Once again, haters = can of WhoopAss. And I ain't talkin' bout the energy drink.
"BTW, that stuff is some mad dope shit! I'm high as fudge and easy like Sunday moooorning!" (*step step, wobble wobble, plops facedown on floor*)
*Voice is muffled by carpet:* Sunday, BITCHEZZZZ! *Raises head:* "BELCH!" *Passes out*
That was my cousin, who's reading behind me. I just HAD to let you know what was happening. Never let your hyperactive cousin have four WhoopAss energy drinks, snort ten pixie sticks, then wash them down with sugar and gummy worms... Das sum kuhrazzee shit, nigga.........
But I digress. And ramble.
Anyway, I purposely waited till today to upload: it's my friend's and my Godmother's birthday! Yay, double birthdays!!!!!
Happy August!
"You stole your mom's credit card?" she said, smirking, yet with a hint of admiration in her voice.
"Plane tickets aren't cheap, you know! Besides, on my allowance, do you really think I could afford them?"
"Oh, come on, Freddison, eight bucks gets you... absolutely nothing these days." She rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips.
"Thank you for your unbridled optimism, Miss Puckett. Now, if we could focus on the crisis at hand, then we'd be getting somewhere," I said, pointing to the raging psychopath I called my mother climbing out of her rental car, which looked eerily similar to mine. I think I inherited her fashion sense. *Shudder.*
"Split up! She can't catch us both!" she yelled as she took off towards the restrooms, the skeeviest, most disgusting ones I've ever seen.
The girl's a genius.
Let me tell you one thing about my mother: she can run. Fast. And if she's determined enough, there's no way in HELL to shake her. Unless... I grinned at the thought. It was an evil plan, but at least it was legal. I think. I didn't tell Sam. Sam gets me: she'll figure it out.
I threw our golf clubs at her, then ran into the men's room and watched as Sam climbed through the vent, landing on the floor just as my screwy mother reached the women's restroom. Best friend telepathy at its finest.
I screwed the bolts from the ladies' room vent on this vent with the mini-screwdriver on my key ring. I looked at Sam, a question in my eyes.
Sam nodded and ran to the front desk. She came back with the bathroom key in her hand, and a suggestive look on her face. I grinned.
"May I?"
She grinned back. "I'd be insulted if you didn't!"
We locked my mom in the bathroom, ran outside, and hopped in the rental car, still giddy from our narrow escape.
"Sam..."
"Yeah?"
"I..." I could tell her now. But her face was still flushed and her eyes were still sparkling from the adventure. I didn't wanna crash her mood. "...can't believe we just did that!"
She laughed. "Neither can I, Benson. Neither can I."
**********
I sang each station jingle in my head as I flicked to a station.
Kiss 108!
"Bum-bum-bee-dum-bum-dum-bee-dum --" Click!
Mix 98.5!
"Maiahee! Maiahoo! Maiaha! Maiaha –" Click!
Radio Disney, AM 1260!
"I know a song that gets on everybody's –" Click!
Jam'n 94.5!
"If you could, you would get rid of me! Whatcha gonna do when a n***** gotta go hard -- ?" Click!
Magic 106.7!
"Help! I need somebody! Help!" Click!
Oldies 103.3!
"Girls just... Wanna have fun! Girls... Wanna have -- " Click!
Why must the radio mock me? All but two of these songs remind me of last night. The others are just annoying.
I glanced back at Carly in my sideview mirror. She was half-asleep. I don't know how she was still hanging onto me in her state. She was so innocent looking....
I shook my head to clear my thoughts and focused on the road.
Twenty minutes later, and we were checking in at the front office. Dr. Pavlov wasn't here today, but I didn't tell Carly that.
Today, she was gonna see a doctor who would put her out of her misery. In a good way. At least, that's what she said...
Heh heh. That's what she said. Along with "If you know what I mean," it's a phrase that makes anything sound dirty...
But I digress!!
"Carly Shay?" The perky nurse pered around the waiting room
We walked into the office.
**********
"So... What's the secret, Benson? It can't be that bad..."
We were at the beach. Twenty minutes of aimless driving and endless giggle-snorting had landed us here. Sam, being Sam, already had a striped pink and white bikini on under her hot pink short shorts and orange tank top. I, on the other hand, had to go digging through my suitcase in the trunk for some board shorts. Then, I had to change in the car. Awkwardness ensued. 'Nuff said.
Somehow, we ended up practicing our volleyball passes with a ball we found in the beach grass, making perfect passes back and forth while I apologized and confessed. Until I dropped the bomb.
"I killed my father."
Sam shanked the ball and dropped to her knees, not caring that the ball had just K.O.'ed a five-year-old.
She looked up, a shocked, expectant look on her face.
