Alexx and Calleigh were in the ICU waiting room. Eric had had to get back to the lab and work on their case with Ryan and Natalia. Horatio been brought up to the ICU about two hours ago. He had been unconscious the whole time. Calleigh was pacing. Alexx was quietly sitting in one of the chairs. After a little while a doctor walked in.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Kim O'Connor." she said, "I'm the doctor in charge of Lt. Caine."
"Hi, I'm Dr. Alexx Woods and this is Calleigh Duquesne." Alexx said.
They all shook hands.
"Lt. Caine has a slight concussion from hitting his head as he passed out. "Dr. O'Connor said, "Now you said that he hasn't been sleeping properly, right?"
"Yes. He's been having nightmares for some days now." Alexx said, "And I don't think that he has been able to eat much either."
"Yes, he seems exhausted, it's like his body has no energy left because his vitals are quite low." Dr. O'Connor said.
"Can we see him?" Calleigh asked.
"Yes, this way." Dr. O'Connor said, "We've put an oxygen mask on him just in case something would go wrong. He's in REM sleep."
"Rapid eye movements." Calleigh whispered to herself. That meant that he was dreaming, probably having a nightmare. He wasn't safe from his nightmares even when he was unconscious. The doctor opened the door to room 214. Horatio was laying on bed, an IV attached to him and an oxygen mask. The door closed and Alexx and Calleigh were left alone.
"He's lost some weight." Alexx said, "Poor Baby."
"Why didn't he tell us he had nightmares, or at least told you?" Calleigh asked.
"Well, I think he was about to tell me when we heard the new about Madison. But Horatio does have a problem when it comes to letting people in. Letting them come close." Alexx said sadly. "But after this he's going to have to at least tell us where this dreams are coming from."
Calliegh and Alexx sat down on each side of Horatio's bed and simply watched him. Calliegh wondered what went on behind those closed eyelids. What he was dreaming about.
-I-
Horatio was thirteen. By now he was used to being tied to a chair in the basement. He had no shirt on, so all his scars were visible. The scars were his fathers "gift" to him, and Dean didn't mind to give Horatio a lot of "gifts". Dean stood behind his son, he had his belt in his hand and was ready to punish his son for missing dinner. Horatio was calm. He had learned long ago not to scream when his father hit him. In fact he barely spoke anymore, not even to his mother. Dean took a deep breath and hit Horatio with his belt. The belt buckle was big and every time Horatio flinched Dean was satisfied. He wanted to hear his son scream, but knew he had quit doing that years ago. It didn't make Dean want to hit him less though, no, quite the opposite. He wanted to see his son bleed from his back. He wanted him to hurt so much that he couldn't sleep for days. Dean wanted Horatio to be in his power for the rest of his life. Dean brought the belt buckle in contact with Horatio's back again and again.
"What's the count?" Dean asked. He liked to keep count, so that Horatio would be reminded of how many new scars he'd get.
"Three." Horatio answered quietly.
"Only… let me see, 87 left then." Dean smiled.
He kept on hitting Horatio and soon blood ran down Horatio's back. Dean chuckled. The wound might get infected, but there was no way that he would take Horatio to a hospital. Horatio knew Raymond was watching from behind the car. It was Raymond's way of making sure that Horatio was alright. To make sure that Dean didn't kill him. Though, it only made Raymond have nightmares and who got to pay for it when Raymond woke up screaming in the middle of the night? Horatio had to pay. Horatio had to pay for everything.
"Ten, eleven, twelve." Horatio counted. He had to count. It was his father's wish.
Dean never got tired of hitting his oldest son. Never.
"Seventeen, eighteen." Horatio kept on counting.
He tried to think about something happy, but every time the belt buckle connected with his skin he was brought back to the cruel reality. He could feel the blood coming from his deep wounds. He could feel the cold belt buckle making new scars over the old ones. He new that this time tomorrow he would have bruises all over his back. This time tomorrow his father would give him some other punishment, until the bruises on his back were healed.
"Thirty one, thirty two, thirty three." Horatio groaned, "Thirty four, thirty five."
He balled his hands into fists and bit down his lip, making his lip bleed too. After a while Horatio stopped flinching, making Dean hit him even harder.
"Forty eight, forty nine." Horatio counted.
-I-
Eric and Ryan were working on some evidence in their case. Since Horatio had been brought to the hospital the lab had been dead silent. Nobody played any pranks on each other at the moment.
"Do you think H will tell us about his sleeping problem?" Ryan asked.
Eric sighed, "Yeah, I think Alexx will get him to tell at least her. But I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not curious."
"Me too." Ryan said.
