Date Released: Friday, October 07, 2010
Title: The Hilarity of 74
Author: Gin Nanashi
Creation Type: FanFiction, "Crack"
Main Rating: M
Disclaimer: Gin Nanashi © Gin Nanashi; Dear 59-kun © mangarox14; Katekyou Hitman REBORN! © Amano Akira
Summary: What happens when you throw a devilish soul into the craziness known as KHR? Simple. Pure, pure crack.

The Hilarity of 74

Crack 04: Fuming Gifts

"Kekekeke~!"

The familiar cackle rang out through the dark room before flames bursted forth and lit up the area. The master lounged on her hovering chair with her right leg propped up and her arm resting on that knee. A playful smirk danced across her lips as she twirled around a silver fork.

"Welcome to the fourth installation of The Hilarity of 74! (Although, I'm thinking of changing it to The Insanity of 74 now. Kekeke~!)"

Suddenly, she shoved her utensil into a piece of (what appeared to be)… cake? Well, that was one way of putting it. The large dessert was dark-purple with light-purple frosting; funny bug-eyed worm-like things protruded from it while a realistically-looking white skull sat proudly on top of it. The master's lips curved up in a kittenish grin as she chomped on a piece.

Suddenly, the typically dim-lighted background lit up with sparkling bubbles and twirling flowers as 74-sama pressed a hand against her cheek and wriggled around in her seat happily, "Mm~! Bianchi-nee's cooking is as superb as always~!"

Hearts floated around 74-sama before she smacked her lips as a thought occurred, "Oh yeah! I-!"

BUUU~UURP!

Violet fumes left the master's lips as she blinked before sighing and patting her stomach with a light grin, "Ah~! That was some good grub!"

A light blush dusted her cheeks as she laughed sheepishly, "Oops! I should've said excuse me, na?"

She tapped a forefinger to her lips before shrugging, "Meh! Oh well!"

Her right eye sparkled as she leaned back and looked at her laptop, pouting, "You know what?"

Ignoring the fact that no one can really answer, she continued, "Inu-dera really should appreciate his sister's cooking more!"

The screen glowed with the following message:

Dear Hayato,

I baked you cake to celebrate you finally confessing. Come over and we can share it with Reborn~ Do you think I should feed it to him? And hurry up, the kids are getting restless and want to eat it.

P.s: Stop being mean to people who just want advice, Or I'll personally go over there and stuff the cake in your face.

~Your Loving Sister

And, in response to that was a certain bomber's ever-rude reply:

Dear How In The Hell Did You Even…,

How did you find this, actually? …Never mind, Reborn-san told you. As for my confessing—does he know all of my business? IS NOTHING SACRED?

As for your cake…how about a big fat damn no. I have no interest in, you know, dying, before I get an answer.

The master puffed out her lips in a very Reborn-manner and sulked, "Bianchi-nee always cooks for him while I have to wait since the only way I can eat it is if I get out of this hellhole."

She stuck out her tongue, "Bleh. Stupid portal's not working for me…"

To avoid making the audience's ears bleed, Announcer-san will simply recite the following:

(Ahem.)

An hour long rant and a hundred exaggerated sighs later…

The master finally declared, "Thus, Hayato really should learn to appreciate Bianchi-nee's cooking!"

She cradled her chin as a dim lightbulb floated above her head and thought for a moment, mumbling, "But, how…?"

Suddenly, the floating object combusted as 74-sama snapped her fingers, creating a spark of fire as she exclaimed, "THAT'S IT!"

Bangs shadowed her eyes as she chuckled darkly, "Kekekeke~! The best way to get someone to appreciate something is to shove it down his throat~!"

The master suddenly tensed before coughing and giving a brilliantly (not) innocent smile, "Of course, I actually mean: GIFT-WRAP IT AND PRESENT IT TO THE RECEIVER~!"

Black hearts danced around 74-sama as she attempted innocence, but failed epically when she began cackling lowly before cutting herself off, "Anyway…"

She placed the rest of her cake into a prettified box and sealed it shut before rapidly wrapping it in bright red paper.

