Nicholas' Note:
Hello there!
Welcome back to BW, here's the fourth episode! It's been a while… I lost my entire Bed Wars folder so I had to type again the next chapter. T_T And unfortunately I am currently suffering from a massive writer's block…
This fanfic's a bit affected by the Harry Potter in-thing, so expect a few Harry Potter terms.
Anyway… I really hope you will enjoy this one as you did on the first 3 chapters!
By the way, I made some grammar corrections with the previous chapters and added appropriate songs and new notes with it (Esp. in Chapter 2, the note about love)… but in terms with the story there are no changes. ^_^
I noticed it's hard to divide the scenes in FFN with the appropriate symbols because they don't appear once posted, I'll try using 'scene 1,2,3,….' instead.
Thanks for tuning in!
Writing happy moments,
Nicholas
You might think
I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
(True, Ryan Cabrera)
Title: Spoon-feed
SCENE 1:
Wolfram's eyes were gleaming as they marveled the book he was holding. His fingers were feeling the hardbound cover up to the edge where the thickness of the content could be measured. The soldier held the book like a treasure and examined it over and over again like a child who just found an amazing new toy to play with. The expression on his face was priceless… boundless… and magical…
This is it… The final installment…
Harry Potter was the best book he had ever read. He couldn't wait to finish this one and get to see the real Harry Potter, as Yuri had promised him.
Wolfram leafed through the first few pages carefully as if it were ancient texts that would corrode with a single wrong turn.
Chapter 1: The Dark Lord Ascending
SCENE 2:
"I'm glad the two of you had made up," Conrad said to Yuri while collecting the other baseballs scattered on the stadium floor. Yuri was lost in deep thought to answer; he had been gazing at the castle for quite some time now. Conrad knew very well what was going on in the double black— The Battle of the mindset and the heartbeat.
"Uh- what were you saying?" Yuri asked away when he noticed Conrad studying him. He began to pick the balls too, to distract both his godfather and himself.
"I said I'm happy you two were okay now, you and my brother."
"Oh… ye," Yuri answered sheepishly. Yuri looked up as he toss and catch the ball on his hand. "Well, we always make up."
Silence reigned again as the two pretended to be busy picking up the balls.
"Conrad, can I ask you something?" Yuri finally spoke after a few minutes.
"Sure," Conrad replied quickly, he had a slight idea of what the question will be.
"How do you know if that person's really the one meant for you?"
Now that was ten phrases away from what Conrad expected.
"Well…" Conrad held his chin, thinking over the answer.
"Love is when you begin to appreciate the happiness you feel and find whenever you are with that person. Love is when you hate that person so much, yet deep inside you, you hate yourself even more for quarreling with that person, "Conrad mumbled more to himself, as if he was still phrasing and searching for the appropriate response and phrasing his answers the way it should be; with Wolfram as the hidden subject in Yuri's question. "And I think that's just a follow-up question to this one: how would you know if you really love someone. Honestly, I thought that was the question you were going to ask me. Because sometimes this happens: that no matter how much we love someone, in the end, he/she wasn't still the one meant for you… and on the other way around, no matter how empty or numb your feelings are for a certain person, in the end, you were actually meant for each other."
Yuri considered for a brief moment Conrad's response before he understood what it meant.
"You know someone's meant for you the moment you had the courage to go all the way through," Conrad continued, "to dig into that person's life deeper, to step beyond the lines of friendship, and that person would eventually respond and then you will both share and open more of yourselves to each other. It's the very moment you look at each other, eye to eye, and then you tell that someone how you really feel… and after that you will receive the smile of acceptance… of agreement… of certainty… combined with the tears of joy."
Yuri was silent as he remained transfixed by his godfather's clear-cut and precise response.
Conrad continued to study his reactions from the corner of his hazel eye.
Upon hearing no verbal comments, Conrad pushed through the question he had been wanting to ask Yuri.
