Chapter 4 - isolation
In my dream I was flying. Above the igneous, twisted landscape through a red murky twilight I glided the power of wings at my back both dreamily detached and frighteningly real. I remembered noting of the worries and fear and anger I had fallen asleep with and new only that I was free. I rose and rose on blazing winds, not burned but warmed by the flow. I glanced over my shoulder and saw two shadows approach. They scared me, for some reason other than their ghastly form that I couldn't put my finger on. They rippled through the air, constantly changing shape. One minute they were fierce looking birds, the next they looked like wolves, galloping through the scorched sky. I tried to fly faster, but I began to feel tired. In seconds they would be upon me - I jolted to the left, tried to fall lower, but they were doing something - I was paralyzed with fear. They dived towards me, and seconds before they could close their jaws around me I jolted awake.
My heart pounding and ears ringing, I stared into darkness, Slowly I became aware of my surroundings - the green drapes that looked black in the early morning light, the heavy breathing of my new doormats. It was early, too early really to get up. But I knew I couldn't sleep. My trunk was at the foot of the bed - the houselves must have brought it in the night. I slipped out of bed and grabbed my robes, before tiptoeing over to the bathroom. After I'd washed and dressed I crept down to the common room. Just before I rounded the corner into the room, I heard two quiet voices. Two of the older students were sat up talking in the darkened common room. I could just see a hint of their lone candle glowing around the walls of the room
"-can't help thinking you're right."
"Even my mother would be appalled by such dirty tactics!"
There was a rustle and a soft laugh.
"Do you think we could appeal to professor snape?"
"No way, he's in Dumbledore's pocket, even if he does his best for us."
A harsh sigh.
"To think the little bitch will be sniffing about all the time - "
"And she's so rude too - didn't even try to pretend to fit in - like she was better than all of us, a little Gryffindor fool at heart taking one for the team-"
I gasped, loudly, as I realised they were talking about me. I couldn't believe it! Could there ever have been a worse start to someone's school than this?
"Whose there!" shouted one of the slytherins.
Trembling, I made to back down the corridor. I could barely move, so frightened I was.
"Lummox!" cried one of them.
The pale wandlight shone right on me. I began to shake.
"No one here. Check the alcoves."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise - how could he have not seen me? I was in plain sight! Testing the theory, I made to step into the common room - then noticed that there was a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw my handsome rescuer from the train. He raised one elegant finger to his lips. We stood very still for a while, and I tried not to make a sound.
"There's no one here, Alderly."
"Alright. Might as well get back to bed. Don't want old Flinty wondering where we've gone!""
They walked right past me and made their way down to the sixth year dorms at the end of the hall. The hand disappeared from my shoulder. I made my way carefully into the common room and slipped out into the corridor that led to the hidden door.
I wanted nothing more than a chance to sit and think, but it seemed at every turn I was thwarted somehow - someone would interrupt me, or I'd have something else to worry about. In truth, I was growing more and more scared of the dreams I was having - they grew more and more real feeling every time - and who was the dark stranger that had now saved me twice? I just wanted a chance to catch my breath and breathe.
I decided to go where I always went when things were upsetting me. I slipped through the corridors like a mouse, surefooted and silent. In the darkness of the castle, I couldn't help feeling that the shadows from my dreams were following me, but I counted on the warmth and love of Hogwarts to hold them off. Into the library I crept, and then to a tiny alcove of bookshelves. On the third shelf of a bookshelf that was backed against the wall, I pulled out a copy of "A field Guide to The little People", turned it around, and slipped it back on to the shelf so it's spine was touching the back of the shelf. The bookshelf turned aside and I was able to slip into a tiny corridor, that was only just big enough for me to walk through sideways,
The corridor led into a small courtyard garden. Four dainty sycamores surrounded a rippling fountain, and a small gazebo. Red ivy climbed up the towering walls of the castle on all four sides, and twined over the gazebo. I slipped over a path of mossy cobble stones and took a seat on the swinging bench inside the gazebo. It began to rock backwards and forwards, and I tucked my legs up on the wood, closing my eyes and resting back on the swing. Overhead, a small rain shower began, and I drifted for a while, listening to the soft patina of water on the wood overhead, the trickling of the fountain and the rustling of a warmish wind in the leaves of the sycamores. I let my mind wander.
The dreams were odd. I was beginning to find an odd solace in them though - the freedom of flight in my dream earlier tonight had been exhilarating - even the threat of the shadows which hounded me had been preferable to the black desperation that had settle over me as I fell to sleep. Despite myself, I looked forward to my next encounter with that eldritch world. Even more, I hoped I would meet the boy from before again - he must be in slytherin. He looked just a few years older than me. I decided I would look for him at breakfast.
I sat in the soothing peace of my quiet little courtyard for some time, lost in thought and letting the gentle sounds and soft winds wash away my worry. I was at Hogwarts. Things would be difficult, yes, but I would make my place here. If I couldn't make amends with my new house I would request a transfer (though I thought this would be mostly hopeless) or try to separate myself from my classmates and attach myself mostly to friends in another house.
Everything would be okay. If nothing else, my father would understand.
Feeling comforted in this little place at the heart of Hogwarts, I felt myself begin to drop off and shook myself awake. Feeling groggy, I pulled myself off the porch swing and shuffled back towards the tunnel. Back in the library, the clock read 6am. This wasn't an unusual time for me to be up and about. I darted through he corridores and secret passages towards the kitchens, hoping to get some breakfast there so I wouldn't have to spend that long at the house table.
as I tickled the pear and opened the door, I was met with an explosion of houselevs,
"Miss Ruby, Missy Ruby!" Tolly the house elf cried excitedly. I smiled. I knew all the houselves by name. When I as much younger they had worked hard to look after me. I couldn't help but love them for their loyalty and love for the school and all her inhabitants.
"Hey Tolly," I said, feeling refreshed.
"We has been hearing the new, Miss Ruby, but we is not caring. Miss Ruby will always be missy Ruby no matter which house she is in!"
"Thank you, Tolly!" I said with a soft smile. "You're probably all busy with breakfast," i said, "But is there any chance of just a cup of orange juice?"
Before I had finished my sentence, a plate of sausages, bacon, eggs and thin, folded pancakes had appeared on the table where I usually sat, with a glass of orange juice and a pot of coffee. I smiled and took my seat, feeling soft at heart. If everything went wrong, I decided, I would come and work in the kitchens here. Tolly took a stand near by my seat, whisking a huge bowls of pancake mixture.
Tolly was silent for a while as I started eating my pancakes. I had barely eaten last night and now this morning I felt half starved.
"Miss Ruby... must not be sad to be in the house of master Salazar." She said. I looked at her curiously.
"Tolly - I know but, I'm going to be miserable. Everyone hates me. They think I'm a spy," Tolly smiled cryptically, her ears quivering.
"Miss Ruby does not know, But Tolly knows. Tolly's mother knew and her grandma. Miss Ruby is going to help save us."
"What?" I said, thinking this was a lot like the Sorting hat's cryptic statement before.
"Miss Ruby just needs to find her place. If Tolly may be outspoken miss?"
I nodded - I had always encouraged the houselves to be outspoken with me, as they often had shrewd insight to give and a different way of looking at the world.
"Miss Ruby will get nowhere by hiding from her house. She must learn to love them, even if they do not love her."
I stared at Tolly all agape - it had never occurred to me to even try. It had seemed like a hopeless case, but Tolly's advice had given me strength. I finished my breakfast rapidly, and made my way to the great hall to collect my class schedule.