Aight I'm going to try to make it pick up in the next few chapters. Make it more interesting ya know? Drop those comments! Disclaimer: I own nothing. Also disclaimer for the last two chapters I forgot to put disclaimers on lol.

The safehouse. I'm am currently standing in the street working up the courage to go inside, i'm afraid of the flashbacks that are waiting for me. I'm a coward but I can't help it. The image of Kurt sitting on the couch with a glass of scotch in his hand, the look in his eyes haunt me.

Finally one of the men from my detail (Owen, his name is) walks up to me "Mrs. Doe are you all right?" He asks lowly " yes I'm fine thank you" I try to reassure him but he is not taking the bait. "Perhaps I could walk you upstairs if you would like?" He tries again but I cannot afford to show weakness so I kindly decline, straighten and, as confidently as it can I put the key in the door knob and open the door and around the vacant living room. Couldn't of bothered to take my stuff out of evidence? I can't help the more unforgiving side of my thoughts.

It's not like you're going to be here for long. you know you're basically a glorified pawning chip. A triple agent whose hand is being forced, because if you don't help them take down this organization who created you, you get a one way trip back to hell. The devil on my left shoulder sneers. " you should be grateful we are giving you a chance to redeem all the wrongs you've done instead of sending you back with the CIA" Nas's words pierce through my memory. Fuckin bitch what did the team think I was doing back in New York in the first place? If I wasn't trying to stop (what now has a name) sandstorm then don't you think I would've gone to Mexico to sip margaritas and Modelo's on a beach?

They are just hurt and feel betrayed give them time and they will come around they don't know the full extent of what you have been through. They don't know that you have paid the price 10x over the angel on my right shoulder tries to argue but the little red guy already has won this argument for I agreed with him.

My head is starting to hurt. So I decide to take a shower and do my best to rest up knowing that there is no promises and more than likely the nightmares will not spare me tonight. I gather some small toiletries and make my way to the bathroom I stop in front of the mirror and decide to do a once over of myself. Well definitely malnourished... could use some sleep judging by the circles under my eyes, some bruises still not quite early healed up from when me and Kurt got into it in the motel hallway. My hair was grown unevenly, the ends were split. And lastly the scars.

They were hideous no doubt they would be the first thing people saw if I were to wear A shirt that had sleeves that didn't go down to my elbows. The circle scars from the cigarette burns and the discoloration from the electric shock sessions. My toes were probably going to be permanently black from almost freezing off multiple times my finger nails in different stages of growing back from being ripped off.

My mind started to cloud up with emotions. Hurt, lonlieness, fear and absolute rage. Rage that the team would send me to that hell hole in the first place. The feeling of being helpless made my fists clench. Rage that I couldn't stop being weak. Rage that I had to break myself out of the most impossible situation and being forced to give my life up to make for the wrongs that I have already paid for ten fold.

The sound of glass shattering broke me out of my thoughts. I didn't even realize that my fist had raised on its own accord, to punch the unrecognizable person in the mirror. You did this to yourself

I hop in the shower making a mental note to clean up the broken glass later, deciding that I was going to leave this small hiccup out of my discussion with Borden tomorrow. It's quite funny if you think about it. Making someone who is suppose to be strong and mentally ready, sit on a couch spilling their weak and pathetic guts, emotions and thoughts.

Even if I did want to tell the truth about the inner turmoil I was going through whould the team even care? Would Borden even try to convince Kurt that I was not capable of operating on the field?Would Kurt even stop and take my current mental health into consideration? No the little red guy humorlessly laughs. You're right I thought I pushed and pressed every button and hit him exactly where it hurts. I'm no longer a part of the team to them, I am the scapegoat here for one soul purpose and will be brought out to pasture if I cannot deliver.

I get ready for bed and call a Chinese takeout restaurant ordering the hottest thing on the menu, since I can't exactly taste the same way that I used to. I looked up on the Internet to see if my toungue would ever get back to normal. Well google says that torture victims taste buds can go heal its self if the damage was not too significant. Yay something to look forward to... eye roll

I get an notification that my food is on its way so I shout a quick text to my detail, Owen and Jasper, to make sure they don't scare the delivery guy away. After I manage to eat 3 bites of chicken and 2 spoonfuls of noodles I call it quits with the food. If I eat too much it will just end up in the toilet.

I was exhausted fighting sleep for a while because of the nightmares that were soon to follow but my body won the fight and the darkness slowly creeped in and soon I was fell into a fitful sleep.

Alright time to get some shut eye y'all. -Frances