Hello all you amazing readers! This will unfortunately be my last update until Monday. I am headed up to my friend's cottage for the weekend and will have no internet! Remember to follow and/or favourite if you like what you are reading!
I do not own The Hunger Games or any of these characters. They all belong to the amazingly talented Suzanne Collins!
I wake up before the sun rises. I hardly slept at all last night, and when I did sleep it was filled with horrifying nightmares of Peeta. Every single one of them I lost him in some way. Every single one caused me to scream out in the pain of it all. I had no one beside me to comfort me. No one to protect me in the darkness of night.
I slowly walk down the stairs without showering for the first time in a few weeks. I walk into the living room and begin to build a fire in the fireplace that sits on the left wall. When the fire is warm and bright I lay down one of the blankets that are normally hung on the back of the couch onto the floor and sit down on it.
I soak in the heat radiating off the fire and attempt to forget about Peeta. Forget about how he left me. Forget about how he walked out that front door and didn't come back. Forget about how lonely I have felt. Forget about how much I love him. Unfortunately, I fail.
I begin to think about the few good memories I have of Peeta from the last 2 years or so. Being on the roof of the training center with him, on the beach during the quell, even all those nights on the train during our victory tour. I think about how much he meant to me even then, even when I didn't know it.
Now that I do know, it is unbelievably hard to imagine him not being here with me. I sit on the blanket for hours, not eating, only moving to go relieve myself now and then.
When I hear my door slowly creek open I don't take my eyes off the fire. I don't show any emotion, even when he comes to sit beside me. He sits there for a few minutes before getting up to go clean up the kitchen. A few tears roll down my cheek.
I don't understand, I used to be so good at hiding any and all emotion. When it's about Peeta though, they are so strong that even I can't keep them inside.
He brings me a plate of something and sets it in front of me. He gently instructs me to eat but I do not obey. I do nothing but sit and stare into the flame. The flames that were meant to represent strength, leadership, and rebellion against the capitol. All I see is danger, death, and destruction.
When he makes a move to stand up and leave I grab his arm and force him to stay sitting with me. He looks surprised at first, as this is the first time I have acknowledged him tonight but when I lean into him he accepts and folds his arms around me. I exhale deeply at the relief of not being rejected and relax in his arms.
"I love you." I whisper so quietly that I figured there was a good chance he didn't hear. He of course did though and quickly flips me around so he is staring into my eyes. Once again I am transfixed with his eyes and cannot look away.
"What?" He says. I know he hears exactly what I had said so I give him a slight scowl and this makes the corners of his lips turn up. "Come on Katniss, I didn't hear you, what was that?" he asks, his grin becoming even bigger.
"I- I love you." I say, very unsure of myself this time. With that his lips crash into mine in a fit of passion. He stays glued to me for several minutes before breaking away and planting soft kisses down my cheek, neck and shoulders. "Please don't leave. I can't live like that. Please, please don't leave." I beg with a few soft tears running down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry Katniss. I just absolutely hate that I hurt you like that." He says picking up and examining my bruised wrist. "I can't live knowing I hurt you."
"It hurt more when you left." I say quietly, still in his arms. He sighs deeply and runs a hand through his hair. "It will get better. I know it will. Easier. I will talk to Dr. Aurelius so he can tell me the best way to handle things when it gets bad. We can do this Peeta. Just promise me you won't leave."
He thinks for a moment before responding. "Alright fine Katniss, I won't leave. But you need to promise me that you will do anything you need to stop me from hurting you. Kill me if you need to, just find a weapon and hide. Leave and go to Haymich's house. Do what you need to do. Do you hear me?" he asks.
"Peeta, I can't, I can't hurt you… I…" He cuts me off.
"No Katniss you have to. Don't worry about me, worry about keeping yourself alive. Do you understand? I do understand what he is saying but I can't say that I agree with it. If it came down to it I could hurt him, but I really don't think I could kill him. In-fact I know I couldn't kill him.
"Yes." I reply simply. I think it would be best to go along with it. That will give him a little bit of piece of mind. What he doesn't know won't kill him.
"Now how about we go upstairs into your bed? I don't really want to sleep on the floor if I don't have to." He tells me with a slight smirk. I slowly nod my head and before I know what is happening he picks me up and starts carrying me towards the stairs.
