Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!

Chapter 4

Unobservant

It was late afternoon during the fourth week of lessons and both Sirius and I were sitting outside on the low retaining wall near the lawn edge. We had just practised three defence spells in rotation for more than an hour and were both covered in sweat. The Potters had gone for a walk down the river hours before and left us practicing. The sun, still quite high in the sky, had effectively succeeded in burning my neck and arms. I tried not to think what colour my face might have been. Tomato red, most likely.

The day had been scorching hot, yet the grass was still a luscious green, all thanks to magic and Lily's green thumb.

'You're really good, Jemma,' Sirius suddenly told me, while wiping sweat off his forehead with a towel he had magicked out of thin air.

'I do have a good teacher,' I replied non-chalantly. It was true, Sirius was a formidable dueller. He looked at me for a moment before speaking.

'Nah, really,' he said. 'I'm not saying it just to make you feel good, I mean it. I've never seen anyone picking magic up so fast, Jem.'

'Can't conjure a Patronus, though,' I mumbled.

'Oh well, nobody's perfect!' he replied airily in a sing-song voice. I eyed him warily. Those were not the words he'd used when I'd been trying to manage that bloody charm the week before. In fact, he seemed annoyingly happy about something today, but I hadn't figured the reason out yet.

'And anyway, that's not even your wand!' he continued trying to prove his point.

I eyed the wooden stick (Lily's) I was holding loosely between my fingers.

'So?' I asked.

'So we've got a chance of making it out of it alive!' he exclaimed, his grey eyes alight with confidence.

'I really hope so,' I muttered. I wasn't that confident yet.

'Come on, we'll beat old Voldie in a —'

'Sirius stop!' I interrupted him glaring. Inwardly, I was terrified. Me facing Voldemort? 'I'd better dig my own grave already,' I thought wildly.

'You're scared?' he asked surprised, eying my sudden stiff pose.

'Yes, I am,' I replied drily. 'You've faced that stuff before, I haven't. You've known your powers since you were a baby, I haven't. You've —'

'Sorry,' he told me immediately stopping my rant. 'I didn't want to scare you, I didn't think of that ... well, Lily did tell me not to say these things to you but I thought she was just being her over-protective self like usual.'

I managed a half-smile. 'That's ok. You don't need to apologise.' I said.

He gave me his signature smirk and then laid back on the grass, hands behind his head. He seemed to be thinking about something.

Not knowing what to say, I just sat there beside him, my eyes following a line of hard working ants marching on the reddish-brown brick pavement in front of my feet.

'Jemma?' he tentatively voiced getting my attention.

'Yes, Sirius?' I replied, turning my eyes towards him.

'Are you going to miss anyone when we leave?' he asked me seriously.

That was a rather strange question from Mr Tough. I hadn't talked much about friends or people in general in those four weeks, so why was he asking this now?

'I'll miss my parents, some friends...' I responded laying back on the grass, too. I had finally worded what I'd been dreading the most. I couldn't leave my parents, yet I had to. If I wasn't going to make it back alive, what would happen to them? Hot bubbling guilt began forming inside my stomach at that thought.

'What about a boyfriend?' he questioned interested, apparently not noticing my reaction to his previous question.

'Nah, my ex made me allergic to long term relationships.' I replied half-heartedly trying to joke. He seemed to like my answer and grinned.

'Do you think love exist?' he asked after awhile. His eyes weren't directed at me but at the clear blue sky above our heads. I was stunned. This wasn't a typical Sirius Black question.

'Possibly,' I said slowly. 'I'd say no but then I see James and Lily and they love each other...'

'I think the same,' he told me thoughtfully. Well, that was something.

'So, no girls back in the past?' I asked him curiously.

'Not in the books, eh?' he chuckled amusedly. 'No, I was —am— to involved with the Order...anyway, no one's right for me there.' He seemed to have purposely stressed the last word.

'There?' I laughed at him. 'Are you planning to find somebody here?' That would have been extremely ridiculous even for him.

'There's just one person I want to be with,' he said smoothly, this time looking straight at me, that exasperating smirk back in place.

I gaped speechlessly at him. Was he trying to imply what I thought he was implying? Had he gone mad? Was he kidding me?

I stood up abruptly and hastily rubbed my clothes off grass and dusty soil. 'Er, it's getting late, I — I need to make dinner,' I stammered while heading towards the back door. My head was reeling.

I'd known something was off with him all day but I had not been expecting this.

'Jem, wait!' he called following me inside. He grabbed my arm and I rounded on him angrily.

'Do you think this is a joke?' I snapped at him. 'Do you think we're playing games here?'

He stared at me stunned. 'Why would I think that?' he replied non-plussed.

'I dunno. You tell me. You're here to teach me magic, not to ask me out on dates!' I almost shouted, sparks shooting out of Lily's wand.

Sirius shook his head disbelievingly, clearly not understanding my reaction.

'I can't feel anything for you, understood?' I warned him.

'Why?' he asked perplexed.

I didn't say anything at first. To tell you the truth, I didn't have a proper answer.
I was going through an I-don't-want-to-get-hurt period and I wasn't keen on jumping into something without being tremendously cautious. Moreover, I had more important things on my mind.

'Because it's not right,' I said not meeting his eyes. He didn't seem to like my words at all.

'That's not an answer, Jemma,' he replied annoyed. He sat heavily on one of the bench stools and stared at me darkly as if to say 'You don't like me, I get it.'

I plainly ignored him.

It's not that I'd never thought of Sirius in that way before. Hell, he was handsome, exceptionally so, funny, intelligent, British and a wizard. He was a tad arrogant and reckless, yet wasn't I the same? I remembered crying like crazy when at fifteen I read about him dying in the Department of Mysteries as he'd always been one of my favourite characters in the whole series.

However he was now in front of me in the flesh, telling me I was the only person he wanted to be with. Pure madness.

Had I been that unobservant? I thought we were good friends, that's all. Yes, he had the uncanny ability to anger me with a couple of well phrased words, but all in all, we were getting along.
Maybe, I'd been too concentrated on what I was learning to see anything else...

'I envy James, you know,' he said, effectively breaking the silence and my musings.

'How so?' I muttered.

'Because he's got a family,' he told me quietly.

'A family with a death warrant!', I reminded him.

'Please, don't say that!' he replied back at me looking genuinely afraid and worried. 'They're not going to die!'

I knew I was being harsh but Sirius seemed to be the only person who hadn't grasped the gravity of the situation we were all in yet. His unnerving optimism had been born by the idiotic idea to place all responsibilities on me including defeating Voldemort.

I had agreed to help them, that was true. However, I was more keen on finding and destroying Horcruxes than facing the snake-faced madman on my own. Talented I might have been, yet I knew that a few months of tutoring weren't nearly enough for me to succeed where so many others had failed.

AN: Reviews make my day, so please...review? What do you think of Jemma's reaction? She's a little bit fussy, isn't she?

LOvE, JemmadA