"Yuri, if I may ask," he began and the double black straightened his posture. "Does my brother have a chance his feelings will be returned?"
Yuri's eyes widened a bit at that and he swallowed hard. Then, he diverted his eyes from Conrad and back to the field. Conrad wanted to tell his godson to look at him in the eye upon answering, but he decided to just observe sharper. The answer he was looking for wouldn't come from the mouth, but from the windows of the heart. Conrad supposed Yuri doesn't have to look at him in the eyeball to prove his answer. With forty five degrees perspective of Yuri, Conrad had enough view to catch the truth. It might only glint in a second— a second of certainty. He should not blink.
And the soldier's heart leaped when he saw it right away. Yuri smiled at the empty space before him, and it was a knowing smile, that of fondness and profoundly, of affection.
"Wolfram," Yuri whispered the name as if he was naming a precious finding. "I'm not sure Conrad. But—"
A sharp pause.
"—I'm not that cruel to not tell him to stop if there's really no chance."
It was Conrad's turn to smile. What a safe and shrewd answer, and coming from someone who has always been dismissive about such matters. It was enough to give him a peace of mind and heart.
"Thank you, Yuri."
Yuri stood up from his crouching and stretched himself. Conrad realized he was no longer looking at the small and naïve boy as was before. Yuri was a grown young man, he was really a king now, inside and out.
"You know," Yuri glanced at Conrad and then back at the ball he was playing on his hand. "Your brother has been my best friend for years… And maybe… maybe that's why I don't want to make a wrong move… I have to be sure… I have to put my childishness aside and discern sensibly… I have to be careful because there's this thin line I can misstep onto and might make me regret it forever… I… I have to take one step at a time… take things lightly… I don't want to hurt Wolfram."
A pregnant pause. The breeze passed by them, and it was refreshing. Stars were beginning to increase in opacity.
"It takes time…" Yuri spoke again, "…for me to give my response… yes… and I'm really sorry for that… but I know in the end it will all turned out fine."
"I understand," Conrad responded calmly.
Yuri grinned at him. "You really cared so much about your little brother?"
"Of course," Conrad gave him a hearty smile.
"I think I'm starting to like Wolfram," Yuri said boldly all of a sudden, which both surprised and impressed Conrad. "But a part of me wills against it, because I keep on thinking it's still wrong… that I can't possibly fall for a guy."
"I think Wolfram will wait forever for your feelings as long as you don't tell him stop pouring his own to you, like what you reminded me you haven't done yet."
Yuri nodded in response. "Actually there's something I would like to confess to you, Conrad."
"What is it?"
"Um I… I, well… um…" Yuri began foolishly.
"Go on."
Yuri shut his eyes in shame of what he was about to say. "I… actually… I kissed him…"
Conrad started to chuckle and next second, he was laughing out loud.
"I know it's funny, ehehe," Yuri said exasperatingly. "But it already happened more than twice…"
Conrad nodded, "You think that's something you need to confess to me? Because I'm his older brother?"
"Well… sort of…" Yuri said shyly.
"Yuri that's normal!" Conrad said in between his laughter. "I won't stop you if it's what your heart wants to! You can kiss my brother as long as it's okay with the both of you. Yuri… you know I'm not that difficult."
"Oh yeh, of course," Yuri said, grinning as well. "And by the way, since I think it's okay to you, I think you also ought to know I already touched your brother—"
"You what?"
Conrad's laughing stopped and his eyebrows suddenly met at the center of his forehead. Yuri's smile faded in an instant.
"I… I mean I also touched him while I kissed him… But don't get the wrong idea I completely laid hands on him!"
Conrad looked at Yuri incredulously, "And you tell me you're taking it lightly? I think you're being aggressive on my brother, Yuri!"
"It's not that I'm taking advantage of your brother," Yuri said defensively. "I just got so attracted those nights."
"And now?"
"Well, we didn't went far, I stopped before I did something wrong!" Yuri said. "I told you I don't want to hurt him."
