Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever... And you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you. - Meet Joe Black
"Okay, from here all the way to the table with the ugly statue on it" I instructed Caroline, both of us clad in sweats, our hair thrown up into messy ponytails. "Whoever loses has to buy dinner tonight".
She nodded, narrowed her eyes at me and we both took a running start, sliding down Damon's recently polished hallway in our cotton socks.
"Yes!" Caroline crowed triumphantly, throwing her fists up into the air as she glided past the finishing point. "Dinner's on you Gilbert".
Alberto, who had been watching our competition play out in front of him, burst into laughter shaking his head. "This house is always so alive when you are here Miss. Elena, never change eh?".
"I don't think there's any risk of her doing that" Damon announced behind us, taking the stairs two steps at a time. "Let me guess, the girls were pretending they were Tom Cruise in Risky Business again?".
Damon, who was rarely seen out of his expensive tailored suits, was dressed in denim jeans and the overrated leather jacket (which he still managed to pull off). Good, this meant he was feeling particularly relaxed after the huge account he had lined up today.
With another run and slide I ended up in front of him. "Care was just picking me up for dinner, you wanna come?". It was Friday night, after work hours and my lively mood was proving to be infectious.
Glancing briefly at Caroline he smirked, I could see him mentally weighing up the advantages of accepting just to piss her off. "Thanks for the invite, but no. Alaric and I have plans".
"Oh please don't think you have to go to the titty bar on my account. Elena and I would love to have you tagging along" Caroline bit out, syrupy sweet .
"I prefer Gentleman's club, Barbie" he corrected, leaning against the banister and reveling in the chance to rile her up. "Actually, Alaric is forcing me go to dinner with his new girlfriend".
The doorbell rang acting as a stop to his sentence and I raced to open it, completely ready to pester Alaric with an interrogation about his new girl. "You should know by-" I trailed off as I came face to face with not Alaric, but Stefan.
If Damon was night with his charcoal hair and the thin thread of darkness that winds itself through him, his brother was most definitely day. He was all light; light caramel hair, light fair skin and light emerald eyes. Even his clothing was all neutral tones.
"Holy shit" I blurted out, rapidly smacking my hand over my mouth. What do you do in this situation? Slam the door in the philandering brother's face?.
"Elena, it's not nice to react like that to Alaric's unattractiveness, he's a sensitive guy" Damon strolled up behind me, completely unaware of the bombshell that was about to hit. "Holy shit, Stefan" he breathed out, discovering who our actual guest was after opening the door wider.
Exactly my words I thought dryly, partly horrified over how this could play out. They stared each other down unblinkingly until Stefan sucked in a deep breath "Can we talk? It's important".
Damon looked like he was just going to turn him away until he sighed and stepped back, gesturing with one hand for Stefan to enter.
Caroline scrunched her forehead up and furrowed her brows, having only vague notions of what was occurring right now. She gave me a glance silently asking what we should do.
"Damon, I can stay if you want" I awkwardly offered. He was a grown man who was more than capable with dealing with his own issues, but something about leaving him alone to deal with this did not sit right with me.
He shook his head darkly "Go to dinner Elena, it's fine".
Already seeing the shadows that were obscuring his eyes, I tried again "Are you su-".
Without looking away from Stefan he interrupted "Just go, take Caroline and enjoy dinner".
Once seated at the restaurant, Caroline took increasingly aggressive bites of her salad as she got angrier telling the story of a especially difficult client she was designing for, her ranting a continuous spiel of words. I tried to hum and nod at the right parts to show interest but inside I was warring with myself. Should I go home after dinner and pass out on my couch in front of the DVR? Or should I go back to Damon's to check how the latest catastrophe was balancing out?.
It took me until I was almost back at my house for me to abruptly swing the car around and badly parallel park at the front of Damon's home. Using my set of keys I edged the door open with my hip, listening intently for any signs of life and made my way into the foyer, the heels of my pumps sounding like small nail guns. The house was blanketed in darkness, the only source of light an orange flickering glow coming from the library.
