A/N: I'm so sorry guys; I really meant to update earlier, I know I promised not to make anyone wait more than a month. But those who remember starting a new job at full time will understand how tired I've been. I work, I come home, I rest. And on the days I don't work, my social life begs me to pay attention to it. The past month flew by, so, sorry. But here's the next update, I hope it's worth the wait.

CHAPTER 3

E-POV

My pocket vibrated as my phone continued to ring defiantly, uncaring that I had no desire to answer it.

I already knew it was one of my family members calling; begging me to return to them in Denali – home. That term was a curse to me; it did nothing but curl my lip in disgust. I had no home, not anymore, not ever again.

Bella had been the only home I'd ever had and I left her behind.

It had been the right decision, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. Someone as pure and good as my Bella had no place in the dark and soulless world I lived in.

Unfortunately, that logic had done nothing to ease the sheer agony brought on by my leaving her. My perfect vampire memory continued to torment me frequently with the image of her beautiful face stricken with agony as I lied; breaking her heart – and mine.

Sometimes I wondered what hurt more, that I lied to break her heart, or that she believed me so quickly. I had thought that I would have to speak falsely for hours before she believed me, instead it took one word, one word to break her faith in my love for her. I was appalled at how little trust she had in me to have been convinced of my apathy so easily.

I had wanted to growl at her, chasten her for her disbelief; instead I had to walk away, to leave her in that cold, dark forest and listen to the sounds of her weeping that still echoed in my memory so many months later.

But Bella deserved a normal, human life, and that couldn't happen with me in it. As the saying went; 'if you love them, let them go'. And I loved Bella, more than I loved my own happiness.

It had been over a year that that happiness had been destroyed. Bella's nineteenth birthday had passed two months ago and I had spent it lamenting over my loss of such a beautiful woman. Returning to the lonely life that I'd been living for so many decades was made that much harder after knowing what it was to share my world with the closest creature to ever be my mate.

I often tortured myself with wondering if she had found someone new. Perhaps it would be the overly persistent boy Michael Newton. Immediately my heart clenched with jealousy. Yes, I wanted Bella to move on to marry and have a family, but the thought of her with another man was repellent to me. The idea of another man holding her, kissing her, loving her; it made me want to break something, preferably someone male.

She was and always would be the love of my life. If she were a vampire...I flinched and shook my head. I had no right to think of stealing away Bella's soul, and yet the fantasy remained. If Bella were a vampire, we could be happy until time ran out...never to be alone again.

I sighed heavily, turning away from such bittersweet thoughts. I truly was a masochist, tormenting myself with a dream that could never be. I welcomed the pain, taking it as penance for the anguish Bella went through because of me.

My phone rang again, as persistent as only Alice could be. I growled low in my throat and pulled the offending object out of my pocket. Narrowly resisting the powerful urge to throw the phone against a tree I flipped it open.

"What Alice?" I snarled. "This better be important."

"Always so polite and cordial, aren't we?" She somehow managed to sound both sarcastic and chipper at the same time.

"I can easily hang up on you." I warned in a low voice. "Get to the point, Alice, and quickly."

"Esme misses you."

I winced and shut my eyes. Of course. I should have expected that from my smallest sister, she'd always been the master manipulator, ruthless as could be when needed. And Esme's desire to have her family close and her pain when it wasn't so was a weakness Alice frequently used against me. Unfortunately the consistency of that guilt card being played didn't weaken the pang I felt at hurting my surrogate mother.

"It wasn't that long ago that I visited."

I could hear the incredulity and anger, even if I couldn't see it. "Edward it's been three months."

I shut my eyes. "Alice.."

"Don't Alice me Edward!" She snapped. "Do you have any idea what your sullen little tantrum is doing to us? It's not just Esme that misses you."

I groaned, guilt tearing through me against my will. "I don't want to come back, I can't. It hurts." I whispered.

Alice's tone softened. "I know. But please, we need you."

"Why?"

"Why do you think? You're our family. I know you're having a hard time, but Ed, that's not our fault."

I imagined the words she didn't say, 'this is because of you.'

"I know it isn't your fault, I just can't." I pleaded.

"Just for one day. We're going hunting in the Denali woods. Edward please, for Esme."

I sighed heavily, swayed regardless of how reluctant I was to return. I didn't like to cause my family any more pain than necessary.

"One day."

She squealed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I sneered. "Don't act like you didn't already know I'd come."

The excitement drained from Alice's voice and a vulnerability I hadn't heard in years crept into her tone. "I didn't know." Her tone dropped to a whisper. "Edward, you're slipping away from us. I called because I keep seeing you leaving and not coming back."

I blinked. I'd considered that idea; but I never thought I'd go through with it. Was I truly so selfish that I'd abandon my family indefinitely because of my own pain? It frightened me that I didn't know the answer.

