Notes:
We are happy to deliver a new chapter this soon!
This time both authors are working together to write these chapters, we hope it's not "boring long"
We tried to focus more on character development and the relationships -professionally- between the girls.
Please enjoy~
Masquerade.
Chapter 04.
The sound of soft breathing filled the room with a gentle warm light coming from the windows.
From time to time you could hear a few birds singing outside in the distance; their songs remind them that they weren't in the noisy city anymore, instead, they were in the quiet countryside, but most importantly that remind them that they were out, in the training camp.
Nanaka slowly started to open her eyes; the warm room becoming a bit hot and bright.
With a soft grunt, she frowned; she wasn't used to waking up with such a bright light in her bedroom.
She blinked a few times to focus her sight; her blurry vision trying to focus on what was in front of her.
At first, she saw Aina's futon but for her surprise, nobody was there; she looked a bit further, she was surprised to see another messed futon with no one there, Anchan was missing too.
Nanaka's heart skipped a bit, so she opened her eyes wider with a furious blink, finally waking up.
What? What's this? Where is everybody?...
With her eyes now fully open and fully awake, she lifted her torso a bit and using her right elbow as support she looked beyond Anchan's futon, for her surprise, she was greeted by a beautiful smile and two kind eyes; Shuka was staring at her.
Nanaka raised her eyebrows, her cheeks becoming red; she gave her a kind smile back, and somehow she returned to her initial position without taking her eyes away from Shuka.
So how long had been Shuka staring at her while sleeping? That thought made her heart race at the same time feeling butterflies in her belly.
If everybody left, she didn't care anymore; she was now busy staring at Shuka.
They shared sweet smiles and glances thru the messy futons of the missing members but they didn't care, they were lost in each other's eyes.
Maybe they were remembering the events of last night.
.
After Shuka's confession, Nanaka removed her glasses, threw them into her basket without taking her eyes away from Shuka; she moved towards her with determination, with both hands grabbed Shuka's puffed cheeks and throwing all her senses to the back of her mind, she kissed her again.
Shuka's reaction was almost instantly in the very moment she felt Nanaka's hands grabbing her cheeks; she closed her eyes and received the kiss, in no time she was answering Nanaka's lips with her owns with equal passion, hugging Nanaka by her waist making their bodies stick to each other.
The mixed smell of sweet peaches with caramel strawberries made their heads become dizzy and intoxicated them with each other scents; Nanaka wanted more, and soon she was making the kiss deeper, wetter, and hotter.
This was what Shuka wanted, isn't it? She wanted to go further, she wanted more of her, and Nanaka was happy and gladly willing to do so.
Nanaka was devouring Shuka's mouth while Shuka was grabbing Nanaka's clothes firmly; wet sounds started to come out with soft and cute grunts of pleasure out of their mouths when they heard some noisy voices coming towards them.
Both recognized them in an instant; "first years".
Like if they had electricity they split out and separate from each other a few steps; Nanaka bought her left arm crossing her chest while her right hand went to her mouth, her cheeks were slightly red.
Shuka in other hand hid her arms behind her back and looked down in embarrassment, her cheeks were furious red and she had her lips really swollen, she was with an elaborate breathing trying to catch her breath.
Did she just com-?
"Hey~!" Said "first years" approaching them
"What are you guys doing here?" Asked Aiai with concern
"Where is Anchan?" Asked Aikyan
"Inside." Answered Nanaka fast and coldly
"Did we just interrupted something...?" Said King with a concerned tone
Shuka looked up with her wide smile and looked at them
"No, no, we were just talking; dance stuff and such"
"She helped me with the leapfrog," said in a hurry Nanaka.
"Ok, we should go and have a pillow fight!"
Said Aikyan moving along to the cottage, but stopping in the porch to pick up Nanaka's towel.
Nanaka gave her a sign that the towel was hers, so Aikyan had to turn her steps back to return it to Nanaka.
"Just get some rest of this!" Followed Aiai with a tired tone, "you will have plenty of time tomorrow to keep practicing the leapfrog"
"You should teach Suzuki-san to do it," said King with an amused tone, following her teammates
Both girls looked at "first years" entering the cottage, Aikyan who was the last stopped in the doorframe and looked back at them.
