A/N: Chapter 4 already!
And I still don't own Olivia or Anna, Peter or Joshua, Walter or John. (How could would that be?)
In the month that followed, Olivia had visited her sister twice. Rachel still didn't understand, but she liked to see Olivia more than usual and Ella was sure enjoying it. Now both Peter and Olivia were on their way to Rachel, because Ella wanted to see 'Uncle Peter' again and how could Uncle Peter say no when she asked him with the sweetest voice she had. The car ride was quiet and slightly uncomfortable. There wasn't any tension between the two, today was just a hard day on both of them. They were supposed to go to the lab to finish up on paperwork, but Walter was a little cranky because Peter and Olivia told him they wouldn't do an experiment with him. The experiment, if agreed to, would be done today and Walter was anything but pleased that he couldn't do it. And so they were both grateful to have planned this visit on June 25th. Broyles hadn't even called yet and that could be considered a miracle.
As Peter shut off the engine of the car he looked at Olivia, who was looking out the window.
"How are you doing?" He asked, genuinely worried.
"I have been dreading this day for weeks. I just want it to be over with." He nodded, because he felt the same. He touched her hand reassuringly.
"We'll make it through, Olivia. Remember?" She turned to look at him now and nodded. Then she leaned in and he met her halfway, their lips gently touching. When they pulled apart, she smiled, a little bit more at ease. He had the power to do that; when she was feeling a little down or depressed he would light her up again.
They had been together for a month now, right after Olivia called Rachel. She asked what he had meant, when he said he couldn't see her like 'that' anymore. He had meant that it hurt him too much to see her broken and that there was nothing he could do about it. She asked him what he was trying to say and he told her he loved her. And she was so happy she could finally admit she loved him too.
They exited the vehicle and Olivia hadn't even reached the steps that led up to Rachel's apartment or Ella came flying through the door, into Olivia's arms. And minutes later, Peter was carrying the girl inside.
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The car clock read three P.M. and Peter and Olivia were on their way back home. Olivia was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, shifting in her seat every second or so. She was nervous, so was he, but he was driving the car and he doubted it would be safe to use his hands to fidget with the hem of his shirt. But he did clench his fists around the steering wheel every once in a while. She kept checking her phone to see if she had any missed calls, but she had none and no one had called them in the last hour.
"Olivia, maybe nothing is going to happen. Maybe it is not someone we know." He tried, hopeful.
"Maybe it already happened and they just haven't called us yet. Or maybe they haven't found the bodies yet." She tried, not so hopeful. And then her phone rang. Peter steered the vehicle to the side of the road and Olivia's phone was immediately on speaker, the voice of Agent Amy Jessup filling the car. Peter and Olivia looked at each other, not the first one they'd expect to tell them someone had died.
"Agent Dunham, are you there?" The agent sounded just slightly impatient.
"Yes, I'm sorry, agent Jessup. Why are you calling?"
"I am sure you know Agent Broyles left for New York yesterday? He was supposed to return with Miss Sharp today, but…" The agent's voice betrayed how nervous she was. She cleared her throat and then continued.
"Massive Dynamic's private airplane, carrying Agent Broyles and Miss Sharp, crashed. The pilot and other crew members on board survived, but Agent Broyles and Miss Sharp unfortunately didn't." Olivia turned towards Peter, her jaw had dropped. He looked at her, shocked and unbelieving. Of all the people in the world they thought could die because of what they had done, Phillip Broyles and Nina Sharp were the two they expected the least. Agent Jessup spoke a few more words, but Peter nor Olivia heard her. One of them had said something because the line was broken and the car went completely silent. Neither of them were really thinking anything, they were trying to understand it, trying to grasp it.
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Broyles and Nina both had a beautiful ceremony. Through Broyles' ex-wife Olivia was able to contact some old colleagues and friends and through Massive Dynamic's database Olivia had found Nina's family.
It was an odd day for Olivia and Peter, because in a way they were experiencing it for the third time. The same day, the same hole in the ground and the same reverend; different families, different grave stones and different people gone from their lives. It was an odd day for everyone.
