What Keeps Us Together?

Chapter Four

They strolled, silently, enjoying each other's closeness. The gardens were aromatic and colored birds and butterflies fluttered about. Once they reached the sidewalk, Bobby removed his arm from her shoulders, so he could open the heavy wrought-iron gate.

He relished the small step of freedom to the 'outside' world.

Once the gate was closed, he guided her to the inner part of the sidewalk. "A gentleman never lets a lady walk near the curb," he said with chivalry.

Alex smiled up at him. "Thanks."

"For what?" he asked, still holding her elbow.

"For thinking of me as 'lady.' I'm so busy being a cop, even I sometimes forget I'm a woman," she joked.

His slid his hand down her arm, until their hands met and fingers clasped. It made Alex smile.

"It's just an old rule of etiquette; it dates back to 'horse and carriage' days," Bobby explained. "Men walked closest to the street to protect the ladies' clothing from being splattered with mud or water…or from being run over by an out-of-control wagon," he added with a chuckle.

They walked for about half a block before Alex broke the silence. "You're right…these houses are gorgeous!"

Bobby smiled and nodded. He knew that the purpose of their walk was to give them an opportunity to talk; that's what Alex had said, "we have a lot to talk about."

He wished he could stall whatever conversation she wanted to have. He was enjoying just being with her. He was afraid of what she might have to say, although he had no basis for that fear. Her actions, up to this point, had certainly been friendly and caring. It was almost as if things were back to 'normal'.

"No," he corrected himself, when he realized "This is better than 'normal' –better than it used to be." He'd never seen Alex so affectionate…so touchy/feely. He wasn't sure what was going on with her. He only knew he liked it.

He decided to take his chances and take the lead. "So," he said, tightening his grip and shaking her hand a bit, "What do you want to talk about?"

She was quiet for a few seconds, as if processing where she should start. "I guess the first thing I should do is apologize to you," she said, stealing an upward glance at him as they continued to stroll.

He laughed. "No….umm, no…if anything, I should be apologizing to you." He pulled their hands up and pressed his lips against the back of her hand, in a small kiss.

"You already did," she reminded him. "That Monday night you called me over to your place."

Memories of that night swirled through his head. "I'm so grateful you came. I – I wasn't sure you would."

"You see?" she asked, as if proving her point.

He wasn't following her train of thought.

"I apologize for making you feel that way…for ever making you doubt that I'd be there for you…you must've felt so alone. If I would have paid more attention to you…"

"None of this is your fault, Alex. You're here now – that's all that matters."

"But I'm talking about way back…not just since…that night."

He knew which night she was referring to. The night he had forced himself upon her. He felt himself cringe at the memory.

"I'm talking about all the weeks that led up to that night. If I had been a better friend…if I had talked to you and told you that I thought your drinking was getting out of hand…it would never have gotten to that point."

"As if I would've listened to you," he said, dryly, trying to let her off the hook for any responsibility. "That's the problem with us alcoholics," he chuckled, trying to ease her tension. "We don't listen to the people – we have to learn the hard way – hit bottom."

Alex shook her head.

"You know it's true. I'm sure Logan has told you – he tried preaching to me a lot, but I wouldn't listen."

"Well, I still want you to know I'm sorry," she said, meeting his gaze. "I'm not without fault here. I should've been a better friend. I shouldn't have given up on you."

He kissed her hand again. "Thanks."

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Bobby told himself. "Is that all she wanted to talk about? Hmm, didn't seem like 'a lot'."

Alex was enjoying the walk –just being near Bobby. She decided she didn't want to spoil the day by moving on to the next topic –she'd save that for another time. She knew Olivia would be angry that she 'chickened out' but, ultimately, she'd understand –this just didn't feel like the right time. Alex shook the bad thoughts from her mind and leaned her head to the left, resting it for a bit on Bobby's upper arm.

"You getting tired from walking?"

"Uh-uh," she said, shaking her head 'no.'

As they rounded the corner, Bobby pointed ahead with his free hand, "That's my favorite house." It was a huge Victorian house, painted in pale lavender, with the gables and shutters painted purple. The yard was enclosed by a white picket fence, with an arbor over the entrance gate.

Alex looked up at him and grinned.