When Ryan had first met the Lt. he had thought that he seemed to a person who disliked physical contact. It wasn't true. Horatio was a very loving man who wanted nothing more than a family, but never seemed to feel happy for very long. Every time something tragic happened to him he just went deeper into his shell. If there were anyone who could break his defense it was Calleigh and Alexx. Calliegh was so obviously in love with Horatio and he was so obviously in love with her. Neither of them wanted to make the first move however.
"I got a fingerprint on the murder weapon." Eric said.
Ryan nodded, "Good."
They ran it through AFIS and got a hit. With deep concerns they walked out of the lab to bring in their suspect. They didn't like to be working when their boss and friend were at a hospital.
-I-
Horatio stirred and slowly opened his blue eyes. Though, they didn't seem so blue anymore. The color had almost faded. That's what it looked like to Alexx, who was now the only one left in the room.
Calleigh had went back to the lab to search for some family history about Horatio. Alexx had told her to find as much as she could.
"Horatio sweetie, look at me." Alexx said softly. It took a while but Horatio finally managed to make eye contact with Alexx.
"Hi." Alexx said, "How are you feeling?"
Horatio didn't answer at first. Then he removed his oxygen mask.
"I've been better to be honest." he sighed.
Alexx nodded, "I understand that. Horatio you passed out in your office, from the lack of sleep."
Horatio looked down at his hands, they were sweaty. He had been dreaming he knew it. He knew that Alexx would scowl at him.
"Horatio, we have to talk." she said.
Horatio shook his head, "I can't Alexx."
"Yes, you can. Amy told me you had nightmares. She said that it took you a long time to tell her what it was you were dreaming about." Alexx said, "You told her it was from your childhood, right?"
"Alexx, it was a secret. Nobody else was supposed to know." Horatio snapped.
Alexx brought her hand to Horatios chin. She lifted his head up to make eye contact, but he kept pulling away.
"Look at me." she said, "Horatio, please."
Horatio looked at her. It wasn't easy for him to make eye contact with someone.
"You have to tell me, sweetie." Alexx said, "Tell me about your childhood. Not today. But someday."
Horatio shook his head, but knew that he was going to be forced to do it. He didn't want Alexx to look at him and think "There goes the man that was abused by his father. The man who was abused by everyone around him." Horatio nodded and Alexx smiled. Inside his mind was screaming at him. A little voice inside his head kept saying: "What have you done?! Now you're going to have to tell her your darkest secrets!" He could lie, of course. He could tell her the little more softer side of his childhood. Only tell her the times when all his father did was to smack him in his head and not use his belt. But he knew that Alexx would see through it. That woman would be so useful in his investigations. No criminal would ever lie to her. But he would only tell her. Nobody else. Horatio's mind went back to Madison.
"Have you heard anything about Suzie?" Horatio asked quietly.
"No, and you should try to think about getting some sleep. Madison's death is not you fault and you don't have to think about any funeral right now." Alexx answered quickly with a glare that warned Horatio to not even try and think about how he could have changed things for Madison. Horatio sighed, sometimes it was bad never being able to lie. He wanted to see Madison. He wanted to say his final goodbye, but Alexx would never let him do that, not now anyway.
"Sweetie, I have to go back to the morgue and perform an autopsy. I want you to promise me to try and get some sleep." Alexx said and she stood up to leave.
Horatio nodded, "Okay." he said.
"Say I promise" Alexx smiled.
"I promise" Horatio said.
Alexx gave a kiss on the cheek and left the room. Horatio locked around. White walls, White roof, and White floor, he thought, doctors with white coats and the only ones who probably weren't wearing anything white was the nurses. They probably wore something blue or maybe light red or pink. Horatio decided to keep his promise to Alexx and closed his eyes to sleep. Deep inside himself though, he knew it would be very hard. He knew that another nightmare was coming.
-I-
The day was coming to an end. Calliegh had gathered some information on Horatio's family history, but it hadn't been very easy. Calleigh and Alexx were sitting in the break room, looking at the little information that they had.
"I found out that Horatio's parents were killed when he was quite young, he was fifteen." Calleigh said, "I don't know how they died however. How much do you know about his past?"
"He never said much about himself to me, he mostly told Amy. And she told me." Alexx said.
"Who is Amy?" Calleigh asked.
"It was Horatio's fiancé. They met when Horatio moved down here to Miami, and they got a son, Benjamin. After two years, Amy and Benjamin were killed by a robber, who had been hired to kill a mother and a child. But he killed the wrong mother and child." Alexx said.
Calleigh eyes widened, could life be more unfair? How much would Horatio have to live through before it killed him?
