Chapter Four: "Knothole Village"
Sonic swept his arms out wide, "Welcome to Knothole Village. Named thus because we are a knot of individuals who go against the grain. It's a much more clever name than we really deserve."
"Why?" asked Amy, "What do you think it should be called?"
"The Asshole Corral...but that's just me. Come on, I'll introduce you to the Freedom Fighters."
"The what?" Amy asked, again, incredulously.
"That's what we call ourselves." Sonic explained, "I think it was because at one point we thought we were fighting against the oppression of the Robotnik Empire or whatever, but turns out our dear leader Princess Sally was just as bad a turncoat when she got the chance to jump ship and boss people around."
"Okay, I totally did not get that vibe off Sally." Amy said.
Sonic shrugged, taking another sip of coffee. "She used to be so carefree and fun. She was one of us, one of the Freedom Fighters. Used to be me, her, Bunnie, Antoine, Rotor, and Tails. Us five against the world. We used to run circles around ol' Snivley, drive Dr. Robotnik up the wall. Then…Sally got a promotion. Used everything she knew about us against us and had more regulations made to stop all the fun stuff we used to do. Then Rotor transferred to the IT department. Bunnie started playing the secretary game and became Snivley's assistant. Now its just me, Antoine, and the other members of the Peanut Gallery."
Amy shifted uncomfortably on her feet. Sonic pressed forward, "Come on. Meet the rest of the idiots."
There was a sparse opening in the spaces between cubicles where a gathering of six cubicles-four currently occupied-were situated close to one another. The soft murmur of voices, ringing phones, tapping on keyboards, and the hum of the florescent lights. Ever the hum was present, drawing the wayward glance skyward to trap the unwary.
"This is Antoine. He's a stuck-up blowhard."
Antoine's cubicle was much like he was: furnished with expensive knick-knacks and artistic decorations lining one wall over the other. The cubicles were built identical: one workspace plus a computer on one side and a filing cabinet behind the seating spot. Phone, mail racks, filing boxes. The rest was filled by the employee.
Antoine had a luxurious lamp, velvet with yellow fringes, a small smattering of potted plants, and a work chair that was obviously the most expensive thing on the floor.
He spun in his chair, sipping from his ornate coffee cup. "Allo, bay-bee."
Amy stuck her hand out, "Hi, I'm Amy. Uh, nice to meet you Antoine."
"Oh, Sacre bleu!" Antoine gasped at her outstretched hand, "Madmoiselle, where are you to have do the shopping? Walmart?"
"Well, I'm a recent business school graduate," Amy snapped, "So yeah, I have to shop cheap until I can make, you know, actual money."
Antoine tsk'd and shook his head, "nononono mi amore, I shall be having to take you to L'Antonio's one weekend to show you how you are to be dressing. Unless, I theenk, you are wanting to look as though you have been dressed in the rags."
Amy blushed and snarled, "L'Antonio's is the most expensive place in town. A blouse from there is worth more than all my monthly bills."
Antoine shrugged, "Ah well, dress in rags if you wish."
Amy's face went beet red and she lifted her hands, fingers clawing to wrap around Antoine's throat, but Sonic's hand shot out and stopped her, "Whoa, whoa, there Amy. We can't just go around choking Antoine every time he says something that pisses us off. It'd be all we ever did all day long."
As they left Antoine, Amy was shaking, "I've never met such an infuriating man in all my life."
"Give it some time." Sonic warned, turning her attention to a new cubicle, "This here is Blaze. She's a parallel Comptroller…whatever the hell that means. She's cool, but listen-"
Amy didn't wait to hear Sonic out. She was so relieved to think there was another normal woman working there that she stepped forward to where Blaze saw in her simple white-button down blouse, and purple skirt and shook her hand vigorously. "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Amy.' Amy leaned in close, "Tell me everyone here isn't as crazy as Sonic, Antoine, and Ray."
Blaze, her face neutrally composed, blinked twice and then said nothing, lifting a single finger and crooking it for Amy to come closer. Amy moved close, her face nearly touching Blaze's, thinking she was about to impart some female-specific wisdom not meant for Sonic's ears.