"I'm gonna steal your pillow Shukashuu~!" And then she rushed inside the cottage
Shuka opened her eyes wide and gasped.
"Hey! That's not fair!" She quickly ran towards the cottage, grabbed her basket and rushed to the entrance, without a care that she just stomped with someone.
Nanaka walked slowly to grab her basket, she stood straight in front of the entrance when she heard Shuka apologizing with the one she just stomped on the door.
"I'm sorry Suzuki-san!" She said loud and then she disappeared inside.
Suzuki...san?
Nanaka looked up at the door, she could see Aina looking back at her with a clear sad face.
Nobody moved or said anything, they just heard how the "first years" plus Shuka were running upstairs making a lot of fuss.
They heard Arisa scolding them, and later the lead teacher.
At the end was silence once again.
"So I believe there's no pillow fight after all..."
Said Aina, her tone was dry and serious. Too weird for Aina.
Did she see us...?
Nanaka swallowed hard but conserving her "Suwa face". She blinked a few times and started walking towards the entrance.
"Yeah, it seems like that"
She said stopping in front of Aina; Aina lowered her head, somehow avoiding Nanaka's gaze, and she moves outside
"Where are you going?" asked Nanaka with concern looking back at Aina.
"Out," said Aina dryly and moved out with a strong foot.
Nanaka looked at her with a frown on her face.
Oh, my God, she saw us...
Nanaka turned her head to the entrance of the cottage with a panic look, her heart started to race like crazy; she tightened her grip on her basket while listening Aina's footsteps getting away.
She swallowed hard.
Fuck.
Nanaka entered the cottage with a quick pace; she saw the assistants and the teachers getting ready in their respective futons, so she said a soft "goodnight" and went upstairs were she clearly could hear her fellow members still awake.
Everybody was in their respective futons still talking at the same time, it was clearly noisy.
And they expect us to sleep?
Nanaka walked towards her futon while giving Shuka a few glances; Shuka gave her back some too and a coy smile, her lips still swollen. There was some complicity between them that only they knew, that made Nanaka feel butterflies in her belly.
She left her basket on the floor and started arranging her stuff.
Then she stopped.
Not only the two of them know.
Aina knows too.
Nanaka looked at Aina's futon, it was intact of course.
She couldn't help to tighten her lips.
Why did Aina behave that way? Was she mad? Hurt? Disappointed?
It made her sense that she could see them; the bathroom was right there next to the cottage entrance, maybe she heard the confession, went out to see them because Aina is a curious person, and saw them kissing.
Nanaka blinked a few times.
That's a maybe.
Or maybe she was just serious about something else, or she hears Takatsuki-san saying that she needed Shuka to teach her the leapfrog and she got upset.
Nanaka sighed softly.
The best way was asking her.
"Where's Suzuki-san?" Nanaka heard clearly on her back; Komiya-san's voice.
She turned around with her "Suwa face" and shrugged.
"Oh, I thought she was with you Suwa-san"
"Why 'third years' are still so polite?" asked Anchan with an amused tone, everybody somehow stopped their respective topics and turned her sights to Arisa and Nanaka.
"Drop the honorific already you two!"
I hate this kind of attention...
Nanaka stood up with determination and moved to the stairs once again.
"Hey where are you going?" asked Anchan with a bit of nervousness in her voice
"I can go and look for Ainya" she heard softly while an arm firmly but kindly grabbed Nanaka's arms; she stopped her footsteps.
Shuka smiled kindly and moved to the stairs.
"Why?" asked Nanaka with a clearly surprise look.
"I need my warm milk before to sleep anyways, so I'll go the reception to buy one, I'm sure I'll find Ainya on my way"
Both share a smile, and before Nanaka could say anything else, Shuka rushed downstairs.
She blinked a few times and sighed. She could hear clearly how everybody started talking or maybe teasing them again, she didn't pay any attention; she was immersed in her mind that there it goes her opportunity to talk with Aina about whatever happened to her.
She turned around to her futon ignoring all the noise and fixing her stuff.