"And now how do you feel for Wolfram? After what you just did? You think Wolfram wouldn't get hurt of those moves?" Conrad asked edgily.
"But I realized I shouldn't do it! That it's wrong… And both of us has still much to understand," Yuri's shoulders fell. "And I feel guilty… I feel so confused again… but some part of me somehow felt happy for what I did…"
"I don't want to scold you Yuri, but when it comes to your mistakes, it's my job to help you point them out, especially the ones you can't see for yourself," Conrad spoke in a grave manner. "You should consider how harsh it might be for Wolfram. From what you have told me, I think you're treating him like a yo-yo, you take him into your arms when you want to examine and experiment on your feelings and then you push him away when your beliefs came knocking on you again."
"I don't—" Yuri's voice died away and he frowned, realizing his godfather was right.
"I'm sorry Conrad. I didn't mean to hurt Wolfram."
"I know that, Yuri," Conrad's fatherly tone returned. "You're not wrong with your moves, you're just not doing it properly."
"Then what… what should I do?"
"Clear your mind first and settle your heart warfare, and like what you told me earlier that you've been practicing, take it step by step. Be honest to yourself. Our principles encounter challenges that we have to make necessary changes. And sometimes these make us better persons. Don't be too hard on yourself or else you will always be difficult for Wolfram. Love requires courage, Yuri. If you truly felt something for my brother, which I think it's utterly becoming possible, don't waste a moment. And should you really fall for my brother, also keep in mind the limitations, don't act rashly. Relish the more valuable matters that come from loving each other. You know what I mean, understood?"
Sex isn't the answer for you to find out if you really love my brother. Conrad did his best to hold this sentence within him.
"Yes, sir!" Yuri responded attentively.
"Good," Conrad said, smiling again. "Then can you promise me that I wouldn't see Wolfram broken and hurt?"
Broken like a wasted doll? Yuri wondered if that's what Conrad meant. He was no longer a wimp not to read between the lines.
"I promise."
"Okay," Conrad finally said. "Let's head back, it's getting dark."
SCENE 3:
Arriving at the castle just in time for dinner, Yuri noticed Wolfram being absent again at the dining room. When Doria informed him that the blonde was having his dinner again at their room, Yuri ordered his meal be brought there as well and he excused himself immediately.
The others at the dining table didn't react and just smiled at him (Well, except for Gwendal). Yuri's becoming more obvious these days.
SCENE 4:
Yuri knocked on the door seeing it was close before letting himself in. His eyes moved swiftly towards the spot where his blonde fiancé was, as always. And Wolfram was there, looking at him over his big spectacles, pokerfaced.
"Good evening," Wolfram spoke in a tone like McGonagall who just greeted a late student.
"Hi Wolf!" Yuri greeted cheerfully despite the mood that welcomed him.
Yuri noticed Wolfram's food barely touched on the bedside table.
"Why are you here so early? Have you had dinner already?"
"Nope, actually I'll be having my dinner here too."
"What?" Wolfram shrieked. Then, a knock on the door again, Yuri opened it and took the tray of food from the maid. Wolfram watched him as he placed the tray on the other bedside table. The blonde just rolled his eyes in irritation and returned to reading the book.
"Have it your way then."
Yuri sat up on the bed beside him and laid out the napkin on his lap. When all set, he began to eat ferociously. Every now and then, Wolfram would glance at him in annoyance for his lack of etiquette in eating.
"So where are you now?"
"Halfway," Wolfram answered prudently.
"Geez! You're really fast in reading… you just started with that this morning!"
"Of course I am," Wolfram responded proudly.
"And were you eating right?"
"Yes, I just finished Yuri." A hint of impatience in his tone.
Yuri looked again at the scarcely untouched food on Wolfram's tray.
"You finished but you didn't eat at all, now face me."
Wolfram was surprise at the startling command and when he turned to look at Yuri, the double black forced a spoonful of mashed potato in Wolfram's half-opened mouth.