"Amy told me he had nightmares and that he didn't like to talk about them." Alexx sighed, "she told me once that he had scars all over his body and he said that they were from "Dean", Dean is his father's name." she
"Yeah it is." Calleigh said, looking through her papers, "Dean Caine."
Alexx nodded, "Does your papers say anything about conditions in the Caine household?" Alexx asked.
"Well, after Horatio's parents died, he and his brother met a child psychologist. He was going to help them talk about their life and help them move through their parent death." Calleigh said.
"What's his name?" Alexx asked.
"Umm… Let me see… Oh, here it is, Dr. Malcolm Stevens." Calleigh said.
"I know who that is, he was also a college professor. He had my class in medicine class." Alexx said, "He died the same year he graduated."
"So there is now way we can ask him anything." Calleigh sighed.
"I think we simply have to make Horatio open up." Alexx said.
Calliegh nodded. She couldn't lie to herself and say that she wasn't curious about her boss and friends life before Miami, of course she wanted to know about it. But she was also concerned that if he didn't let it out it would eat him up form the inside. Or maybe it already does eat him up. She remembered the first time she had met the stunning Lt. from Miami and he had offered her a job in Miami. She had agreed and secretly been hoping that he fallen in love with her at first sight, just like she had. Since she had moved down to Miami they had been flirting with each other in joking way, and it's like both of them always wanted to tell each other how they felt, but they couldn't. Calleigh hoped Horatio loved her just as much as she loved him.
-I-
"Mom, he hit you again didn't he?" The thirteen year old read-head asked his mother.
His mother smiled at him, but the look in her eyes gave him his answer.
"No he didn't Horatio. I slammed into the car door, that all." she smiled.
She should have known that there was no need in lying to him, just like her Horatio could easily read people and say when they were lying.
"Are you sure, he didn't help you slam into the door?" Horatio asked accusingly.
"Horatio, stop accusing your father of things that are not true. People are starting to suspect things and your father is a gentle family man." she said. Horatio looked right into her eyes, she was lying. She had never before tried to deny what her husband did to her and her oldest son. But now the rumor in the block was more important then taking care of her sons. Horatio huffed and ran to his room. He slammed the door shut and threw himself on his bed. He just lay there and listened to everything around him. After a while he heard Dean and Raymond come home from Raymond's soccer practice. Dean sounded happy and he could hear how his mother greeted her husband with a cheerful voice and called him darling. He wanted to throw up. Did she really think that his good mood would last the whole night? Of course not, she knew better, but she wanted to believe it would last. He could hear them start eating and his mother told her husband that Horatio was feeling ill and therefore didn't join them for dinner. Horatio knew his father would come in to his room after dinner and make sure that Horatio really was sick. It didn't take long for footsteps to be heard in the stairs and soon a door opened and Dean walked into Horatio view.
"Your mother tells me you're feeling sick, is that correct?" Dean asked in a soft tone.
"Yes." Horatio answered.
"How can I make you feel better?" Dean asked.
Horatio thought for a second, "well, you screwing me isn't going to help!" he thought, "but you out of the house would."
Horatio sighed, "I don't know."
Dean sat down in his sons chair by the desk and sighed.
"Well, I would beat the crap out of you, but I'm not in the mood right now. So instead you get to choose." Dean smirked.
Horatio sighed, he knew it was going to be bad.
"You can choose between having to give me a blowjob, or take the razor and cut yourself between your toes and fingers, or you can take a little fall down the stairs." Dean smirked.
Horatio didn't have to think for long, "I'll cut myself between the toes and fingers." he said.
"Good boy, why don't you go into the bathroom and do that." Dean smiled, "I'll wait here for you to show me when you're done."
Horatio nodded and left the room. He hurried into the bathroom and locked the door. In all his years of abuse he had never come up with the plan to escape through the bathroom window, until now. He had made sure that the landing would be soft by planting an old mattress under the window. No one would notice he was gone until he had managed to run almost thirty minutes. And Horatio was a fast runner. He slowly opened the window and crawled outside. He jumped down and made sure no passer by had seen him. Then he sneaked out of the yard and started to run down the street, passed all his neighbors. He knew he would get in trouble if his father found him, but he planned on running forever and ever. Until he was out of the state.