She got inside of it and sat still for about a few seconds.
In less than 5 minutes she lived a rollercoaster of feelings. A love confession, a lovely and hot kiss, confusion and now concern.
"I hope we will get used to this..." said softly Arisa; Nanaka turned her head to her left to see her.
Arisa was sat the same way she was in her futon, and Rikako too, both looking to their front.
"This is really something isn't it?" said Rikako with a soft tone.
Nanaka looked at her front too realizing why were this two so worried.
She opened her eyes wide.
"First years" were doing some weird dances, while laughing and somehow "bullying" Anchan on the way.
Of course, they were too noisy and loud for the three of them to sleep. So they were in their corner, quiet and amazed looking how those four were so loud.
"And Suzuki-san isn't even here..." said Rikako
"Just wait for her to come..." said Arisa
"And Shuka will come with her..." said softly Nanaka.
The three of them just made a painful sigh and then shared some looks with each other.
They giggled and shared some smiles.
Yes, they were the normal ones within the group.
After a quiet and calm chitchat between the three of them ignoring the noisy of their fellow members, Nanaka felt a bit relieved that at least she had something in common with Arisa Komiya, and now she understood why Rikako was always with her; she was normal and calm, just like her.
A few minutes later Shuka came back with Aina; Shuka came smiling with a bottle of milk in her hands, making a lot of fuzz with "first years" until she reached her futon, in other hand Aina came more quietly, made a few jokes and then got inside her futon, she didn't even bother to give Nanaka a second glance, and that was weird.
She wanted to sleep by my side and now she is just ignoring me? What's wrong with her?
Nanaka frowned and bit her lips.
"Is she ok?"
She heard Arisa whispering at her left, of course, this behavior was weird coming from Aina.
Nanaka looked at Arisa with her "Suwa face" and shrugged, not trying to offend Arisa or anything, she just didn't know.
They heard the last scold from the lead teacher downstairs; she threatened them that if they didn't shut up for good, tomorrow she will make the session even harder and painful. Even if everybody giggled at that, they knew that the lead teacher was serious and more than capable to punish them like that, so soon everybody got into their futons and got ready to sleep.
"It's everybody ready? I'm gonna turn off the light..."
Said Aiai from her futon, since she was the closest to the switch; Nanaka gave a last look to Shuka and it seems she did the same, both shared a sweet smile and a nostalgic gaze, like if they didn't want to turn off the light to keep looking each other, to keep admiring each other. Nanaka felt she needed to say something, but of course, she couldn't.
Somehow Shuka understood that or maybe she wanted to do the same, so in a matter of seconds she lifted her hand showing Nanaka her phone; Nanaka blinked.
Everybody said a tiring "yes" answering Aiai's question, so she said aloud "goodnight everybody" and turned off the lights.
Nanaka took her phone and covered herself with the top of her head with the futon; she turned on her phone, opened the Line app, and searched for Shuka's conversation.
She started typing but Shuka's message came first.
Osuwa! We did it again and we couldn't talk at all! ( 〃艸〃 )
Nanaka frowned, she was right, she didn't say anything, she just kissed her.
Should this be an "actions speak more than words" case? Then again, what the hell she means kissing her? What now?
Nanaka's fingers typed quickly.
Yeah, I know, my bad...(●´艸｀)ヾ
I'm sorry Shukashuu, I'm not going to do it again if you don't want to. (つ﹏。)
She bit her lips. The truth is that she was dying to do it again.
She got her answer faster than she expected, her heart was racing like crazy.
Are you kidding me?! Osuwa, I want to do it again...
I told you I feel addicted...
I like you. ( 艸 `)
Nanaka felt the imperious desire to throw everything to hell; to get up, walk over Aina and Anchan and lay flat over Shuka in her futon and make out with her there, raw and hot, not even caring if that passion grew to something more and with everybody there.
She wanted her.
She sighed and blinked a few times.
She couldn't do that.
We need to talk about it.
No kisses until we figure out what to do.
Okay? ( ๑ •́ ω •̀)
She typed with her heart shrugged; God knows when that talk will be, until then she had to focus on practice and the camp and not in Shuka's plump lips, or Shuka's playful tongue, or how nice Shuka smelled like sweet peaches...
