Five, six, seven, eight hundred calories
A/N: To fill in some gaps: I reread what I had and noticed an embarrassing mistake. The choreographer's name is Austin. He's like 22 to 24ish. In chapter one he had two names. "The Wave" is a fictional radio station, but for this verse it's the main Top 40 station in Los Angeles, as well as broadcasting online and over satellite radios. Duvall has two l's for a reason, which I hope will make sense this chapter. For Kayla, don't think too much about her right now. The snippet you've seen of her is not an accurate portrayal of her, which if we did a 'put yourself in her shoes' thing you would understand. Same with Joanne, she's an interesting one. And yeah, both there mom's are genuinely the shit. This chapter is longer. I'm hoping to keep updates around this length. And most importantly, my most sincere appreciation to everyone who has take the time to read this, favorite, follow, and especially to those who review. Nothing makes me smile more than reading your appreciation.
Again, my upmost apologies in the delay. But nevertheless, I do hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to serve you better as an author.
A note: Most of this chapter has been written since before the last update, however, I saw spoilers on the whole Marley storyline in Glee. I tried to rewrite this chapter, but I felt I couldn't post any of the chapters without changing to character of Jeff that I have in my head.
Please note that I am adding a trigger warning for this chapter for eating disorders, particularly anorexia nervosa. This will be something address through out the story, and I'll let you know at the beginning of each chapter.
Enjoy.
-Katherine
11 am. A dance studio in Hollywood.
"Five, six, seven, eight!" Music started. People became dancers. Jeffrey stood front and center with his head down, counting through each beat of the intro.
Hey girl,
I see you standing there
Watching me, making me
Want you, you, your body
Jeffrey synced his lips along with the words, and he began doing simple steps along. He made sure he kept his eyes towards where the camera would soon be.
I know your kind
You want a good time
So why don't you walk over here,
And leave the rest to me
Jeffrey began more complicated moves, working his whole body to the music.
Just let me work you girl
Let me kiss your lips
Just shake your little hips
And come a little closer.
His breath was already heavy, trying to catch up from the few bars of dancing. The girl dancers gathered around the blonde, running their hands around his chest.
It's time, time, time to rock your body
Let's get your little hard beating, faster, faster
Kiss me a little fiercer,
Dance a little harder
Forget all the manners,
Don't ask my name
Let's just dance this night away
Let's do this baby
The chorus had the hard vigorous dancing, all together. Jeffrey planted his feet for the last line and swayed a little from the intense pounding that started in his head. He blinked a few times, only to have the room start tilting left and right. His hand reached out and landed on one of the dancers, in an attempt to keep balanced.
"Cut!" some, presumably a director, shouted.
Jeffrey started walking over to the mirror and propped himself against the bar.
"Jeffrey! You okay, man?" Austin came up from behind, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah, yeah," Jeffrey never turned to see the look of genuine concern on Austin's face. "I just, I think I need some air is all." He walked towards the door, ignoring the dull roar and everybody shouting after him.
He got no more than a couple steps outside the front doors of the studio before falling to the ground.
A few bright flashes burned into Jeffrey's memory before everything went black.
"Nicholas!"
" 'm awake." Nick managed to mumble. He stared up at the ceiling, as he had been for several hours.
Nick sat up and dreaded the day that lay ahead. He thought of Kayla, having to face her, not sure how to behave around her anymore. He thought of all the final projects and exams looming over his head. He looked at his closet and remembered he should start packing. And then his mind drifted to his father. He loved his mother to death, and Nick knew they were better off without him. But he realized, even if he hadn't heard from the man in years, it didn't feel right to leave for the other side of the country without somehow telling him.
He slipped on fresh clothes and combed his hair without looking in the mirror. "Mom!" He grabbed his keys and headed downstairs. "Can you call me in sick?"
"Jeffrey! Can you hear me?" Everything was black.
"Get off! You got your shot!" His head was pounding.
"C'mon man!" Why was everyone talking so damn loudly?
"You better leave before the police get here." Jeffrey felt like he was on a merry-go-round. Round and round...
"Everyone back off! Give him space!" He tried to blink but his eyes felt so heavy.
"Can we at least bring him inside?" Jeffrey's eyes snapped open. Despite the people surrounding him and the bright California sunshine, his eyes remained unfocused, as though in a trance.
"Jeffrey! Are you okay? Do you need an ambulance?"
