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Pneuma x

My thoughts were fissured.

I didn't know how to help myself because I ruined everything which was important to me.

Micah didn't want to see me anymore and Will did hate me for my call.

So many times I thought everything through and through. But the more I thought, the more I got insecure about what I did and what I was supposed to do. Did there really exist a right decision?

I'm not sure. At the moment I'm not sure about anything.

.. I was thinking inner all the time that everything will be fine and it will be settled on its own, but after realizing that nothing is going to change I got worried. My hope Got smaller and smaller.

Sometimes my life seems like a stupid movie that don't want to end with all the drama.

Unfortunately a new working day has begun. A whole month passed away and every day seems like the one before.

As usual I parked my car and headed straight to the coffee stand. I hummed my new favourite song – vance joy riptide. It could be a good day. Why not?

''Dr. Owens, the usual?'', asked George, the seller with whom I have found a new friend lately.

I was thinking, but today I was about to bring about changes in my life. No more as usual stuff.

'' No, thanks. Maybe a double espresso today?''

'' Of course, Dr, Owens'', he answered naturally.

Maybe the time has come, where I should start seeing things and especially my life differently.

Who needs the insecure Emily Owens, who hasn't got licked her own feelings and life?

Yes, of course, no one does and me neither. At the end of the day I won't find myself crying on my bed and praying desperately as an unbelieving person.

'Excuse me..', a huge smile beamed to me and me just motionless with the attempt to bring out a noise.

Was it the light in the assembly hall or the double espresso I've drunken making me that intoxicated? But he was beaming, that completely and perfectly. How could someone be that perfect? I asked myself, if it could be possible, that his whole family is that perfect? Certainly.

His parents have to be both very attractive persons. Blessed with beauty.

'' Sorry, but is everything fine?''

Now he seemed a little confused, but still his glance fixated on me and his right hand on my shoulder. While I was sunk in insane thoughts again, I forgot even about his presence.

'' Yes..yah of course. I'm sorry. My main problem, my lack of sleep'', I was trying to talk my way out of this embarrassing situation. My attempt to smiley cute and a bit sexy like Tyra has thought me. But unfortunately unsuccessfully.

He grinned. '' I don't have the intention of bothering you, but where do I find the clinic director?''

'' It would be a pleasure to show you the way, it's my way.''

''Good'', his smile wasn't about to leave his face.

In the elevator was silent, as usual I was too shy to bring out a word. He was ajared next to the dials of the elevator and had an unhampered view on me. I didn't feel comfortable.

From time to time I stroked my hair, but then I suddenly changed my mind and did it as it was.

By glancing briefly at him I saw his eyes fixed on me with this never-ending smile in the face.

I went read, I have already lost my control over my body since he said -Excuse me-.

'' What.. do.. y..'', the elevator opened and interrupted my pathetic attempt asking something bright.

It was obviously, that the shy and nervous side of Emily Owens couldn't get rid that easy.

''Thank you..From here on I remember again. I'm pleased ..em?!'', he was looking for my name.

'' Owens, dr. Owens'', I stammered and realized how tensed my smile had to be look like.

He walked straight the direction to the office without having a look around somewhere.

What did he mean with ''I remember again'' ?

It was the first week in which I was assigned with Cassandra. As usual I would have change with someone, but today I wanted to try to be someone else, someone better.

Since the scenario I have heard the both have tried it again with each other, but it didn't last for long. Since then is the atmosphere very tensed between all of us.

We got umpteen files and were assigned to the cardiology ward. I actually like the cardiology ward because the cases are very interesting to me.

But before we could start Dr, Bandari called us to come. The whole group was gathered.

And it was the first time since a month, that I've seen him again. There is talk of Micah.

He stood upright, looked handsome as always and of course without deigning to look at me.

Next to him suddenly appeared that smile again. The main from the elevator stood right next to him in a doctor smock and his never-ending smile.

Micah started talking. ''So we don't want to .., but we would like to introduce you the new consultant, who will be responsible for this station with me.''

He pointed with his hands to the front, like a gesture for him to introduce him on his own.

Micah didn't seem that happy about his new workmate.

The newcomer took a step to the front. '' Hi, all together. My name is Dr. Benedict and I'm looking forward to our coöperation. I don't have any expectations, but I want you to have some for yourselves and we can make them come true with my help. Thanks. ''

Was there something this man isn't able to do? There has to be a leak in his perfection.