"I swear to god if he's forgotten to put the fire out again..." I muttered to myself, stopping suddenly when the silhouette of Damon sitting on the wingback armchair in front of the fireplace was thrown into sharp relief. A glass tumbler dangled loosely from his right hand, and the remnants of the decanter were smashed and scattered over the floor.
"It didn't go well then?" I started experimentally, trying to construe just exactly how bad his mood was. My voice echoed around the room as I spoke again to break the silence "Stefan has gone already?".
"Do you know what it's like to walk in on the woman you loved riding the only family member you've ever trusted?" he ruminated. "The betrayal was so bitter, sometimes I swear I can still taste it".
I wasn't even sure he was aware I was in the room. Walking to stand in front of him, I folded my arms loosely over my chest and could tell he was stone cold sober by the amount of liquid that had ended up on the floor. No, not drunk, he was just hurt...or angry.
"I can't say I do know what it's like, no."
For the first time since I came in his eyes searched out mine "Katherine left him last year after he blew through his trust fund and now he wants a part of the company" he explained scathingly. "That's why he wanted to see me again, for the money".
"Damon I..." I stuttered helplessly, lost for words. Because no matter what had gone between them in the past, maybe all Damon wanted was his brother to come and tell him he's sorry. As much hatred that must run between them, you can't ever really stop loving your own flesh and blood. And as for Katherine, it sounded like she ran when the going got tough, I had no idea if Damon still harbored an iota of feelings for her. "That's awful".
"Well, he's got another thing coming if he thinks he can lay a finger on my company, he always hated it. Wanted nothing to do with it until he needed money. Screw it, he can take me to court and i'll destroy him."
"You can go over it with Alaric when you have a clear head, Stefan may not even want to go to those lengths for the money" I advised, kneeling down and starting to precariously collect slivers of broken glass into my hand.
"Leave it Elena, it's not your job" he directed firmly. "You'll cut yourself, the cleaners will do it".
Brushing off my palms I rose and paused by his chair "We have to go to Vegas early tomorrow to finalize the Lockwood account, I might as well stay over".
He nodded once briskly and grabbed my hand just as I was about to walk past "Thanks, for you know...coming back tonight".
I squeezed his fingers once reassuringly and jogged up the staircase, knowing he needed time alone to take in his brother's transgressions.
Vegas turned out to be in the midst of a heat wave. Add that to Damon's full on denial and refusal to talk about anything that happened last night, and the trip wasn't turning out to be the highlight of my week. While Damon was busy signing the contract with Tyler Lockwood, a partner in a leading beverage conglomerate, I had been holed up in my hotel room all day. Not being a fan of gambling there was nothing else really to do but raid the mini bar. Ghirardelli chocolate bar? Going on the company tab. Three miniature bottles of Malibu? Going on the company tab. Countless bags of pretzels? Also going on the company tab.
After what seemed forever dusk fell across the strip and I was scheduled to meet Damon and Tyler for dinner. Frankly at this point I would of gone to dinner with Bobo the clown just to escape these four walls. I hastily threw on a airy wrap dress over the lingerie I had been lounging around in and rode the elevator down to the hotel's steakhouse, trying to apply my lipstick in a compact mirror as neatly as possible.
"Ms. Gilbert isn't it?".
I spun around on my heel to search for who was calling me. Tyler stared back, nervous that he had mistaken the name. He was handsome in a traditional sort of way with strong cheekbones and mahogany eyes. I knew that he had only recently achieved partner status in his company and his youthfulness leant to the perpetual eager-to-please look on his face.
"Oh call me Elena" I requested, returning his warm smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you". I was used to accompanying Damon on meals with clients and knew the steps by heart.
He shifted uncomfortably after looking at his watch. "Is Mr. Salvatore alright? We planned to meet up half an hour ago."
"Hasn't he been with you all day?".
"Only in the morning, I haven't seen him for a good six hours though".
"I'm sure he'll be right down, i'll just call him". I half turned to hide my face while I waited for Damon to pick up the phone. After getting his voicemail two times in a row I bit my lip and smiled tightly at Tyler "I'm going to go up and get him. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, I'll only be a minute".
