When I was four and a half years old, I had finally convinced Tanaka to tell me who my parents were. I didn't learn much. Apparently my mother was a "Lady of the night", and my father was unknown. My mother had died shortly after giving birth, and I was brought to the orphanage by her Matron. After finally getting my mothers name, I was allowed to see her grave.
Konoha's cemetery is on the outskirts of town, not that far from the orphanage itself. It is clean, and mostly well kept. The graves are cleaned either by the family members, or sometimes academy students if they have nobody left. My mothers grave is in the far west corner, next to a short fence and a few trees. The plain gray stone has the kanji 君子on it. Kimiko. Noble child.
It is a early April morning when I visit her again. The sky is filled with dark Grey clouds, looking like they may begin to weep at any moment. My is filled with thoughts of the day I died as I make my way there. It would only need to start raining for it to match.
It's been three months since I had visited mother last. I don't really spend much time mourning her, but it is a nice spot to mourn the world I had known from my time in Before. Nobody would question the orphan sitting at a grave why she is so sad, and they leave me in peace here. Sometimes I will talk to the headstone, pretending it is my mother, both from Before and the one from this world. I had come toady to share news and clean her grave again.
Reaching her grave, I set down the bucket and cloth that I brought with me. I speak to her as I begin to clean.
"Good morning, Ka-chan. I hope you are doing well today, wherever you are," I wipe the dirt that covers her name first. "Did you know that I am already five years old?"
I had died April 13th in Before. It turned out that the day you die is also the day you get reincarnated. Celebrating a birthday is never a happy event for me, it just marks one year closer to leaving the orphanage. I usually spend it here since it's much quieter.
"Tanaka-san is finally letting me enter the academy the after next. Hopefully, I will make my first friend there. I know you are probably scolding me for not making any yet." I gently scrub at the mud that lines the bottom of the grave. "I wonder what it would have been like, if you were here. Would I have a family? Or would I have still been alone."
I sweep away the leaves that have fallen around the headstone with my feet. I glance at the grave for a moment. "It feels somewhat silly to say this, but I miss you, Ka-chan. I have never really met you, but I still wish that you were here. I feel so alone in the orphanage." I continue to murmur softly as I sit in front of the grave marker.
"I am glad that I was not born in a village like kiri, where I would have been thrown to the streets. But I still wish I wasn't a orphan sometimes. I wish you were here to raise me Ka-chan." I am quiet for a few minutes as I think back to my family from Before. Even though they weren't able to visit often, they still were there. I can still practically feel my fathers hugs, or my mothers fingers running through my hair. I miss them so, so much. I miss Before. Even though I was dying, I wasn't alone. I had always dreamed of being in the Naruto universe. I thought my life here would be so much better. With all the thoughts of fighting, chakra, and the characters, I never thought that I would be so alone.
As a few tears leak out my closed eyes, I pull myself to my feet. I will not spend my time moping on what I lost, or what could have been. Wiping my face dry, and picking up the bucket and cloth that I brought with me, I walk slowly to another grave.
After the first few visits, I realized not everybody had someone left to clean their headstone. Thinking of the fact I probably had a grave in Before, I decided to clean any that were left alone for too long. It had become a tradition of sorts to spend my birthday cleaning grave markers. Somewhat morbid, I know.
Working carefully, I slowly make my way through each of the forgotten stones. I talk to them like I would my own mother. By late morning, I reach one that I recognize. Hatake Sakumo. Kakashi's father. I wonder how its gotten this dirty. It must have been a while since Kakashi has visited.
Hatake Sakumo is someone that I looked up to. I had read about him, both in Before and in the history books here in the library. He had gone on the ill-fated mission that led to the start of the third shinobi war, and had been the scapegoat for it. He tried his best to hold on for his son, even as the wrath of the village came down upon him. In the end, he had decided to take his own life. I respected the fact he had done so much for his home, and never blamed the village for the things it did to him.
Kneeling before the grave marker, I begin to clean. I talk quietly to the grave, just like the others. I mention how I had read about him in the library, and about the feats he had done. I mention how the more recent history books paint him in a negative light, saying that he failed the village when he started the third shinobi war. But most of all, I tell him how I respected him despite what everyone else thinks.
"You know, Hatake-san, everyone seems to talk about how you had doomed the village by abandoning the mission. But that's just it, you didn't abandon the mission out of malice. You did it to save your friends. You had know way of knowing that by saving the lives of your teammates, that you were starting a war. You were doing all you could in that situation. You did the best you could, and I really admire that. Thank you, Hatake-san." I bow my head slightly, and gather my stuff to leave.
Unfortunately, when I turn around, I come face to face with nobody but Hatake Kakashi himself. I freeze in place, and think to myself how long has he been there. Blushing slightly, I correct myself and think how much of my speech did he hear.
"Good morning, I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll just be on my way now." I tilt my head down and refuse to make eye contact. I can feel his eyes following me as I make my way out of the cemetery.
As I walk back to the orphanage, all I can think is this has been one of the more embarrassing things I've done in a long while. I was hoping I would leave a good impression the first time we met, but I'm pretty sure he just thinks I'm some sort of creepy stalker child now.
Hopefully the next time I see him is better.