Blaze leaned in close, put her hand on Amy's face, and then licked Amy from her chin to her ear. Amy's face went from shock to disgust to revulsion to absolute despair. She began shaking and moved away slowly as Blaze smiled and said, "Nice to meet you, Amy."
Amy grinned the fakest grin she could muster and stepped back until she bumped into Sonic, who sipped his coffee calmly. Amy spun around, her mouth sputtering, but no words came out.
"I tried to warn you." Sonic said softly, "Blaze likes to…lick things. And she puts everything in her mouth. She says "It's a cat thing". Like, don't touch anything she hands you, because she has literally licked everything in her cubicle. She chews on stuff all day long and, yeah, she's licked me, too. But she's cute, so it doesn't bother me all that much."
"This is insane!" Amy hissed.
"Pfft." Sonic scoffed, "You ain't seen shit. Wait till you meet Cream."
"Who?" she asked.
"Me." said a tiny, diminutive voice.
Amy spun around, but saw no one. "Down here." the voice said, and Amy looked down to see a diminutive young rabbit standing there in a similar white-button down work blouse and knee-length black skirt.
Amy bent down at her knees and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, little girl. I didn't see you. Are you here with your mommy?"
Cream slapped Amy across the face and then hooked her fingers into Amy's mouth, pulling her close until their noses were smashed together.
"Bitch, in this office, I'M YOUR FUCKING MOMMY!"
Amy yanked herself backwards, spilling her belongings and cup of coffee. She scrambled backwards on her hands and feet until she was nestled next to Sonic. She watched as Cream, manilla folder and coffee cup in hand, marched next to her and stared, her eyes narrowing dangerously, "You watch your pink ass cause my foot is itching for place to kick. I got my eye on you, sugar-tits."
Cream marched off to her nearby cubicle and Amy shot to her feet, arms thrown out wide and asked, "What the shit was that about? Who was that little girl?"
"That "little girl" is Cream and she's twenty-five years old and full of piss and vinegar." Sonic said, "She's our housekeepers daughter. To her credit, she's smart as a whip and good at her job-a real go-getter, that one. But her mouth keeps getting her in trouble, so they don't promote her and she kind of takes it out on everyone around her."
"Outta my way, you French piss drinker!" Cream's voice shouted as she bumped past Antoine.
Sonic sighed, "Not sure what the medical term is, but it's a medical issue is the reason she's so short…and flat…and about as lovable as a urinary infection. That mouth of hers is the last thing you need to worry about, just steer clear of her feet. That little bitch can kick like a freakin' mule."
"What did I do to make her hate me?" asked Amy.
"You're just competition to her. You're not a person, you're an obstacle to whatever grand scheme she thinks she's playing. God only knows why she didn't just go into politics."
Amy sighed and put her face into her hands, "This is a nightmare. This isn't what I expected at all."
"Nope." Sonic sighed, "Welcome to real life, Amy. It sucks donkey balls." Sonic put his hand on her shoulder.
"Take it off or I break it off." She warned. Sonic complied.
"Your cubicle is over here." Sonic said, leading the defeated young hedgehog She rolled her helpless, now-lifeless form towards Sonic, who guided to her new center of torment. Amy looked at the open, empty cubicle. A simple computer, a phone, and a small printer were all that occupied her office.
"This is your cubicle." Sonic explained, "Your computer is an obsolete piece of shit, so expect to talk to the IT department a lot. Speaking of which, I hope you have a cell phone, because your work phone is mostly for show. Be careful what you print, because there's no honest way to tell where in the office it will print out. The chair is uncomfortable, so I hope your ass has a lot of cushion. If you need me, I'm usually in my cubicle right across from you."
Sonic went to leave and Amy's hand shot out, "Wait, where are you going? We just got here."
Sonic lifted his cup of coffee. "I'm gonna go get my ass another cup. Gonna be a long day, newbie. Go ahead and get settled in. Hopefully, we can stretch this out to lunchtime."
With that, Sonic left Amy alone in her empty cubicle.
Amy sighed and tossed her stuff on the counter and sank into her office chair and said, "Oh balls."