ooo.

Obi-Wan did enjoy sparing as it gave him a release for his pent up feelings, but his confidence was fading. Each time he sparred, it would begin fine, his movements flowed with the Force and he kept his concentration in the here and now. Nevertheless, eventually something would trigger a memory of that fateful day when he'd killed for the first time. Whether it was the colour of some ones sabre, or some fleeting word said in jest, it would bring back horrible memories of Bruck taunting him calling him 'a pity case'' a reject from the Agri- corps. Bruck's words convinced him that Master Jinn would never have any respect for him because he was unworthy…

He tried to get the memories out of his mind and concentrate on the current duel.

Now he was sparing with Padawan Karalla, he was an older Padawan and he and his Master had been off planet for over a year. He didn't know anything about the troubles that occurred nearly three months ago. Padawan Karalla didn't even know Bruck or Obi-Wan for that matter.

Unfortunately, for Obi-Wan, Padawan Karalla's hair was the same colour as Bruck's had been and it caused Obi-Wan to lose concentration. He tried to pull the Force around him and get the images of Bruck's white hair out of his head. However, it was no use and he stumbled losing his footing. Padawan Karalla saw the opening and swung his sabre hitting Obi-Wan with a winning touché right on the neck, the same spot where Obi-Wan's blade had gone through Bruck's neck. The match was over and Padawan Karalla disengaged his sabre and clipped it to his belt. He then bent down to give Obi-Wan a hand up.

Obi-Wan had frozen when the sabre touched his neck and his sabre fell from his hands rolling across the floor. His breathing was coming in gasps and Padawan Karalla was standing over him. He felt sick and he realised he'd lost focus and he could see the confusion in Karalla's eyes as the young man held out his hand.

"Padawan Kenobi, are you all right?"

Obi-Wan nodded, swallowed, and lifted his hand towards Karalla. "Yes, thank you Padawan Karalla, I'm all right I just lost concentration that's all."

"You looked like you'd just seen a ghost and you're very pale are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine. You fought very well Padawan Karalla."

"Call me Tam," he said smiling.

"Thank you Tam, I'm Obi-Wan."

They were still standing in the middle of the training mat when Master healer Ba'han walked over and handed Obi-Wan his sabre. The healer noticed Obi-Wan's hands shaking as he took his sabre and clipped it to his belt.

"Thank you Master Healer." Obi-Wan said, as Tam moved off to find his Master.

"Obi-Wan you're shaking are you all right?" the healer asked.

Obi-Wan looked down at his hands and could see them shaking and he knew that the healer was worried about him. Healer Ba'han was not only a soul healer but he was an exceptional medical healer as well. He had helped Obi-Wan when the incident happened with Bruck and Obi-Wan liked Master Ba'han he was always pleasant and nice to him. However, he knew how his Master felt about healers and he'd told Obi-Wan not to bother the healer with his problems.

He was just about to say that he was fine when Qui-Gon noticed them standing together and called out.

"Is every thing alright Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked glaring at the healer.

"Yes Master." Obi-Wan said trying to calm himself down.

"Hello Master Jinn," Ba'han greeted him. "I was wondering why Obi-Wan hasn't been coming to sessions? He seems a little on edge and he seemed to lose focus in his match just now?"

Qui-Gon stepped close to the Healer, clearly annoyed at him. It was common knowledge that Qui-Gon hated being anywhere near this Healer in particular, they had many disagreements over the handling of Obi-Wan's care. It was only a year ago that Qui-Gon was told to see the mind Healer himself, when his former apprentice turned away from the light. However, he'd refused to go citing he could handle the situation very well himself. Therefore, when the Healer insisted that Obi-Wan needed counselling over Bruck's death Qui-Gon refused to allow Obi-Wan to be treated by the Healer.

"Obi-Wan is fine, he doesn't need any sessions and if he loses focus it's because he's not concentrating. I am his Master and if he has any problems, I'm perfectly capable of helping him." Qui-Gon snapped.

The healer wouldn't back down and soon they got into a heated argument when the Healer commented that maybe it was Qui-Gon who needed to see a mind healer and inferred that Qui-Gon was not looking after his Padawan's best interests.

"You both need help Qui-Gon can't you see that." The Healer snapped.

Qui-Gon had no patience when it came to speaking with the healer. Why can't these Healers mind their own business, he thought.

Qui-Gon let his temper boil over and before he realised what he was saying, he caused more grief to Obi-Wan.

"My Padawan is strong enough to accept what happened with initiate Chun, if he's not then he shouldn't be a Jedi and I've told you before, there's nothing wrong with me! So please leave us alone." He growled.

ooo

Obi-Wan couldn't help overhear what his Master and the healer were saying, as their voices were quite loud.

So that's why he said I didn't need the Healers, he thinks I should be able to accept what happened to Bruck, but I can't, I didn't want him to die. Maybe I am weak, maybe they are right, and maybe that's why they sent me to the Agri-Corps. They knew I wasn't good enough.

They all knew I wasn't worthy to be a Jedi, but Qui-Gon felt sorry for me and made me his apprentice. He accepted me and now he regrets it. Now they don't know what to do with me. Bruck was right when he said Qui-Gon would never respect me, he doesn't even like me and he's stuck with a weak and worthless Padawan.

