It's been a long time, folks. A long, long time. But updates WILL DEFINITELY become more regular now that I'm finished with the school year. So, without further ado, I present to you chapter five!

DISCLAIMER: Jade SHOuLD be the object of the most affection in a harem, but she isn't. So that's why I'm writing this. I am not The Huss, it is not me. His characters belong to His Royal Majesty of the Pursed Lips, not me. I only give them bizarre and awkward scenarios to live in.

Thank you so much to my awesome readers and reviewers! I love you all very much in a non-lesbian way. :D

B) ++++++++++++++++++++ B)

After Tavros had returned with Jade's water, Eridan had announced that the meat on the spit was ready for consumption. He asked Tavros to fetch 'the others' from the river that was near the campsite. Jade was excited at this, as she thought that she would finally get to see Dave and John.

She had previously wondered what and how her friends had been doing since the little group of teens had crashed onto prehistoric Earth. Surely they had been off doing something very important, otherwise they would've been there for her, witnessed her waking from her concussion.

She tried to wish the small Taurus good luck but only managed to bungle her words again. In the back of her mind she was beginning to panic about never getting control over her speech, but she maintained an outward calm. It was only the first few hours after she had woken up after a nasty crash. Karkat had said that he didn't think the effects were permanent (she didn't know if she could trust his judgment, though... but perhaps he had human medical knowledge somehow?), and Jade knew that if the symptoms persisted for more than two weeks she really had to worry. Everyone had been banged up a bit; her injuries were only slightly more serious than what anyone else had sustained. She had noticed that Gamzee, Sollux, Tavros and Eridan all had cuts, bumps and bruises, and Karkat had tried to hide a faint limp all the way down the hill. Of course, with the Cancer leading the tiny party, it only served to make his uneven gait all the more visible.

Tavros managed to get the gist of what Jade was trying to say to him anyway and thanked her. Before he obediently went off in search of the others, he told Jade that he would be back from the river shortly, and whispered privately to her to not attempt to get on Eridan's nerves. She rolled her eyes at this advice but nodded to show she understood. After seeing how surly and on edge Eridan was, there was no way she would be stupid enough to endeavor to get a rise out of him. She knew what angry creatures could do; she had known from a very young age.

Jade sat still and silent against her log while Eridan went about carving up the meat. He held a knife fashioned out of what Jade supposed was dinosaur bone and deftly cut large slices of flesh. He piled the portions on one huge flat rock, which Jade thought functioned as a serving plate. For being in as bad a mood as Eridan was in, and as far as Jade was certain that he didn't get on well with the other trolls, much less get along well enough with them to fix a group dinner, he went about preparing the food with no complaints (like she would've listened and/or responded to his grievances if he'd had any, ha ha). Perhaps he was the designated chef? Maybe he just liked to cook? But if he did, then why did he do it with a scowl on his face?

She watched him work absent-mindedly, occasionally sipping from her cup of water. Her thoughts eventually drifted to John and Dave and then further as she began musing on the whereabouts of Davesprite. She couldn't remember when or where she had last seen the orange, floating coolkid. Damn her habitual forgetfulness! Her mind wandered again until it blazed a path along recent revelations of deaths. Without even consciously meaning to, she started planning a eulogy for Rose. They had to have a memorial service for the lavender-eyed girl. And... hadn't Karkat mentioned a lot of deaths on the trolls' side too? Might as well hold a funeral for all of those people, while they're at it.

Waitaminute.

Karkat.

...Gamzee, too.

She had a small moment where she hoped to all of the guardians of the various universes across space-time that the Cancer and the Capricorn had not, or would not, join the deceased after their fight with the dinosaur. She banned the blurry picture of a grey, human-like figure being slashed by a green, reptile-shaped creature. Why had that image been the last she had seen of either of them?

She could only imagine what conditions they were in until she saw them return safely. And my, my, what an imagination she had.

*Imaginary sequence of terror deleted for the sake of the reader's feels* ~ as suggested by Blue_Carriage_House

She noticed that her body was shaking slightly, even after her private hellhorror theatre. Wearily she held her hands up to her face, willing them to cease their incessant quivering. She wished she could have helped the trolls somehow instead of sitting uselessly in the camp like some ineffectual rag doll, scaring herself half to death.

' ...Good grief,' Jade thought. 'When did my life become a Korean soap-opera?'

