Another chapter up for this story, a little bit longer than the others :)
The weeks in the hospital was long. My mother stayed with me by my side and helped me with everything that the nurses didn't do. My depression wasn't getting better either, but I did everything I could to hide it. It was my own and I didn't want to share it, I was afraid that I would hurt another person that knew my secrets. And by that, I talked with no one. Even my mother had a hard time with just having a normal conversation with me, but I tried to seem normal, as hard as I was. No one knew, and that was how it was supposed to be from now on.
About a month after I woke up the doctor said I was ready to go home. A little ray of sunlight shined thru my window and for the first time in long I felt a little bit better. Going home, to Forks, even if he wasn't there now, as he was before, made me feel some at ease. I hated to be in a hospital, too much awful memories were hidden in the walls.
Renee helped me with everything, she had already arranged the improvements in Charlie's house, to make it liveable for me and my new friend, the wheelchair. The long plane ride home made me think about my decision, was this truly the right thing to do? Maybe I could be happy with mom and Phil in Jacksonville? But if I did move to them, would they let me grow up, to be independent again? No, don't think so, was my direct answer to that question.
Angela's father, Mr Webber picked us both up in Port Angeles, he was alone in the car and I was grateful for that, being in a wheelchair drew unwanted attention and I dreaded the first day back in school, it would be like the first day in a new school, once again.
"So Bella, if you ever need to talk with me, as a priest, you are more than welcome. You have my number and address." He gave me a little smile in the rear-view mirror.
"Thanks Mr Webber, but I think I will be alright, but I really want to visit Charlie's grave…" My mother caressed my hand gently.
"Bella, are you sure you want to do that now? Please just wait until you get settled in the house, and then we can go together." Renee tried to plead with me and this day had been a long one so I gave up.
"Okay mom, not today then, but soon." I was tired, the flight combined with a mom that talked to much about nothing special made me sleepy and I wanted to get back home, to my bed. I knew it would give me some comfort.
When we got into Forks, it was already getting dark, and the streetlights were lit. The closer we got to the house, the more nervous I got. My heart started to pump faster and faster and I was afraid I was getting a panic attack. But I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sea, with the waves curling up on the beach, slowly. It actually helped me slow down my breathing and when I opened my eyes we were there. My house now, my garden and my old pickup.
Mr Webber helped me out into the wheelchair and I wrote a little memory note to myself, to work out my arms, get enough muscle strength to be able to help myself with getting in or out of cars and chairs without any help.
"So Bella, are you ready for this?" Renee wheeled my chair slowly to the stairs. Beside the massive stone stairs the carpenters had built a new ramp for me. My mother helped me up, and locked up the door for me, she then hesitated.
"Mom, just give me a few minutes for my own, please." I needed to get in the house by myself this first time, just a reminder for myself; I could do this alone.
"Of course, I'll get the bags and thank Mr Webber for the ride. Just shout if you need any help, darling." She turned around and got back to the car.
I slid the door open and wheeled in, slowly, my ears was listening on any sound, maybe from the TV… But no, evidently, dad wasn't here anymore. I knew that fact, but something deep inside me wanted him to be here, comfort me in my loss.
I saw the new things the carpenters had made in the house, all the door frames were wider, and in the staircase, a little elevator. It was a chair for me to sit in, and by the push of one button it took me upstairs, to my bedroom. I was about to change over to into the elevator chair when Renee entered with bags.
"Well, what do you think? Is it possible for you to live here maybe?" My mother glanced at me, I knew she wanted me to say that I wanted to go back with her, to live in Jacksonville, but she would never hear me say those words.
"Yes, thanks mom for helping me with this, I think I can manage with it all."
"I talked to Mr Webber, and he promised that Angela will pick you up for school every morning and then drop you off when the school is finished. I also talked with your teachers, you are a bit behind, but they all think you can make it if you study hard this last months of the semester. So tomorrow I will go with you to school, and help you out."
"Thanks mom, for everything, but I don't think you need to come with me tomorrow, Angela will help me, and I want to try myself. Can't you just stay here, and maybe do something else?" I knew she would try to go with me to school, but I was stubborn. Angela's help was more than enough for me. "Can I please go to bed now? I'm tired…"
"Yes, certainly, do you want help?" I gave he piercing look. "No, of course, you can take care of yourself, I'm just gonna call Phil and say good night." She leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead and I changed seats to the elevator.
With a press on the remote, the chair moved up in the its rail and a minute later I was on the second floor. Another wheelchair was there and I changed again. Charlie's door were closed, and I didn't want to open it, so I wheeled myself into my room.
When I got in, tears started to flood my face, the last time I was in here Charlie was alive and I was not happy, but a lot better than I was now. Even if the room had a lot of unpleasant memories, I still loved it, it was my own little place and I felt secure.
I got out of the chair and laid down on the bed, to tired to get out of my cloths. I closed my eyes and started to think about tomorrow. First day back in school, and it wouldn't be pleasant. I wanted no attention, but I was the only one with a wheelchair in school so of course I would draw interest to me. Why couldn't he be here, help me get over my insecurity? Once again I felt a stab of pain in my nonworking legs. Strange, they ached, but I couldn't use them. Maybe I should call Billy and ask him about it…
Slowly I felt how I got more drowsy and started to slip away, but suddenly I woke with a start, I heard a familiar voice; I'm so sorry Bella…
"Edward?" I mumbled with a low voice, hoping he was back for me.
But no one answered me and I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes yet again, knowingly that my dreams would haunt me as usual.
"Bella, it's time to get up, school today." Renee kissed my forehead gently and stroke my arm.
