Chapter 4

Bella sat in the chair in the living room, awaiting the arrival of the others. Carlisle lounged on the sofa, and Jasper sat in the chair close to Bella. Bella nervously picked at her clothes, pulling her sleeves down; self conscious of her scars that marred her body, she constantly checked to make sure none of them were showing. Jasper feeling her nerves placed his hand on hers and stroked her with his thumb sending a little calm her way. She breathed deeply, trying to focus on the calm. Bella noticed the slightest movement of the two men as they inclined their heads only slightly signaling someone had turned on to the driveway. Any normal human would never have noticed, but Bella had never been normal. She had always been very perceptive and being around vampires had made her even more perceptive. She stood not wanting to be in a position she couldn't make a run if she tried. Logically she knew she could never outrun a vampire. They were way too fast. She moved away from the chair a bit, behind her led two options, the stairs that led to her sanctuary or the backdoor. She stood body ready to fight or flee, as she waited for the others to pull up and walk through the door. As the car pulled up to a stop and the four vampires emerged from the car, Carlisle stood and moved towards the door as Jasper did the same. Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice all entered the house grouped together till Alice spotted Bella. Alice shrieked Bella's name and ran towards her. Bella heard the shriek but did not see the little pixie, instead she saw a flash of red moving towards her. Bella stumbled backwards a couple of steps before the fright overtook her and she crumbled to the ground. Jasper let out a thunderous growl and swept Bella up in his arms before she even hit the floor. Alice hearing him stopped dead in her tracks as the others all froze, all eyes on him holding a collapsed Bella in his arms. Jasper eyed the others slowly. "No sudden movements, no loud noises, and no barraging her with questions. She will talk when she is ready, she lives here now and you will all do well to respect her needs. Now I'm going to take her to her room and try to undo the damage you have done." His eyes solely on Alice as he stated his last sentence. As he was about to turn to head up the stairs Rosalie was the only one who voiced what they all were thinking. "What happened to her?" Jasper continued to head up the stairs but threw one word out in answer. "Hell." Jasper took her up to her room sitting on her bed cradling her, sending her calm, comfort, and peace. He rocked her and whispered words of comfort in her ear. As he held her he went in search of the items he knew would help her when she came out of her panicked state. She hadn't actually fainted more it was her body shutting down to protect itself from the attack she was sure she had seen coming. She had been through so much and survived, but there was only so much a mind and body could take before it just shut down. He located her vodka, and then went in search of her cigarettes only to come upon the empty pack. He frowned then whipped out his phone and sent a quick text to Emmett knowing he would happily get anything for Bella. Once he had texted Emmett with the list of things that would help Bella, he sat there with her in his arms rocking and cooing words of comfort to her. He knew the others could hear him but if they knew what was good for them they wouldn't say a damn word about it. Though he knew the only one he would really have to worry about had left to run the errand. It would be a few hours before Emmett got back, he had said to go to Olympia to acquire the items.

Eventually Bella became aware of her surroundings coming back from the darkness. The first thing that came to her awareness was Jasper's soothing voice cooing the same calming mantra over and over. "You're safe Bella, I'm right here. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you. I've got you, you're okay." She let his voice soothe her panicked mind and body, relaxing into him. She slowly became more aware of her surroundings. She noticed she was in Jaspers arms and he was holding her on her bed in her room, she was safe. Finally she was able to open her eyes, her mind concentrating on the emotional cocktail he had sent her as he slowly pulled it back. She felt the peace, comfort, calm, safety, and she halted over the last one she felt it, knew what it was but it didn't make sense as to why he was sending it to her. Her brain grasped at the fact that it had to be just a part of the positive emotions he was sending. Just a part of the emotional cocktail. There was no other reason to send her love, she knew he cared but love? No, she couldn't believe that. He couldn't love her. They had never really spent any time together for him to actually feel that strongly either way about her. She was sure the only reason she was feeling that was due to the emotional cocktail he was sending her, all positive emotions, she even felt a little happiness in there as well. The more aware she became the more he pulled back on the emotional cocktail. