Disclaimer: We do not own Mariah Carey nor do we want her to touch our bodies. That would be kinda creepy.

In the busy city of Tokyo, there was an ordinary white house. Those who passed it thought that a nice, sensible family lived there. What they did not know was the person who lived in that house was not normal. Not even close. Unless you think a freakishly pale pedophile who makes evil juices is normal. And that person just happened to be receiving a phone call from another un-normal person. This person is too a pedophile. Unlike the first person, however, he does not have freakishly pale skin. Instead he has skin so yellow, it could rival that of Sanada. Or Homer Simpson.

"There is a 97% that the caller is Renji," he muttered, flashing his freakishly opaque glasses. He got them just to match his freakishly pale skin.

He picked up the phone and said, "Moshi moshi?"

"Hello Inui. I just called to tell you that I have found out Tezuka's favorite artist."

"There is an 84% chance that his favorite artist is Britney Spears."

"Precisely. However, I personally disagree with Tezuka's taste in music. I rather prefer Jessica Simpson," Renji said.

Inui looked surprised for a moment, and then started flipping crazily through his notebook. He had thought that he knew everything about Renji, but this came as a surprise. No!!!! His data has FLAWS!!!! "Correct me if I am mistaken, but I believe Niou was the one who mentioned that he wanted to knock up Jessica Simpson."

Renji chuckled in response. "Yes, but when he showed me her new music video with her washing the car in a bikini, I changed my mind."

Inui decided not to comment on that. He always knew that Renji had a hornier side, and he was not in the mood to listen to his fellow data-collector describe female habits in full detail. And when he said full detail, he meant several hours, possibly days. "I prefer Mariah Carey over any other artist. She is a good singer, and Momoshiro, who usually only stalks An, wants to do her. Plus did you see the size of her CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED!" he responded.

Inui was shocked when he suddenly heard squealing on the other end of the line. The sqeauls continued for a long time and Inui was just about to ask Renji if a pig had a spasm when a voice on the other line said, "Mariah Carey? I had forgotten about her. I quite like her song Touch My Body."

"Oh yes, how did it go again?" Inui asked, humming to himself.

"Touch my body; put me on the floor,"

Wrestle me around, play with me some more,"

"Touch my body, throw me on the bed," Renji joined in.

"I just wanna make you feel like you never did."

"Inui, do you remember when we used to sing in my room with those pink Barbie microphones?

"There is a 99.9% chance that you lied to me, and that those microphones were actually yours and not your sister's."

"I can't trick you anymore…" Renji sighed.

"Do you remember what we used to do after we sang the song?" Inui asked, drool dripping out of his mouth.

Renji's heart almost stopped for a moment. "Yeah… it felt so good… but we stopped after I moved."

"Hey, why don't I come over your house and we'll do it again, just like the old times?"

And 15 minutes later, Inui and Renji were jumping on Renji's bed, holding pink microphones.

"Touch my body; let me wrap my thighs,"

"I'll hug your body tighter than a pair of jeans,"

"I want you to caress me, like a tropical breeze,"

"And float away with you in a Caribbean sea."

"Inui, I believe you have had your share of the spotlight long enough. It is my turn now."

"Boy you can put me on you, like a brand new white tee,"

"I'll hug your body tighter than my favorite jeans,"

"I want you to caress me like a tropical breeze,"

"And float away with you, in the Caribbean Sea."

Both Inui and Renji chose that moment to dance, shaking their hips and wiggling their butts. By the window, a pair of black, snake-like eyes ran to wash his eyes with ice cold water. Unfortunately, he couldn't run fast enough and a collapsed in the middle of a sidewalk. Innocent bystanders were forced to drag him to the trauma center of the nearby hospital.

"Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah,"

"Touch my body…heeyyy, uhhhh baby,"

"Ohhh, uhhhh Touch my body…uhhhhhh, uhmm,"

"Come on and give me what I deserve," Inui and Renji finished, moving their bodies to the beat.

Omake:

A few hours later, the data-masters sat at the kitchen table, still panting from their, um, activities. Renji went to get something to eat, while Inui scribbled furiously into his notebook. It had been awhile since he had done this, and since he was out of practice, he needed to take as many notes and possible to remind himself of what do next time.

"There is a 78% chance that you are currently taking notes about our activities," Renji noted.

Inui nodded, pushing up his glasses. "You are correct. Such an uncanny ability to predict me should be rewarded. Would you like to try my new Super Deluxe Golden Royal Inui Juice?" he asked, holding up a pitcher of murky purple liquid.

Renji took the pitcher and drank it, nodding. "You have added 15.7% more fungi too this concoction. It seems as if you have been listening to my advice."

Inui merely scribbled some more. "Renji, would you like to continue what we started last night after breakfast?"

The squinty-eyed data-master held up a package that looked suspiciously like birth control items, not that they could have children, either way. "I accept your offer, but we're going to use this next time," he told Inui.