After a while he was out of his block and he ran into the forest. It was getting dark so it was a little difficult for him to see where he was going. He slowed down to walk and tried to stay away from the paths. He hadn't been gone longer than five minutes so he could still escape for a long time. He knew his father would never ask the police to search for him, he didn't like the police. Horatio wasn't tired so he started running again. He had forgot to bring a flashlight. He had planned on escaping during the night and not at six in the evening. He had actually packed a bag with some food, a flashlight, matches and some money. But that bag was under his bed in his bedroom where his father sat waiting for him. For the first time in his life he felt absolutely free and he wouldn't let anything stop him now. He knew he would miss his mother and brother, he wished he could have taken Raymond with him. But he had made himself a promise that if he managed to be on the run for several years, he would come back when he was a little bit older. He came to the end of the forest when he heard footsteps behind him. He panicked and started running faster. He didn't believe it was his father behind him, but he didn't want people to see him. The person behind him started running too, to keep up with Horatio. By now the sun was almost completely gone and Horatio knew he could trip any time now. He ran with all his energy, but so did the person behind him. Soon he was out of the forest and now it was only a big corn field ahead of him. Horatio jumped over the barbed wired fence and kept on running.
He was still being followed. He looked back and that turned out to be a mistake when he felt something sharp around his feet and he tripped. Horatio tried to get up, but he realized he got stuck in barb wire and in cut deeper into his skin as he tried to get free. He stopped when he could no longer hear any footsteps.
He looked up into the eyes of his English teacher. His English teacher Bradley had a big smirk in his face.
Horatio groaned.
"I came out to run in the forest and imagine my surprise when I see my own student in front of me, running too. But not with jogging clothes." Bradley smirked.
"I don't own any jogging clothes." Horatio said.
"I know, but I also know that your dad couldn't possibly have authorized you running in the forest at six." Bradley said, "So what do you say I take you home."
Horatio wanted to rip Bradley's head off, he wanted to poke his eyes out. He had planned his escape for so long and he hadn't even managed to be free for twenty minutes. Bradley took away the barb wire from Horatio feet and lifted him to his feet. Horatio hissed at the pain from his cuts.
"Since you're in pain, we'll walk slowly back to your house." Bradley said.
Horatio groaned and started walking with Bradley. Bradley kept on holding his hand and had an evil smirk in his face. Horatio didn't know why Bradley tried to play calm when his bulge in his pants was so obvious. Though, Horatio knew that Bradley wouldn't touch him tonight. Bradley wanted to, but he wouldn't. Why? Horatio had no idea. After almost forty minutes Bradley and Horatio arrived at the Caine house hold and a very pissed of Dean opened the door. Dean glared at his son and pulled him inside. He talked about something with Bradley and the closed the door.
"You are really testing how far I can go aren't you?" Dean asked as he grabbed Horatio's arm and almost dragged him down to the basement.
Horatio didn't say anything, he knew that after this night he would have to be home from school for almost two weeks. Dean tossed his son to the floor and took of his belt, that had a very big belt buckle.
But this time he didn't beat Horatio with it. This time he tied his hands together behind a pipe and then took two big buckets of water from the spare freezer that was down in the basement.
"This is going to be cold as hell. I'm going to throw to buckets of cold water on you and then one bucket of warm water." Dean said, "and I'm going to enjoy it."
Horatio closed his eyes and gasped as the cold water hit his body. He could feel his blood starting to freeze and the burning sensation as the water touched his cuts on his feet. He kept on gasping and jumped when the second bucket with water hit him. He was shaking by now and he could barely breathe as it felt like his lungs were getting smaller.
"Time to get a little bit warmer." Dean said and Horatio prepared himself.
-I-
Horatio was trashing in his bed and groaning. Two nurses and Dr. Kim O'Connor were trying to keep him still. Kim tried to talk to Horatio but he kept on moving around and kicking with his feet. Outside Frank watched his best friend dreaming. He wanted to go in there and help. He thought that maybe the voice of someone familiar to Horatio would make him calm down and wake up. But Dr. O'Connor had made it clear that he should stay outside. Frank watched the nurses struggle. It wasn't easy to hold Horatio down. After a while Horatio seemed to calm down, but he still hadn't woken up.
Dr. O'Connor gave him some sedatives and then left the room to talk with Frank.
"I didn't manage to get your name?" Dr. O'Connor said to Frank.
"Frank Tripp." Frank said, "Can I go in to see him?"
Dr. O'Connor nodded, "I'm going to have to call a psychologist for Lt. Caine." she said.
"He's not nuts Dr. and believe me, he won't talk to a shrink." Frank snapped.
"I'm not saying he's nuts, but we have a hospital psychologist that is very good, he can help Lt. Caine." Dr. O'Connor said.
"He doesn't need one. Let his family talk to him." Frank said.
Dr. O'Connor nodded, "Alright."
Frank nodded his thank you to her and went in to see Horatio.
He was sleeping peacefully, but his hands were shaking slightly.
Frank sighed, "What is it that troubles you so much my friend?".
TBC…
AN: Please review!