"No." The syllable escaped Jeffrey's lips without prompting.
Joanne started pushing people away and said a final word into her bluetooth. "Austin! Come here! Help get Jeffrey inside. The rest of you, take the rest of the morning off. Be ready at one."
Austin pushed through the bodies to where Jeffrey laid on the sidewalk. "Can you sit up?" he asked in a low, concerned tone.
The blonde's eyelids started batting shut.
"No, c'mon stay awake till I can get you inside okay? Let's go." The choreographer slipped his arms underneath Jeffrey's body and lifted him easily. "Jesus, you're light," he muttered. He pushed through the front doors of the studio. Joanne followed closely behind him, shouting final orders to small crowd and locked the doors behind her.
Austin opened the lounge and laid the popstar down on the couch. Jeffrey groaned when his head fell back against the arm rest. "What's going on man? You seemed fine earlier."
Jeffrey rolled his head over to look at his choreographer. "No...no. I'm fine. Really. I'm just..."
"You are not fine!" Joanne opened the door holding a bottle of water and a granola bar. "What were you thinking? You can't just..." Her voice trailed off and she ripped her bluetooth off. "Dammit Jeff! Sit up. You need to eat this."
"No," he slowly shook his head. "I don't. I'm fine." He pushed up off the couch a bit and blinked as the room started spinning again.
"I don't care what I have to do, you are eating!" Her voice rose as she grew frustrated.
"Jo! Calm down."
She drew a breath. "Please, Jeff. Just eat this. Please." His eyes traveled from Austin to Joanne, reading the worry on their faces. "Fine."
He took the bar from Joanne and stared at the wrappings. He tried to remember the last time he ate. There was some awards show pre-party. He remembered how looking at everyone's plates, all almost empty. The plate in front of him was untouched. There were more than a few incredulous glances tossed his direction. He took a few bites of the pasta dish in front of him. Just reflecting on how many calories, how many carbs, how much fat which was now clinging to his stomach, made his throat go dry.
Jeffrey pushed himself more so he was now sitting upright. He looked up again at Joanne's and Austin's faces, and sighed whiled he opened the foil wrapping. He lifted his shaking fingers onto the bar and broke a small piece off. Jeffrey lifted it to his mouth and set it on his tongue. It felt weird; his tongue hadn't touched anything asides from the roof of his mouth for a while. He set his teeth in and began chewing.
"What are the measurements for his hips? What about his stomach? No, that can't be right."
And chewing.
"Give that to me. You're doing it wrong. It's not possible for his to gain that...oh."
"Jesus Christ, Mr. Sterling. How much do you eat?"
And chewing.
"Mr. Sterling, I know that as a nineteen year old boy, your figure really isn't at the top of your to-do list. But you're more than just some nineteen year old boy, okay? Part of being you is looking good. And the first step to looking good is actually fitting into your clothes." As they said this he remembered standing in front of the mirror, grabbing rolls of skin, fingers falling over layers of fat.
He paused for a moment, taking notice to how hungry he was. Jeffrey remembered back to high school, sitting in psychology learning about selective attention, something about how you never notice how your ears felt until you think about them. He never noticed the hunger pains until he thought about it.
Joanne looked over at Austin and mouthed something to him. The choreographer nodded, and gave one last look to the blonde boy on his couch, before turning to leave the lounge.
Count down from five and swallow Jeff, he told himself.
Five. His eyes looked at the wrappings.
Four. Three hundred-twenty calories.
Three. And about a fifth of that was in his mouth.
Two. At least sixty calories about to go into his stomach.
One. Swallow.
He felt it in his throat, immediately feeling sick. "Can...Would you please get me some water?" he choked out. He squeezed his eyes shut. You're so stupid.
A moment later Joanne sat down next to him with a water bottle. "Jeff...tell me honestly. How are you?"
He opened the bottle and took two small sips. "I'm fine. I just ran late and missed breakfast."
"No, no you didn't. You've been skipping much more than that." She sighed. He held his breath. "I've noticed you weren't eating. I was hoping you just didn't like eating in front of people or, I don't know. I've been scared for you but..." her voice trailed off.
Jeffrey just looked down at his hands. He started picking at the skin around his nails, not having the courage to look her in the eye.
"I know I'm tough on you, and if any of that is why, I'm so sorry. And you'll probably going to hate me for this, but we have to get you treatment. It's...Jeff this isn't healthy. You deserve better."