He chuckled. "I know what you're thinking…but the pastels…pink, blue, lavender, yellow…they're very typical for the style.

The pathway to the front steps was lined with flowers of every size and color of the rainbow.

As Bobby and Alex got closer, they saw an older woman tending to the arbor flowers, trying to clip the blooms that hung too far down and had begun obstructing the pathway.

The gray-haired woman saw the couple approaching and smiled, wiping her forehead with her free hand.

"Let me give you a hand," Bobby said, reaching for the clippers before the woman even had a chance to accept his offer.

The old woman smiled at Alex. "My, you've got yourself a tall one there!"

"Yes, I do," Alex answered with a smile.

"Are you new to the neighborhood?" the woman inquired.

"Temporarily," Bobby said, while he continued clipping.

"Oh, I see," the woman smiled. "You're from The Center," she said, looking at Alex.

"I am," Bobby interjected, as if trying to save Alex the embarrassment. "She's just visiting."

"Oh, that's nice, dear," she said. "I see people strolling by all the time. That's why I try to keep my garden nice…give 'em something pretty to look at."

Bobby smiled and handed the woman her clippers and the fistful of rose blossoms he'd trimmed. "Well, it's certainly appreciated," he said. "I was just telling Alex that this was my favorite house on the block."

The woman smiled. "That's so nice of you to say," she said, handing the bouquet back to Bobby.

He took the flowers and handed them to Alex, then turned back to the woman. "Thank you, that's very nice of you."

"Oh, my!" she exclaimed, holding her hand to her heart. "I hope I haven't insulted you!"

Bobby smiled and shook his head, 'no.'

Alex wasn't following, at all, and Bobby and the old woman saw the confused look on her face, so Bobby explained, "These roses…they're, umm, they're called 'cocktail' roses," he laughed at the irony.

"You know about flowers, young man?"

Alex smiled, "Bobby knows a little about everything," she said, patting his arm.

"Oh, your name is Robert? That was my husband's name. I loved to call him 'Bobby' but it annoyed him terribly," she chuckled.

"I don't mind it," Bobby said, almost shyly.

"Well, I'll let you two love birds be on your way," she smiled. "Thank you for your help, Bobby."

"Thank you for the flowers," Bobby and Alex said, almost in unison.

They continued their walk.

"Love birds," Alex repeated to herself. "Am I that obvious?"

"Love birds," Bobby repeated to himself. "I hope that old woman is right."

….

Dr. Silver caught a glimpse of Bobby and Alex re-entering the patio. "Flowers…nice touch, Bobby," he laughed to himself.

He watched as they settled on a bench.

"You thirsty?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, a little. I didn't know it was gonna' be so hot today," Alex answered.

"I'll go get us something to drink…an..and some water for the flowers.

As Bobby headed inside, Alex raised the bouquet to her face and inhaled deeply. The fragrance wasn't overpowering –just pleasant. Bobby had explained that that was a trait of this particular species; the bushes could grow up to eight feet tall and they were commonly used for arbors and trellises because they produced voluminous blooms.

He returned with their drinks and water for the flowers. The time passed by so quickly and Alex hated to leave, but finally announced that she had to be on her way.

Bobby lifted his hand to her face, softly stroking her cheek with two fingers. "I really appreciate your coming. It means a lot to me."

She smiled and took his hand, placing a gentle kiss on his fingertips. "You mean a lot to me," she said with sincerity.

When she stood, Bobby did, too, and pulled her into a hug, once again nuzzling her neck. "You drive safely on the way back, okay?"

"I will," she said, turning her head to kiss his cheek. Her mind instantly drifted to how good he smelled; how good his arms felt around her, how she loved the feel of his soft cheek on her lips.

When she felt him dip his head and nuzzle against her, she knew he wanted to kiss –as did she—so she turned her face towards him so he could find her lips –and find them he did, with his own soft, warm, moist lips. His tender kisses prodded her to succumb. Her jaw relaxed and her lips parted to allow his tongue, as he slowly, teasingly entered her mouth, sharing their deepest, most intimate kiss ever.

She didn't want it to end, and at the instant the thought went through her mind, he ended the kiss, almost as if on spite, and stepped back to look at her face. Her head still tilted back, eyes closed, lips still parted. He was so tempted to go back for more but, instead, said, "Good night, Alex."