She chuckled a little at that idea, but couldn't stop a familiar burn sting her eyes as they began to well with tears.

Even though Sollux and the mysterious, apparently most combat-versed troll Equius had probably arrived in time to aid their friends, she allowed herself a little pity-party all the same. Not because she needed it, but... oh who was she trying to fool. Sometimes a girl's just gotta blubber until she feels better. Not that Jade did this kind of thing a lot, but right now she felt it was necessary. There was no reason to keep her grief and fear bottled up, even if she was in the presence of an unfamiliar, judgmental alien.

She sobbed for a short time, softly, her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried in the hollow within her skirt. Once or twice Eridan glanced at her, but never said anything. His expression had changed from a scowl to something more subdued, and he chopped at the meat with less fervor than before. The Aquarius almost looked uncomfortable, now. This was probably due to Jade having been a wide-eyed statue during her daytime nightmare (she often froze in place while experiencing imaginary, drawn-out terrors) and then having a good cry.

Jade had a feeling he didn't know how to comfort her.

Well, he could at least try.

'Ugh, forget it. I dunno why, but I get the impression you would only make me feel worse. Jackass.'

Well, that was unfair. She didn't even know the guy. But that didn't mean she couldn't unleash her mental anger on him while she was feeling sorry for her friends... and herself, to an extent. He was just such a convenient target. Look at his haughty (though right now it was more kind of a tense) expression! And his pants! Who wore pants like that?

He probably knew she couldn't speak coherently anyway, so it really was difficult for someone in his position to help her, but even if she could talk Jade doubted he would initiate and engage in conversation with her, even to ask why she was, or rather had been, crying. He didn't exactly seem like a people person, given the way he so easily dismissed the fact that Gamzee's and Karkat's lives were, or had been, in mortal peril.

'Screw you.' But cursing him in her mind wasn't really making her feel better. The distraction he provided was enough, though, to keep her grounded. 'Humph. I need to teach you some manners, Mr. Fishface.'

In a while Eridan was done with cutting up the meat. The black-haired girl peeked up from her skirt, eyes still red and raw. She tried to convince herself not to rub at them.

Eridan placed the bones the leg had held on a small stump covered with a skin, presumably to dry them to use for another purpose later. Jade approved of making use of the whole animal. She watched what he was doing intently, glad for the diversion from her melancholy thoughts.

He took another, smaller flat rock and slapped a slab of meat onto it. It was somewhat amusing to her that Eridan had all of these primitive kitchen tools. She perked up with curiosity when he started seasoning the piece. So he did have experience with cooking! More experience than she had speculated, anyway. This was interesting. Jade watched with more attention, and also gave in to wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve. It was disgusting, but she didn't have any alternatives. Not even some leaves.

Watching Eridan work was oddly calming. With his practiced, graceful movements he successfully, if unknowingly, hypnotized Jade into a far more relaxed and famished state. When he started pouring a thick, syrupy sauce all over the meat, her mouth was practically watering.

The Aquarius moved on to the next steak, handling it with the same treatment. During the second preparation Jade's stomach started to growl. She hadn't even noticed that she was so hungry (probably because her thirst had overwhelmed her first), but she suspected her ravenousness was caused by her seven or more day fast during her faux coma. Gamzee and Tavros probably hadn't shoved a lot of food down her throat because 1) they hadn't wanted her to choke and die and 2) it was hard enough feeding an unconscious person without giving her large portions of nutriment.

She was snapped out of her hunger-induced stupor by the finned boy's voice.

"Try some of this, then nod if you wwant it on your comestibles," said Eridan, coming around the fire with a small bowl. It held the sauce he had been glazing the steaks with.

She took the bowl and by way of showing her appreciation smiled at him, but he did not return her happiness. He sat down on the log beside the one she was leaning against, waiting for her to taste the condiment.

She dipped her pinky finger in it and raised her finger to her lips, but then paused. What if she was allergic to this stuff? She thought about it. She was allergic to many non-food related things, such as dander and pollen and bee stings, but there was always a chance that she could be sick from whatever was in this sauce. Better ask what went into it.

She turned to Eridan but he was staring off into the distance, a blank expression on his face.

She knew that face, she knew it very well. He was zoning out. She sighed, and then grabbed at his pant's leg. This startled him and caused him to focus on her with a mild frown and a crease between his brows.