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked up at him. He looked into her eyes testing and tasting her emotions he loosened his grip to allow her to sit up. She sat up slowly to prevent her head spinning. This wasn't the first time this had happened and normally coming out of a panic attack that bad made her feel slightly light headed and a little discombobulated. Well honestly slightly and a little were probably understatements. If she were honest with herself coming out of one of those panic attacks left her completely disoriented, and once it had taken her quite some time just to figure out who and where the hell she was. She still hadn't completely gotten back the lost time. The only thing she did finally figure out was there was a good three days that were just gone, She remembered waking up on a Friday morning and then nothing till Monday afternoon. That was back when she was actually attempting to keep track of her days on a calendar. It was shortly after that she gave up on trying to keep track of time and days or even weeks or months. She just didn't care anymore. Jasper helped offering her support and helping her sit up fully. He handed her the bottle of vodka, "Here Bella, take a drink I know you need it." She took the bottle from him and took a swig then another before handing it back. She leaned her head back on Jasper's shoulder and let her mind wander. She couldn't get her mind around it, Jasper was supposed to be the weakest of them all but yet he was the one who had been here for her the whole time holding her comforting her. If he struggled so much with his thirst then how was this so easy for him to do, he had no shown any inclination that this was at all difficult for him. She thought that the main issue wasn't his control over his thirst, she was sure it had to do with his empathic ability, it wasn't only his thirst he had to contend with but the rest of the families as well. She knew this before, it was why she never blamed him at her party it was everyone else's on top of his, add to the fact that He had always said she was like his own special brand of heroin. All of that had assaulted Jasper and he wasn't prepared. At the Ballet studio he had been prepared, knowing what he would be walking into. The paper cut that was a spur of the moment accident that he wasn't prepared for, and even then he didn't actually lunge till after He had thrown her into the table and sliced up her arm with all the plates, that never made any sense to her since she was the only one eating. There was something so very wrong about this whole thing and she really had never put a lot of thought in it but she needed to. Something not right was going on here and before she even thought about forgiving the little pixie, she would have to do some real hard thinking. She just wished she had a non biased person to use as a soundboard.

Jasper gave her a slight nudge to bring her out of her thoughts. She looked over at him and arched a brow in question. "Emmett's just outside the door he has some things for you and he wants to come in and see you, but it's up to you." She took a deep breath trying to calm her emotions, she berated herself in her head, this was Emmett he would never hurt her she could trust him just as surely as she trusted Jasper. She gave Jasper a nod to let him in. Jasper spoke too low and too quick for her to actually hear what he said, but only a few seconds later Emmett slowly opened the door and entered the room. He moved slowly even for a human his arms holding a large paper bag. "Belly Boo? I uh brought you some things. I wasn't sure exactly what you like so I bought a few different flavors and brands." Bella watched as he made his way towards the chair that sat next to the steps that led up to her bed. He sat down and pulled out four smaller paper bags. Each bag held a bottle of vodka, the first one was one hundred proof, the second was vanilla flavored, the third was caramel flavored, and the last one was cake icing flavored vodka. She never knew they had so many different flavors of vodka. Holy Crow! Once he pulled out the four bottles of vodka he pulled out 3 packs of cigarettes all full flavored the first one was a pack of Marlboro full flavored 100's, the second was a pack of Camel wides, and the third was a pack of Newport regulars 100's. Bella grabbed the pack of Marlboro's and opened it and pulled out a cigarette then looked around, she grabbed the bottle of vodka that lay next to her and Jasper on the bed. She looked from Jasper to Emmett, before finally speaking. "So who's gonna go with me?" Her voice was still a little on the quiet side but they all could hear her. "Well darlin, I need to go hunt, Esme and Alice went shopping to stock up the house, so that leaves Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle. It's up to you, take your pick." Bella looked at Jasper and gave him a nod in understanding. " So who wants to guard the human?" Jasper and Emmett both could hear Carlisle chuckle at that one, and Rosalie told Emmett he could go first; Jasper felt and heard the amusement in her voice. Emmett stood up and was about to grab Bella and run outside with her but Jasper gave him a shot of caution and a quick shake of his head. Emmett decided it was wise to behave and held out a huge hand for Bella. Bella placed her small hand inside Emmett's large one, he helped her down the few steps, before he stopped and looked at her bed. "I think we need to fix this bed and make it a little easier for the human to use without risk of her breaking something." Bella chuckled, "I had the same thought but kept forgetting to ask Jasper or Carlisle about it." Emmett nodded "I'll fix it for ya later." Bella nodded, "Just don't mess up the room, I happen to like the scheme in here." Emmett nodded as they made their way out the door and down the stairs. Bella took the lead going out the back door and to what she now thought of as her designated smoking area.

