talking?' He shrugged. 'I guess I should show you what happens when you break the rules.'

As swiftly as a snake, he drew a knife from his pocket with the hand that was still holding the gun, and slashed it through Newbie's blue scrubs.