Dammit! I can't concentrate at all...
Fair enough Suwa-san! (≧∀≦ゞ
Have a good night!
ヾ ( - ) ノ
Nanaka made a sad smile, she wanted to keep talking with her, or to be filled with her presence, but no.
She needed to rest for tomorrow practice.
Have a good night sweetie~
( ｡ ) ﾉ
She turned off her phone, moved the futon down of her head; she was greeted by a cold and fresh air, then she left the phone beside her at her right.
She couldn't help but see a black shape in that direction, she recognized it as Aina.
She frowned again.
God, how many "talks" I'm gonna need to do in this camp?!
She turned around in Arisa's direction and closed her eyes.
The truth was that she needed to focus on the camp.
In singing the new song, training, in the choreography, in her career, not in her situation with Shuka, or why was Aina mad at her, why would she anyway?
With a soft snort, she tried to get some sleep.
But the truth was that she was lying to herself under her mask.
She wanted Shuka so bad.
.
.
The loud voices and laughing of "first years" snapped Nanaka out of her memory and daydreaming.
Shuka shared the same sad smile with her, and both agreed that it was time to come back to reality.
Nanaka blinked furiously while turning to her back and gluing her gaze to the ceiling, she didn't feel ready yet.
She heard how the lead teacher was shouting from downstairs that they needed to be ready in 20 minutes for breakfast and then to start the training.
Soon the room become noisy once again, so she didn't have any choice to move too.
She sat on her futon, her eyes slightly opened, she could see how everybody started to stand up and move around.
"Where is Anchan?" asked Shuka with concern
"I think her day started early than ours," said Arisa removing her shirt
Nanaka opened her eyes wide.
Oh, my God.
She faster turned her head to the other side but caught Shuka doing the same.
She closed her eyes tight
I'm not ready for this yet!
"Suwa-san?" Nanaka heard Arisa's voice behind her "you need to get ready"
I need to get out of here!
She got up quickly trying to avoid everybody, took her training clothes from her bag as fast as she could, and moved faster to reach the stairs.
On her way, she heard that Anchan was already recording and that Aina was already having breakfast.
It took Nanaka's attention, she didn't recall Aina being an early person.
She went straight to the bathroom downstairs and locked the door.
She wasn't ready to start changing her clothes there with everybody; ok, they need to bond with each other, but one step at the time. Maybe Arisa Komiya didn't have any issues or complex with her body, because God, she has such a great body, but her?
And of course, she wasn't ready to see that much skin from Shuka.
Good Lord, I'm a demure person I can't do that...at least not yet...
So after splashing water on her face, and changing into her training clothes calmly, she went out of the bathroom, went upstairs to leave her sleeping clothes and grab her contacts.
At the end it seems that no one noticed her escape to the bathroom; she did a mental note to do that from now on.
Breakfast was nice.
Everybody was in high spirits and excited to start the training.
As for Aina; she looked fine and like herself. She started fooling around and being noisy as always, but she sat at the opposite side of the table and she didn't give Nanaka a second glance once again.
Shuka in other hand stuck herself to Nanaka, making her impossible to concentrate on what everybody was talking.
While everybody was having breakfast, they received the information for today activities; right now Anchan was recording the new song, "Step! ZERO to ONE", and it will be recorded the same way their first song was recorded, one by one.
And this time they were receiving some personal vocal training, so the recording session would take more time than the first time.
Nanaka felt really uneasy with that; her experience recording "Kimi no Kokoro wa Kagayaiteru kai?" Wasn't that good, of course, it took her a long time to get into character and sing like Kanan should sing.
Following the schedule she was next after lunch, Arisa on the afternoon and Rikako right after dinner.
After breakfast, they have a P.E session scheduled.
Of course, that session was in charge of the lead teacher, and she wasn't kidding when she threatened them about making the session hard and painful; Nanaka felt her breakfast could escape from her mouth in any second.
At least she wasn't the only one feeling that way, King sure was having some problems with Aina close behind; after all these months they still hadn't gained enough stamina and endurance to keep up the training, and they haven't even started the dance practice yet.