Bella sat on the log lighting up her cigarette and inhaling deeply. She twisted the cap off of the bottle and took a swig. Emmett sat next to her, he was uneasy at the seriousness of what was going on, he didn't like not knowing the important stuff. He knew something was very wrong, well if he was honest everything was very wrong and had been since that planned birthday party. It never sat right with him, all that food and all those plates when she was the only human. He shook his head to dispel the thoughts running through his head. He looked his little sister over closely. He hadn't really looked at her yet, afraid of what he might see, and he knew he was right as he took in her appearance. She was too thin, and pale, dark circles, like bruises under her eyes, but what struck him the most odd was she was out here in 80 degree weather wearing a long sleeved brown turtleneck. Having lived decades with Alice and his Rosie had taught them how to wear appropriate clothing to fit in with the humans and what she was wearing told him something was very off. Though his first priority was finding out exactly what he was out her supposedly guarding her from. "Bella?" He couldn't continue she looked over at him a sad look in her eyes. He had missed his little sister and wished he had not let the others talk him into leaving. He never wanted to leave her. He hoped she would forgive him. Bella looked up at her big bear of a brother, there was a sadness in his face that just didn't belong. She wanted to see him smile and laugh and be his jovial self but it would take time. She never blamed him for leaving she knew he didn't have a choice. She would never blame him for going where his mate went. Rosalie was never her biggest fan and Bella knew that Emmett couldn't choose between a sister and a mate. She would never want him to be faced with that either. She locked eyes with him wanting so desperately to understand, "Emmett, don't apologize. I never blamed you. You followed your mate, if you had tried to stay Rosalie would have been unhappy if not angry with you. I do know a little about mates, not a lot, but enough to know for you there was no choice. There is nothing for me to forgive. I'm not mad at Rosalie either she made her views very clear, she was never my biggest fan. I understood then just as I do now, I'm human and me kf your kind puts all of us in danger. Rosalie never wanted you to be in danger, but you being associated with a human that knows the secret puts you in danger. She doesn't like me because of the situation. I bring danger to the family, her family, and one thing I do know about Rosalie is she is loyal to her family, and she loves fiercely. It's why I love her. Even though she doesn't really like me; but I understand where she comes from on that front." Emmett gave Bella a tentative smile then wrapped her in a hug. "I missed you so much sis. I tried to call but I was always stopped. They told me you would be happier with us out of your life and you would move on. I just wanted you happy. There is something I need to ask you though." Emmett paused looking at her watching and seeing every minute movement and reaction. "I'm on guard duty, though I have no clue as to what I'm guarding you from." Bella took a breath, her face going more pale, she took another swig and smoked her cigarette before finally breathing out the name that invoked so much fear and pain. "Victoria." Emmett jumped up and started pacing in front of her. Bella finished her cigarette, then took another swig from the bottle. Suddenly he was in front of her, "Explain Bella, everything. I need to know everything." Bella gave him a nod, "I know you do Emmett but I am only going to tell this once more, so we will wait till Esme and Alice get here. Then I will tell all of you at once."

Bella sat in the living room in the chair feet curled up underneath her as she stared out the window. Emmett had disappeared though from the banging going on upstairs she was sure he was fixing her bed. She wasn't sure exactly where Rose or Carlisle had gone off to, if she were to guess Rose was most likely in her room and Carlisle was probably in his office. She sat and stared waiting for Jasper to come back from hunting. She was really hoping he'd be back before she had to retell her tale, but if he wasn't she would just have to soldier on without him. She had survived this long on her own she would be able to get through this afternoon on her own as well. She hadn't realized the passage of time, but it had been a few hours when suddenly Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett appeared downstairs in the living room with her. She jumped slightly at their sudden appearance, Carlisle gave her a sad smile with an apology of startling her. It was a moment later when she realized why they had materialized. Esme's minivan appeared around the bend coming up the drive. Carlisle and Emmett went outside to meet them and help bring in the bags, surprisingly to Bella, Rosalie positioned herself between Bella and the door, she also made sure to remind them no vampire speed in a low tone so Bella wouldn't hear. Rosalie may not have cared for the girl but she never wanted her to be tortured. Her main concern was the danger the human posed to her family. In the beginning when she found out that the human knew what they were she argued for a quick painless death for the human girl, to assure the safety of her mate and family.

