Me And Him, Or You And Me
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"You are not supposed to listen in, Mr. Moreau," EDI warned the pilot. "It is a breach on Cerberus protocol."
"Is it? Well, why aren't you stopping me?"
"… I am unable to find data to account for the sudden change in parameters during the last mission."
"Aha! And now you're looking for that info. See? You're just curious." Joker's face went dead serious. "Now shut up and let me listen."
Shepard had never been the most tactful person in the universe. Joker had seen elcor displaying more grace in social events. Knowing her, she had only pretended to mind her language when she was Alliance out of deference to Anderson and Hackett. But now that there were no ties, now that Cerberus needed her… Joker cringed at the words that she was spitting. The Illusive Man's composed reaction could only mean that he knew that she would find out that the abandoned ship was not so, and that it hadn't been just one more test. They were using her.
He'd suspected it all along, but sometimes it was hard to talk to Shepard about those things. She was fully convinced that Cerberus was watching her day and night, and she hadn't been wrong. Miranda and Jacob had finally taken a liking to her, and she appeared to have become more relaxed. But now this had happened, and Joker was fully prepared to be picked up roughly and shoved into an escape pod, and off they would go – once again, but this time he hoped that she wouldn't break his arm or die in the process. But go where? Would the Alliance take them back in?
"You told me that information was your business! If I cannot trust it, what good are you to me? You do shit like this one more time, and I fucking swear that you won't see me again!" She was yelling again. But the Illusive Man sounded unfazed.
"Mr. Moreau… Joker," EDI called him.
"Shush! Zip it, EDI!" the pilot hissed.
"I think EDI's trying to warn you about my presence here." Jacob's deep voice startled him. How long had he been there? Shit, oh shit.
"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have-"
But Jacob raised his finger to his lips and shushed Joker. He was frowning.
So the Illusive Man had always been aware of what they would find. Typical Cerberus. He was beginning to get tired of the game – never having someone to have your back. You always had to look over your shoulder, because anyone could backstab you. Even Miranda had pulled a stunt with that business of his father. Suddenly, being part of an organization that got things done didn't sound as appealing as it had been before. There was a certain loneliness to it. It was him against the world. And well… She was part of it as well.
She'd been there for him more than anybody else – always a friendly ear, a shoulder to cry on. Not that he was the crying type. But she'd been patient, and he'd opened up. And now he looked forward to the small chats that they had, and the way she teased him. Jacob had never seen her that way. Commanding officers were invisible to him, except when it came to following orders.
But she'd opened that door. He'd recognized the flirty banter that she always used when talking to him, and he'd tried to flirt back. "So what, I'm just along for the ride?" he'd smiled. She'd laughed and thrown her head back, exposing her long, surprisingly delicate neck. "For the ride indeed, Mr. Taylor," she'd replied before leaving him with an awkward feeling of inadequacy, of something forbidden.
One that was starting to feel not so bad after all.
"Seeing that room again… I- It's hard for me to believe that I wasn't the only victim. All those kids… All this time I thought they were ignoring me, that they hated me. And they may have. With good reason." The Kodiak lifted off and Jack looked at her. "I'm glad we got that data. I need to see it again."
"Take all the time you need," Sunday said, looking out of the window. Jack's room had reminded her of her own in the last orphanage she'd been. But she hadn't been tortured. She had never been that special. "You may not have been the only victim there, but they did do things to you. You've managed to turn that around by making that power yours. It's your strength. How you use it… That's up to you now."
Jack toyed with the detonator. "I know…" she murmured, before pressing the button.
Before she went back to her room, she said, "Hey, Shepard."
"Yeah?"
"I know."
"You know what?"
"That the justicar that went to Omega with you is not the one that's in the room. But it's okay. I don't get anything from saying it, and I owe you anyway." She saw Sunday let out a sigh of relief and look away. "Feeling better?" she asked.
Sunday nodded in silence.
"Then we're even," Jack said, patting her on the shoulder.
Tali walked to the other side of his work station. "Come on. You must know, Garrus. I'm sure she must have said something to you. You're her confidant."
"In case you haven't noticed, she gets along with everyone else as well," the turian replied, keeping his eyes glued to the screen. "Why don't you go bother someone else? I'm in the middle of-"
"Because I don't think asking them directly is polite!" Her voice has raised an octave and she sounded just like the girl that he'd met over two years before. "You know Shepard and I haven't talked much since the matter with the Admiralty. I still haven't forgiven her for handing over my father's work to Admiral Bitch. Xen."
