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"I didn't think you'd really come."

Carlisle's voice broke through my consciousness causing me to look up from my place on the bench. I shifted uncomfortably as his eyes bore into mine. He was a few feet away but it already felt like he was breathing down my neck. What on earth was wrong with me?

His mouth was flat and his eyes were dark. He looked exhausted. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Then again, the mind reader told me to do it. Surely he knows what's good, right?

"I just wanted to see you. And tell you I'm sorry for how I've acted in the past. My behavior was…unbecoming."

His eyebrows rose at my confession and a smirk tugged at his lips. "Just a little."

I laughed lightly as he walked over. He stuck his arm out, offering me his hand which I gratefully took. His skin felt like satin against mine. I almost sighed both in pleasure and pain. Carlisle's presence was nerve-racking, but also needed. I wanted him so badly but I couldn't get over the fear of him pushing me away again. I didn't want that humiliation again.

"I've been worried about you," Carlisle admitted, a sad note in his voice.

I sighed and nodded as we began our walk through the dimly lit park. Very few people were out, luckily for me. My blood lust could be quite overwhelming at times. I had completely forgotten how awful it was to be a newborn.

"I'm sorry. Really I am. I was just…confused. But I'm not anymore. I have everything sorted out and I have you." I shot him a bright smile which he promptly returned. "And that's all I really need."

"Oh Esme," he murmured softly, his hold on my hand tightening slightly. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Make me your bride," I said jokingly, though a part of me desperately hoped Carlisle would understand what I was hinting at.

He chuckled and nodded. "I do like you quite a bit, Esme. Maybe even more than that." He gently pulled my hand up to his lips, planting a soft kiss on my skin. The sensation sent tremors through my body, causing me to smile.

"I feel the same way, Dr. Cullen," I whispered slowly, allowing the words to sink in. Maybe I was finally getting somewhere.

Finally!

Carlisle chuckled again, shaking his head slightly. "I know you do. You've showed me that many times."

An inevitable bout of embarrassment welled up inside of me at his words. I knew that if my body were capable of the action a blush would be forming on my skin. "Yes, well, about all that's happened –"

"You don't have to say anything, Esme," Carlisle interrupted me smoothly. "What's happened is in the past, and it should be left there. I think it's time we move on anyway."

I mentally sighed and gave a hasty nod in agreement. "That sounds good. I just want to start fresh with you, Carlisle. I want to be with you."

I felt him tense up a bit, but to his credit his steady pace and grip on my hand didn't weaken or falter in the slightest. Maybe he wasn't as opposed to hasty love as I had once thought. Maybe.

We walked in silence for a while, neither of us feeling the need to communicate through words. I don't know whether it was just the night air finally getting to me, but it almost felt like he understood again. Were there not countless times we had performed this same, mundane act? It almost felt normal again, like old times. Or I guess future times. Either way, the feeling was comforting and reminded me just how much I needed Carlisle by my side to function. How did I ever survive so long away from him?

He glanced down at me and smiled softly, the stray rays of moonlight tinting his skin in their pale embrace. His eyes gleamed invitingly with (was I imaging this?) mischief and lust. I felt an invisible blush build as he stared at me, my knees weakening considerably as we strolled.

"Esme," he sighed, a hint of longing evident in his voice. My teeth caught my lower lip and I bit at the skin nervously. Stupid human habits.

"Yes?" I asked softly. He rubbed my skin with his thumb for a moment before stopping abruptly. He turned me around so I was facing him, an outline of tree branches surrounding us like a tunnel. He plucked a small flower from between two leaves and carefully tucked it behind my ear. My hand immediately went to the soft blossom, feeling the silkiness between my fingers. A smile tugged at my lips as he grinned, his happiness almost palpable in the air.

"You're so beautiful." It was just above a whisper but it spoke volumes. His words pounded in the back of my mind, a melodic echo more soothing than any lullaby.

You're so beautiful.

He was coming back. Slowly, of course, but he was coming.

And then, before I could even reply through my stunned and somewhat dazed state, his lips, soft and full, were against mine. And then we were moving as one, our bodies pressed together, our flesh molding to meet the others desperate grasp. I wasn't thinking, and neither was he. We were kids, acting on simple and animalistic urges. We didn't know what we were doing, but it had been so long since the last time my husband, my mate, had loved me in such a passionate way that I couldn't allow the moment to go by. I had to act upon it.