The argument was going on around him but he was too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice when several other Masters pushed past him and surrounded the two fighting Masters. He could hear voices and he felt himself shivering. He glanced up towards his Master, but he couldn't see because there were so many Jedi standing around trying to break up the fight.

Tears sprung to his eyes and because he didn't want his Master or anybody seeing him for the weak crybaby that he was, he turned and quickly slipped out of the training arena. Once he reached the corridor, he ran back to their apartment. He couldn't take it anymore. It was distressing to know that he'd caused an argument between two Masters. In his thirteen years at the Temple this was the first time he'd ever heard two Masters raise their voices in anger. Obi-Wan concluded that it was his entire fault, if he'd just stayed on Bandomeer none of this would have happened.

He entered their apartment and looked around. He felt so ashamed that he was the cause of so much disruption. He couldn't stay here any more he had to leave. He wouldn't wait to be dismissed. He felt so miserable and he didn't want anyone to see him in such a state. Qui-Gon didn't want him so he'd make it easy for him. He'd pack his bags and leave before Qui-Gon came home.

Obi-Wan went into his bedroom, he blinked several times because his eyes were filled with tears and he couldn't see clearly. Looking around he realised that he didn't really own anything. The clothes in his cupboard were Jedi clothes and the books he read belonged to the library. He opened the draw and looked at his Journal. He picked it up and cried. There was nothing written in there worth reading.

He felt in his pocket for the rock that Qui-Gon had given him when he first became his Padawan. Obi-Wan took it out, it was such a beautiful rock and when he held it up to the light, it glistened. It was a deep rich cobalt colouring and had veins of pale blue and green running all through and around it. He really loved that rock. Nevertheless, as he looked at it he realised it was not meant for him. It was meant for some one who would be worthy to be Qui-Gon's Padawan. So he put the stone on his desk and stared at it.

Qui-Gon wouldn't want me to take it, and it is too nice to throw in the bin, but what will Qui-Gon do with it? Obi-Wan couldn't leave it sitting on the desk, emptiness filled him, and he felt so alone not having it with him. He wondered if Qui-Gon would give it to his next apprentice.

No! He thought, Qui-Gon didn't want another Padawan he didn't want another failure. Obi-Wan knew without a doubt that Qui-Gon would never take on another Padawan, so this rock would more than likely remind Qui-Gon of his unworthy Padawan and he would probably throw it in the trash, but Obi-Wan couldn't bear to have that happen to such a beautiful stone….

I can't leave it here. So he put it in his pocket and then he picked up the journal. It was a reminder of how much of a failure he was, so he threw it in the waste bin next to his desk.

ooo

Back at the training Hall Master Windu and several other Masters had calmed everyone down. Master Windu was very infuriated that two Masters would put on such a disrespectful display in front of Padawan's and other Knights.

"I'm ashamed of both of you," Master Windu said to both men. "Please come with me, and he pointed to a small training room off the main arena where he questioned both men. By this time Qui-Gon had calmed down and was mortified that he had put on such a display of anger in front of his peers, but most of all in front of his Padawan. He'd blurted out some things that should never have been said, especially to do with Obi-Wan.

Mace listened to each man and he was horrified that they'd argued in front of Obi-Wan.

"Qui-Gon, that boy deserved none of this, you have pushed your guilt and anger on to Obi-Wan and made him feel worthless. I cannot understand how you can be one of the best diplomats and negotiators the Order has and you cannot even treat your own Padawan with the respect he deserves. You dishonour the Code" Mace said, he was fuming as he told Qui-Gon off.

"Qui-Gon, is your Padawan still out there in the arena?"

"I don't know Master Windu, I didn't think about him at the time." Qui-Gon said feeling thoroughly ashamed of him self.

"Well I need to speak with him; he must be devastated by your behaviour."

Mace walked over to the door separating their room from the arena and as he opened it, there was a padawan standing close by. Master Windu called the Padawan over and asked him to go and bring Obi-Wan to him.

Unfortunately, Master Windu just asked the worst padawan he could,- Padawan Kiefer….

ooo

Obi-Wan was ready to go when he heard a knock at the door. He put his bag down behind the door and opened it. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Padawan Keifer standing there with a smirk on his face.

"What do you want?" snapped Obi-Wan

"Oh I don't want anything from you - murderer!" Kiefer said hoping to make Obi-Wan suffer a bit more for killing his friend.

"Master Windu told me to get you and bring you back to the arena. You must be in big trouble if the head of the Council wants to see you and he wasn't happy, let me tell you." Kiefer grinned.

Obi-Wan felt his face flush and he really didn't want to talk to Keifer right now.

"Well are you coming" Kenobi?"

"Tell Master Windu I'll be there directly". He said as calmly as he could and then slammed the door in Kiefer's face.

Kiefer's words haunted him "Murderer."

Obi-Wan leaned against the wall, his whole body was shaking. He waited for few minutes and then he reached out with the force and could sense that Kiefer had gone. He opened the door and he checked the corridor to make sure no one was there. He glanced around his now previous life and quietly closed the door on his existence as a Jedi. He gently touched the nameplate that said Jinn/Kenobi and sighed and then he picked up his bag and fled down to the turbo-lift.

When he reached the ground floor, he could hear many voices. He peaked around the corner and several Crèche Masters were coming in with a large group of initiates. The children were chatting about their excursion and so while the Masters were distracted Obi-Wan slipped past them and ducked out the door.

tbc...