The others rushed around the kitchen getting everything put away, once it was done they all walked human pace back into the living room. All eyes were on Bella, she knew what needed to be done but was having a hard time, she had been over her story twice and didn't relish in the fact that she would have to retell it yet again. At least this would be the last time, she would not tell it again after this. She thought over Jasper's and Carlisle's reaction to her story and looked over at Emmett, his reaction she thought would be worse. "To save Esme's furniture and possibly her house may I suggest that we have this talk outside?" Carlisle gave Bella a knowing look and nodded. "Yes Bella, I think that would be a wise idea." Bella stood, "Alright well I'm going to need a few things that will help me get through this and keep me as calm as possible, I'll meet you all in the backyard in a few minutes." They all nodded and headed to the backyard, Emmett got busy at vampire speed moving the log that she had used before off to the side, and went to the second garage where they had some things stored the others noticing what he was doing smiled and helped as he sat out the patio furniture that had been stored away. When Bella came back down and exited the backdoor she smiled as she saw the wicker bench and chairs that sat around a wicker table. Once she got closer she realized what she took for wicker was actually more like some kind of metal. Russet brown cushions were tied to the seats for comfort, as she sat in a chair she noticed that they were indeed very comfortable. She placed her pack of cigarettes and ashtray on the table next to her bottle of vodka. The others had taken their seats, Carlisle stood behind Esme a hand on her shoulder in comfort. Rose and Emmett sat together on the loveseat, while Alice sat in a chair placing herself in between the two couples. Bella took a deep breath, she would need a lot of strength to get through this and she wasn't sure if she had it in her. As she grabbed the bottle to twist off the cap Emmett told her to wait just a minute. She sat there wondering what he was doing as he rushed inside the house. She grinned when he came out a moment later with a bottle of soda and a glass. He came over and mixed a drink for her before sitting back down next to Rosalie. "I've heard it tastes better that way for humans anyway. " Bella smiled her thanks and took a drink. He had made it a lot stronger than she had ever made it, but she would just make sure to drink it more slowly. She wasn't really trying to get drunk, she just needed a little liquid courage to get through what she was about to say. She grabbed out a cigarette and lit it up, taking a deep drag. She closed her eyes and began to tell them what she had been through since they left. Though like with Jasper she left out some of the details, that she had told Carlisle, but he had to know the extent of her injuries so she didn't really have a choice; but with the others they didn't need every dirty detail. She started with His words in the woods and how he took off. How she had tried to follow only to end up lost and alone on the ground. She told them of Victoria, and how she had to keep everyone else safe which was why she was here at the Cullen house. She apologized for intruding into their home, she just didn't know where to go. She told them how Victoria tracked her here as she hoped. She told them Victoria had been torturing her, but not how, just that she has scars from Victoria. She ended with how Jasper had saved her. She didn't look up she couldn't stand to see the pity in Esme's and Alice's eyes. She didn't want to be pitied, she just wanted the nightmare to be over. She grabbed the glass and took the last swig of her drink Emmett had mixed for her.

She felt cold arms envelope her, she was shocked that it was Rosalie that offered her comfort. She looked up and noticed everyone else was gone, they had obviously needed to go for a run. Rosalie had stayed, she held Bella close as the tears streamed down Bella's gaunt face. Rosalie didn't use soft words and try to calm her, instead Rosalie told her how strong she was, Bella had gone through all of that and still sat here to tell her tale. After a few moments Rosalie pulled back only to grab a chair to put next to Bella, she sat there with Bella, giving her time to calm down. Bella grabbed out another cigarette, she took a swig from the bottle before lighting up her cigarette, she sat there in silence as Rosalie sat next to her. Rosalie offered her quiet support and they sat together in comfortable silence. Carlisle and Esme were the first to walk back through the treeline. Esme immediately went to Bella's side wrapping her arms around the girl; venom tears that would never fall filled her eyes as she apologized over and over. Bella pulled back and looked at Esme. "Esme, it's alright, you have nothing to apologize for. Carlisle told me that He said I wanted you all to leave. He lied and you couldn't have known, with his mind reading abilities he was able to easily manipulate the situation and say exactly the right words to convince you all to leave." Esme hugged Bella, "Still dear we should have questioned, I should have at least called you. We all heard what you said to Alice and Ed.. Him both, to tell Jasper you understood and you forgave him instantly. It should have sounded off to me that one minute so forgiving and the next you couldn't be around us. I'm so sorry dear." Esme hugged Bella close quietly sobbing though no tears fell, Bella cried for them both tears spilled over the rims of her eyes and fell quietly as she held on to Esme. After a few moments