"Okay! 5 minutes break!"
Said the lead teacher after an intensive session of cardio exercises, stretching and planks.
Everybody did a loud sigh and a few complaining from "first years"
"You guys wanted to fool around last night; think about that now, don't complain"
"First years" made another tired sound, while the rest sat down to take a break.
Nanaka took water from her bottle; she could felt her soul returning to her body.
"Easy with that," said Arisa sitting next to her, Nanaka gave her a look with her cheeks full of water.
"I'm ok," she said faintly after swallowing.
"Are you nervous?" Arisa said taking her bottle and drinking
"About?" Nanaka said in her "Suwa tone"
Arisa took long sips from the bottle and then leave the bottle on the floor
"Everything? The project? dancing?..."
Nanaka took her sight away from Arisa and glued it into the mirror, first she looked for Shuka; she was happily chitchatting with Aikyan, then looked for Aina, she was with King and Aiai recovering. Rikako was talking with the teachers.
This is easier with Shuka or Aina, not with her... why is she talking to me?
"I'm ok." she said with her "Suwa tone" again
"Okay... you are the next one to record..."
"I know." she answered still with her "Suwa tone"
Both remained in silence.
This was useless.
Arisa stood up with her bottle in hand.
"Suwa-san," she called," I know you have a problem with me, I told you before, and I'm not going to leave this training camp until you and I have a talk."
Then she left to talk with Aiai and company. Nanaka was left there still with the sight lost somewhere between the floor and the mirror.
Terrific, another "talk"...
Nanaka rolled her eyes.
Now she will need to add more hours on her day to have "these talks"; she felt tired already, and she hasn't done any of them yet.
In order of priority, it should be Shuka first but she hasn't even thought about this topic, what does she want from her? want to be with her? Date her? Fuck her? Take care of her? Be her girlfriend?...love her?
Nanaka blinked furiously and shook her head.
Hold on Suwa Nanaka, you are going too fast...
Then she has to talk with Aina; it's clear that something happened yesterday and she is considering that the "maybe" because she was mad It's because she heard plus saw the confession and kissing with Shuka. Why this bothers her? Why would she care? Is she jealous?...
Is she?...
Nanaka's heart started to rush.
Now Arisa.
God, Arisa...
Then again, it's not Arisa's fault for her behavior towards her.
How can she explain to her that it's her insecurities towards her that made her be so...unpleasant?
That she is so damn perfect in everything and in every sense, that it's messing with her career and her role as Kanan.
That her duty as "third year" leader will be removed and passed to her because she wasn't up for the task.
My, I can't be in the same subunit as her, that will mean that she will steal Kanan's leadership in that too...
She felt sick.
I'm so sorry Kanan, I'm going to ruin you...
A loud noise snapped Nanaka out of her "Suwa world", she blinked furiously and realized that the room was really loud.
Everybody was talking at the same time and the noise that snapped her out was the sound of the door opening with Anchan, the Chief of staff and the sound director Nagasaki Yukio.
Nobody notices them except for Nanaka, but she didn't say a thing, she just looked at them.
Anchan was with an amazed look, already in training outfit ready to incorporate into the P.E session, the Chief of staff had a painful look but Nagasaki Yukio was amazed at the noise.
He turned to Anchan.
"Are you regularly this noisy?" he asked
Anchan giggled with embarrassment
"Eh...yeah...when the 9 of us are gathered, this is how it feels..."
Loud, noisy and unbearable...
Nanaka stood up, it seems that the 5 minutes break were gone.
"Love it," said Nagasaki Yukio.
"What?" asked the Chief of staff
"I want 'this' into the song," he said amazed
"What? Noise?" asked Anchan
"It's not 'noise', it's your essence... the 9 of you are like 'this'"
He said entering the room, somehow now everybody notices them and stopped talking.
9 my ass, I'm not talking...well maybe that's my 'essence' in this group. Silent Suwa.
Nagasaki Yukio greeted everyone, and he introduced himself once again in case someone has forgotten him.
Who can forget the sound director of the project and the one who was constantly grabbing his temples because your tone or your voice or yourself were never good for the song you were recording?
