Gamer4 in. Well, here's the next chapter. This time, Mario, Zelda, and Luigi find Wolf's diary. The slanted parts show Wolf writing in his diary. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. On with the show.

Chapter 4

Wolf's Diary

It was yet another day at the Smash Mansion. Luigi and Zelda were sitting in Mario and Luigi's room, talking to each other. "It looks like we might actually have a normal day today, Zelda," Luigi was saying.

Zelda looked at him weird. "Since when do we ever have a normal day, Luigi?"

"I don't know," Luigi said, looking back. "Are there any Brawls today?"

"No," Zelda replied. "Bowser was supposed to have a brawl with Donkey Kong, but Donkey Kong's out cold."

"Oh, about that," Luigi said, then, very quickly, "I kicked him in the stomach and threw him out an open window."

"Why did you do that?" Zelda looked at him, shocked.

"He looked at me funny," Luigi replied. Zelda didn't push the subject.

"Anyway," she said, but was cut off when Mario ran in, holding a book in his hand.

"HOLY CRUD, LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" he shouted.

"Is that a book?" Luigi asked.

"I know a thing or two about books, and that's a book," Zelda said.

"Show-off," Mario muttered to himself, then, out loud, "It's not just any book!"

"Is it a novel about four clans of cats living in a forest?" Luigi asked.

Ten seconds later.

"Anyway," said Mario, looking over at Luigi, who was slumped against a wall face-first. Zelda interrupted him.

"You didn't have to do that to him," she said. "That is a good series."

"Whatever," Mario said. "But back to the book. I just happened to find this in Wolf's room, in a locked and chained trunk under his bed. It's his diary!"

"Oh, shall we read it?" Luigi asked.

"I've got a better idea! Let's read it!" Mario said.

"This will be a fascinating character study," Zelda said.

"Here's the first entry," Mario said.

Wolf walked into his room. It was completely black. He put his diary on a desk and lit a candle before beginning to write. "Dear diary, today I had oatmeal for breakfast. It was flavorless and watery. Part way through, Crazy had one of his episodes and started hitting me with a banana, saying it was a female aardvark. Finally, Bowser, Ganondorf, and King Dedede managed to pull him off. I thought of my mother. I cried."

"I'm hungry," Luigi said, looking up at the other two, having gotten up a while ago.

"What else is new, fatty?" Mario asked.

"When does Graystripe come in?" Luigi asked. Both Mario and Zelda stared at him for a moment.

"This is Wolf's diary, Luigi," Zelda answered. "I doubt Graystripe will be in here."

"Anyway," said Mario, "let's get to the good stuff."

"Today I put on a raincoat and went to Ganondorf, from whom I bought two mice. When I brought them back, one devoured the other, and proceeded to die of loneliness. I felt envy."

"This is hilarious!" Mario said.

"Hey, I see your name, Mario," Zelda said.

"Wow, you're good at reading, Zel-" Luigi started, but was cut off by Mario.

"What?" Mario shouted, and read out loud.

"Today Mario gave me the finger. When I attempted to attack him, he slammed me into a wall, shouting 'Bother, bother!' His green brother whose name I don't know joined in, and they repeated the violent act until I lost consciousness. That night I prayed for the first time in my life. I prayed for the end."

"I remember that, Luigi! Give me five!" said Mario, holding his hand up.

"But you already took my money, Mario," said Luigi.

"Oh, never mind," Mario said.

"Why did you do that?" Zelda asked.

"Fox and Falco were going to, but Crazy needed them to catch Yoshi and Kirby. Someone left them alone in the kitchen. So they asked Luigi and me to do it," said Mario. "It's given us some ideas," he added.

"Whatever," Zelda responded.

"I lost a button on my jacket today. Samus pointed it out in front of all the other smashers. Oh, cruel attention. Button, oh, button, where have thou fled? Did thee tarry too long among fabric and thread? Did thee roll off my bosom and cease to exist? How I wish I could follow thee into the mist."

"What's a bosom, Zelda?" Luigi asked.

"Umm," Zelda said, "a bosom is, well, explain it to him, Mario."

"Oh, look, another page," Mario said, and quickly started reading again.

"Today, while in the bathtub-"

"Eeww!" All three said.

"I fell asleep and had a nightmare. I was piloting an Arwing through a thunderstorm. Every thunderclap was...their voices. 'Bother, bother!' Suddenly, it became music. I was at the Christmas dance with Princess Peach. I asked her to dance, and she asked me to die. If only I could, Peach, if only I could."

"My girlfriend is awesome!" Mario said.

"When I woke up, my skin was prune-like from the tepid bath water, and I was late for baseball with Bowser."

"I like prunes!" Luigi said. Suddenly, Crazy jumped up without his glove on.

"Did somebody say prunes?" he asked.

"I said prunes," said Luigi. "How did you know?"

"So, what are you three up to? Practicing for brawls?" Crazy asked, looking at them.

"No," Mario said. "We're invading Wolf's privacy by reading his personal diary, which we stole from his room."

"You don't have any prunes, do you?" said Crazy, sounding hopeful.

"I'm afraid not, Crazy," Mario responded.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Mario," said Crazy before leaving. The three watched him go away.

"Okay, back to the stinky book!" said Mario as soon as Crazy was out of earshot.

"Today, the green one swallowed one of Link's cheaper potions during our brawl, causing him to vomit a rainbow of foul waste. The stadium erupted with applause, triggering my migraine. The brawl was abandoned, and I was left to clean the plumber's sick. Part way through, Falco Lombardi showed up, bragged about his many affairs with Peach, Samus, and other females who weren't smashers, told me I smelt of broccoli and left without wishing me a happy birthday. I thought of my father. I cried." As Wolf finished this sentence, he put out the candle on the desk.

"This got boring," said Mario, looking at the other two. "Let's write a new entry!"

"That's a really fun idea," said Luigi.

"Here's one of the pens I carry with me at all times," Zelda said, holding it out.

"Thanks," Mario said, and started writing. "I am Wolf, and I'm sad, because I poop my pants all the time, and I have no friends because I stink like broccoli and poop. I'm with the Super Smash Bros., and it's really boring because they're all cool except for me, so I have depression. Okay, I think I'll go cry now, but not before I poop my pants again. Bye." Luigi and Zelda laughed.

"I want to try," Luigi said.

"Be my guest," Mario said as he handed over the diary and the pen. Luigi took it and began to write.

"I...m...s..."

"Okay, that was a good try, Luigi," Zelda said, and started to take the diary and pen, but stopped and looked up as Wolf came into the room.

"Oh," he grumbled. "Somebody knocked me unconscious and ransacked my room." His eyes fell on the diary. "Wait a minute, that book! What are you doing with that?"

"Wolf!" Mario said, pointing at Luigi, "Luigi stole your diary!"

"What?" Wolf cried. "You didn't read it, did you?"

"Oh, he read it all right," Mario said, giving Luigi a how-could-you-do-this look. "He read it all."

"This is unacceptable!" Wolf shouted. Suddenly, Luigi spoke up.

"I liked the story about the button, Wolf."

"You...you did?" Wolf asked, calming down and looking at Luigi in disbelief.

"It made me sad, thinking about that button, all lost and alone. I hope you find your button, Wolf."

"So do I, green one, so do I," Wolf said, and the three saw that he had a tear in his eye.

"I like buttons," Luigi said.

The End

So, what did you think? Anyone who's read my Smash Bros. Randomness story will recognize the banana and female aardvark thing. The "he looked at me funny" thing is an inside joke. Well, please R&R. Constructive criticism allowed, but no flames. Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed so far. Gamer4 out.