"I thought you two were doing better these days. You know, after she allowed her to take that geth."
"That wasn't what I wanted, but to my people and the Admirals, it was the least she could do," Tali replied. "The fact that Cerberus didn't get to have it helped to soothe things a bit. Still, everything's too fresh between us. In time, maybe… But I want to know now – I need some gossip to keep me distracted, and nobody wants to play cards anymore. And I can't talk to them. Jacob is Cerberus and I don't trust him. And I don't really know Thane." She leaned forward and looked at him in the eye. "But I know what I saw, and I'm telling you: there's something fishy there, with the three of them!"
"First of all, the only fishy thing was the skald that died in Shepard's room. I swear, EDI could take care of that tank… And secondly, whatever she does with those two is her own damned business, and you should stay out of it."
"When did you become such a grump?" she grumbled. "I see that Shepard's attitude has rubbed on you."
Garrus raised his head and looked at the ceiling. "Tali, have you considered the possibility that all these things you're seeing are not what you think they are, and that your mask might be foggier than usual?"
"You're an ass, Garrus," the quarian grunted, leaving him alone.
Garrus sighed. He'd have to apologize for that later, he just knew it. But he really didn't feel like talking about whatever was going on between Shepard and… And that was the question. Half of the crew said that Jacob and the Commander had become intimate, and the other half insisted that she spent a considerable amount of time in Thane's cabin. In any case, the rumors that she was Garrus's lover had been abandoned in favor of the other two, and in a way, the turian felt relieved. He enjoyed his privacy, and after all, Sunday had always been just a friend.
But then why did he feel so annoyed when it came to talking about that? Jack had made a joke a few days before –something about Sunday licking a psychoactive toad– and he'd snapped at her. He'd tried to stay away from the rest of the crew. Perhaps he was just tired of waiting for the IFF device to be installed, or he needed to have some time for himself; maybe go to a bar at the Citadel and wait for a friend there.
A friend that had stopped coming over to his station to talk to him.
He rubbed his forehead. It was not her fault. He kept pushing her away, using the excuse of the calibrations, because… Well, honestly, he couldn't deal with her any other way. Telling her that the outing that he'd wanted to have with her two years ago would have meant more to him than something between just friends was no good now. She had moved on from something that had never happened, and so should he.
She whispers the word to herself. Siha. I explain the meaning and she nods, staring at my lips with her rum-colored eyes. I know what she wants. Hot, alive, and impossible. It is too late. I surprise her with a new word. Jacob. I expect to hear a lie. But she surprises me. Only truth comes out of her mouth. She likes him. He likes her. I press her hands and she shivers. I ask her – no, beg her. "Take him." I know what she wants. She hesitates, her eyelashes fluttering in confusion. I can feel the blood rushing through her veins, her pulse speeding up when presented with that idea. "Have me, and have him." I can only offer her companionship, but she needs something else; she needs what I've already had. "When this is over, we will talk," she promises. I believe her. "When you have been with him, we will talk," I reply. My prerogative. Her acceptance. Us, together. Not alone.
"Shut up everyone! It's Shepard's turn to speak!" Grunt's potent voice made them all go silent. One of the asari dancers surreptitiously moved away to another area.
"Thank you, Grunt," she said, smiling back at the krogan. "This may not be the classiest place we've ever been to, but around this table I've got the best that this galaxy can offer."
"Awww, shut up!" Jack laughed.
"You shut up! I'm serious! I know something about working with good teams," she said, looking at Garrus. The turian raised his bottle to her. "Look, I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with. What did you call it once, Jacob? Meat and tubes?"
"Legendary meat and tubes," Jacob said, giving her a half-smile.
"Legends look better from afar. Good thing I'm not one of those, so you get to have a good look at me, up close and personal and free of charge. Thank you, Miranda, for the upgrades."
"Somebody take that drink away from her, please," Miranda chuckled.
"Anyway, I just wanna say that you guys are awesome, and when we go through that relay-" Her omni-tool started flashing. "Hang on… Joker?"
"Shepard, we have got a situation-"
"EDI? Why are you calling me? Where's Joker?" she asked, raising her hand to ask the party for silence.
"Jeff is hurt. He requires medical assistance, but-"
She switched to a private channel. "Why hasn't Doctor Chakwas seen him?" As EDI explained what had happened to the crew of the Normandy, Sunday felt suddenly light-headed, and Garrus had to grab her by the arm to keep her from collapsing.
"What's wrong?" Grunt asked, standing up and walking over to them. Shepard's heavy breathing took him by surprise. "Something's wrong. What is it?"