"Um, okay, I'll get up in a bit." I yawned, my nightmares were keeping my mind awake and they didn't leave alone. Always the same, first I were in the forest, chasing Edward and he never came back, then I was in the car with Charlie, feeling the other car hit us and knowing Charlie died at the impact and I couldn't save him. I didn't really help me move on, cope with my bad conscience, I felt guilty for everything, it was all my fault. Edward and Charlie leaving me alone.
"Breakfast is downstairs, and I invited Angela to join us today so she will be here in fifteen minutes." She turned around and walked down the stairs.
I got up in my chair and went for the wardrobe, jeans and a simple shirt, black. The mood of this day. I took my cloths with me to the bathroom and took a long hot shower, I needed to calm down and the hot water always helped a bit. My useless legs were full of scars and I tried to avoid looking at them as much as I could. I changed and went downstairs with the elevator and Renee and Angela waited for me.
Angela walked slowly towards me, "It's so good the see you again, I missed you!"
I gave her a little smile, "I missed you too, hanging out with mom, well it's nice in the beginning and then you tend to get a bit bored." I winked to my mother, I joked, and I knew it would make her feel better.
"So, are you ready for school? If you need help in school during the day, just say the words and I will gladly do it." Angela knew me, she knew I didn't want any help, or as little help as possible, and I felt grateful towards her.
"No, but if only the first day is done, it will be better. Just help me get rid of Jessica and Lauren, I know they are curious and I don't wanna talk about it just yet."
"Yeah, no problem, they won't bother you." She wheeled me into the kitchen and we all ate breakfast together under silence.
I said good bye to Renee and went with Angela to school. The closer to the school we got the more panicky I got, I felt the butterflies in my stomach and started to feel sick. But I couldn't give up. I had to take care of myself, and this was just one of the many obstacles to get over and done with.
"Maybe to the office first, to get your new schedule?" Angela looked at me, carefully.
I looked down, I have to do this. "Yes, that's best I think, can you get the wheelchair out for me?"
Angela took my chair and opened my car door. I got out and into the chair, I started to wheel down to the office with Angela beside me.
"Bella, BELLA!" I heard Mike's voice shouting my name and I tried to ignore him, but he caught up with us in a second, I was to slow. "I heard you were back, finally, I missed you around here!" Mike sincerity was nice and I felt little bad for my thoughts about him.
"Yeah, Angela is my helping friend here so I could come back. I got back from the hospital yesterday."
"Well, if you need any help at all, just say the word, see you at lunch!" Were I still welcome at their lunch table? Maybe Mike still had a little crush on me.
Angela helped thru the day, not asking any difficult questions, she was there beside me and that was enough. It truly felt like the first day of school, everybody looked at me, asked me about how I was cooping with all, but I didn't want to talk about it, and people had a hard time understanding that fact. Jessica was all over me the entire lunch, even Mike had at that time figured out that I didn't want to go over things, again and again. When he told Jessica to shut up I gave him a thankful gaze, hoping he didn't take it the wrong way, of course I didn't have any feelings for him, that would never change.
When the day was over Angela gave me a ride home, and I felt once again gratitude for her help, but I knew it was time to take care of myself.
"Thanks, Angela. See you tomorrow." I wheeled myself up the ramp, and Renee welcomed me home.
"How was your day, darling?" She was a bit nervous, but waited for my answer.
"Great, as great as it could be, sitting in a wheelchair…" I tried to be ironic, but almost stumbled on the last word. "Mom, we need to talk about my truck. I want to get by, by myself. Is there any chance we can change it?"
"Yeah, I've been looking that up today, I know you well." She winked. "And it's possible, but it will take a couple of weeks, but leave it to me."
"Thank you mom, really!" I felt a little hope inside me, if I had the car and could drive myself, a little bit more of my freedom could be real again.
"Jacob Black called today, I told him you were in school, and he wanted you to call be to him as soon as you got in."
No, I didn't wanna talk to him, dammit.
"Mhm, thanks mom, maybe I'll call him later…" I tried to talk me out of it.
"He sounded a bit worried and eager to talk to you, I think you need to call him as soon as you can."
"Okay, lets then, can you give me the phone?" Probably best to do it now, so he doesn't call again…
I dialed the number and heard the signals in the phone.
"Hello?" A dark voice from the other side on the phone line almost startled me.
"Jacob?" I asked quiet.
"Yeah, is that you Bella?" He sounded a bit nervous.
"Yes, it's me…I'm returning your phone call. Was it something special you wanted?"
"No, not really, I wanted to see if you were alright with everything and I thought I might come by and visit soon, if you want to?" He sounded so sincere and childish, I just couldn't say no to him, even if I wanted to.
"Well, things are a bit difficult, but you could come and visit, that's okay. Bring Billy with you, Renee is here to." I gave him the chance to choose, if he really wanted to come here or not.
"Yeah, I'm sure he wants to go with too. Maybe he can show you some moves with the wheel chair? He chuckled and I interrupted him.
"Dinner tomorrow? Around seven maybe?" I wasn't ready for others joking already, I wasn't ready for laughter even.
"Yeah, sounds good, Billy and I will be there at seven, see you tomorrow." The cheerfulness in his voice didn't help my mood at all.
"Great, bye."
"Bella?" He said my name carefully. "Thanks for calling me back, I've been so worried about you, thinking about how you were everyday since….since the accident…See you tomorrow."
I didn't know what to say so I just hung up. Why did he think of me, like that? It didn't seem right, something was off. And now I had to worry about dinner tomorrow with him and his dad. Billy must be happy, now when they aren't here anymore.
I felt how the hole in my stomach started to ache again and I longed for sleep. Even if the nightmares were hard on me, I at least saw his face in them. What was worst? Seeing him in a nightmare or not seeing him at all?
What did you think of this one? As usual, please, PLEASE review, they make me a happy girl;)