Peter, Olivia and Walter sat in the car, heading towards the Bishop house, when Walter spoke.
"I feel like I'm having a déjà-vu!" He practically exclaimed. "I feel like I have already been to this funeral, and I have already made this car trip with you." He chewed on one of his red vines, looking for an explanation. Olivia and Peter looked at each other. It wasn't only them who noticed they had changed the course of life. It didn't really matter, because everyone had déjà-vu's, but this was Walter and Walter could come up with the most insane theories, that on many occasions were correct.
"I had a déjà-vu once. When I was eight years and I was on a holiday with my family. We were driving through the mountains when we passed by a house. I had never been there before, but for some reason I recognized that house. From one glance, I could tell you what the inside looked like. I have never been inside the house, but I am sure I would have been right." She looked at Peter and then at Walter via her rear-view mirror, he nodded.
"That's a nice story, Agent Dunham." And he looked out the window again, having completely forgotten they had ever talked about déjà-vu's.
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Fringe Division was a mess without Broyles and without the help Massive Dynamic used to provide them, cases took longer than ever. The government decided to pull the plug and two months after Broyles' death, Olivia was working homicides again. She was coping really well and that surprised Peter, because she once again sacrificed someone close to her. She did talk about it with him, but he knew she wasn't telling him everything. And he was right, because she was holding back on him. She struggled with her decision every day. She wondered why she disrupted the course of nature in the first place. Part of her did it for Peter, because unlike she sometimes thought, they couldn't have done this without each other. But part of her had done it for herself and that had cost the life of her family and now her boss. She sometimes hoped she could give her own life, so the rest would live. After all, there must be a way to get Broyles and Nina back and keep everyone alive. And if that meant she had to sacrifice her own life, she would. She only didn't know if Peter would.
But Peter was holding back on her too, because he hadn't told her that it was eating from him too. He was looking for ways to undo this all. More than once had he crossed the thought of sacrificing himself – he knew Olivia would do it without a second thought. But he was an optimist, not by nature, he had become one when he met her that afternoon in Iraq. He often thought back to that day and that, somehow, the cycle had started there. Whatever choice they made from that point on, they would lead up to this point. Or maybe not. They were all 'what ifs', roads not taken. In some other universe, they maybe never met. In some other universe she might not even be an agent and he might not have been in Iraq, maybe they met by accident. He was drifting off and he needed to find a way, soon! Because he could see this was slowly breaking Olivia up.
They lay in bed one night, he was holding her to his chest, stroking her arm. She just held him close to her.
"Maybe, somewhere, this all never happened. Maybe, somewhere, we never met." He wasn't shocked anymore that she had been thinking the same thing he had. That happened all the time – he guessed that's what having a soulmate means.
"Maybe it would have been better if we never met." That did shock him. To the core of his being. He became slightly scared that she regretted being with him, but the kisses she scattered all over his neck and chest told him otherwise. And he had to agree she was right, maybe it was better if they had never met. But he didn't want to think about that, he didn't want to know or imagine what life would be like if they didn't know each other.
"Do you think they would still be alive if we hadn't met?" Her voice soft. He really didn't know the answer and honestly, cruel as it may be, he liked to think they might have died anyway so he and Olivia weren't completely responsible. But he couldn't know.
He didn't answer her question and she didn't mind. They didn't want to know how the world would be, hadn't she come for him in Iraq. She was reminded once again of the man she trusted and loved enough to search the world for a way to save him. The man who ended up betraying her – even though he had proved his innocence to her, she still felt betrayed. She couldn't help but think this all never happened if she wasn't in a relationship with John at the time.
She shook her head; she had to stop thinking about the 'what ifs' and start thinking about the here and now. But whenever she thought about what she would do the next day, she could never lose the image of Broyles and Nina never living another day. The guilt was bringing her down to small pieces until there would be nothing left of her. The only glue keeping her together at this point was Peter, and he was breaking too.
She had wanted to say something, but her eyelids became heavy and she gradually fell asleep. Drifting off to one of her daily nightmares.
The déjà-vu Olivia had, is my own. Just wanted to throw that in there.
As usual, let me know what you think!