He nodded politely as I returned the way I had just came, taking the elevator all the way up to the penthouse this time. Damon as a businessman was incomparable, he never lost clients to rival firms and they all sing his praises. For him to not turn up to dinner was bizarre.
I could hear shrieking music playing ear-piercingly through the door as I tapped my foot waiting for him to answer. After no response I pulled out a key card and swiped it through the lock, relieved when it clicked and swung open.
"Andie?" I exclaimed, shocked to find a slender woman in the entrance way picking up her jacket from the floor and slinging her purse over her shoulder. Andie Starr was a small time reporter back in New York and the only one of Damon's friends-with-benefits I actually liked. She had some intelligence and was was of the very few girls I had seen invited back more than once.
She glanced up and surreptitiously wiped a tear from the corner of her eye "Hey Elena".
"Are you okay?" I inquired, lightly touching her elbow.
"I'll be fine, I should of known when Damon flew me out all the way to fucking Vegas for a couple of hours what it meant. He's never going to think of me as more than a piece of ass and I know that so I don't know why I keep expecting more." She caught my face hardening and shook her head emphatically "Don't go in there all guns blazing Elena, it's my own fault. I knew what I was getting into." Patting my shoulder once she smiled and walked out the door.
"Damon" I yelled, striding into the bedroom. I find him half asleep in bed, the hotel's white linens messily gathered around him. "Forget you were supposed to be somewhere maybe?".
The tone in my voice does nothing to perturb him and he only lazily places an arm over his eyes "I remembered the dinner with Tyler, I just didn't feel like wining and dining him. The contract has already been signed."
"Well thank you for that. Thank you so much for letting me know you weren't going to turn up." I can't even look at him right now without wanting to hit him hard somewhere it'll really hurt so I distract myself by calling Tyler. I manage to cover-up Damon's absence by telling him Mr. Salvatore fell ill with a bad case of food poisoning, hating myself that I can lie with the best of them.
I politely turn down his request to join him for drinks and hang up, aiming my cell with perfect aim at Damon's head. "What the fuck is your problem Damon? I just ran into Andie crying and now you're bailing on business affairs?".
He sat up angrily, pulling his boxers on under the covers "I'm not in the mood Elena".
Screw it, I wasn't in the mood either. Frustration from the day and worry over the way he floats through life collided to make the perfect storm. "Is this how you want to live your life Damon? Having sex with as many girls as possible, never settling down and having something real? Is this all because of Katherine?". I don't know why I included her name, it's not like we ever talked about her but I had always wondered if she was the catalyst for Damon's commitment phobia.
He forces out a shrill burst of laughter and jumps off the bed "And what makes you think you have any right to ask me those questions? You know what you are to me? A secretary, a glorified maid. You. Are. My. Employee."
I see the regret in his eyes almost as soon as the words are out of his mouth but it's not enough because I snap. I fully fly off the handle because that? That cut deep. "You're completely right Damon, I'm just the hired help right?" I mock, eyes full of steel, finger pointed at his chest. "I haven't been there for you every step of the way? Because let me tell you something buddy, the shit I do for you isn't on any job description. Not even a PA's". He tries to interrupt but I continue without taking breath. "This codependent fuckery we have going on" I move my arms out to the side to indicate. "I actually thought was a friendship. But thank you for showing me my place".
His expression looks like I have physically slapped him and he reaches out for my arm but I swerve and leave silently in a cloud of hurt and rage that doesn't clear until I find myself at the hotel bar. I feel like I've given five years of my life to someone I trusted and respected who in return thinks nothing of me.
"Changed your mind then?".
I twist my torso on the bar stool to see Tyler slipping into the one next to mine "Yeah, I suddenly had some free time."
"Buy you a drink?" he asks, holding his glass up and swishing the clear liquid around.
I'm about to turn him down and go straight to bed but i've just had enough. I'm tired, I'm tired of always being someone else's rock and not even knowing who I am anymore. So instead I nod and silence my cell "How about a whole bottle?".