"Whmmmp!"
"Eat!"
Wolfram almost spit out the food if Yuri hadn't placed his hands to support the blonde's jaw, as if trying to make the blonde chew it. The blonde grinded and swallowed the mash potato quickly, he couldn't wait to yell at Yuri. But unfortunately for him, another spoonful of pasta came swooping into his mouth again.
Wolfram finally tossed the book on his pillows, his face livid in anger. At that, Yuri stopped and began laughing.
"Wha mas zat for?" Wolfram spat.
"I won't allow you to starve yourself!"
"Mind your own business!" Wolfram hissed loudly as soon as his mouth was emptied. He glowered at the double black with immense infuriation.
"Listen to me," Yuri said in a disciplinary tone despite the look the blonde was giving him. "Can you stop this stubbornness? You keep on telling me you eat when in fact your food is untouched! Hey I might not have the authority to enforce an eating rule on you but I will make you eat no matter what! Look at you!"
Yuri grabbed Wolfram's upper arm and shook it, for Wolfram to become conscious of how thin his arms were. Wolfram took his arm back gallingly.
"What do you care about it?"
"You! I don't want your health to be affected by reading!"
"Is this why you came to eat here?"
"Yes, and I'm going to take care of you. If I have to spoon-feed you, I'll do it."
Yuri noticed Wolfram's eyes softened a bit at that, and so he pushed through it.
"Honestly, I don't like seeing you so undernourished Wolf."
Wolfram sighed deeply, easing himself from the anger. Yuri's acts were of kindness and care, then why did he feel so annoyed anyway? He was supposed to relish and enjoy this prospect the double black was giving him. But maybe Harry Potter was another bigger thing enough to alter his ways.
"Look, Yuri," Wolfram spoke and looked him in the eye. "I may not be eating well now, but it won't be long, let me just finish this. I'm not hungry anyway... It's just getting so exciting! Have you ever read this? Why don't you try it out? This is a book you shouldn't miss!"
Now he's advertising the book…Yuri thought feebly.
"I haven't read that yet but I'll try when I get the time," Yuri said, he looked thwarted but deep inside he was a bit amazed at how Wolfram could swiftly transform his mood.
"It wasn't hard to read if you're worried about that, wimp. I know you are capable of grasping the story," Wolfram said with an evil smirk of insult.
"Hey," that was all the double black could say. This brat was really impossible. He decided to change the subject again.
"Wolf, if you find it a bother to lift those spoon and fork, shovel food into your mouth, at least let me do it for you."
"Are you nuts? Do you think you look okay with that? You're gonna look more wimpy than ever!" Wolfram snorted.
"Well, I don't mind at all…," Yuri said with a shrug, "…since it's only you and me here."
Wolfram flushed at those words. Yuri once again made it a point they were alone. Yuri smiled inwardly, he was starting to like the way those pinkish blushes appear against Wolfram's pale face. It makes him want to touch and hold those cheeks because for sure, they're soft and warmer. Yuri looked away before he could mirror the reaction.
"Pick up your book and continue reading. Then I'll call you every now and then to spoon-feed you."
"You're mental."
"Maybe I am. Now eat… Get your old body back."
"Why do you worry so much?" Wolfram asked in suspicion, raising an eye brow.
"Because you look awfully terrible these days, being skinny doesn't fit you."
And I would love to embrace a healthier body during the nights.
Wolfram exhaled, "Okay. Have it your way then."
"Now aahhh—" Yuri said and aimed the food before Wolfram's mouth. This time, Wolfram opened his mouth and received it himself. While feeding Wolfram, Yuri ate as well and when his plate was emptied he took Wolfram's and they shared it together again. Yuri didn't mind sharing the same plate of food or even the same spoon and fork with the blonde, he knew that that was nothing compared to things they have shared and might share in the future. Yuri knew he was less afraid now. He decided to simply live life and minimize his will to control everything, even the definite. Or else he might be risking his own happy ending.