Anyways, he was in a good mood because he was starting to record the new song and the first mix was already done.
Everybody clapped, Anchan was drying in embarrassment.
Then he cleared his throat.
"Seen all of you here, and hearing you now, I had an incredible idea for the new song"
Everybody looked puzzled
"I know you haven't heard the song yet, but, trust me, this song it's really important, I'm afraid to say that's even more important than the song of your P.V"
Everybody made an "oh~" sound.
How can be more important than their debut song and single?
"So I want to transmit the very essence of all of you into this song, that's why we are recording it here... this training camp means to be important not only for the project but for 'Aqours'; this song it's the first step for all of you...and it should represent you, the bonds you should forge here, the feelings you convey with each other, all of that should be represented in this song"
Man...it's just a song...
Deadpanned Nanaka, not for wanting to detract him from what he was saying, but because she thought he was giving it more importance than she really thought it should have.
The first song should have this kind of energy and leave that kind of impression not the B-side song of the cd.
Besides, Anchan already recorded her mix, with which feelings exactly? And she was next, with which feelings should she record the song based on the experience of not even a full day in the training camp.
Should she sing with love? Confusion? Anger?
Of course, she didn't say a thing and she stood there with her "Suwa face".
But Nagasaki Yukio had another idea, and he was really excited about it. So he asked the Chief of staff to go to the recording room, bring the recording staff with a few microphones for a group recording session.
Basically, because the 9 of them didn't fit into the recording booth. Of course, the lead teacher wasn't happy about him disturbing and interrupting her P.E session, but the songs are the priority in this franchise.
While everybody was waiting for the Chief of staff and his recording staff to come and settle the equipment, of course, everybody rushed over Anchan.
"So, how is it?" asked Aiai with full excitement
"Is it difficult?" asked Aikyan
"Is it a fast song?" asked King
"Who's the center?" said Arisa
"Yo, let her breath!" said Shuka
Nanaka blinked a few times, and took her attention out of the group to watch the clock on the wall.
Anchan started recording before breakfast and she finished a few minutes ago, that means that every recording session was lasting about 3 hours more or less.
She blinked again.
That's long.
"Anchan did you have anything to eat?"
Asked Nanaka the loudest she could, of course, that kind of questions was out the questions the girls were asking, almost if it was out of the blue, so everybody stood quiet and looked at Nanaka with a weird face.
Anchan instead smiled back
"Yes I did, and I had coffee too, don't worry about that Suwawa"
Nanaka smiled back, then looked at everybody
"She started before breakfast, I needed to ask"
Everybody did an "Oh~" sound again.
"As expected from 'Kanan-san'" said Aiai
"So, how's the song?" Insisted Rikako
Anchan bit her lips.
"Well, it's a happy song?...I guess... it's fast" said Anchan with doubt
"Damn!" said King
"Faster than "Kimi no Kokoro wa Kagayaiteru kai?" asked Aikyan
"Yes, definitely," said Anchan
"Man!" said King again
"Don't complain" said Aiai
"I complain," said King looking at Aiai" eventually we will have to dance that!"
"Oh that will be fun," said Anchan
"Fun?" asked Shuka
Anchan hummed
Everybody looked at each other with skeptical looks
"The song sounds fresh, vividly, happy... it brings you like a 'sunshine' vibe..."
Nanaka wasn't the only one who raised her eyebrows and said aloud "Eh?!"
"That's so vague!" complained Aiai with her high pitch.
"I know, sorry I can't relate to nothing else," said Anchan sad
"So who's the center?" asked again Arisa
Who cares?!
Nanaka frowned, Anchan shrugged
"Well I don't know, it doesn't have a solo part," said softly Anchan
"What?!" said "First years" at the same time
"Well, it makes sense," said Nanaka softly, everybody looked at her,
" the sound producer said it's a special song for the 9 of us, why would one of us have a special line in the song?"
A few nodded to that statement
"But 'Chika-chan' is the leader," said Rikako
"So?" said Aina who has been really quiet," it doesn't mean that she needs to be the center of every song, there are 9 of us"
"Doesn't 'Chika-chan' And 'Riko-chan' had the center in "Kimi no Kokoro wa Kagayaiteru kai?" asked King
"Not necessarily!" said Arisa, "they got the solo, but we don't know if they got the center"
Nanaka rolled her eyes.