He shook his head, "No, no I'm fine. I've just been stressed. That's all."
"Stop lying to me, stop lying to yourself. I get that you really don't feel like talking about it right now, or for a very long time."
"There's nothing to talk about," he muttered. Jeffrey didn't believe his own words. He knew what he did to his body every day wasn't "healthy," but it was under control.
"I just want you to relax in here. Please, at least eat the rest of that bar. I"m going to go get you an apple. Okay?"
Jeffrey took another sip of the water and paused. He knew it was for the best. He'll just run a little further at the gym tonight to make up for it, and to make up for the rehearsal time they're missing because of this. "Yeah. Okay."
Half and hour later, Nick sat in the parking lot of North Shore High School, trying to gather the courage to walk in side. It was a weird school; a lot was going on and students traveled in packs of carbon copies of each other. Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. It won't wait.
Nick left his car and walked a little too quickly towards the front office. He waited in front of the receptionist to finish her phone call. His heart started beating faster, it felt like a countdown.
The lady hung up the phone. "Hi sweetheart. How can I help you?"
He cleared his throat. "Um, I just needed to talk to m- er, the principal really quickly. Is he available right now?" He immediately looked down at his shoes. What the hell are you doing Nick? You don't even know what you're going to say.
"I believe so, let me check." She stood up, walked over to the door and knocked on it. A beat passed and she slowly opened the door. "Do you have a minute? Someone wants to talk to you," she said into the office.
The receptionist turned back around and looked to Nick. "You can go on in, honey."
He nodded, "Thank you." He took seven steps to the front of the door and set is hand on the knob. Deep breath. And go. He turned it and walked it.
The man in the room sat behind the desk, reading over a calendar. "You can go ahead and sit down. Did we have an appointment? I didn't have anything written down for today..."
Nick sat down, but his voice caught in his throat. He just stared at the man he almost recognized from pictures stuffed in the attic.
He sat up and looked to Nick. "What can I help you with?"
"You- Do you recognize me?" Nick cursed himself for how weak he sounded.
"Maybe? You look somewhat familiar. Where would I know you from? What's your name?"
"Nick. Nick Duvall. Remember me? Your son?"
A silence broke in the office. The only noises heard was the faint sound of the students outside.
"Liz's kid?"
Nick sat up straighter as he resisted the urge to just walk out. "I think I'm actually both of yours. That's usually how parents work. There's two of them, even if one of them does all the work."
Mr. Duvall sighed and leaned back. "Nick...I- I wasn't expecting you. Um, How are you?" he asked a little too awkwardly.
Nick laughed inwardly. "I'm fine. I'm leaving for college in a few weeks."
"Oh, wow. You're going to college already? I didn't realize." Nick could tell how uncomfortable he felt. But he didn't feel guilty for showing up. No dad should forget their own kid.
"Yeah. I got a scholarship from University of Southern California for their film school."
Mr. Duvall lifted his eyebrows and nodded along. "Oh, so you're going into film? That's great. What else are you interested in?"
Terrorism, threatening national security, drug trades. Nick laughed inwardly at his own joke. "I like music, I don't really play much but it really interests me. And writing."
"You're artistic? That's really great. We're losing a lot of those minds." He paused a moment. "So do you have a girlfriend or anything?"
Nick rolled his yes. "No, I guess not. I dated this girl Kayla, kinda on and off, for about a year and a half. But she ended it yesterday. And this time I think it's best to keep it this way."
"What was she like?" he asked.
"She was short and blond. She played volleyball, and is really good. But colleges aren't really interested in girls who aren't at least five foot-eight, so I guess that's over for her. Kayla's really spunky and headstrong, she doesn't take too well to bullshit."
Mr. Duvall leaned back. "She sounds great. Balanced you pretty well did she?"
"Yeah. Definitely."
The door opened to present a tall woman with curled puffy brown hair and thin brown glasses. "Oh, I'm sorry am I interrupting anything?"
Nick answered before his father could. "Not at all. We were just finishing." He stood up and turned to the man behind the desk. "Thanks for your time Mr. Duvall."
"Uh, yes. It was good to talk with you. I guess I will see you around?"
Nick walked passed the woman. "No, probably not," and he shut the door.
He paused at the door just a moment. "Who was that?" the woman asked.
"Oh, he's just nobody."