"As I distract you from my actions with my (awesome) CAPS LOCK SPEECH…"

She trailed off and finished tying the box with a ridiculous pink polka-dotted yellow bow before grinning widely and taking a deep breath.

"I'LL TAKE THE TIME NOW TO TALK A BIT ABOUT MYSELF!"

She scribbled quickly on a simple black tag in silver ink while speaking.

"I TYPICALLY DON'T APPEAR TO BE THIS SADISTIC AND CRAZY SO FEEL SPECIAL THAT YOU SEE THIS PART OF ME!"

She stuck the tag onto the gift box and grinned maliciously, whistling a high pitch, before continuing.

"I TOOK THE SEME-UKE QUIZ AND FOUND OUT THAT I'M A CHIBI SEME, SO YA HA~! I TOP!"

A young man stumbled in, shaking at being in the presence of the master before perking up when given the parcel, only to pale upon looking at the tag.

"ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'LL FIND MY UKE BUT RIGHT NOW I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THAT RELATION-SHIT!"

A flash of 74-sama's fanged grin made him clamp his jaws together and suck it up before running off to do his thing.

"MOVING ALONG~!"

The master breathed deeply before exhaling and relaxing. Her lips quirked up in a light grin as she jerked a thumb towards The (ajar) Gates of Hell, "If you weren't distracted by my (awesome) CAPS LOCK SPEECH, then you probably noticed the man who came and left, yeah?"

She snuggled into the softness of her hovering chair and smirked, "That was one of my… assistants, Postman-san."

Her fingers tapped against each other as she rested her elbows on her thighs and explained, "Postman-san is the one I send when I want to get… personal."

BOOOBOOOBOOOM~!

The master's Hell shook violently as she cackled lightly, "Kekeke~! Don't concern yourself with that. It happens every now and then."

Her canines glinted dangerously in the dim light of the lava river as a low chuckle came format 74-sama, "After all, what's Hell…!"

From the ajar gates, a red soul floated into the room while sobbing and holding a slightly scorched piece of paper. The master grinned widely, showing off her sharp teeth before continuing on with her awesome speech.

"AFTER ALL, WHAT'S HELL WITHOUT A LITTLE BIT OF CHAOS?"

The soul handed her the blackened paper before floating off, still whimpering.

"I KNOW! I'M TERRIBLE, AREN'T I?"

The background turned bright as hearts danced and bubbles sparkled around her.

"BUT, IT COMES WITH BEING DEVILISH, YOU KNOW~!"

Her red eyes flickered across the messy scrawl on the paper before she cackled maliciously.

"KEKEKEKE~! HIS REACTIONS ARE QUITE PREDICTABLE~!"

A spark came from her finger, lighting the corner of the note on fire, before 74-sama tossed it in the general direction of the soul. As the note flittered towards the unsuspecting being, the words "FUCK YOU!" could be easily distinguished despite the horrible handwriting. The master laughed and clapped her hands together, singing happily.

"Looks like he got my gift~!"

She began chuckling lowly as the note slowly burned to ashes on the panicking soul of Postman-san. Poor guy… He really doesn't need all this abuse-

BONK!

A car tire slammed into Announcer-san, making him whimper, before he and Postman-san huddled together, sniffling over the cruelty of the master. She simply gave a fanged grin and flashed a victory sign.

"I'm so CRUEL that I LOVE it~! KEKEKEKE~!"

Her eye flashed briefly as she cocks a bazooka.

"DON'T THINK THAT I'M ONE-DIMENSIONAL THOUGH!"

Pulling a trigger-

BOOM!

-rainbow smoke came blasting out.

"YA HA~! GET YOUR COOKIES!"

In a lower voice, she added.

"And join my insanity. (Kekeke~!)"

Author's Note:

Uh... No comment except that it's full of random crap-I mean-crack? *brilliantly (not) innocent smile*