Three days until I am to depart for my meeting on the Western Shore. Three days until all of my work must be done. My son, Calenbrethil, has asked me to postpone the meeting. He came to me as the Crown Prince, requesting his King to remain and assist him with the days work-he doesn't think he can handle it on his own. The Crown Prince tells me of his worries concerning the Kingdom-the upset and dissatisfaction from the court, the not quiet adequate preparations for the winter, the new developments on the suspected activity in Dol Guldur. All of these things are worrisome, to myself as well. Though, I know that the Crown Prince can handle them in my absence. I spoke of this to him-of my faith in him, and of who he may turn to for assistance, should the burden become to great in my absence.
Yet my son comes to me again. Just before I began writing this. We spoke together well beyond the setting of the sun-only this time, he came to me as my son, not the Crown Prince of my Kingdom.
My son tells me, he fears for my health and safety-he is worried for his siblings conditions in my absence. My son tells me he has seen a change in me. He tells me that even Legolas, despite his youth, has seen a change in me and questioned Laurërie and himself on my current state.
He tells me that I am needed here. That he needs me here. Indeed it has been a long time since I have heard those words uttered from my Calenbrethil.
I petitioned him not to fear for me-If nothing else, I will return somewhat renewed- and I apologized for needing to leave when the four of them need me so greatly, and promised to return if it is in my power to do so.
Calenbrethil mentioned the sea longing, and I tell him that I will only visit the ocean, I will not sail-not yet. I cannot. I know I am still needed here.
I told him that no matter how strong the sea longing may become, I will deny it to return here to Greenwood, to my children.
He he also asked me how I expect to be soothed by visiting the sea-he mentions that most elves find themselves seeking the peace of White Shores should they encounter the ocean-some even awaken the longing after hearing a call from a sea bird. Again I told him not to worry. I will return.
I asked him if he has spoken to his sister on the matter. It appears that Laurërie feels the same as he-and to hopefully ease her heart, he promises to tell her of our conversation.
We were silent for a while, simply basking in the peace of the evening. After a moment of looking into the fire that burns brightly in the hearth, he told me of Legolas's wish for me to remain, for me to be close to him. Quoting my little Greenleaf's words to him, "I don't want to lose Ada, we already lost Nana-not Ada too", he whispers confessing Legolas was in tears when he confessed this. This shocks me entirely. Legolas is a young teenager by human reckoning, and I do not believe I have seen him shed a tear about anything since their deaths. I promised Calenbrethil that I would talk to Legolas tonight, or tomorrow morning-I can see he is as surprised by this uncharacteristic display of emotion as I am. I will see to it that the four of them speak to me on this matter again before I leave.
Before he left, Calenbrethil told me he could accept my responses, but only if I truly am going to return. When I asked him why his faith in me falters. He claimed that it falters not in myself, but in the situations surrounding my departure. I told him to have faith in his father and his words-I know that I must return.
He left soon after, a silence between us-thoughtful on our exchange.
After Calenbrethil had left, I went to see my little Greenleaf. I silently opened his door to find my little leaf resting silently, his face streaked with his earlier tears. I placed a kiss on his brow, and whispered my promise to return. Even though I know it fell on deaf ears, and that I would be repeating myself a hundred times more before I left. I was gifted with a small smile gracing his young face-how I wish to know if its cause was my presence near him, my words, or a comforting dream. Perhaps then I would know a way to sooth his aching heart. I will have to remember to ask him when we speak in the morning.