"Peeta!" I say with a slight giggle. "Why are you carrying me?" I say in mock- frustration.
"Your foot." He says simply. I groan at this. It is cut, not broken or even sprained. I know that he would refuse to let me down anyway so I drop the subject. Instead I lean my head against his chest and relax.
When he drops me gently onto the bed I look up at him again. "When did you become this beautiful?" he asks me.
"Uhh I'm not sure…" Had I said that to him, he would have come up with some witty remark. I just sit there looking awkward and unsure of my words. He chuckles quietly and bends down and captures my lips in a kiss.
He lies down beside me and scoops me up in his arms again. "I missed you so much last night." He says with a sigh. "Did you have many nightmares?" he asks. I simply look down at the bed beneath me. "Of course you did. I'm sorry." He says. He raises my chin up so I am looking at him again.
"As long as you're here now." I say contently. "They were all about you, you know." I say quietly reliving last night's nightmares.
"The dreams?" he asked, confused.
"Yes. I lost you in every single one. I watched you die over and over and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it." I said in a flat tone.
"I'm okay. That's all that matters right? And I will be here when the nightmares come tonight okay? I promise." He tells me soothingly and he sticks to his word. I wake up 3 times that night, screaming and kicking. He calms me after every single one.
The next morning I am greeted by the sound of Peeta's voice, rousing me from my deep sleep.
"Katniss, love. Wake up. It is quarter after eleven. Come eat some breakfast you must be starving." And I realize I am. I slowly emerge from under my nest of blankets and see Peeta hovering overtop of me.
"There she is." He says as he leans in to kiss me. "I was worried you would sleep for the rest of the day." He said with a smile. "And I would be very, very sad if I didn't get to see those beautiful eyes today." He says in mock- sadness. He sticks out his bottom lip and I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. What has put him in such a good mood this morning?
"Fine. What's for breakfast?" I half whine. He smiles and helps me up and off the bed. At least he didn't pick me up again.
"Waffles, fruit, and I even made up a batch of cheese buns." And I know from the smell that has come wafting up the stairs that it is the truth. I am so hungry from hardly eating anything the last two days and I can't wait to get my hands on one of those cheese buns. As we sit down at the table and begin to eat Peeta slides his chair over and plants a kiss on my cheek.
"What has gotten you in such a good mood this morning? It's a far cry from when you walked through my door last night." I ask him. He looks at me and grins.
"Well, a couple things really. First, the girl of my dreams confessed her love to me last night, and I could not be happier about that." He says. I quickly look away but he forces my eyes back to his. "Plus, there is something else." He says and I wait for him to continue. "I bought the bakery back. I'm going to fix it up and run it. Its going to be amazing Katniss. Maybe you can even come and help out." He says. I can tell he is excited by the tone in his voice. He has that 'little kid in a candy store' kind of glint in his eye too.
It makes me really happy that Peeta is doing this. It will give him something to do, to keep his mind off of other things. Maybe it will even help with his flashbacks somehow. I will have to talk to Dr. Aurelius. "Please Peeta, as if you would want me any where near that food. Anything I touch I either mess up the mixture, or burn in the oven." He looks at me and grins.
"You wait. I will teach you and you will be as good as me in no time." I shake my head back and forth at this because I know I will never be anywhere close to as good as Peeta.
"So, I was thinking about going hunting or maybe just a walk first. I doubt I will be any good with a bow any more. It has been a long time since I last hunted.' I tell him as we begin to wash the dishes we have dirtied.
"That sounds wonderful and I am positive that you will be just fine with that bow. I don't think that's something that you can easily loose." He tells me and kisses me on the cheek as he wipes his hands dry on a towel. "I will see you tonight. I have to check and make sure everything is ready to start building tomorrow."
"Alright, good bye." As he walks out the door he turns to me.
"Katniss?"
"Mhmm?" I mumble back from the kitchen.
"Be careful out there okay?" I look back at him and nod. He walks out the front door with a pair of sneakers and a light coat on.
I walk up the stairs quickly and throw on my father's old hunting jacket, and boots. I grab my bow and sheath out of the closet where they have been neatly kept for the past several months and head out into the sunny fall day.