"Is there a problem?" he queried, irritation more than evident.

She gestured at the sauce and lifted her eyebrows in what she hoped read as a questioning look. He glanced from the bowl to her and seemed to understand.

"You wwanna knoww wwhat's in here?"

She nodded eagerly, smiling again.

He huffed and crossed his arms as if this was an inconvenience to him. "Wwhy? You don't trust me?"

Oh. Oooooh. Wait, what? Eridan wasn't vengeful, dumb, or unskilled enough to have poisoned the sauce, right? Right. Shame on her for even thinking that. Then why wouldn't she trust him? He hadn't given her a real reason not to, despite his moody attitude and threat against her... but she was pretty sure that had been an empty taunt. And if Tavros had left her with him, that was even further proof that she could trust Eridan. Tavros wasn't an idiot (as far as Jade could tell); he wouldn't very well leave an injured, unarmed girl with someone untrustworthy, despite how that person behaved sometimes.

Maybe he was referring to some trust-issue incident from Sburb, wherein she had doubted his honor? No, she was almost certain she hadn't even talked to him in Sburb.

'Were you just being pissy, Mr. Barefoot Hipster?'

She shook her head and gestured again to the sauce. He again looked miffed, and she realized that by questioning the ingredients in the sauce it was like questioning his ability to prepare and use such a sauce. He hadn't been asking if she trusted him on a personal level, no; Eridan had used a roundabout way of asking why she wasn't giving his dressing a chance. She had, inadvertently, insulted his cooking. And to make matters worse, she hadn't even sampled it yet.

Well... fine, she'd try it. There probably wasn't anything in it that would kill her, at least.

She took a deep breath instead of blowing a raspberry and again raised her pinky to her lips. She was aware that Eridan was watching her without trying to seem too interested in her reaction. Whenever she made as if to glance his way, he quickly jerked his head in another direction. It was funny the first two times.

After a few seconds of messing with him, Jade licked her finger.

The sauce was smooth and tangy with a spicy kick at the end, just right for a steak. As Jade sucked the last traces of the stuff off her digit, she could feel a slow smile spread across her face. She attempted to plunge her pinky into the bowl again to taste-test more of it, but Eridan quickly snatched the container away from her.

"No double dippin'," he said sourly. Then, in a slightly softer tone, "I guess you wwant it?"

She inclined her head and grinned weakly. 'You know, for being a douche-pants, you really know how to curry favor!'

He didn't grin back, but instead went around the campfire to finish preparing the steaks without so much as another word.

B) ++++++++++++++++++++ B)

After Eridan was done preparing dinner, he told Jade that he would be back momentarily and walked off to the back of one of the cabins, muttering about digging a hole in the ground.

'I guess we don't have indoor plumbing after all,' Jade mused. 'Then I hope that water I drank was clean...'

She stared into the depths of the fire, welcoming wave after wave of undulating heat that washed over her. Eventually her front-side became way too hot and her backside was cold, so she turned around.

She faced the forest now. Although it was a little ways off, she could see the tightly packed trees clearly in the brilliant starlight. A small opening between two of them marked the exit that she, Sollux, and Tavros had come barreling out of only half an hour before. Jade squinted at it, willing her poor eyesight (she seemed to need a better glasses prescription, curiously enough) to pick up any approach of the little party whose return was somewhat overdue. Not that she wanted to worry herself into a ball of stress, but there wasn't anything else that was pressing on her mind so insistently as her friends' well being.

However, maybe one thing could relieve her nerve-wracking thoughts, if only for a moment: Dinner.

She was still very hungry and the tantalizing smell of supper had been teasing her nose since Eridan had first started adding flavor to the medium-rare meat.

Jade looked longingly over her shoulder at a dish carrying the biggest slice. She wasn't even sure she would like dinosaur meat, but, she figured with Eridan's supposed cooking prestige he could make anything taste delicious. And she felt voracious enough to eat even the barnacles off of a baleen whale, so who was she to pass up a succulent, slow-roasted steak- even if it was made out of questionable contents?

Now if she could just get over there.

Forgetting briefly that Eridan or someone else would assist her if she would just wait to be served, Jade attempted to rise. She was lifting herself to stand up from a kneeling position when she was hit with a dizzying spike of vertigo and promptly fell over, narrowly avoiding a log to the noggin. She twisted herself at the last millisecond and was grateful when her mouth filled with earth instead of blood.

