The Queen of Broken Hearts
Written by the Storytellers (Dennie-chan and Rachel-san)
Disclaimer: We, the Storytellers, did not write A Midsummer's Night Dream. William Shakespeare did, so he deserves all the props on that front. We also do not own Gundam Wing and all that, but we do have to warn you. We're freaking nuts.
I wouldn't read this if you are a Relena fan whose feelings get hurt easily.
If you're wondering what the hell is going on, don't worry. It gets better.
Chapter Four(A few days later. Rehearsals are going strong. Everyone is doing well, and they have even run through the play once. But Moira is still unsatisfied.)
Moira: I don't know what it is, guys.
Danie: You're taking this too seriously, Mo.
Moira: Well, you try watching two lackluster people kiss! It's depressing!
Jennifer: I have to admit she's right, Danie, Heero.
Heero: Like anyone would WANT to kiss the thing!
Danie: Excuse me, fish lips, but you're not too appealing either.
(Moira sighs and holds her head, on the verge of a major tension headache.)
Jennifer: Well, the only way to get something perfect is with practice.
Crys: Jen's right, you two should practice kissing each other.
Heero: I'd rather die.
Danie: Ugh, don't even.
Moira: (Lifting her head) It's the best solution I've heard all day. (Points toward Green Room.) Go. Now.
Heero: You can't make me.
Moira: Gee...nice bottle of whiskey wasn't it...
Heero: Alright fine...
Crys: Blackmail always works.
Heero: (glares.) Shut up.
Moira: Alright you two. I expect this to be perfect by two-thirty. That's fifteen minutes.
Danie: Fifteen minutes too many, if you ask me.
Jennifer: Oh just go, Danie...
(Danie sighs and leaves. Heero follows her slowly.)
Moira: Now. Maybe we can--
(Relena runs up.)
Relena: Did Heero go?
Crys: Or not... (sighs) The headache of all headaches decided to show her face...
Moira: Heero and Danie are--
Relena: Um, never mind. Thanks. (Runs off.)
Jennifer: (Frowning) What the--?
Quatre: This spells disaster all over it...
Crys: How much are you willing to bet that Relena's going to blow her top off...(pause.) I want to see this!
Jennifer: Me too! Come on! (Goes with Crys to see.)
Moira: (Throwing up her hands in defeat) Alright. There goes rehearsal. (Turns to the seats.) Alright. NEXT!
(Meanwhile, with Danie and Heero.)
Danie: Alright Yuy, we've gotta do this or my sister'll kill me. Take a seat.
Heero: (sits down and crosses arms.) Yours and mine both. Let's just get this over with.
Danie: Fine. (Turns to him.) One question. Have you ever kissed anyone before?
Heero: Do I really have to answer that?
Danie: (Rolling her eyes) I can't help you if I don't know...
Heero: (stares at her.) Fine. No I haven't and if you tell anyone I'll murder you. Especially if you tell Duo. I'll never hear the end of it from him.
Danie: Fine, fine. Geez. (Goes serious.) I guess first of all...I should um...
Heero: (Eyes her.) You should what? Or do I even want to know?
Danie: I've got to teach you how to kiss.
Heero: And just how do you plan to do that?
Danie: Just listen and follow my instructions. (Pauses to look him in the eye.) Alright?
Heero: (looks away from her gaze.) Fine, whatever.
Danie: Alright listen. (Frowns.) Heero-- (Turns his head so that he's looking at her) you have to look at me to get this. First, you gotta close your eyes.
Heero: I don't trust you...I'd rather keep my eyes open.
Danie: (Sighing) You just have to. I'm not going to do anything Heero. I promise on a stack of back issues of Cosmo.
Heero: (eyes her for a moment.) Alright, but if anything happens you're as good as dead. (closes his eyes.)
Danie: Alright. Second, part your lips slightly.
(Heero does so.)
Danie: And breathe...
(Danie leans in and kisses him. It lasts longer than it should. Danie breaks away first.)
Danie: Um...that was...good (wipes her mouth) but I don't think it was convincing (clears throat) enough.
Heero: Just HOW convincing does it have to be!?
Danie: Sorry! You know how Moira is. Let's just do it one more time. (Gingerly) But this time...um...you...um...kiss...me...
Heero: Fine, just to get this over with. It doesn't have to mean anything.
(Heero leans in and gives her an earth-shattering kiss. He ends it and stands.)
Heero: Is that convincing enough?
(Danie cannot speak.)
