Once I'm finished with this...if ever...P.C. will really be chapter 13 because it was the 13th show of the season...hence the reason it says 'chapter 13'. Hope you like it.

I have been out of the loop because my Mom has been in the hospital with two shattered vertebrae that were pushing on the spinal cord...had surgery May 7, will have a second surgery this Friday, May 21. One of my brothers, my sister and I have been staying with her 24/7. If you are a praying person, I would appreciate your petitions to God on her behalf. I am very worried about her. Thanks. " ) Bensler

"Detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance, an emotional dependence that compromises their effectiveness as police officers. They're too close". When Cragen asked her if she recommended he split them up she replied, "If you want to lose your two best detectives".

~ Dr. Rebecca Hendrix * February 27, 2007

Benson & Stabler: Too Close

by Bensler

Chapter 13 ~ P.C.

Elliot looked at his partner staring off into space, her profile highlighted by the bluish glow of the computer monitor. Should be a law against a woman being so beautiful, he thought, especially after a sixteen hour workday. Glancing over at the clock on the wall – eleven forty-eight - he wondered why she was still here. Pretending to do paperwork. He knew why he was. It was the pure and simple fact that he didn't want to go home. Home was now a place he sought refuge from – be it the icy silences, the petty bickering or the out and out hollering matches. Heck, he could stay at the precinct and get all that most of the time. As soon as the thought formed, he corrected himself. No, that was not quite right. Not anymore. He and Olivia had actually been getting along quite well lately. And ironically it seemed things really started smoothing out since Porter's brief appearance on the scene several months ago. His eyes drifted back to Olivia and he again wondered why she had not called it a night.

"Hey, why don't you head home?" he asked softly, trying not to startle her. "You gotta be tired."

Slowly her head turned and she gave him a closed mouth smile and shrugged. "Why don't you?"

Returning the shrug, he waved his hands over all the papers and reports littering his desk. "Too much paperwork."

He smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes.

Both of them knew that was not why he was there. Or why she was there, for that matter. Their eyes locked, neither saying a word. The lingering gaze became too much for Elliot so he diverted his eyes, pulled another form toward him and started writing, keenly aware that Olivia was intently watching him. Several minutes passed and still they were enshrouded in silence. Yawning, he stretched and wished she really would call it a night because he was sure ready for some rest but he planned to sleep in the crib. Not something he wanted her to know, so he kept writing.

"I broke a date tonight," she offered, quietly as she shifted in her chair to prop her elbows on her desk and continue staring at Elliot.

Date? She never said anything about a date. Never told him she was seeing anyone. The instantaneous anger began a slow boil but he was determined to keep her from seeing it because he had no right. Not really. He took a slow, deep breath before responding.

"Yeah? Didn't know you were seeing anyone?" Way to go Stabler. Subtle. Smooth. No way will she ever know you're fishing for information.

Shrugging, she chuckled. "Guess I'm not. This is the third time in ten days I've had to cancel on him."

That's good, Elliot thought. More than good. In fact, that's great!

Offering the expected reassurances, he tried to look sympathetic. "I'm sure he understood and will…" Elliot trailed off when he saw her shaking her head.

"That's just it, Elliot. He…" She paused, sucked her lower lip into her mouth then released it. "He didn't. They never do," she sighed, looked away and then back to him. "I'm not gay, El."

Elliot's eyes narrowed at her proclamation. What? She is still thinking about that? He could not believe she was still mulling over their latest case and the lesbian activist who had hit on her yesterday. It just now hit him how much all that truly bothered her. "Olivia, I know that. Babs bother you that much?"

"No! I mean, no, she didn't bother me…not that way," she said defensively as she sat straight up.

"That's not what I meant. I meant, why are you letting what she said and did bother you so much, huh? Look at all the guys that hit on you. You are absolutely hot, Olivia. Who wouldn't hit on you? Gay or straight."

'Your partner has the hots for you,' Babs' voice reverberated in Olivia's weary, overloaded brain. Was that really even possible, she wondered? If only Babs knew how much that statement rattled her…how much she dreamed it were true. Shaking her head to dislodge the thought of her and Elliot together from her mind, she spoke again, "I don't know…it's just that…that…never mind."

He waited, giving her a chance to collect her thoughts.

Leaning back in her chair, she ran her hands through her hair. "All I have ever wanted…since I was a little girl…all I have ever wanted was to have a real family…somewhere to belong…someone to love and to love me."

Elliot felt a pain shoot through his heart. He knew life had cheated her out of a family, but he thought she had learned to deal with it. Had learned that you don't have to be blood to be family. He wanted to get up and take her in his arms, instead he sat quietly, waiting patiently for her to continue.

"When I got older, I figured I'd eventually meet someone, get married, have kids…but…it…well, it's not likely that will ever happen now," she lamented. "And I just don't want people thinking that just because I'm a cop and not married that means I must be gay."

"I didn't realize you had such an issue about gays," Elliot frowned trying to make sense of what she was really trying to say since he knew she was sympathetic toward that community.

"I don't. I…I don't know, Elliot. I don't think anyone would choose to be gay because it is so again the norm. It has to be really hard to go against mainstream society and have people always looking at you sideways. I guess what I'm saying, El, is my life is already screwed up enough…and I don't need any more issues thrown into it, you know. Especially ones that are not true."

"Screwed up? What are you talking about?" Elliot was starting to get upset with her now.