"Edward's gone," I said quietly, in between hurried kisses and caresses. Carlisle's hands, which had been busy massaging the flesh on my lower back, stopped abruptly and he pulled away from my neck where his lips had been firmly planted. His eyes glazed over with confusion as he stared at me, his mouth slightly agape.

"We can't. I shouldn't even be doing this," he reasoned. "We aren't married Esme. I haven't even begun courting you. You deserve more than this. This, what we're doing, is cheap. I'm sorry I subjected you to this, it was wrong of me to initiate such an act." He adjusted his coat awkwardly and picked up his hat from where it had fallen on the ground. He dusted it off with shaking hands and placed it back on his head. I leered at him, wondering how on earth everything had turned around so incredibly fast.

He was always a gentleman.

But that's not what I needed right now. I needed to satiate my needs and renew the bond between us. The bond that has already grown so weak and is only getting weaker everyday we're apart. For God's sake I need my husband and I'm not going to let my nonexistent 'virtue' get in the way. Not tonight. Not after everything's I've done.

"Carlisle, please," I begged, resisting the urge to grab him and drag him back to the house. I was still a newborn. I certainly could if I wanted to. "I need this. You need this. Forget everything else, just this once. Edward's gone; we would have the house to ourselves. I've already been spoiled; I have no innocence left for you to steal so don't think you're corrupting me."

His movements stilled, his gaze moving up to meet mine. His pupils were surrounded by a sea of inky blackness, and I knew, if I could see myself, that I would look the same. We felt the same way. How could something so full of love and devotion be wrong? We had been married before. Surely God would understand, if there even such a thing as God. He would understand. He must.

Carlisle's right hand ran through his loose, golden colored locks tensely, as if somehow the move would release all the tension that had built up within his mind. But it wouldn't; only one thing could. I could make him forget. I could stop the stress and the worry that has welled up inside him like an ocean. I've caused him so much pain, what with my cold exterior and steely words, but I could melt it all away if only he would let me.

Why wouldn't he let me?

"Don't put yourself down so much, Esme. You're not tainted at all, if anything you're purer then me. Sometimes I just wish things were easier…I wish I didn't complicate things so much. I love you, I really do, but I don't know if we're ready for this yet. I'm confused about…everything."

A flare of anger alit inside of me at his words. How could he still be so blind? How could he ignore these feelings oh so persistently? How?

"One night is all I ask. In the morning we can sit down and talk. We'll solve everything, all the problems, all the questions. You just need to trust me now that if you follow me tonight that everything will turn out okay. Can you please do that for me?"

He gaze softened and he nodded slowly, his willpower breaking under his own need.

"Just this once," he whispered through my dreamlike state as I pulled him through the park, his limbs too heavy with guilt to do it himself.

I dragged him through that night like a mother guiding her child. I was the one doing the corrupting, but I needed it so badly. I needed him.

He blamed himself, but it wasn't his fault. It was mine.

I pushed him down onto that bed, my body hovering over his like a monster leaning over its prey. He was heated and aggressive but respected me in every way possible, as always. He was inexperienced and clumsy in his movements, reminding me of our wedding night so long ago.

I pried his belt open with spindly fingers and tugged down his trousers until they pooled at his ankles. I told him everything that was happening, everything he was feeling, was completely natural and that he didn't need to worry because everything felt absolutely lovely and he was doing a fantastic job.

I encouraged him as he ripped buttons and silk and cotton and lycra, sending them cascading around us like rain falling from the sky. I laughed and tilted my head back as he licked and nipped at the round mounds of my chest, his greenness to sex proving to be humorous when tainted by the high I was on. I couldn't stop, not now, so I allowed him to shred the last bits of lace and material obscuring my body from his view. He swooned and I chuckled.

I gave the command for our bare hips to meet, for him to push inside of me until I was so completely filled that I was gasping for breath. We cried in unison, but only after I told him to let go. We fell apart together and we rested together, my head relaxing on his uncovered chest, his fingers twisting themselves into my caramel strands.

But in the end, once everything was said and done and my thirst was finally quenched, I was the one who had done what couldn't be said. It was my fault and the heavy burden of what I had just done fell upon my shoulders heavier than anything I had ever felt before. I had ruined everything before I even had the chance to fix everything.

And with that I limply left my unwed lover in bed and padded downstairs to think alone, hoping that somewhere along the way all the regret would evaporate into nothingness.

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