"Wwhat the hell wwere you doin'?" came an extremely cross voice somewhere over her head. "You coulda killed yourself, you knoww that? I swwear, you humans can't bait a hook wwithout wwoundin' yourselvves somethin' awwful."

Her ears burned red-hot and she fisted her hands into the dirt. She wanted so badly to retort, but knew she would only make a bigger fool out of herself if she tried. Sighing and turning her head so as to be able to breathe better, she managed to smear some soft soil onto her cheeks. Even if it made her dirtier, the grime helped conceal her embarrassment.

She had no intention of removing herself from the ground even as Eridan verbalized this idea.

"J-jade! Um, is everything, uh, g-good, over there?" A panicky Tavros burst onto the scene. From Jade's advantageous position, she could hear even more people arriving, ostensibly just in time to have seen her fall over. Great. Just as planned. Whoopee.

A new voice floated over to the Aquarius and green-eyed girl. The sound of the speech was light but ample, sweet and melodious and had just the barest hint of emphasis on every single word spoken.

"Goodness me, are you quite alright, Jade?" The speaker's tone flaunted concern but hid amusement and was coming closer with each word. Jade felt arms grab around her waist and hoist her up, disregarding her emphatic, telepathic wishes to remain face down in mortification.

Her lifter propped Jade on a log that she traded for the clearing floor immediately, lest she humiliate herself by falling ass-first outside of the campfire circle. She closed her eyes and leaned against her log-seat, pretending to doze.

"Is she okay?" Another voice that Jade had not heard before, this one higher in pitch, more cheery and younger-sounding than the other one. And somehow there seemed to be an underlying hum to her words... something like a purr?

And then... a voice she had been waiting to hear since the moment she had awakened. The smooth, crisp, slightly accented and always ironic tone of one of her best friends in the world.

"She's fine. Did you see how expertly she escaped the hellacious assault from that log? Girl was given a second's warning and still dodged the affront, like a goddamn ninja-pro wrestler turned reality television star, lecturing daughters across the globe on how to brawl with the big boys and come out fucking unscathed, without a single hair out of place and all her dignity intact like a priceless Ming vase selling at one trillion dollars on Antiques Roadshow."

Her eyes popped open and her mouth was already forming his name before she could stop herself.

"Dave!"

Five pairs of eyes snapped to her and stared. And she saw her mistake, but it was too late to take it back, too late to swallow that joyfully shouted word down into her throat. She didn't feel disappointment, but rather a kind of unhappiness that seeped into her heart and would not dissolve until the real form of her friend was healthy and whole in front of her.

This boy was not Dave, though he used the same long-winded, ironic metaphors as he did, wore a pair of righteous, though pointed and triangular, shades and sported a coolkid T-shirt with black, loose-fitting jeans and white sneakers. His hair was wet and the same color as Dave's, though it hung limply at his shoulders. One of his eyebrows was quirked and his mouth was curled into a smirk.

Jade faltered and slumped against her log again. She hadn't even realized she had arched herself off of it in an attempt to launch herself at her best friend.

"Sorry, but I'm not my bro. That shouldn't have worked on you, Harley. I haven't pulled that one since the last time you found it entertaining, and believe you me, the joke wore itself out pretty quickly."

What was he talking about? This was the first time she'd ever seen him, let alone been tricked by him. It was a very good impersonation of Dave, but now that she had heard his real voice and could start to see his personality seep through his facade, she could hardly believe his claim that he was related to the red-eyed boy.

"Not... Dave? Who...you?" Jade surprised herself by speaking. Tavros perked up and looked confused for a moment, then beamed. Everybody else was more or less equally impressed with her intelligible words, if not outwardly.

"That's great, Jade!" the Taurus exclaimed excitedly. "Hey everyone, did you hear that?"

"No, wwe're all deaf, you stupid piece a shit. A 'course wwe heard it!" Eridan scoffed.

The troll sitting to the right of Jade narrowed her eyes and sharply said, "Be nice or don't say anything at all."

Eridan wilted a bit under her glare but shrugged and directed his glower at the ground. "Not my fault Tavv is a sloww sea-slug movvin' against the current," he muttered. Everyone ignored him. Well, everyone except the subject of the jab.