Throwing her head back and laughing sarcastically, she said, "You're kidding, right?" She leveled her gaze at him. "My father is my mother's rapist; she was a drunk who was pretty much an absentee parent; I don't have any family or significant friends; can't maintain a relationship with a man," she snorted, "…the last one I really cared about told me our feelings don't matter; I love kids and want my own, but well…I have nothing aside from this freaking job and even it's not a normal job! Something must be wrong with me!" she shouted and angrily wiped away tears before they could spill over.

"Liv…come on, now…" His mind was on the reference she made to Porter. The last one I really cared about. Our feelings don't matter. He had wanted to strangle the man when he heard him say that to Olivia. Yes, he eavesdropped on them after Cragen sent him out of the interrogation room. He heard Porter and he saw Olivia's anguish and tears and his desperation to avenge her pain was almost more than he could bear.

"No. Elliot, even you question whether or not I'm straight…"

"No, I don't. I couldn't believe you would even ask me something like that," he assured her.

Shaking her head in disbelief, she countered, "Then why didn't you just answer my question about the gay vibes instead of giving me all your smart comebacks? And why'd you say what you did after I got that sleazebag to confess?"

Elliot raised his eyebrows at her. "What'd I say?"

"You said, 'she gave a good performance. I think'."

Sighing, he stood from his desk, pushing the chair away and went around to Olivia's desk and sat on the edge of it. "Olivia, I was messing with you. I didn't mean anything by it." He leaned down and butted his shoulder against hers. "I promise. You think if I really thought you were gay, I'd tease you about it?"

Refusing to meet his gaze, she picked up an ink pen and began to click it open and closed. No, he would not. She knew that whatever insensitive ways he may have about him, he would never tease her about something that was such an intricate part of who she was. Unable to help herself, she smiled and looked up at him, "You don't know what it's like to have someone question your sexuality…it just, I don't know…it's so much of who we are and for someone to bring that into question…well, you just can't understand."

"Yeah," he replied, scratching his head, "Yeah, I can."

Her head snapped up and she stared opened mouthed with confusion all over her face. "What?"

"Remember that case seven or eight years ago where that guy that was raped outside a gay bar and an off-duty detective found him? Steve Nathan from the 2-5. Big, black guy…6'3" or 4". Gay black guy," Elliot emphasized.

Olivia was dumfounded. She had nearly forgotten that case but now recalled it and knew something about it stuck with Elliot for him to remember that detective's name. She could only nod in answer.

"Couple of nights later…he…Steve…uh…was waiting by my car…and he…uh…uh…" Elliot squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head. Looking up at Olivia again, he continued. "He…uh…wanted to know did I want to meet him and his buddies for a couple of drinks. Told him I was married and not interested. He…uh…well, he leaned real close and put his hands on my chest and told me lots of gay men were married."

Olivia's eyes were huge. "What did you do?" She imagined he more than likely beat the guy to a pulp.

Elliot laughed. "I told him to get out of my face and get his hands off of me or the only place he was going was the ER."

Someone actually questioned Elliot Alpha Male Stabler's sexuality? And lived? Envisioning how incensed he must have been, she could almost hear him deliver the threat, almost see the anger on his face and feel the rage emanating from him.

"You never told me about this." She was incredulous that he kept such a thing from her.

"What? So I could listen to you rag me for the next thirty years? Not a chance, Olivia. Not a chance," he laughed again.

This is what she needed – his laughter, his smile, his support – to put her back on an even keel. And Elliot just did that for her whether he realized it or not. Oh, of course, he realized it. That's what they did. Push and pull. Poke and prod. When one was down, the other picked them up; when one couldn't go on anymore, the other would get behind and push; and when they hit a rough spot at the same time, they sat together in companionable silence, knowing the other was there. And that made all the difference in the world.

Returning his smile, she leaned over to shut her computer down, threw the files on her desk in a drawer, locked it and pushed away from her desk. "Think I'm calling it a night. How about you?" Pulling her keys from the top desk drawer and picking up her cell phone, she stood.

Elliot watched her from his perch on her desk. He smiled and tipped his head toward his desk, "I'm gonna finish that last report first."

"Okay. Well, good night, El." They stared at each other for a few seconds and then she turned to leave.

"I'll walk out with you," he offered.

"No…I've got my car and it's in the precinct garage. I'll be fine," she told him as she waved him off.

Elliot shrugged and remained seated on her desk. Eyes following her across the room, a crazy thought, really crazy, flittered across his mind. Before he knew it he had covered the distance between them and grabbed her arm to stop her.

When she spun around, he quickly put his left arm around her shoulder as his right slipped around to the back of her head, his fingers weaving through her hair. He acted. He did not think. However, just before he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her fully and properly, his mind did register the confused look on her face along with the fullness of her lips and the absence of her forever present lip gloss. At first, she was rigid, but quickly melted in his arms and kissed him back.

Tonight his lips had met the lips of two women other than his wife. How different this kiss was from the one Babs put on him. Knowing he could not continue kissing Olivia and remain faithful to his marriage, he ended the kiss. Both of his hands slid forward to cup her face as he pulled away. Eyes locked, he whispered, "You aren't gay, Olivia."

Trying to regain the composure he had just stolen from her, she watched as he walked back to his desk, sat down and began to work. She had no idea how long she stood there, but he finally looked up at her again.

"Good night, Liv." He smiled and when he did everything in her settled.

It may not be P.C., but she was glad she wasn't gay. And she was glad her partner did not think so either. Smiling, she nodded and, once again, headed out.

~eoeoeoeoeo~