I'm sorry…

I went all melodramatic and serious with this one. There are still hints of the entertaining Christine in this chapter but we get to see a glimpse of her more vulnerable and doubting side. She's complex. The light hearted fare will return with Uhura and McCoy in the next chapter. I promise

Thanks again for those still reading, enjoying, and reviewing. As well as those ghost readers, I love y'all too.

Chapter 4

I was completely exhausted when I finally reached Hikaru's bed. I curled up and drifted off into a restless sleep. Part of me wanted to buzz Nyota's room, because of course I'm a voyeur and the other half just wanted Hikaru's shift to end so I could cuddle up to his warm body and rest. At last I heard the door open; followed by muffled voices.

"You have to tell her."

"There is nothing to tell."

"Hikaru…"

The way Chekov said his name sent a shudder through me. I sat up slowly watching their interaction further. I couldn't hear voices anymore but what I saw spoke volumes; Chekov reached for the same face I loved to caress. I saw Hikaru's arms encircle his waist pulling him closer.

"I'm confused. I need some time."

He was still standing watching the door when I walked up behind him. Nyota had been right. I should have listened. The woman had spent close to five years dissecting eyebrow movements and facial smirks into real meaning. She knew more than an average amount about body language. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have. I started to run back to the bed and feign sleep. That would be stupid and juvenile, but right now I did not want to be an adult. I was heartbroken and insignificant.

"I know you know I'm here. So let's get this over with!"

I have no choice, play hard and hide the pain.

"Christine…"

His eyes were full of tears and confusion.

"I can't believe this. Why didn't you say something? I should have known I'm such a dumbass; all the secrets and no one knowing about us."

I busied myself by grabbing clothes from his closet; shoes from under the bed. I fought the urge to walk up to him and slap his face. My parents raised a lady, although that statement could be debated on occasion, I will not embarrass myself further.

"This wasn't love, but I enjoyed spending time with you. Honesty. That's all I ask for."

"Christine let's talk. Please just hear me out."

A thought crossed my mind.

"Did you wear my clothes? My shoes? Did he? Forget I asked I don't want to know."

Somewhere between my interrogations regarding my Gucci pumps I felt an arm roughly shaking me. My eyes were closed. How could I question someone properly while my eyes were closed? I opened them and found Chekov and Sulu standing over me.

"Christine, are you okay?"

I jumped from the bed and I was immediately peeved that I had to pull my shoes out again and grab my extra uniforms from the closet.

"Nurse Chapel what are you doing?"

"Oh cut the innocent act Stalin. I will leave you two alone."

"What are you talking about Chris?"

"You and the kid, I saw you hugging and caressing. I'm not trying to be the third wheel."

Hikaru laughed and Chekov just continued to look like a deer caught in the headlights.

"You've been talking to Nyota again. Babe, you were dreaming."

For the first time I looked at them both. Hikaru had on his fencing uniform, while Chekov was still in his standard duty attire. In my dream both had on Starfleet issued uniforms. Hikaru was still laughing and finally paused to catch the young ensign up on what was so funny. The kid turned beet red and headed for the door. He turned to say something and just decided against it.

"What am I going to do with you Christine Chapel?"

I sunk back down to the bed, embarrassed, frustrated, and feeling the need for a mutant power like invisibility.

"You've been running all day to create the perfect evening for Uhura and McCoy but you let a stupid dream ruin ours."

I really didn't have a defense. He was holding me now and I did feel like an idiot. His lips were light on my ear as he whispered the words, "I have something for you."

I felt exposed and silly standing in the middle of the room. Hikaru returned holding a box. My mind computed the size and dimensions, a flutter of excitement started in the pit of my stomach.

"Nyota helped me with the size."

I opened the box carefully. It was a pair of zippered Giuseppe open toed booties.

"You do care."

I lunged for him almost taking an eye out with the heel of the shoe. Hikaru's perfect reflexes held me back.

"I'm secretive. I don't want to become ship gossip, but yes Christine, I do have deep feelings for you."

I looked away staring at the pattern in the carpeted floor. He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head so I was forced to lock eyes with him. "You're beautiful, funny, and full of life. You love your friends completely but you don't see how great Christine Chapel really is."

I tried to break the connection and walk away.

"Hikaru, I'm not good at serious. See, I almost destroyed a good thing over a dream."

He was staring at me, driving me insane. Everything was out in the open. The funny thing, Hikaru's eyes didn't hold judgment. They were full of understanding and concern. He removed the shoes from my hands and pulled me closer; embracing me. For the second day in a row I didn't care about shoes, gossip, or any damn made up wars. As long as he stayed right where he was and promised to never leave. Still, I couldn't say that out loud. When he brushed the hair away from eyes and gently kissed them, I wanted to die. It was one thing to play the sexy vixen game; it kept people out. Nyota was the first person to break through the wall I'd built after my relationship with Roger ended dreadfully. I had trust issues that had their own issues carrying suitcases filled with issues.

I played coy.

I teased.

I laughed.

I appeared to be something I was not. Now, another person was chipping away at the wall.

"Let me in Christine."

His words broke through and the tears fell from my eyes.