He raises his eyebrows, grins and holds two fingers up to signal the bartender. I need to forget tonight.
The next morning the sound of the door opening jolts me awake, with one leg falling out from the covers and it takes me a good five minutes to remember where I am. There's several glasses on my bedside table, dried mint leaves left in them. I practically have a heart attack when I hear a snore beside me. Oh thats right, somewhere between my third and fourth Long Island Ice Tea I had the bright idea to sleep with Tyler.
The reason for my wake up call coughs from the corner and I see a flash of a scowl "Sorry, I didn't realize you had company."
Shit, Why did I give Damon a key card to my room again? I know it's not exactly the most mature of responses, but I'm still pretty naked so I burrow further under the covers with only my brown hair left out in the open. "What is it?" I ask coldly, because despite the amount of alcohol I consumed last night the words he threw at me are still ringing in my ears and I have no desire to see the anger in his eyes. One night stands aren't really my thing but I still have a ways to go to get anywhere near his league, so the pissed off thing he has going on is kind of hypocritical. The last time I made a impulsive decision like I did last night was probably when I accepted his god forsaken job offer. I've done nothing wrong but I still can't quite shake the hint of guilt I'm feeling, the quick glimpse I got of his face flashing through my mind.
I hear carpeted footsteps and then his voice comes from somewhere over by the door "I'm taking an earlier flight, I'll see you back at home". And then he's gone again and I only have an awkward morning goodbye with Tyler to look forward too.
As soon as I get home I collect every fattening piece of food I have in the cupboard (including the Cocoa Puffs I keep for Damon's visits), settle in front of Netflix, and come to terms with the fact that I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a intense junk food hangover. Sometime during the night I grab a garbage bag and stomp to my bookshelf. In goes the photo of Damon and I at the top of the Eiffel Tower. In goes the photo of us laughing in the rain in London. In goes the photo of us rock climbing in Australia. And oops, there goes the photo of him teaching me how to barbeque in his garden.
I wait five seconds, sigh, put my hand back in the bag to take them out and place them back onto their shelf. I won't let those memories be tainted.
Petty and stubborn as it may be I ignore Damon for the next four days. I've always organized everything in advance for him so he'd be fine by himself for a while. And if he wanted me to act like his employee, I would. He would have to deal with me not doing those extra things he had gotten so used to. The sting of his words are amplified by the fact that he had never treated me as anything less then a close freind before.
I screen his calls and make sure the doorman knows not to let him upstairs anymore without getting my say-so. The problem is I can't stop missing him. When it gets to the point where I find myself missing the scent of his cologne I realize this isn't normal and some changes need to be made if we were going to continue working together.
So when Mr. Branson; the half deaf, grey haired doorman buzzed the intercom to let me know Damon had been camped out in the foyer all day, I knew it was time to rip the Band-Aid off and have the conversation with him.
I let him in silently, giving him a fraying towel to dry his dripping hair "Why are you so wet?".
He looked at me humorlessly "Because it's raining outside and someone wouldn't let me upstairs".
"I'm sorry that was childish of me". It had never been awkward like this between us before and it felt horrendous.
Picking up the corner of an empty Cheetos bag with his fingertips he smiles blithely "I can never work out how you maintain your dancer's figure so well with all the shit you eat."
"Running after your ass" I quip, allowing a small smile. I watch as he picks up a pillow from the sofa and rotates it between his hands.
"Damon" I started.
"No, wait. Let me get this out. I don't know what the hell I was thinking" he cut in, fixing me with his penetrative stare. "You have to know I didn't mean those things, you know that's not how I think of you."
"You don't have to apologize Damon, you were completely right. I am your employee and I need to start acting like one".
He stilled and looked into his lap "What are you trying to say Elena?".
This shouldn't be this hard, why was this so hard? "It's not healthy anymore Damon, we lean on each other too much. I think you should give me my keys back and we stick to seeing each other during working hours and to being professional."
"If thats what you want then who am I to tell you otherwise" he raises his hands, smiling sarcastically. Reaching into his back pocket he throws his set of keys to my house into my lap. "Because I'm toxic right? You can't stand being close with me anymore? You're not the first and you won't be the last".