She clenched her fists. "The Collectors have taken everyone. Everyone aboard the Normandy is gone. Joker needs assistance. He and EDI are the only ones running the ship."
"We need to go back as soon as possible," Miranda said, standing up. "Doctor Solus can tend to him, and the rest of us will have to divide the tasks."
"Just us, in charge of the Normandy?" Tali asked. "If it wasn't a suicide mission until now, it's definitely become one."
A long day of preparations. Everyone had worked to the best of their abilities. There was no bickering, no differences between them. But the silence was oppressing. The Normandy felt lonely. She had seen the cargo bay when she had checked on Grunt for the last time before the final jump. So empty and still. She took the elevator to her cabin. It stopped on the second level. Jacob stepped in.
"Going down?" she asked.
"That's the idea," he replied, pinning her against the wall and kissing her slowly.
She stroked his arm, her leg wrapped around his hips. He was holding her close, kissing that spot between her left shoulder and her left breast, where once there had been a scar. They talked about their fears. She confessed that she wasn't sure that she was ready to go. He made her promise that they would return.
"So then? What's next?"
"I don't know? Just… Taking things in our stride? Are we done with the Alliance?"
"Are we done with Cerberus?"
"We'll do this last one."
"And then, back to… Where?"
"Not Eden Prime."
"Not Earth."
"Earth is good. We can have a vineyard. Even if the world is ending, people need to drink."
"What about Thane?"
"What about him?"
"You know…"
"A vineyard would be perfect. Dry climate most of the year. We can grow our own wine."
"He will like that." She nibbled his lower lip and he cupped her face in his hands, stroking her cheek with his thumb.
"I still can't believe that I've accepted… That I've agreed to that."
"Afraid of being more open-minded, Mr. Taylor?"
"Perhaps. It will do me no harm, though. As long as it's just the two of us in here."
"We'll see."
"Oh? How's that?"
"Just kidding…"
"You'd better be…" He slid his hand down her back and pressed his hips against hers. She smiled and kissed him softly.
"Shit! We need to close that door!" She grabbed her shotgun and blasted the nearest collector into pieces. "Cover me, Jack! Grunt, I need you!"
"I'm almost done!" Jacob shouted, his fingers moving quickly over the screen. His forehead was pearled with sweat and he let out a sigh of relief when the doors started sliding to shut. "Damn it, too slow!" he grunted. "Garrus, give me a hand!" The turian rushed to the other door and both of them pushed. Less than one meter between them. "Come on!"
"Get away from there!" Sunday yelled.
"Just a little more!" Jacob shouted. His hands slipped and he fell forward.
The bullet went through his head right before the doors were finally shut. Sunday saw his body shake and fall to the floor.
He wasn't moving.
"No…" Miranda whispered, covering her mouth.
"Why's he not moving?" Sunday asked, perplexed. "Jacob?" She couldn't understand why he was not getting up, or why her body was trembling. Perhaps the implants were not working correctly? Interference. There must be some current there, interfering with the signals.
"Siha…" Thane's voice called her from afar.
She looks at me, rum-colored eyes hidden behind the visor. "Jacob." Her voice softer than ever before. I want to hold her, but she quickly writhes away. Her shoulders, tense and foreign. She looks down and after a while she kneels. Her body exudes sorrow and something dark. There's anger, severing the ties to who she is, what she wants. I fear for her. She's becoming disconnected. Her mind stays with Jacob, but her body stands up and commands. Her voice is harsh. She does not blame. She carries the guilt, the actions and the consequences. She carries all our lives on her back. We cannot do anything but give it all.
"Shepard, I'm warning you…"
Tim no longer smiles, or smokes, or drinks. What he wants is right there, right before me. It's my decision, but isn't it always the case? That's why he brought me back to life: to command. Unfortunately for him, his wishes and mine do not coincide. Unfortunately for him, Cerberus is no Alliance.
"Warn all you want, but I didn't have people die for this; this conversation is over."
The image disappears when Tali's Chatika goes through it.
"I think I'm rather proud of you," she says softly. I know that in time she will forgive me for what I did to the memory of her father. Parents. They screw up with their kids' lives even from their graves.
"Get ready to go. We won't have much time before they find us," I say, grabbing my rifle and walking to the platform that will take us back to the exit. I still have a body to retrieve. But I won't think about it, not until this is over. I don't have that luxury.
I turn around and I see Garrus walking behind me. He gives me a smile right before the platform starts moving.
I think we'll be okay.
...
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