Nakago---------------Scorpio
Tomo and Soi were extremely concerned about my condition. For the first time, I let the emotion flow. I was touched deeply. They actually care about me. You must be wondering if I am going mental. And yes the Emperor threatened to cut my wages. He also wanted to sack me. Despite my status. And I could not answer back or else. Then a miracle.....
Some stars glittered about the ruler of our pathetic country. His guards rushed to take me down. I prepared to defend myself. Then the man ordered that they leave me alone. Why?? Because I had hit on the strategic value of the guerilla attack. He grinned all over his bearded face. So I went for a walk to contact the thing, to ay a small thank you. I felt drained, incredibly. Being calm had sapped my energy. Transmission failed.
I was still happy, after allowing me to meet mother, the bug had saved me from execution and a broken rice bowl. The trees nodded and violet flowers bloomed. I compared that with the bald trees nearby. To my horror, I felt like a strange being, all hurt, pain, sadness and joy CRYING out to be expressed. but it didn't feel right letting it out, it was too dangerous.
****************************
So I couldn't thank my fellowmen for assisting me. I could however give them my salary. I wanted to dream of kaasan again, however I could not be selfish. If the bug couldn't do it, it was okay. Could that be?
"I thank you Little one. Are you a bug?"
"And I would like to see you so I can thank you personally." A small giggle, to my left. I closed in for a study of IT, trapping between my fingers. It shouted yeouch!
"That was so RUDE, Ayuru! Couldn't you be more grateful? Or at least find a less lousy way to talk?" I laughed at this, it was crazy I would not let others take advantage of me like this and yet, here I was relaxed.
"Arigatou. Could I see my mum again?"
The thing paused. Its wings hummed as if in annoyance. "You think I can just do this everytime? Poof, like magic? I'm not God, I'm just a fairy." Despite having prepared for this letdown I couldn't help crying. The pain washed out, I felt weak and tired. I lay down and rubbed at my eyes. The child inside, it was a mistake to let it happen. I shouldn't have let it out. It hurts!
I want to say I love you forever
The promise that I have made
Even if time doesn't permit me to
Distances apart, I can still love you
And remember that it was Fate that had us meet.....
(Coco Lee, Eternal Promise)
Where was kaasan? Why had she not stayed like she promised to? In this stupid stupid world, I was the only one. I trembled, humiliated, shamed, angry. It was not fair, the thing shouldn't see me like this. Nobody should.
"Don't cry," she said, sounded female.
"I am fine."
"Ayuru, don't cry. Please don't."
Comforting arms landed about me, pulled me close. Tomo! His soft voice saying something. Saying my name. I didn't need this!
"Tomo, go away. I'm fine!"
"I just wanted to tell you something. I have strong....." A rustle of cloth. I turned away.
"You know everything!" I snapped. "Mother, she's my private business. I bet you're glad right? To harp on my vulnerabilities and laugh at me! This stupid emotional shogun! A failure from the start!"
"I'm not-------- Nakago, listen," Tomo was whispering. He looked pained although the paint was intact. He hadn't removed it but it was failing its purpose.
"I don't love you! I never did. It's not right having a relationship, it's never right for us to be together. It can't be, Tomo, so leave." A huge silence. I was too proud to say any apology, which should be appropriate. I had the thought even that I was right. He was too stupid to see the truth and I had enlightened him. Annihilate all of earth and take back what is mine!
"You really hate me? And Soi too."
I must have been blind. I just stayed quiet. Push them away that's it, the expert you are. Shut up, you know nothing! What wrong have they actually done to me? Tomo said goodnight and then he left. The sadness in his voice was unmistakable. I want to heal, and yet in this second of frustration and anger I had blown it.
"Little One you brought him did you not? But why, why didn't you ask first?" I cried hoarsely.
"I thought you needed a hug, I can't do so and I asked him. Now...there's a problem."
"I owe him an apology. But, I can't... he'd be too hurt." Something whizzed past my ear, touched my lips. Leave it to me. Ok, I slept now.