"I, uh, think I resent that," said Tavros.

The Aquarius snorted but kept his comments to himself, warily eyeing the troll who had spoken in defense of Tavros.

"Well," not-Dave said calmly, clasping his hands together, "This is an very nice surprise, certainly. Sollux informed us that you wouldn't be able to articulate properly and that you would possibly require extensive speech therapy, along with surgery to repair both of your vestibulocochlear nerves. The surgery still needs to happen or you'll be deaf in one ear and afflicted with vertigo for the rest of your life. Roxy and I will perform the operation. Please, do not look so alarmed. We are trained professionals... more or less. You do seem to have already gained some skills back, or perhaps just retained a limited vocabulary and how to construct simple sentences. That's fantastic. Unfortunately, I perceive another, greater difficulty that we have not been apprised of by Sollux's various examinations of your brain."

Not-Dave paused to take a breath and let the information he had swiftly imparted percolate.

"Jade, I believe you have partial amnesia."

Oh no. And she had just been joking about that to herself earlier, too! But maybe he was right... all of the people she'd met today seemed to know a great deal more about her than she had about them.

At least she didn't have a total memory meltdown. She could still remember Dave's last words to her aboard the ship. Yes, the ship that had taken them through the Victory Door, she remembered it! His words had been very important; she would always recall his exact words and treasure them, those tiny sparkling gems. Wait, what had he said to her again? She tried to replay his monologue in her mind but his voice was slipping away. Damn it!

"Do you understand me, Jade?"

She nodded hollowly. 'Goddammit! Goddamn. Everything.'

The troll to her left placed a hand on her shoulder and scooted closer to her, the troll's knees almost on level with Jade's glasses. "Don't worry! We'll figure this out! People've recofured furrom purrtial amnesia befur, right, Dirk?"

There was no hesitation as not-Dave answered the oddly feline-like troll. "Absolutely. But I don't want to get your hopes up. It takes years to fully convalesce from all of the injuries you've suffered, and your memories will be the most elusive and infuriating bastards to capture again. Some will never come back. But you have to work at it, be strong in spite of their disappearance, and happier ones will, in time, take the place of the ones you lose forever. That's what you must think in order to regain many of them."

From the way he spoke, Jade would've thought that he'd had amnesia himself, but he corrected her without missing a beat. "Of course, I've never had the illness myself, but I read a lot and that's my favorite advice on the matter. Seems like the right direction to point a tough, action-oriented girl in."

He grinned and Jade couldn't help but smile broadly back at him. Dirk felt familiar to her now... not just as a version of or comparison to Dave but as a person all on his own; an intelligent, sophisticated young man who had all his shit together and was prepared to take on the world, whether to revel or abhor his destiny, whichever way he wanted at a moment's notice. He was more dangerous than Dave, but he was charming and Jade felt herself being drawn to his character.

'Thank you. We may have been the best of friends before the crash, and I'll definitely become close to you again.'

Suddenly there were loud cracks of breaking tree branches as something huge and hulking came smashing through the dense woods.

Dirk and the trolls to the right and left of Jade stood up immediately and charged at the monster coming down the path to the camp. This seemed incredibly foolhardy, but then again, Jade was sure they knew what they were doing. A boy like Dirk didn't just hop into fights willy-nilly, those two girls neither. Jade, Eridan and Tavros stayed right where they were but peered desperately into the trees to see where their friends had gone.

In a few minutes, however, Jade saw that there was no beast to fear. It was just a freakishly gigantic troll (who was undoubtedly Equius) carrying a beheaded, bloody dinosaur and Sollux with an arm slung around Karkat's shoulders, supporting the Cancer's hobble towards the campfire. Bringing up the rear were Dirk and the two female trolls, who were half-carrying and half-dragging a battered, blood-covered Gamzee.

B( ++++++++++++++++++++ B(

Next chapter: Bath time with Gamzee and Jade! Remember how Jade's all dirty and Gamz is all dirty too? Welp, let's not waste our precious resources on separate bath times! Ehehehehe. Also next chapter: What kind of shampoo does Sollux use? How much weight can Equius lift? Does Karkat need a hug? And where the hell are Dave, John, Jake, Roxy and Jane? Those questions and more answered in chapter five!

Tell me who you think the two female trolls are! Not that I didn't include a lot of hints or anything... it's just a fun game. :)