Warning: Adult content in the love scenes, but nothing too extreme. Still, I warned you.
At first, Nick and Greg both thought they were going to be able to get away with not seeing each other the entire party. Between all the adults and kids there, it wasn't hard to hide yourself in a crowd. But when everyone was called to the deck for the cake, it happened. Greg looked up and his eyes instantly met Nick's. He couldn't look away, or even move at all for that matter. Nick smiled weakly and took another sip of his beer before tearing his eyes away from Greg's.
The next half hour consisted of stolen glances and the occassional stare where they were both looking at each other. Greg couldn't help but notice Nick had gone through four of five beers very quickly. He hoped that Nick's tendency to drink and smoke a little too much hadn't come back. Their job was extremely draining and stressful, and for the first few years, Nick had used alcohol and cigarettes to help him cope. Until he started dating Greg.
Greg could smell the smoke before he even opened the door. When he did, he immediatly started coughing and waved his hand in front of his face to try and clear some of the smoke away from his breathing passages. Once his vision got used to it, he could see Nick sitting on the floor with his back against the couch and his knees hugged to his chest. Greg kneeled down in front of his boyfriend and pulled the cigarette but from between his lips and put it out in the over flowing ask tray on the coffee table.
"You can't keep doing this." Greg said. He ran his hand smoothly through Nick's dark hair.
"He was a little kid...just like I was...and his mom thought what she was doing to him was okay. How can anyone think something that awful is okay?" Nick's eyes were glassy from the tears that were building up, threatening to pour down.
Greg didn't know what to say. He had heard about Nick being on another sexual abuse case, but hadn't gotten to see him during the shift to see if he was okay. He could see now that he clearly wasn't. Before Greg could think of anything to say, Nick was standing and heading out the back door. He disappeared into the cool night air, leaving the door open behind him. Greg followed closely, and his heart broke when he heard the sound of Nick throwing up from just beyond the steps to the deck in the backyard.
Greg stood behind Nick and rubbed his back soothingly as the older man lost his dinner onto the grass. Greg kneeled when Nick started to lean back. Nick sat down and let his back fall against his boyfriend's chest. His breathing started to slow down when Greg gently wrapped his arms around his shoulders and held his shivering body tight.
Greg lightly kissed the side of Nick's head. "It's okay Nicky. You're safe sweetie."
Nick closed his eyes and gripped Greg's wrists with his shaky hands. "I just can't...I can't stop thinking about it. I thought I did something wrong...I thought I deserved it..."
"You didn't do anything." Greg squeezed Nick tighter. "It wasn't your fault and you did not deserve that at all. You don't deserve anything but the best of everything. You're an amazing person Nicky, and no one can take that away from you."
Nick leaned his head back so it was resting on Greg's shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm so pathetic G."
"Don't be sorry, because you're not." He kissed Nick's neck and whispered, "You're the strongest person I've ever met. Everything that you've been through...no one else would have been able to handle. You have no idea how great you are."
Nick opened his eyes and craned his neck so he was looking at Greg. "I'd be nothing without you."
Greg smiled and stood slowly, helping Nick to his feet. "Come on, let's get you inside and to bed."
Nick merely nodded and followed Greg back into the house. He went right to the bathroom and washed his mouth out before brushing his teeth. He went into the bedroom where he found Greg standing at the foot of the bed, taking off his shirt so he could go to bed. Nick walked up behind Greg and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Greg's hips against his own. Greg was about to protest, but then Nick started kissing his neck in that amazing way he does and he couldn't make words come out of his mouth. Nick spun Greg around and captured his mouth in a breathtaking kiss. He pushed him back until they landed on the bed, Nick's body covering Greg's as he arched up for more contact.
Greg somehow managed to pull away and look Nick in the eyes. "We don't have to if you don't wa-"
But Nick cut him off. "I want to...you're the only person I can do this with without..." Nick trailed off, not able to finish his sentence. But he didn't have to. Greg understood.
"Whatever you need." Greg leaned back up and kissed Nick again, and got lost in what he believed to be the best feeling in the world.
Looking at Nick now, Greg could remember how easily he got him to give up his hazardous ways of coping. Nick willingly let Greg help him, and he didn't need nicotine and alcohol anymore. Greg hoped that now, without him there to help, Nick would still be able to find some other way. He hated to see Nick the way he was when he was sad and drunk. It was heart breaking, even if his heart was already broken.
Greg sighed and started walking off the porch with a few other people when he saw Lindsey run up to Nick and jump on him. He forced back a smile and headed down to the yard where he saw Jen and Brass talking by the pool.
Nick had almost fallen over when the fourteen year old had hurled herself at him. He laughed as he steadied himself and hugged Lindsey back before she pulled away.
"Happy birthday kid." He said with a smile.
"Thank you." She said, smiling back. The smile was soon gone, and was replaced by an angry look. Lindsey reached out and hit Nick as hard as she could, which was pretty hard.
"Ow!" Nick said, rubbing his arm. "What was that for?"
"You know what that was for. How could you just leave?" She asked. The look in her eyes changed from anger to sadness.
Nick sighed and put down his beer bottle. "I had to honey. I can't explain why...but you know I wouldn't leave if I didn't have a good reason to."
"If it was a good reason, you would be able to explain to me, and everyone wouldn't have gotten mad at you." For a fourteen year old, Lindsey was very smart and mature. She loved her Uncle Nick and didn't understand how he could just leave, especially when he had so much here that he had worked for.
