Chapter 4

So This is Christmas...And What Have You Done?

Jerk. Nyet. That is too nice. I cannot think of a proper word. I know what I want to say. I know what I want to call him. I know that I want to hate him…but my heart will not let me think it, let alone say it out loud. This is it. This is the end. A few weeks ago, we were declaring our love for each other in front of his family…now…it is…over? I cannot even say the word. Mostly because I do not want to believe it. I want to believe that tomorrow, he will change his mind…or maybe he will change his mind today. I hope it is today. I hope it is soon. I do not know what more I could have said to him. Maybe I should just lock myself in my room and come up with things to say to him to make him change his mind…to make him see that he is doing the wrong thing. Nyet. That is not me. I do not go crawling back to anyone. He is the one who is wrong. He needs to come crawling back to me.

I begin gathering all of his belongings: shirts, jeans, boxers, toothbrush…he wants his stuff back, he can have it. I throw everything on my bed in a messy pile. The tears are streaming down my face. Earlier, they were tears of sadness, now they are of anger. I run across the way to Gi's cabin and knock on her door.

"Linka…what's wrong?"

"I need your help."

"Anything…Are you ok?"

"Nyet. Wheeler and I…we…he broke up with me."

"WHAT?! THAT'S INSANE!!! WHY?!"

"I do not know. Well, I do. At least, I know the lame excuse he gave me. I will tell you all about it while we do what I came to get your help with," I say.

"Ok. I'm so sorry Linka. I'm sure it's just temporary. Once he realizes…"

"Da. I know…At least, I hope so."

I tell Gi all about the conversation I had with Wheeler, his reasoning behind wanting to end things, and how he was trying to be a jerk on purpose so that I would be the one to break up with him. Naturally, she is disappointed, and not just because she is my friend, but because what he did is appalling. That he could be so selfish…of course, now I think of things to say to describe his actions…why could I not do this when he was standing right in front of me. That way I could let him know how I really feel.

Gi helps me take down the artificial tree that I had assembled in my room and then carry the pieces, along with Wheeler's belongings over to his cabin. I throw his things outside of his door and then I throw the pieces of the tree, one by one against the door with as much force as I can.

I know, it is childish…but it feels so good. Gi walks with me back to my cabin. The good feeling is gone and I am back to being miserable and begin to cry.

"Do you want to talk about it…or do you want me to try and talk to him?"

"Nyet. He has made up his mind. If I cannot convince him to change it…if he does not love me enough to not be able to live without me…then all the talking in the world will not change his mind. I think I am going to go for a swim…try and clear my head."

"Do you want company…we don't have to talk about it…just…do you want someone there…incase you decided you need to talk about it?" Gi offers.

"Nyet…but thank you. I think I would just like to be alone…might as well get used to it."

To Be Continued...