Esme straightened up, "I'm going to go make you some dinner dear. " Bella gave Esme a watery smile, "Thank you Esme." Esme and Carlisle made their way back into the house. Alice came out of the house at that moment and walked over taking a seat next to Bella. Bella noticed that Alice had changed clothes, nothing too unusual Alice would never look disheveled around others even her family. Alice looked sorrowfully at Bella. "I.. I'm so sorry Bella I never saw that he was lying or what was happening. He told me you had asked me not to look, but it's not always something I can control." Emmett appeared next to Rosalie and Bella looked from Alice to Emmett than back to Alice. "For one Alice, I didn't make any conscious decisions. I learned how to avoid your seeing." Bella gave Alice a slight smirk to which Alice gave her a playful glare. "Now for two," Bella looked at Emmett thoughtfully for a second before she continued. "Emmett if someone had hurt Rosalie and you were seeking revenge, would you plan out how or would you be going on sheer instinct?" Emmett gave out an instinctive growl at the thought of his Rosie being harmed in any way, before giving Bella a sheepish look, "Sorry Bella, didn't mean to growl like that, I would say that would be all instinct no planning." Bella nodded and looked back at Alice. "Without conscious decisions it puts holes in your visions. You only see when someone decides, but there are ways to do things without making that decision. I made the decision to go to Phoenix, but I came here instead. It wasn't a decision it was just where my truck took me. It was on a subconscious level. Once I realized what I was doing I made sure to block you by not deciding anything. A part of me knew if you had seen me here and being hurt, you would come to try to help and I couldn't stand the thought of you being hurt or killed over me." Alice shook her head, "Bella, how many times do we have to tell you? We are stronger and we wouldn't get hurt. Jasper told you before, he may have said the words but we all feel the same way; You are worth it." They had all gone quiet each in their own thoughts when Esme appeared at the backdoor of the house. "Bella, your dinner's ready." Bella nodded and stood up, she stretched a bit after sitting for most of the afternoon, her back had grown stiff. They all made their way back into the house. Emmett grabbed Bella's cigarettes and vodka, "I'll put these away for you, so you can go eat. You need more meat on those bones." Bella smiled in thanks and headed to the kitchen.

Bella sat down at the table, the food smelled delicious. Before her sat a small plate of Chicken Fettuccine, and a small Caesar salad. "It smells delicious Esme, thank you." Bella dug in and surprised herself when she finished everything on her plate. Esme had given her small portions knowing she wouldn't be able to eat a whole lot. When Bella had finished Esme surprised her with a tiny piece of strawberry cheesecake. Once Bella finished the desert she felt a little over full, but it had been so good she just couldn't help herself. She cleaned up after herself, only after arguing with Esme, that since she had cooked it was only right that Bella cleaned up. Esme conceded but only after she made Bella agree to her helping. The two women worked together cleaning up. Once they had finished they made their way to the living room where everyone else had convened, everyone sat around each in their own thoughts. The sun had set and it was getting late. Bella kept fighting her drooping eyes, trying her best to keep herself awake. Jasper was still not back and she didn't want to try to sleep without his help. She knew without him here to keep her in the dreamless state the nightmares would return. Jasper had told her of how she had screamed in her night terrors, and she knew she had awaken herself up on many nights with a scream tearing through her throat. It was one thing for the others to hear of her story, but she wouldn't subject them to her night terrors. Carlisle watched as she fought sleep and knew she needed her rest, "Bella, you need to get some sleep. Your body needs rest to heal, as does your mind." Bella shook her head, "I can't sleep yet Carlisle. Not yet." He gave her a knowing sad smile. She sat in the chair watching out the window into the darkness waiting. She couldn't sleep without Jasper's help, she wished he'd hurry back. The others could see she was waiting but was unsure what she was waiting for. Her eyes drooped again and this time she was unable to fight, she drifted off sitting in the chair. She awoke to being picked up and carried, her eyes shot open and she began to struggle, till she was calmed and she looked up to see it was Jasper. "Sorry darlin, I meant to get back sooner. Sleep Bella, I'll keep the dreams away. I'm here, you're safe." Bella gave Jasper a thankful smile and drifted back to sleep knowing he would keep her safe. He carried her to her room and placed her in her bed. He pulled the chair next to her bed and focused on her emotions keeping them calm and peaceful, helping her get the healing sleep she needed without the tortured dreams that plagued her. At one point Alice quietly entered the room and quietly spoke to Jasper. Jasper stayed through the night by Bella's side, while Alice went to fixing his study into his room and taking all his clothes and his few belongings that were in there and moved them to his study. Esme had came up and helped arrange his study to make room for his clothes and the few belongings he had. They spent the night getting everything situated for Jasper, while he stayed with Bella keeping her sleep calm and peaceful.