Nick wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry Linds." He said sincerely.
She shrugged slightly. "Don't say that to me, go say it to Greg. You hurt him the worst."
And with that she was gone, running off to go hang out with her friends. Leaving Nick standing on the deck, alone. He sighed heavily and picked his beer back up and took a long pull from it. He turned around and leaned against the railing, looking out over the yard. He knew it wasn't a coincidence that his eyes wandered over to where Greg was standing, talking to Jen. He couldn't take his eyes off of the younger brunette, and he didn't really mind that much.
Jen had hugged Greg for about five minutes before she finally let go of him. She had to fight back tears, but Greg made it easier for her to do it by smiling widely.
"Why do you always try to suffocate me whenever I see you?" He asked sarcastically.
"Because I miss you so much. How are you?"
Greg shrugged. "I'm fine, you?"
Jen ignored his question. "So you've been lying to yourself this whole time huh?" Jen knew Greg didn't have any brothers or sisters, so he didn't really have anyone looking out for him or there for him to turn to. So she acted like his older sister, not that she could help it.
Greg couldn't help but be grateful that Jen cared that much about him and treated him like her own little brother. "I'm not lying...I'm just not being completely truthful."
Jen rolled her eyes. "That's basically the same thing. Do you want to talk about it?"
Greg actually hadn't really talked about it with anyone, not even Sara or Catherine. He hadn't wanted to, but now he figured it was for the best. "I...I don't even believe it's real sometimes." He said quietly. "I keep thinking that he's gonna come home or that I'll see him at work. Then when I don't, all I can do is pretend I don't want to see him."
"I'm sorry he's such an idiot and that this is so hard on you."
Greg looked down at the ground and shook his head slowly. "I just don't know what I did wrong."
Jen put her hand on his arm and squeezed it gently. "Nothing. It's not your fault. He messed up, not you."
"I can't believe that either. He said...he told me he was leaving because he didn't love me anymore. He just...stopped." Greg looked up at Jen and smiled sadly. "I just wish I could do the same."
Nick had been standing on Greg's doorstep for at least twenty minutes. It sounded weird to call it Greg's doorstep and Greg's house because he had lived there with him. Earlier. Before. Before he left, leaving everything behind. Before he made the biggest mistake of his life, even though he was trying to convince himself that wasn't true.
He finally worked up enough courage to knock on the door that he had been staring at for a long time. It didn't take long for the knob to turn and Greg's body appear on the other side of the door.
Greg stared at Nick, unable to say anything. He tried not to think of how good he looked in his dark jeans and semi tight navy blue t-shirt. Instead he focused on his eyes, which proved to be an even bigger torment than the rest of Nick's body. His eyes had always gotten the best of Greg, and this was no exception.
Nick finally said something. "Hey...I uh...just came by to get that stuff you mentioned."
Greg paused for a second before he remembered what Nick was talking about. "Oh yeah...come in." Greg stepped aside to let Nick in, and when the older man passed he couldn't help but inhale the amazing scent that was Nick. Greg groaned inwardly as he closed the door and went back into the house behind Nick.
"You didn't change much." Nick said as he looked around the living room.
Greg looked around as well and shrugged. "I never really thought to." Their eyes met again, and Greg's heart stopped beating for a second before it started up again, a lot faster than he could ever remember it beating before. He wasn't able to tear his eyes away from Nick's, who seemed to be having the same problem.
Nick shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and smiled slightly. "I uh..." He started, but trailed off. He didn't know what he supposed to say or how to say it. "I'm sorry. I know you don't believe me when I say that, but it's true. If I could change what I did..." Nick trailed off again, and his eyes fell to the floor.
Greg couldn't take it anymore. He started walking away towards the kitchen where Nick's stuff was, but right as he passed him he was stopped by the older man. Nick grabbed Greg's wrist and gently pulled him back until they were face to face and only inches apart.
"I never wanted it to end up like this Greg." Nick said softly.
Greg shook his head slowly. He looked into Nick's eyes and somehow manged to speak through the lump in his throat. "Do you still love me?" He choked out. "Because I'm still in love with you and this hurts so much. I wish there was someone else other than you to make it go away, but you're the only one who can."
Nick didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. His throat was not allowing words to be passed through it. So he did the only logical thing he could think to do at a time like this. The only way he could think to say everything without saying anything.
He kissed Greg.
He threaded his fingers through the soft brown hair and pulled Greg closer to him, covering his mouth with his own. Greg was so shocked at first he couldn't move. Then when the familiar feel of Nick's lips on his own sank in, he kissed him back even though he knew he probably shouldn't. But it just felt so good. So right.
Nick tasted so good, and Greg had almost forgotten how kissing him had felt. He never wanted to forget that, so he kissed Nick with everything he had. Nick's hands were on his hips, pulling him as close as possible. The heat between them was intense, and only increased when Nick started grinding his hips against Greg's. Greg responded and pulled Nick's shirt over his head before the older man did the same with his own. Greg ran his fingers over the tense muscles on Nick's back and shoulders, every touch triggering a memory. Before he knew it, Nick was hooking his fingers in Greg's belt loops and leading him towards the bedroom. It wasn't long before Nick was on top of Greg, his hands running over every inch of skin he could.
They both kept their eyes closed, lost in a familiar feeling neither one ever wanted to let go.
Sorry that was so long. Actually, I'm not sure if it being long is a bad thing. Anyway...I hope you're enjoying this story. Thank you for the reviews. Any suggestions are also welcomed.