EPOV
I sat at my computer waiting for who I thought was Bella.
I'm nearly a hundred percent sure it is Bella. Everything she said today fit with the person I talked to last night.
She even had a bandage on her arm. I don't know what happened but I'm sure she did it to herself.
But at least she agreed to go out with me.
I'm really excited about our date. I'm thinking maybe dinner and a movie.
I looked at the clock and saw that it was ten minutes after the time we were supposed to meet.
I stared at my screen willing the chat box to come up - come on...please get on.
Finally after fifteen minutes the chat box finally popped up - thank heavens.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Hi
Nobody: hi sorry i'm late. complications.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Not a problem. I'm glad you came.
Nobody: I told you I would, even though I don't know why you care.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I do care and I'm glad you're a woman of your word.
Nobody: I wasn't going to. I had a bad evening... and I just want the pain to stop. I'm just a pathetic waste of time.
Teen hotline counselor 3: No you aren't. Why would you think that?
Nobody: Everyone tells me that, kids at school, and my step-dad too.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Why do they say that?
Nobody: Because they think I am.
Teen hotline counselor 3: You know that's not true, right?
Nobody: No I don't. I don't matter to anyone. I prefer to hide at school, but some days that doesn't work.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I'm sure you must matter to someone. Why are you trying to hide?
Nobody: Because its easier. Then no one notices me, and I like it. The more I hide the less people hurt me.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Are there people in your life that don't hurt you?
Nobody: Yeah a select few.
Teen hotline counselor 3: That's good. Do they know about your step - father hurting you?
Nobody: No. No-one knows.
Teen hotline counselor 3: how long has this been happening?
Nobody: About five years.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I'm so sorry. You deserve better than that you know.
Nobody: No I don't know. But thanks.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Well now you know. How was your day today?
Nobody: It was okay. Had a few run ins with some girl at school, and I got asked out today.
I tried not to get too excited - this could be any other girl getting picked on and asked out. It thrilled me and saddened me that I'm almost sure this Bella.
Teen hotline counselor 3: That's cool. I told you someone cared.
Nobody: Maybe
Teen hotline counselor 3: I'm sure he wouldn't ask if he didn't like you.
Nobody: I guess.
I try and sound casual - I don't want Bella to guess it's me - I'm afraid she would stop talking to me.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Do you want to talk about how you feel about this date?
Nobody: Sure.
Teen hotline counselor 3: That's a good thing to have things to look forward to.
Nobody: I am looking forward to it. But...
Teen hotline counselor 3: But what?
Nobody: I'm afraid that he won't like me once we are alone together. I've never been on a date.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I bet he will - otherwise he wouldn't have asked you.
Nobody: You don't know me, I'm not that pretty and I'm quiet.
I had to be careful here, I couldn't tell her she is beautiful - that might give me away.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I'm sure you look fine and maybe he likes quiet girls.
Nobody: Sure, if he likes plain and boring.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Don't be so hard on yourself.
Nobody: I'll try.
Teen hotline counselor 3: You sound better today than you did yesterday.
Nobody: I just haven't said much about it right now. I still think about it and after what happened this morning and tonight, I want it to end. Can I tell you something?
Teen hotline counselor 3: Of course. you can tell me anything. Everything here is anonymous.
Nobody: I did hurt myself this morning. It didn't hurt like I thought it would, but it bled a lot more than I thought.
I took several deep breaths to try and keep back the tears stinging my eyes.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I'm sorry to hear that. Are you okay?
Nobody: I'm okay. Are you upset with me now? Your tone changed. I get it, I disappointed you too.
Teen hotline counselor 3: No. I'm not disappointed at all. I'm worried for you.
Nobody: Your tone is different. I don't know why I told you anything. I think I'm going to cancel the date too. I'll just disappoint him too.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Please don't do that. I didn't mean to sound different. You're just my first caller that's actually gone through with hurting themselves. I was a little shocked.
Teen hotline counselor 3:Please keep talking to me
Nobody: It doesn't matter, I've decided. I won't be here long. I don't know if I want to talk to you anymore.
Teen hotline counselor 3: That's your choice, but go on your date - you deserve some happiness.
Nobody: Told you, you don't care. You didn't even hear what I said.
I felt panic rising in me - all I wanted to do was help and I'm screwing this all up.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I did hear you and I do care. I want you to keep talking.
I wish I could just reveal myself.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fail you.
Nobody: Why? you made me feel pathetic too. I just want people to like me. I don't know why my step-father hates me so much. He says its because I'm like my dad. But he's been dead awhile. Are your parents together and happy?
You didn't fail me. I did.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I didn't mean to make you feel worse. My parents are together - they seem happy. And you didn't fail - you're still here.
Nobody: It's okay. I'm used to feeling bad. I'm glad your parents are together. Do they treat you good? Is your sister nice?
Teen hotline counselor 3: I don't want to be one of the people that treat you bad.
My parents treat me great. My sister can be nice when she wants to be.
Nobody: You haven't really. Actually you're pretty nice. Too bad we don't know each other. It would be nice to have a friend.
Teen hotline counselor 3: what about your mom? Does she know your step-father hurts you?
Teen hotline counselor 3: I can be your secret friend.
Nobody: No my mom doesn't know he hurts me. If she does she doesn't care. That's cool, but don't friends know each others names, even secret friends.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I think we should keep our first names secret - this is a small area, how about middle names. You can call me Anthony.
Nobody: Hi Anthony. Mine is Marie.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Hi Marie, glad to meet you.
Nobody:Nobody: It's nice to have a friend and a name.
Teen hotline counselor 3: yeah it is
Nobody: What else do you want to talk about?
Teen hotline counselor 3: are you still going to go on your date?
Nobody: Yes. I'm going to go still.
Teen hotline counselor 3: That's good - I hope you have a wonderful time.
Nobody: I hope to. I've never been on a date. So I don't know how to act and I can't ask my friend Alice, since its her brother I am going out with.
Well that confirmed it - this is Bella.
Teen hotline counselor 3: just be yourself and I'm sure you'll be fine.
Nobody: I don't know how to be myself. I'm just plain and boring.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I bet you aren't boring at all. I think you're interesting.
Nobody: Right. You don't know me. I'm not interesting.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Tell me things that interest you. Tell me what interests you in people...or guys
Nobody: I like movies, music, books. In guys, I like them to treat you like a princess. Pulling out chairs for you, holding the door open for you, buying you lunch even when you just want a salad, they get you something else. I like guys who make you laugh and that you can make laugh. I like green eyed guys.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I hope you get everything you are looking for, Marie and I hope this date is everything you wish for - I hope it's a dream come true.
Nobody: He is very nice and he has done all that and more for me. He even stood up to this skank at school. But I hope I don't disappoint him.
Teen hotline counselor 3: I'm glad he's good to you and if he's disappointed then he's a fool.
Nobody: We'll see I guess. I'm think I better go. Its late and I need to go to bed. School in the morning.
I feel guilty praising myself like this, but I hope I'm helping her - she sounds happier than I've ever heard her. I hope I make her this happy on our date.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Sleep well, Marie. I enjoyed our talk.
Nobody: Me too Anthony, sleep well. Talk to you later. Bye.
Teen hotline counselor 3: Bye