"G'night," she blurted, once the haziness cleared. "You take care…and I'll see ya' next weekend…probably on Saturday."

She smiled and retreated through the patio doors.

The smile left Bobby's face as, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dr. Silver retreating from his office window, back to his desk.

"Oh, great," he moaned and headed back inside to his room.

…

On Monday morning, Bobby sat in the waiting room outside Dr. Silver's office. He knew what he was "in for" during today's session and almost dreaded it when the doctor's door swung open and his first patient of the day exited.

"Good morning, Robert! Come in!" the doctor said with a smile, holding the door open for Bobby as he passed by.

"Good morning, doctor," Bobby said.

The doctor settled behind his desk and pulled Bobby's chart from his desk drawer. He looked at Bobby with a smile, as he opened the file and placed it on his desk.

"So, how've you been since we met on Friday?"

"Okay," Bobby nodded.

"I received a memo from Dr. Ringler. She was very impressed by your increased level of participation and cooperation during her workshop the other night."

Bobby felt a twinge of guilt at the deception perpetrated by Ed and himself, but he smiled slightly and answered, "It wasn't too bad. My roommate and I get along pretty well."

"That's good," Silver said.

"So, where were last?" the doctor asked rhetorically as he skimmed the notes in front of him. "Ah, yes…"

Bobby shifted in his seat.

"It seems I 'jumped the gun,' so to speak, last week."

"Jum-jumped the gun?" Bobby asked.

"Yes…yes, about you….being lonely…" the doctor said, still keeping his eyes down reading the file.

"Here it comes," Bobby moaned to himself, "the conversation I've been dreading." He suddenly decided that the best defense is a good offense, so he answered, "Oh, you mean my buddies, Lewis and John? Yeah, they're good guys."

The Doctor laughed. "Well, yes…them and the pretty lady," he said, looking across the desk at Bobby. "Apparently, you're not as lonely as I misdiagnosed," he chuckled.

Bobby stretched his legs in front of him and slouched a bit in the chair. It was gonna' be long session. "Y-you didn't misdiagnose anything," he told the doctor. "You were right."

Dr. Silver leaned back, slightly rocking his chair. "Well, what I had concluded was that you were using your 'bad behavior' to gain the attentions of a lady," he smiled. "But that lady? I think I'm pretty safe in saying you have her undivided attention." The doctor watched for Bobby's reaction.

"W-well that's just it," Bobby tried to explain, waving his hands in the air, as always. "It- It didn't used to be like…like what you saw yesterday," he said, now rubbing a hand through his hair. "Alex and I weren't like that…th-this is all new."

The doctor smiled, removing the end of the pen from his lips, "Ahhh, so, that was her…the infamous 'Alex'."

Bobby fidgeted and rolled his eyes. The doctor had gotten that one over on him.

"So," Silver continued, "You admit to using your bad behavior to gain her attention. Then…well, let's just say things got out of hand that night."

Bobby nodded, 'yes'.

"Then," the doctor continued, "she wouldn't speak to you –outside of work—and wouldn't associate with you…for three months, right?"

"Yes," Bobby nodded again.

"And what drew her back?" Silver asked.

"Th-the night I knew…I realized I was close to hitting bottom…and that I couldn't go on like that…I couldn't lose her. So I called an-an-and told her I needed help."

"And she came to you?"

"Yes," Bobby nodded. "Right away."

"Hmmm," Dr. Silver hummed while jotting some notes in the file.

"Hmmm?" Bobby repeated. "That's all you have?"

"That's all I'll say for now," the doctor smiled. "Let's move on."

Bobby rolled his eyes again.

"And what happened when she arrived?"

"I told her I needed help…I apologized…I told her how sorry I was about…what had happened…I told her that I would have never hurt her…"

"And how did she react?"

"Look," Bobby said, crossing his legs and arms.

The body language of closing down…shutting out…didn't escape the doctor's notice.

"This is about me!" Bobby continued. "Why do I have to talk about Alex?"

Dr. Silver smiled. "It's about both of you and you know it. It's about your dynamic together –as partners and friends…if not more."

He gave Bobby a minute to calm down. And only when he saw his arms unfold and Bobby 'open up' again, did he continue.