And so, Wolfram von Bielefeld read like a child with the Maoh acted like a nanny babysitting him.
While feeding Wolfram with the dessert, Yuri accidentally spread the chocolate icing past the other end of Wolfram's lips. Wolfram, whose attention was full drawn towards the book, had no idea the other end of his mouth already looked like a joker's.
Instead of telling Wolfram there was something on his face, Yuri decided to remove it himself with a napkin, but even before his hand reached Wolfram's face, the blonde was quick enough to jerk away.
"What are you going to do?"
"Obviously you've got something on your face."
"Oh!" Wolfram whispered embarrassingly, "I thought you were gonna make fun of me again."
"Wolfram," Yuri heaved a sigh at that. "Now, will you let me?"
"Sure."
Yuri wiped the chocolate from the pearl-like skin of his best friend slowly, an excuse to get a slight physical contact with the soft cheek. It should have taken less than five seconds to do away with the chocolate on Wolfram's face. Wolfram wasn't minding it until he began to sense that half a minute had already passed by and Yuri's fingers with the napkin was still rubbing against his face. Wolfram caught Yuri's hand before anything else. He then looked at Yuri and saw that the double black was looking at him pensively.
"Hey, snap out of it!"
Yuri, shocked after being discovered from his trance, promptly took his hand from Wolfram's grasp.
"I'm sorry, it's just that—" Yuri darted his eyes away from Wolfram.
"Hey, are you okay?" Wolfram asked him, peeking over Yuri's face which was suddenly facing the door of the room. "Yuri?"
Yuri swallowed hard and picked up courage to turn and look at the gorgeous blonde. Black eyes pierced green ones. He noticed there was still some chocolate on Wolfram's lips, he couldn't help but bit his lips at the sight of it.
"Yuri?" Wolfram was drawing closer to him now, warm breath fanning his face. Next moment, warm hands cupped his immovable face.
And it was then double black did not hesitate any longer. He placed his own hands and held the lean hands that were holding his face and closed the gap between him and the blonde with a fervent kiss. Wolfram's eyes widened in surprise, which slowly closed and began to roll in pleasure as Yuri licked the chocolate on his lips. After a few seconds, Yuri dipped his tongue inside to taste him, the action triggered a violent response in his lower regions and he felt his erection convulsed in his pants. The best friends kissed like there's no tomorrow, mixing not only their saliva but also the sweat on each other's faces.
No words were spoken, only the sound of their lips and tongues twisting to and fro against one another were to be heard.
After good solid minutes of their tough kissing, Wolfram finally broke apart to catch his breath. The double black was also panting.
"Yuri… that… that was—"
"Incredible?"
Wolfram nodded hastily. Yuri began to take off his uniform, which earned him another shocked look from the blonde. Wolfram dismissed the seduction, grabbing his book as fast as he could, lied down on the bed and rolled to face the other side where he would not see the undressing double black.
Yuri knew he should not go further, he was only distracting the blonde. Or the better phrase was: he was only destructing the blonde. Who is he to entice Wolfram von Bielefeld for more? He, who couldn't even identify what his real feelings are and get the courage to open it to the one involved. He, who had been engaging his best friend into intimate and lustful moves and yet continues to deny his affections for him?
And so, Yuri headed towards the cabinet and from there, he took his bath things. He decided to just take a bath. Wolfram wasn't reading at all, he was listening intently to Yuri's movements. His heart was pounding, crying out for more but awfully frightened at the same time. He felt disappointed but also relived to hear Yuri walking towards the door. He needed to control himself. He needed to let go and to remember where his place in Yuri's life still stood.
Yuri gave one last quick glance at the blonde before he turned the knob of the door and heaved it open, totally distancing himself from the blonde.
To be continued…
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Theme song for this chapter:
True by Ryan Cabrera, Do You Know What You Want by M2M