"I'll see you in an hour." I offered quietly, unable to reassure her properly without lying.

She hung up without another word and I dropped my head, more ashamed than ever before.

Even with the shame drowning me, there was still room for self pity. Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, they all had each other. And every time I was with them, I was reminded once again that I was without the love of my life. Through my own choices of course, but that did nothing to prevent the agony of being alone surrounded by happy couples.

Of course, they tried to avoid any physical closeness to one another when I visited in an attempt to ease my discomfort; unfortunately it just made the longing in their thoughts louder which in turn tormented me more. There was no way to escape it...except to make Alice's vision true.

I wasn't going to that however; at least, not yet. If I was going to be a coward, I would at least give my family the chance to say goodbye.

That decided, I began the journey back to my family, stopping for a quick hunt so Esme wouldn't get too concerned over my feeding, or lack there of.

The moment I found the woods, somewhere in Denali, where my family had chosen to hunted I was immediately accosted by their thoughts.

It had been so long that I had been in contact with sentient beings that the rapid thought process of vampires was overwhelming.

I had to take a moment to separate each family member's mind from my own so that I wouldn't be driven insane.

Alice's thoughts were the loudest; she had seen my arrival and was both greeting me jovially in her mind and watching a vision to see how long I was staying. I was surprised to see I was going to remain for longer than I had originally and so firmly stated. Apparently something was going to change my mind.

"Edward!"

Esme was of course the first to arrive and embrace me tightly.

My son, her mind was full of joy and sadness. "I have missed you." She touched my face. You look so starved.

Even after my hunt before. I closed my eyes in grief. She meant more than simply my body's need for sustenance. "I'm sorry, mum."

"Just stay a little longer this time." She pleaded gently.

I said nothing. I would not make any promises that I might not be able to keep. False hope was crueler than silence.

Esme seemed to accept that, even if more sadness crept into her face.

Carlisle was next to stand before me, his ageless face showed more compassion than I could bear.

He pulled me into a hug of his own. "It's good to see you Edward." Though I wish you took more care of yourself.

I could see my rumpled clothing and haggard appearance in his mind and fought against a wince. Perhaps it would do to at least get a change of clothes.

"Hey little bro!" Emmett was there, cheery as usual. I won't ask how you are, because you look like crap.

I smirked. I could always appreciate Emmett's no-nonsense attitude. He had never been the type to 'beat around the bush'.

"So are you staying long this time?"

I hesitated, sparing a short glance at Alice who didn't bother to hide her hopeful expression. "I don't know."

Rosalie scoffed softly. Must we continue to suffer your dramatics?

I scowled and she just rolled her eyes, sneering.

I don't see why we have to go through all this because you and the human aren't together anymore.

I growled low in my throat but still said nothing. She was right, but that didn't make me any less angry.

"Rosalie, whatever you're thinking, shut up." Alice was glaring at her sister. "He's only just arrived; go eat a bear or something if you can't be supportive."

The blonde sniffed and backed off, loudly thinking that everyone else had the same opinion she did, they just didn't have the nerve to admit it.

That settled, Alice bounded forwards and leapt on me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. "I know I saw it coming, but I'm still really, really glad you came." She squeezed me again and kissed my cheek. I don't want you to leave. She thought sadly. You're our family, Edward.

I sighed and hugged her back, unable to do more to ease her grief.

Grief that was echoed more strongly than ever in the last family member I had left to greet.

I looked up slowly and released Alice who stepped away, aware of the tension that had suddenly spiked up in the air around us.

Jasper approached slowly, his face solemn and emotionless while his thoughts raged with despair and guilt, still blaming himself for what happened at Bella's eighteenth birthday.

"Jasper." I managed weakly, not sure what to say.

I still despised that it was my own brother who attacked my love, but I did not blame him. The bloodlust had been in all of us bar my father that day, and Jasper had felt it all plus his own. I could not justifiably place fault with him for something anyone of us would have done had we been in his place.

Forgive me. He begged internally, though I was sure he hadn't meant to if his expression was anything to go by.

"I have." I said softly. "I just can't forget."

He nodded stiffly. It went against his nature to show very much emotion to anyone except Alice. Even then, he was sometimes reserved. But he couldn't hide the gratitude in his thoughts.

Alice looked between us with slightly narrowed eyes before beaming. "That done with, let's – " She stopped, her eyes glazing over as a vision filled her head.

I froze for a moment, too horrified by what I was seeing to react for a short moment before I burst into action.

"No!" I roared.

It wouldn't happen, it couldn't; I had to stop it.

I ran.

This chapter is sort of a bridge in the story, meaning that it gets action packed from the next chapter onwards. Hope you enjoyed.