I continued, the flashback already appearing in my mind....
----------
"Daddy! You're home!" Freddie ran to the door. His father, a police officer, had just come back from a particularly difficult shift.
"Hey, bud. We can play a game after I go change, okay?"
"'Kay, Daddy!" Mr. Benson dropped his gun on the table and trudged upstairs.
Freddie's eyes gravitated toward the weapon. Is that the new toy Daddy promised to get me? He decided to find out.
Mr. Benson remembered he left his gun on the table and came back downstairs in time to see his only son point the gun at him, preparing to cock the hammer.
"Freddie, NO! That's my – !!" Bang.
Mrs. Benson ran into the kitchen, only to be greeted by her husband's cold, dead body in a pool of warm, sticky blood, and the heart-wrenching tears of a six-year-old child.
----------
Sam was sitting cross-legged in the sand by now, languidly drawing swirls in the sand. Her energy was drained from helping me bear the weight of my guilt.
I wanted to make her feel better so badly. I brushed some dirt off the spare volleyball.
"Lie down, Sam."
"Why?" she replied, eyeing the volleyball warily.
"Just do it! I swear I won't kill you." Dark humor. Heh heh.
She complied. I rolled the volleyball around on her back, something we had done at volleyball camp to relieve stress.
She moaned, and I blushed. That one little sigh spoke volumes, and nothing it said was under PG-13.
I stood up.
She groaned. "I was enjoying that, Freddork!"
I smirked. "I could tell."
Sam blushed. "Oh. You heard that, didn't you?"
I stepped closer. "I have something to say to you, Sam."
She walked up to me, boldly closing the distance between us. "And what would that be, Mister Benson?"
I took a deep breath. "I love you."
She slapped me. "There is no way on EARTH that I would EVER fall in love with a nerd like Freddie Benson!"
I frowned. Sam was never be that cruel to me before.
"Lust, on the other hand, is a definite possibility." She smiled and kissed my cheek.
I pretended to sigh. "Why do I always get the crazy ones?"
She tackled me to the ground, and her voice purred seductively in my ear.
"I'll show you crazy."
*****(3rd Person)*****
Little Johnny Connors woke up, dazed and confused, just as the sun was beginning to set. He saw the ball next to his head and instantly became as pissed as humanly possible for a kindergartener, remembering what had transpired. He grabbed the ball, intending to give those rude teenagers a piece of his mind, and marched toward the little valley where the net was.
He looked down and immediately threw up and passed out.
Poor little Johnny was scarred for life.
----------
Melanie smirked and popped out of the shadows, looking excitedly at her PearPhone.
"I knew it was a good idea to follow them! This is going straight to iCarly! And Seddie 2ya... And my blog..."
She watched as the poor five-year-old threw up.
"With some minor editing, of course....."
**********
I don't like Dr. Yensa. She creeps me out.
"Hello, Carly. We're gonna help you with your little problem, okay?" She looked at me as if I were an ant under a magnifying glass.
"You're not gonna try to get rid of the voices, are you?" I panicked. "I NEED the voices! They're my friends! They tell me what to do and they help me and they keep me safe and they made me love Freddie and..." I kept rambling as the panic consumed me, making my voice rise to a shriek.
"Nurse! Sedate her!"
I screamed and tried to run away, scrambling to the door to escape my fate. I made it to the front desk before I felt a pinprick in my side. The world went hazy.
Spencer and Dr. Yensa looked down at me with concern and regret. "It's for the best, Carly!" Spencer said, his voice slowly fading. "It's for the best."
I tried to reply, but before I could, the world fell away.
Everything went black.
*****(New POV)*****
That's the last time I ever give Freddie the chance to talk to a girl. Friends only cause trouble! They're bad influences. The only "friend" he needs is his mother.
I sighed inwardly, then took a deep breath.
"FREDWARD!!!!!!!!!!"
See? I did learn things at volleyball camp! Although, the ball massage (get your mind out of the gutter, it was a volleyball!!) was extremely awkward since I had a male partner. I threw that in for kicks.
By the way, the radio stations are all Boston stations. Anyone who guesses the names and artists of the songs on the radio gets 1,000 points! But here, it's like Whose Line: the points don't matter. Just like you!
Kidding! I love you all dearly! Now get out.
Freddie is such a badass, stealing his mom's credit card! Yeah, that's just the way he rolls....
(Twenty extra points for the name of the band that sings this song!!!! Man, I'm on a ROLL!!!)
Oh, and five reviews, or no update! I already wrote the epilogue, too. I'm just being evil/greedy. MuahahahahahahahahaHA!!!!
Luv ya, dahlings!!!
~Blessing ;-)
P.S.: CHECK MY PROFILE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, yes, it does involve/concern you, lovely readers.