Reading Broken Lines
(Fall Out)
Greg slept softly beside her and Sara shifted slowly she attempted to do everything she could not to wake him up. She knew the conversation that was coming- and she realised that she wasn't ready to face him and his questions of commitment and honesty.
With guilt running through her mind she began gathering together her clothes hoping not to step on the creaky floor boards beneath them. Sara attempted to recall the last time she had snuck out of a man's bedroom like this and it occurred to her that she hadn't indulged in such behaviour since collage. It had been a long time since she had given into something that fed nothing but lust.
However as she glanced at Greg she wondered when they had let themselves blur the lines of lust and love. Perhaps they had never been blurred perhaps they had both jumped in too quickly not realising that their actions would have dire consequences.
As Sara pulled on her shirt she wondered if she had destroyed everything she had built for something she had always been unsure about.
Greg was her friend, her solace. He was someone she loved, trusted, cared for. But the recent change that had occurred in their relationship seemed to be disregarding everything they had silently promised their friendship would be.
She had never wanted him to be just another body to fill her bed but for some reason it felt as if they had forgotten what it felt like to talk about things- their conversations had been limited to moans and growls under the covers. But it struck Sara in that moment it was never supposed to be like that with Greg- she had never wanted him to be that guy.
He shifted his hazel eyes opening before Sara had a chance to move- he took in the way she was standing awkwardly by the door half of the buttons on her shirt still undone. Greg narrowed his eyes, frowning for a moment before pulling himself up.
"Come back to bed Sara- it's too early to be up" He grumbled rubbing his eyes attempting to ignore the fact that she was attempting to leave him. He knew what she was doing- it was the same thing she always did. Sara would disappear before he woke up and spent the rest of the day pretending they hadn't spent the night together.
"Greg...I can't" Her voice was quiet and even though they were barely standing a few feet away from him. She was confused about what she was about to say to Greg all of emotions mixing like a cocktail in her system leaving her on shaky ground.
"The bed feels empty with you" He gave her a sad smile his eyes wandering to what had become her side.
"Don't..." That one word said so much and it was as if the air had been sucked out of the room as their eyes met.
They both knew that they were about to have the conversation they had both been avoiding for so long.
It was time to finally confront their feelings (or lack thereof).
"Why do you always do this? Why do you always push me away?" Greg couldn't help it he asked the questions that had been on his mind for all of this time. Every time he tried to pull Sara closer she would disregard him and if he was honest with himself he knew that he'd find that he was exhausted.
Sara took a deep breath realising that words she had never imagined herself saying were about to make themselves existent in the atmosphere of Greg's bedroom.
"Greg...I can't give you that picture perfect post card you want to be your life. I'm not that woman. I never was. And I never will be." She snapped. "And you knew it- you knew from the start what this was- who I was"
"I'm sorry I confused you for having a heart" Greg responded finally getting out of bed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sara's hands were curled into fists at her side and it was clear that she was more than ready for a fight.
"Who is the person that's picked you up every time things have fallen apart? Who is it that's listened to all of your problems and tired to help you through them? Figure it out yourself, Sara" With that Greg moved towards the bedroom door only to find that she had thrown herself in his way.
"You don't get to attack me for this Greg, you knew what this was" She accused.
"Well whoop-te-do I get to be your human sex toy- isn't that great for me" Greg mocked as he realised he was fed up of being used as a tool for Sara to simply just forget how empty her life and her marriage truly were.
"If you were a sex toy- you wouldn't be complaining" Sara shot back.
"I'm sorry... Would you prefer it if I just laid down and stopped talking?" He continued the anger slowly building up.
"Very funny Greg...you're hilarious." She growled. "It's just sex. I don't know what it is you want from me"
"I want you to treat me like a human being and not just some object you can pick up and toss aside when you feel like it." Greg paused all of this coming down to one thing. "I want you to love me like I love you."
"I can't- why can't you understand that. I don't love you..." The words had escaped her lips before she'd had a chance to stop them.
"Fine Sara...I get it but, the next time you're at home crying over something he's done don't come crawling to me because I won't be here to put you back together again." Greg looked defeated. "Go Sara. Walk out of here. I'll fall in love again I'll be happy one day but will it all be worth it for you when you're still stuck waiting for him? Will you look back and be glad you threw away the chance you had to know what it's like to be truly loved?"
"I'm sorry Greg..."
And with those words she walked away.