The Guide to the Emo-Avenger Bastard: Sasuke Uchiha
Chapter 4- How to act like EA bastard
Acting like an EA bastard is very hard. Naruto and Kiba had a bet to see who could act like a EA bastard the longest and guess who won. If you guessed Kiba you were wrong, it was Akamaru. Naruto and Kiba both cracked after 10 seconds. Akamaru can sure hold glare. EA bastards have to be very well trained to be good EA bastards, almost professionally trained. Sasuke has had a long time to perfect his art. And now I'm passing on his art without him knowing it, just don't tell him or he'll be after me.
1) Master the look- you have to have the blank creepy look at goes inside the person's soul. It can't be over creepy, for that'll make you look like a freak and it can't be too blank or else you'll just look stupid. It has to be the right combination of blankness and creepiness. Try practicing in front of a mirror, and I won't advise using it until its mastered, if you do, don't expect great results.
2) Next the glare- The glare has to be perfect to be a good EA bastard. It has to be sharp daggers, not dull kunais. There is a difference. Dull kunais will get their attention but not have the same impact as sharp daggers that make you want to get the heck out of there. Here's a way to see if it works; go to a busy street and glare at any stranger and if they react in the right way, which will be running down the streets for their mommies and an ice cream cone, then your good.
3) The walk- The walk isn't that important to the CH Bastard, but its imperative to the EA bastard. Ok, follow these steps;
1. Hands in pockets, a definite must, without it, you just look like an anorexic curved pocky stick.
2. Slouch in your stomach, not you back. It's difficult, but look on the bright side, you get to work your abdominals! And a one and a two, suck those stomachs in! Fine, I'll stop now.
Anyways, to make sure your doing this step right stand sideways in front of a mirror. The shape should be something like this; ( or if your standing the other way like this ) Of course your feet shouldn't be floating, but you get the point.
3. Have your head slightly tilted down as if you don't give a damn about the world, which you are supposed to. Make sure your eye level is above their head, like your better than them. Though you probably aren't, you poser, but I'm going to pretend like your freak and you're going to pretend like I didn't just insult you. Nice to know we're on the same terms.
4. Now put it all together and walk in a slow swagger as in very slow steps that make Kakashi look like a cheetah. Now practice this up and down your hallway and when your mom asks what you're doing, tell her you're giving her grandchildren and she'll leave you alone or call the nice people with the white jackets.
4) Be Quiet- never say more than you have to. Most of the time it's either "Hn…" or "…dobe," that's all there is to it. You just have to choose the right word at the right time. The right word will explain everything you want to say in a couple of syllables.
5) Get a glassy look every 10 seconds and pretend like you have something to go emo over and plot their revenge. And as someone asked me before, the rising price of Pocky does not count as a reason to go emo.
That's all you need to know now. Next time, prepare how to look like an EA Bastard.
Going to buy some pocky and wave it in front of your face,
Sakura