Chapter Four
Jeff made the drive to Annie's apartment in silence. When he parked his car, he had to sit and gather himself for a few minutes in order to find the strength to walk to the building. The key turned in the lock, and he pushed the door gently and stepped inside. The stench of vomit still hung in the air, assaulting his nostrils. Once he got more used to it, he looked around, taking in her apartment for the first time.
It was a small studio apartment, with a small kitchenette area, a bedroom area, and a "living space," all of them overlapping but with subtle borders created with the décor. She really worked to make this place a home, he thought.
He started to look around for things he thought she might like to see when she woke up. He walked around, trying to take everything in before picking a framed photo off her nightstand. It was of the whole study group, gathered around the study table. She clearly loves this. What next? He glanced around and saw her pile of stuffed animals. He smiled and picked up a kangaroo with a frog in it's pouch. He checked the time. I need to get back soon, I have to be there when she wakes up. He quickly scanned the room again, seeing a quilt strewn haphazardly across her worn out sofa. This looks like the one Troy told me about. Her grandmother's quilt. Perfect.
He shook it out, folded it, and prepared to leave when he saw the edge of a book sticking out from underneath the couch. He reached down and picked it up, turning it over. It had a one-word title.
Diary
Jeff paused, thinking. I know ordinarily it would be wrong to read this, but these aren't normal circumstances. Besides, he reasoned, if there's a reason in here for why she slipped, that can only help.
His mind made up, Jeff put the other items beside him and opened it up carefully. He quickly scanned through it, only stopping when he came upon the entry for November 12th, 2009:
I think Jeff and I had a moment today. I let my hair down and he really seemed to like how it looked. Then, just a few minutes later, I caught him staring at me when I tried to show him a quote we could use for our debate tomorrow. Honestly, we were both pretty flustered after that, so we decided to prepare individually.
He turned to the next page, curiosity overwhelming him.
November 13th, 2009
I kissed Jeff today, and he kissed me back! It was to win the debate, but it still counts, right? I mean, I know he's not in love with me or anything, he even patted me on the head after the debate instead of at least hugging me. But, I can dream, can't I? XOXO
Jeff started scanning pages faster now, jumping forward in time.
May 20th, 2010
I decided not to go with Vaughn. It just didn't feel like the right thing for me at the time. I was living in the moment, and still was when I ran into Jeff outside the Transfer Dance. He was panicking a little. Britta and Professor Slater had both evidently just told him that they love him. We talked for a minute, then I kissed him. He seemed stunned for a second, but then he kissed me back! It may have qualified as French kissing. I know I have a magazine that has a make-out meter in it, I'll have to find it and see. Jeff texted me later, saying he needs to see me tomorrow! I'm so excited! I know he's a lot older than me but he kissed me back, so he has to feel something for me. Good night for now, XOXO
He turned to the next page.
May 21st, 2010
So I met with Jeff today. He told me that we need to keep our kisses a secret because he was worried about what people would think if they found out. I promised, but I don't see what the big deal is. We're both adults, so who cares? I'll just have to work at it this summer whenever I see him. XOXO
Jeff grimaced as he remembered how hard he had worked at avoiding her that whole summer. I had no choice, he thought. If Shirley or especially Britta had found out that soon…
He flipped through the pages until he found the next entry he was dreading to see, feeling guilty as he realized the spots he saw on the page had to be where teardrops had fallen onto it.
September 23rd, 2010
This was the worst day of my life since rehab! I thought Jeff and I could talk today and I could make him realize that we could try to be together, but the whole day was a horrible nightmare. First, Jeff made sure to remind me that not only could we not be a couple, but later told Shirley in front of everyone that I'm just "young flesh" as far as he's concerned. I also found out that just a few days before we kissed at the dance, he had sex with Britta during the paintball game! On our study group's table! I do feel bad now that I punched him in the face, but I still say he deserved it. It's like he spent all summer figuring out the best ways to hurt me. I don't understand why he would treat me this way. Even if he's not interested in me, we're still friends, right? I'm going to bed. Maybe things will be better tomorrow.
Jeff felt his eyes start to water as he read the entry. I did that to her, All of it. If anything, I got off easy. Not because I deserved it, but because that's the kind of person Annie is. After wiping his eyes, he steeled himself and flipped ahead some more.
October 7th, 2010
Jeff told me today that he "couldn't believe he made out with me." No explanation, Nothing. Why am I so repulsive to him? I don't know why he is acting like this all of a sudden. It hurts that I can't move on as easily as he can. I've decided to focus on my extracurricular activities. I signed up for the Environmental Club and I'll start work on my diorama tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be too busy with it to dwell on Jeff.
The entries continued to pile up.
November 18th, 2010
Jeff had the nerve to lecture me today. "People aren't playthings, Annie." Seriously? He wouldn't recognize irony if it hit him in his giant forehead! All he does is treat people that way. He can't decide if he wants to be more than friends, so he keeps dancing back and forth. It's so frustrating. This is actually an example. After he said that, we were in Troy and Abed's blanket fort when it collapsed, and while we were under the blanket, he kissed me. It felt so good, but maybe it was too good to be true.
January 20th, 2011
Well, I set a new personal record tonight. Rejected by two guys in a one hour period. First, Jeff refused to admit that he had feelings for me again! He also claimed that he didn't actively try to run other guys off, which I know he's done! He double-talked his way around any honest answers, the way he ALWAYS does. Then, when I asked Rich out… (Jeff quit reading the entry).
April 21st, 2011
I found out today that not only am I delusional (according to Jeff), but he's been having sex with Britta all year! Abed used his computer of a brain and realized Jeff and Britta had been sneaking around behind our backs, and when I pointed out the moments Jeff and I had shared, he blew me off, saying I was "reading into some things." He then went one step further and told me that our connection was about as strong as Pierce and Abed's. I am so angry and sad right now, I can't think straight. I need to concentrate, I have three finals this week. Well, two really. Anthropology doesn't count. I need something to help me focus for the next few days.
Jeff reread the last entry several times. Is that why it started? All because I couldn't let her down gently. It all finally became too much for him, and he sat on the couch and sobbed brokenly, he didn't know for how long. His tears weren't for himself, they were for her. Finally, he calmed himself, wiped his face, and stood up. He put the diary back where he'd found it, picking up the items he came for as he walked out the door, locking it securely behind him.
"Any changes, Doctor?"
"No. But that's actually good news. It means her body is accepting the medications we gave her," Perkins replied.
"How long before she'll wake up?"
"Probably in the next two to three hours. I'm heading home now, but I've left instructions for the nurses to call me when she wakes up."
With that said, Perkins walked towards the elevators. Jeff turned and went into Annie's room. Everything looked the same as it had when he left earlier. He busied himself, spreading the quilt across the bed, tucking the stuffed animals under her hand where it curled next to her pillow, and finally putting the framed picture of the study group on her side table. His tasks completed, he picked up a chair and set it down as close to her as he could get, and settled in to wait. He reached over and enclosed her hand with his, gently rubbing his thumb over hers. Jeff suddenly felt exhausted, the last several hours finally catching up with him. He closed his eyes and his mind began to drift. Tomorrow is a new start, he reminded himself. His last conscious thought was a hope that he would make the most of it.