Tomo and Soi were extremely concerned about my condition. For the first time, I let the emotion flow. I was touched deeply. They actually care about me. You must be wondering if I am going mental. And yes the Emperor threatened to cut my wages. He also wanted to sack me. Despite my status. And I could not answer back or else. Then a miracle.....
Some stars glittered about the ruler of our pathetic country. His guards rushed to take me down. I prepared to defend myself. Then the man ordered that they leave me alone. Why?? Because I had hit on the strategic value of the guerilla attack. He grinned all over his bearded face. So I went for a walk to contact the thing, to ay a small thank you. I felt drained, incredibly. Being calm had sapped my energy. Transmission failed.
I was still happy, after allowing me to meet mother, the bug had saved me from execution and a broken rice bowl. The trees nodded and violet flowers bloomed. I compared that with the bald trees nearby. To my horror, I felt like a strange being, all hurt, pain, sadness and joy CRYING out to be expressed. but it didn't feel right letting it out, it was too dangerous.
****************************
So I couldn't thank my fellowmen for assisting me. I could however give them my salary. I wanted to dream of kaasan again, however I could not be selfish. If the bug couldn't do it, it was okay. Could that be?
"I thank you Little one. Are you a bug?"
"And I would like to see you so I can thank you personally." A small giggle, to my left. I closed in for a study of IT, trapping between my fingers. It shouted yeouch!
"That was so RUDE, Ayuru! Couldn't you be more grateful? Or at least find a less lousy way to talk?" I laughed at this, it was crazy I would not let others take advantage of me like this and yet, here I was relaxed.
"Arigatou. Could I see my mum again?"
The thing paused. Its wings hummed as if in annoyance. "You think I can just do this everytime? Poof, like magic? I'm not God, I'm just a fairy." Despite having prepared for this letdown I couldn't help crying. The pain washed out, I felt weak and tired. I lay down and rubbed at my eyes. The child inside, it was a mistake to let it happen. I shouldn't have let it out. It hurts!
I want to say I love you forever
The promise that I have made
Even if time doesn't permit me to
Distances apart, I can still love you
And remember that it was Fate that had us meet.....
(Coco Lee, Eternal Promise)
Where was kaasan? Why had she not stayed like she promised to? In this stupid stupid world, I was the only one. I trembled, humiliated, shamed, angry. It was not fair, the thing shouldn't see me like this. Nobody should.
"Don't cry," she said, sounded female.
"I am fine."
"Ayuru, don't cry. Please don't."
Comforting arms landed about me, pulled me close. Tomo! His soft voice saying something. Saying my name. I didn't need this!
"Tomo, go away. I'm fine!"
"I just wanted to tell you something. I have strong....." A rustle of cloth. I turned away.
"You know everything!" I snapped. "Mother, she's my private business. I bet you're glad right? To harp on my vulnerabilities and laugh at me! This stupid emotional shogun! A failure from the start!"
"I'm not-------- Nakago, listen," Tomo was whispering. He looked pained although the paint was intact. He hadn't removed it but it was failing its purpose.
"I don't love you! I never did. It's not right having a relationship, it's never right for us to be together. It can't be, Tomo, so leave." A huge silence. I was too proud to say any apology, which should be appropriate. I had the thought even that I was right. He was too stupid to see the truth and I had enlightened him. Annihilate all of earth and take back what is mine!
"You really hate me? And Soi too."
I must have been blind. I just stayed quiet. Push them away that's it, the expert you are. Shut up, you know nothing! What wrong have they actually done to me? Tomo said goodnight and then he left. The sadness in his voice was unmistakable. I want to heal, and yet in this second of frustration and anger I had blown it.
"Little One you brought him did you not? But why, why didn't you ask first?" I cried hoarsely.
"I thought you needed a hug, I can't do so and I asked him. Now...there's a problem."
"I owe him an apology. But, I can't... he'd be too hurt." Something whizzed past my ear, touched my lips. Leave it to me. Ok, I slept now.