My recent absence can be blamed on two things. One, NaNoWriMo. Two, this chapter. It was one that refused to be written, but I knew it had to be. Good to be back.

Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them.

-Jim Morrison

Shepard should have seen this coming. Really, it had been inevitable ever since she'd mailed the announcement.

The Alenkos had taken a picture of Shepard's (fully clothed) butt and had written over it, "If you like these buns, just wait until I finish the one in my oven!" Jack had sent back a reply asking for a picture of Kaidan's butt instead.

So when Tali had showed up at the Alenko apartment wanting to take the very-pregnant-Shepard to lunch, she should have been suspicious. Especially when Kaidan urged her to go, despite her protests. It was just plain embarrassing to walk down the Presidium in a pair of overalls, especially when it looked like she was trying to smuggle a beach ball.

But Tali managed to drag her out and down the street to a restaurant that boasted a "family fun" atmosphere. As they were ushered into a back room, Shepard's spidey senses started to tingle and she tried to back out. But it was too late.

The entire remaining crew of the Normandy, SR1 and 2, popped up from their chairs, cheering. A large banner stretched across the ceiling, proclaiming "It's a BOY!" Everything was decorated in shades of blue, and there was a large stack of presents piled in the corner. As Shepard stared at the scene in horror, her husband came up behind her and kissed her cheek.

"Sorry," Kaidan said, "I couldn't stop them. Lawson said if I tried to warn you she'd skin me alive."

Shepard shot a glare at the brunette, who grinned and linked her arm in the commander's. "Welcome to your baby shower!" She said. The woman obviously had no sense of self-preservation.

Miranda, who was obviously in charge of this event, pulled Shepard into the seat of honor. It had no cushion. But then, she really couldn't complain too much; both Wrex and Grunt had been squeezed into the tiny wooden chairs, which creaked ominously. The krogan looked distinctly uncomfortable, though whether it was because of the seating arrangements or the baby-shaped balloons tied next to them was anyone's guess.

Grunt batted away one of the helium-filled infants, practically snarling. "Thought these things were supposed to rain down, not float."

"Uh, that's not it." Gabby piped up from her corner. "You're supposed to rain presents on the mother, not throw babies."

"Hell yeah!" Jack, who had been reclining in her chair with a bored expression on her face, now brightened up and let her biotics run along her arm.

"Anyone throws a present at Shepard, I'll kill him," Wrex grumbled, giving Jack the evil eye.

Their beleaguered commander put her head on her arms, lying on the table. "I can see it now," she said. "'Baby Shower Ends With a Bang! Heroes Set Local Restaurant on Fire!'"

Kaidan patted her shoulder. "Shepard, don't exaggera-Massani! Put that grenade away!"

The mother-to-be groaned. They hadn't even made it to the cake yet.

After several glares and crowd-control tactics from Miranda, the crowd settled down and several presents were passed to the head of the table. Kelly Chambers practically shoved to get hers closest to the Commanders. Shepard took one look at the fuchsia wrapping paper and shuddered.

"You do know we're having a boy, right?" She asked as she picked up the box.

Kelly nodded, grinning. "I just picked my favorite color so you would know it's from me!"

The Yeoman had gotten them a breast pump. And as horrifying as that was, it still didn't hold a candle to their present from Wrex.

"Wow, how...thoughtful." Kaidan said as he picked up what looked like a small mace. "What is this for, again?"

"I'm surprised you don't know," the warlord said. He picked up a sugar cube from the dish on the table, examining the blue color before shrugging and popping it into his mouth. "It's to subdue the newborn when it tries to attack you. They're always given to those attending the birth."

Kaidan blanched. "Krogans attack at birth?" He asked.

"Yep," Shepard said, taking the mace and putting it in a pile with the other gifts. "Very useful. Thanks, Wrex."

Grunt chose that moment to lean forward and shove a small case into Kaidan's hands. "Hope you like asari porn."

Liara and Samara stood up, their bodies lit with the unmistakable crackle of biotics.

In retrospect, it probably hadn't been a good idea to have an open bar. But Shepard was happy to leave early, and if she had to be honest, she was proud that they'd all been in the same room for fifteen minutes. And no matter what the restaurant manager said, the damage was mostly superficial anyway.