Chapter 4

Hurting For Happiness

Disclaimer- I own nothing!

Tamaki sat on the couch in Kyoya's room. A maid was unpacking some clothes from his suitcase into some drawers Kyoya had cleared out for him. Kyoya walked out of his bathroom, and stared at him. He seemed so lifeless, this person who only looked liked his friend sent chills down his spine.
"Your toothbrush and shower supplies are on the second sink for you." Tamaki jumped up in the chair surprised to hear Kyoya behind him, and turned to face him.
"Oh okay, thank you." Kyoya sat in the couch across from him and picked up the green tea cup that was waiting for him. "Kyoya, I was wondering something, about how long will I be staying her? I only ask so I can tell my father if he asks."
"Do not worry about it, every call will be forwarded and every staff member is sworn not to say a word about you staying here. Obviously my parents will know you are over a lot for dinner but a simple school project will end the conversation, not to mention the many events my family hosts. No one will be home during most nights."
"You shouldn't have gone to all that trouble Kyoya, I don't want the staff or even you for that matter to go out of your way for me." Tamaki turned his head away from Kyoya, he felt tears coming to his eyes. Why was he crying, he was simply talking to Kyoya? Nothing made sense for him anymore, his emotions were out of control. He never understood where they came from.
"Tamaki, it isn't a big deal, this makes it easier for you to have less to worry about." Kyoya tried to sound confident for him. He knew Tamaki needed to know everything would work out.

"I trust you, so if you say so Kyoya then I will try my best not to worry." He bent down to his feet and pulled out his school books.
"I need to finish my homework, history gave so much 'have ready to hand in tomorrow' work." He placed the books on the table and knelt down by it. Kyoya watched him for a moment before joining him at the table. He wanted to be beside him and let him know he wasn't alone in what ever was troubling him. He wanted Tamaki to come to him for help, he was and always will be there for him.

Tamaki rolled over in bed to see the sun coming in through the window. He could hear his alarm going off for him to get up and ready for school. The room was quiet, Kyoya slept silently in the bed next to the one Tamaki was in. Kyoya had it brought in from another guest room. His family wouldn't realize it wasn't there, and Kyoya didn't trust Tamaki alone. He sat up and walked down the stairs to the T.V. to put on the news just as something that would help wake him up. He slept horribly last night, his mind wouldn't settle down no matter how hard he tried. He hoped it would get easier over the next two weeks but he doubted it. The closer he got to leaving Japan and the longer he hid the truth from Kyoya and the other club members the less sleep he would be getting. Running his hand through his hair and slouching into the couch he let the sports newscaster drift him into the daydream state. He didn't know he closed his eyes until he felt someone touch his arm. He sat up and saw Kyoya holding a tray with tea on it.
"Are you okay? Did you not sleep well?" Tamaki sat normally on the couch for a second to get his heart to stop racing, then he stood up. "I'm fine, and I slept well thank you, I guess the news doesn't interest me as much as I thought." He stood up and walked into the bathroom to get ready for school, He had less time than normal but at least he didn't have to worry about Kyoya needing to get ready after him since he was already dressed.

Tamaki stood in front of the mirror, he was trying to hurry and shave but he didn't want to cut himself. He would have skipped it but he feared a shadow would appear causing unwanted attention to himself. It was bad enough he had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. Almost done he hurried up, he flinched as the razor cut him. He yelled at himself for not using his electric shaver so that this wouldn't happen. He wiped his face, watching the blood run down the drain. Something inside him went off. He remembered the glass cutting him. It felt so good, a sort of release, a reminder that he was alive and not the numb shell he felt like. The cut on his face felt as good as the glass, he felt so happy to feel something instead of the nothingness he had been feeling. Staring at his wrist he saw the pink healing cuts. They were still scabbing over, it wouldn't be too hard to re-open them. He noticed the razor wouldn't really work for it had guards to protect people from doing what he was thinking about, Not to mention the other blades would create new cuts in addition to re-opening the one. He put it down looking around the room. A small pair of scissors sat in a bin. They were in perfect condition, not a speck of rust or dirt on them. Perfect for what they were needed for. He checked the door, it was still closed and locked. Holding the scissors he closed one eye, bringing his wrist to the blade. Deep down he knew what he was doing was wrong. If something went wrong he could do permanent damage. Even with all the cons running through his head he let the one pro take over. Relief, this was his only way to gain relief. To feel something again and to keep Kyoya and the others in the dark.

He walked out of the bathroom, bandages were wrapped around his wrist to stop the bleeding. He made sure his uniform shirt covered it. If blood did seep through he could say the scabs opened up since he was able to make no new cuts. He grabbed his blazer and backpack. Kyoya was already outside by the two waiting cars. They decided it would keep rumors down if they showed up and left in different cars. People wouldn't know that the cars would both go to Kyoya's unless they followed them.
"Ready Tamaki?" Kyoya noticed the cut on his face and joked about it as they got into the cars. Tamaki looked down at his hand, it burned. The cuts hurt worse then he could have imagined. When the blade hit he flinched, tears managed to reach his eyes and escape down his face. The pain felt so good to him, a reminder that he was still alive and human. No matter how many smiles he gave he couldn't deny the fact that he was hurting. His life was once again changing, and no matter how hard he tried the truth and weight of his world was bearing down on him. He knew from the start he wouldn't be able to hid the truth from Kyoya but he hoped that by the time the truth surfaced it would be too late for him to get involved.

Short but this was hard to write. Apparently I'm feeling really bad for making Tamaki depressed. Next Chapter will be up on Tuesday! 12-15-09! :)