Heero: I'll take that as a yes. Can I leave now?
(Danie nods wordlessly as Relena comes in.)
Relena: And what were you two doing?
Heero: Just practicing that stupid kiss. Now go away. I don't feel like hearing your annoying voice.
Relena: Ugh! How dare you!
Danie: Just shut up, Relena. (Walks out.)
Relena: What's her problem? (Glares at Heero.) You really kissed her didn't you?
Heero: What's it to you? I'm not one of your possessions. Besides it was merely for the damn play.
(As Heero walks out, she glares suspiciously at his retreating back. Dorothy comes in.)
Dorothy: What happened Miss Relena? Did the bitch mess with your Heero again?
Relena: They were kissing...She kissed him--and he kissed her back. (Glowers.) She should pay. They ALL should pay. Heero Yuy should be mine...
Dorothy: I hear you on that. Those brats destroyed not only your life, but mine as well! I was supposed to be Mrs. Quatre Winner! Not that slut!
Relena: I agree. (Pensively) We should find a way to make them pay.
Dorothy: Hey, maybe if we blackmail Danie into backing out you could be the one to kiss Heero!
Relena: Well...that DOES sound like a good idea... (Shrugs.) But there seems to be nothing on her, as slutty as she is.
Dorothy: We all have secrets Miss Relena. She is no different. I'm sure she's hiding something REALLY good.
Relena: Let's hope so. You can get on that, Dorothy.
Dorothy: I would be happy to! Discovering secrets is one of my many talents.
Relena: Good...
(Ace walks up.)
Ace: Good afternoon ladies. Enjoying rehearsal?
Relena: Hardly.
Relena: It's not any fun being Danie Thomas's understudy.
Ace: Well, life isn't fun. I almost had you as Crys Winner's understudy but I think she'll last until opening night.
Dorothy: If she doesn't I would be happy to take the part!
Ace: Well, I don't know Miss Catalonia.
Dorothy: Oh come on! She needs an understudy!
Ace: (Sighing) Look, if you want to deal with that, talk to Moira. She's handling all the casting.
Dorothy: I think I just might do that!
Ace: (Going back to his notes) Alright Miss Catalonia. Have a nice evening. (Walks away.)
Relena: (Expectantly) Well...
Dorothy: I'll get that part, and we'll make sure you get Danie's part. Then we both will be happy with our men!
Relena: Yes... (Smiles.) And we'll get our kisses back from those sluts.
Dorothy: You better believe it! Now let's get started with the plan!
Relena: Oh let's! (Pushes her gently along.) Now go talk to Moira!
Dorothy: Yeah! That's the first thing on the list of things to do.
(Dorothy, without Relena watching outright, goes up to Moira. She is talking to Jessica and Wufei about a scene.)
Moira: And--
Dorothy: Moira, I would like to be Crys Winner's understudy.
Moira: (Confused) Huh, what? Um, can you wait a moment?
Dorothy: No I can't. I would like to be Crys Winner's understudy. She needs one anyway.
Wufei: Woman she was talking to us. You can wait.
Dorothy: No.
Moira: Dorothy, please? This is important.
Dorothy: This is equally important. Just give me the understudy role and I'll leave you alone.
Moira: Look, I think Crystilline can handle it on her own.
Dorothy: Oh yeah? It's OBVIOUS how far along she is! What if she suddenly popped?
Moira: Well...we'll take care of it. Dorothy, I don't know if you have the dynamic to play Hippolyta. Understand?
Dorothy: I do too!
Wufei: Oh for crying out loud just give her the damn understudy so she'll shut up!
Moira: I can't. It won't work well for the play. I picked Crys because of her personality and, well, you two are quite different. I don't know if it would work.
Wufei: More than likely Winner will be just fine. Just give it to her or she'll never go away!
Dorothy: I'm glad Wufei agrees...
Wufei: I didn't agree to anything! I just want you to shut up and leave!
Moira: Look, Dorothy, my answer is no. (Turns back to Jessica and Wufei.)
Jessica: (Warningly) And you'd better go too.
Dorothy: You'll be sorry! (walks over to Relena.) I can't believe her! She refused to give me the understudy role!
Relena: She what?! (Glowers.) No wonder...she's related to that Danie...
Dorothy: We'll just have to bring her down too.
Relena: And I know just the thing...
Dorothy: Then let's get stage two of the plan in action!
Relena: Yes...a little slashing of brake cables...
Dorothy: Miss Relena, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship...
Relena: Start? I'd say the continuation.