"So, how did she react?"

"She, ummm, she told me everything would be all right." That was all Bobby would offer. He wasn't in the mood to give the doctor a blow-by-blow description of everything that was said, or tell him about the motherly way she had tended to him.

"Okay… you say you weren't always like…well, what I witnessed between the two of you yesterday. When did that behavior begin and who began it?"

"Um, the Saturday I checked in here," Bobby answered. "She showed up at my apartment in the morning, while I was waiting for my taxi…and umm, when it was time to leave, she said that I had forgotten my kiss good-bye."

"So it was she who initiated?" Silver asked, still taking notes.

"Yes. I, umm, I didn't know what she meant, ya know? What kind of kiss good-bye…so I hesitated…because…well, because the last thing I wanted to do was scare her or make her angry again. Then, umm, she came up to me and pulled me down to kiss her…she kissed me on the lips."

"Hmmm," Silver said again.

Bobby sat upright, rolling his eyes, tilting his head and letting out a sigh. "Again with the 'hmmm'," he said to himself impatiently.

"Do you think Alex would be willing to come back here on Wednesday night?" Dr. Silver asked.

"Wed…why Wednesday?"

"We have a very good 'couples' therapist who conducts a group encounter on Wednesdays," the doctor informed.

"Couples?" Bobby asked.

"Yes," the doctor smiled. "As in two people…a couple."

"I don't know if she would be willing…"

"Why don't you give her a call and ask. I really think it would be beneficial, for you and her," Silver said, handing Bobby the phone.

Bobby dialed Alex's cell number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me." Bobby, all of a sudden, felt conspicuous with Dr. Silver listening in.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine…um, I'm here in a session with my doctor and umm, he was wondering…he wanted me to ask you if you could come here on Wednesday night."

"What's Wednesday?"

"It's umm, it's this session that he thinks would help me…help us, I mean. It's for couples."

Alex couldn't resist teasing him, "Couples? I didn't know we were a couple."

Bobby could practically see her teasing smirk over the phone. "Look, he means…" Bobby stammered, at a loss for words, so he parroted the doctor's earlier answer to him; "ya' know…two people…a couple."

"Okay…I'll come," she agreed, with a slight laugh. "Do I have to bring anything?"

"Hold on," Bobby said, and asked the doctor, "She wants to know if she has to bring anything."

"Only her honesty," Dr. Silver replied slyly.

"Alex, he said.…"

"I heard him. What time?" she asked, now almost afraid of what she had gotten herself into.

"What time?"

"Seven o'clock – and it's a two hour session."

"Alex?"

"I heard. I'll see ya' then," she said.

"Thanks," Bobby said. "It'll be nice seeing you…ya' know…before Saturday."

"You're sure you're all right?"

"I'm sure," he told her.

They said their good-byes and Bobby handed the receiver back to the doctor.

…

"Well," Dr. Silver said, laying his hands on his desk. "I think that's it for today, Robert."

"That's it?" Bobby asked, somewhat surprised, but relieved.

The doctor leaned back in his chair, "Well, just one more thing," he said with a smile.

"There always is," Bobby sighed to himself.

"I know we spoke during our first session about your feelings…how hard it was for you…how embarrassed you felt about admitting that you felt lonely."

Bobby nodded and lowered his head a bit.

"After what I witnessed this weekend, it's obvious that you have friends – people who love you and care about you."

Bobby again nodded his agreement.

"Before our next session on Wednesday morning, I'd like you to give some thought as to why you've seen yourself as 'lonely' for most of your life, okay?"

He nodded again. If there was anything Bobby had, it was time; time to get inside his own head and continue the confusing, winding journey of trying to figure himself out.

Bobby arose from his chair and headed for the door.

"And Robert?" Dr. Silver called.

"Geez, can't I ever make a clean getaway," Bobby moaned to himself, but turned towards the doctor.

"That other problem we talked about…the worry and fear you've been experiencing that your love for Alex is unrequited and you'll make a fool of yourself…"

Bobby ears perked up. His eyebrows raised and he found himself catching his breath in anticipation of the doctor's next words, "Y-yes?" he asked.

"You can cross that one off your list." Dr. Silver smiled and closed his file.

END Chapter Four