Something deep in my heart clenches painfully because I've never seen him look so lost. "That's not what I mean at all Damon" I admonished, hating myself for executing this so badly. "You said it yourself in Vegas. Why are you taking this personally?".
He stands up with his back facing me, combing his fingers through his hair. "You want to know why I've never settled down? Why Andie and every other girl doesn't mean a thing to me?" he annunciates calmly.
I sit frozen at the abrupt subject change, wondering where he's going with this.
He suddenly spins around and his voice rises in anger. Leaning over my chair he rests his arms either side of me, boxing me in. "Because they're not you Elena. They're not you".
"I don't understand".
He pushes himself back and shakes his head "Are you trying to be dense Elena? I'm fucking in love with you! I have been for years."
My brain doesn't accept the words he's saying, I feel like i've been dunked in a bath of ice and smacked across the face at the same time. "You're only saying that now because you don't want to lose me. I'm a safe choice and you like the chase" I ramble hopelessly, trying desperately to comprehend this new information.
His voice is dangerous and rough and immediately he's back hovering over me "You don't get to tell me why or how I love you. You have no clue what you do to me". He gently cups my cheeks and my heart starts to race. I've never had someone look at me like that before and suddenly I can do nothing but accept the depth of his love for me.
"I lost it with you in Vegas because you asked me if I still loved Katherine. What I felt for her is nothing, nothing compared to what I feel about you."
The intensity of the moment feels infinitely fragile and I have no idea how to respond. My mother's previous intuition about his feelings and her statement about someone getting hurt in pinging around, taking up all the space in my brain. I just need to think. I can't think.
By the time I look up again Damon's is backing away towards the door, his face pale. "You weren't supposed to find out this way" he mutters. "Or at all."
Before I have collected myself enough to ask him Why now?, he's gone and I can't breathe. My whole world has been flipped on it's head and I feel like I'm walking on a very thin tightrope with no parachute.
Damon loves me. Damon is in love with me echos around and around in my head for at least an hour until another knock on my door breaks me out of my reverie. I'm expecting Damon again and I panic realizing I haven't even begun to fathom his confession.
I breathe a slight sigh of relief as I find only Alaric waiting for me. "If you've come to announce your unrequited love for me, sorry you're shit out of luck I've filled my quota today."
"It's not fucking funny Elena, you can't even begin.." he spits out angrily, following me into the living room.
All the confusion and fear that has been building up since Damon left bursts out of me and I spin to face him. "I know Alaric, I know. Believe me I find nothing funny in this situation." I take a deep breath and lock my arms, stabilizing myself on the counter, my voice coming out meeker then i'd like "But he's had years to deal with this, I've had exactly an hour."
Face softening, he asks skeptically "You must of known Elena. You can't honestly tell me you didn't?"
I ignore the small voice that's telling me that in my most innermost thoughts I somehow knew all along, but just kept repressing it and repressing it until it was nothing. "How long have you known?" I question, deflecting.
"A long time, lets just say it came out a while ago in a drunken confession. I guessed before that though."
"Where is he?". Even now I can't help but to need to know his whereabouts.
"He's staying at mine, he needs time."
"I don't even understand why he would feel that way about me Alaric. He's Damon Salvatore and I'm just his small town PA."
Alaric glances at me, chagrined "That's not my question to answer. But if I had to hazard a guess it'd probably be because nobody's ever cared for him like you do. Not Katherine, not Stefan. You accept him."
"I hate him for doing this" I cry, getting angry again. I don't hate him, of course I don't but I'm scared. Nothing will ever be the same again and one wrong step and I'm going to be falling off that tightrope.
Alaric sighs, defeated "Yeah, well he loves you kid, and you're going to have to deal with that."
A/N- Every reader, alert, favorite, and review I get is amazing and I wish I could personally thank each and every one of you. I tried to respond to all the reviews, so I hope I didn't miss any out. And thank you to the anons for also taking the time to write feedback. Hope this chapter is somewhat enjoyable! x