This one is short, but Cas went a little darker than I expected him to. I found it to be something of a struggle too, if I'm honest. I want to get back to Dean and co but I needed to get this particular point out. Plus one of my friends just had a baby so I'm not quite as angsty as I could be right now.
Castiel considers the angel kneeling in front of him. It's grace has been bound and hidden, it's face holds an expression of terrible confusion and fear. This is an angel that has never been powerless, never felt a threat to it's existence that it could not defeat. There is something satisfying in this, to hold the existence of one of his former brethren in his fists and know that there is nothing in the universe that could prevent him from snuffing out this tiny flame of grace. This is an angel that sided with Raphael, this is an angel that turned it's back on free will and the right to choose that Castiel had fought so hard for. This is an angel who tried to kill him only an hour ago.
Castiel could have simply snapped his fingers and slaughtered this one, certainly it has been considered on more than one occasion. This time, however, he decides that perhaps a more striking method should be used. There is only so many times, after all, that one can make an angel explode before it becomes less satisfying than it was before. Instead he raises his hand, palm out, and clenches it slowly. Humanised as he now is, the angel trapped in the body of a mortal male now needs to breathe. As Castiel clenches his fist the angel slowly begins to choke, short and agonising breaths being dragged in as the angel raises his other hand.
"Please," he gasps and Castiel begins to form a second fist. In one hand he can feel lungs that fight to expand, in the other a heart that stutters as it starts to fail. It does not take long for the heart to fail and the lungs to follow, does not take long for the light to go out of the angel's eyes as it passes from the universe.
The moment of satisfaction is tainted by a sorrow that he cannot place. The deity should not mourn the death of one of his enemies; it should be cause for celebration. Instead something in him refuses to feel the natural relief that another threat has been eliminated. He looks at the body at his feet, the agony of the angel's death broadcast through him to the rest of the host. Those angels who followed him have their reward, a loving leader who allows them to make their own choices so long as they do not interfere with his own plans. Those who were against him have learnt to fear him. Many have sworn allegiance to him knowing that he can see into their grace and see the truth. Liars are slaughtered instantly, others are watched closely because he is not foolish enough to trust them outright.
As an angel he was deceived too many times.
The thought of deception makes him think of Dean. It makes him think of the way that he believed the hunters words about being family, about being another brother in Dean's dysfunctional world. It makes him think about the way that Dean's soul shone with love and despair. It makes him think about the way that a part of him shattered at Dean's reaction to his alliance with Crowley and even now he cannot think of Dean's reaction to his deification without some anger. Dean has always questioned him and even now he cannot accept that this has been the right thing to do. Even now he cannot acknowledge that this world needs a god to rule and love all living things upon it.
It has been a source of great frustration to him over the last several days but he is still determined to give the human time to adjust to the idea. His love for Dean is crippling and consuming. It is a love that would make him do anything to keep the human safe and it is something that he knows he needs to change. Dean is a great weakness and as a new god he cannot afford to allow that. He will give Dean time to adapt and change but perhaps, just perhaps, he could save himself all of the trouble the hunter would cause if he simply absorbed Dean's soul and melded it with the grace that still lurks beneath the souls from Purgatory. Dean will always be safe in that place. He will never be a threat and he will never be threatened.
A part of him almost cannot wait to put this plan into action. Another part of him screams with horror but Castiel finds that piece of him easier and easier to subdue as time goes on. He thinks that perhaps this change should worry him and he knows that the old Castiel was weak. The angel loved and did not take for himself. The angel let himself be controlled and guided by the selfish needs of a single mortal man, and the angel lost everything. As far as Castiel is concerned the angel is not something that he wishes to return to being.
One of his lieutenants calls for him, informs him that another group of Raphael's followers have been found in hiding. It is news that he has been waiting to hear, this small cell being one that contains some of the more vocal angels protesting his rise to power. The capture of these individuals will hopefully cause the others to rethink their position. With luck he can end this foolish war and turn his attention back to his hunter. With luck he will be able to take Dean into his grace sooner rather than later.
He finds himself oddly eager to do so and once it is done he can resume investigations into the one who would betray him and offer aid to a pagan god.
He finds that there is too much in the way of demands on his time, now. Too many angels come to him for instructions because they do not understand free will, he finds that he is growing less and less willing to overlook the small details. Angels are not designed to make their own choices, he is realising, and though he is not eager for the apocalypse to come after everything that he has done to prevent it, he can understand why his brothers found it so hard to think of another way.
Teaching the others to understand their own ability to choose is something that Castiel will handle later on, when he is settled in his new role and sure of his position. There is still so much to do, so much to organise, and showing the others how to think for themselves is going to be highly time consuming. If he is honest it is not something that he is looking forward to.
At least, he thinks, by that time Dean will be inextricably linked to him and he will not feel as out of his depth as he once did. At least then he will feel the genuine love of the human who is the other half of him. He is so eager, now, to have that completion that it is almost like physical pain. It does not occur to him that this weakness is quite possibly the worst one of them all. It does not occur to him that such an action would be the worst one that he could possibly take.
Artemis