Seriously, is that really important? Being the leader, get the solos or being the center?
They are a group, they should watch all for the common good of the group more than the personal interests of each other.
"I believe we will don't have any centers in this single," said Nanaka in monotone, she gained a disconfirm look from everyone. She just blinked
"Why would you think that?" asked Arisa with a bit of annoyance in her voice
"Because we are not prepared yet, they are making us sing together and if Anchan was right, this new song doesn't have a solo line; we will sing these songs as a group. Also what the sound producer said about this particular song, and the time is taking them for us to record them"
Everybody was silent.
"I had a special vocal training before recording" finished Anchan, everybody got what Nanaka meant with that with a clear "Oh~".
"We are not ready to have solos"
Sentenced Nanaka with her monotone, she got a few "hums" from her fellow members.
"Ok girls!" called Nagasaki Yukio
Everybody stopped the chitchat and looked at the sound producer, the Chief of staff, the recording staff and of course the dance teachers who weren't so happy.
"Please gather in the center of the room where all the mikes are located "
They did as they were told.
"So where exactly do you want to put 'this' into the song?" asked the Chief of staff towards Nagasaki Yukio
"In the intro of course!" he said excitedly
Somehow the girls looked at Anchan, she just shrugged.
Arisa cleared her throat and took a step forward.
"So how exactly 'this' have something to do with the song?"
Nagasaki Yukio stopped whatever he was doing and looked at Arisa with a puzzled look
"Excuse me?"
"I don't understand, how the song it's connected to us making whatever are we going to record now, with the essence and all of that"
All the girls shared a puzzled look; Arisa got a point.
The Chief of staff nodded too, it seems he was puzzled too.
Nagasaki Yukio cleared his throat
"Fair enough, Komiya-san, you are right," he said with a calmer tone.
"First this song, 'Step! ZERO to ONE', was mean to be special for all of you for what I already explained, and because its meaning it's that all of you are starting in a 'zero point' and have to make the step to one, maybe you don't get it right now, but trust me, you will once the song it's complete, and then when I entered this room and listened to all of you, I just couldn't help but imagine all the characters talking so vividly on the beach before the song starts."
He made a signal to the recording staff.
"Remember that all of you have to be one with your characters, so the best way to connect with them it's to give them your essence..."
So the essence of this group it's to be noisy...?
"I want to give to this song a bit of 'Seiyuu touch', something from you to connect to them..."
everybody nodded. Nanaka frowned.
"And for the record...everything you do in this project, it's for the sake of the song, the drama or the project itself, don't forget that."
Arisa bit her lips.
It was something like, "we know what are we doing so don't ask stupid questions" if this man wants to record them doing whatever, he knows why it's necessary and they need to do as they told.
So the instruction was easy, just get into character and talk whatever nonsense they wanted to talk, but in character. Like they used to do with their own voices.
Nagasaki Yukio made them repeat that "exercise" a few times to get the very best of the girls, but the loudest thing you could heard was Aina saying "Shiny" constantly and behind that, just the girl's voices "talking", but you can't figure out what are they talking exactly.
Noise.
Nanaka just couldn't do it.
She can't improvise "small talking" in Kanan's voice. She needed a context, a scrip, maybe a situation?
So basically she smiled nervously and let the other girl's voices drowned her own.
Maybe she still felt so far from Kanan to start improvising some random situation in her voice.
Voice she is not used to it yet.
In any case, this recording wasn't that long, and soon Yukio and the Chief of staff gathered their recording stuff and left the room.
For the dance teachers enjoyment to continue the P.E session and for the girls disgrace to keep up the training.
The session was until lunch break.
.
For the girls, the real bonding moment is when they are not doing something related to the project, like having lunch.
Small talk between them gets them to know more from each other. More than dancing and training, while they are doing things related to the project they are focused on their personal development inside the project, or how can they improve their dancing skills. Yes, the sense of dancing together or doing things together helps, but for the sake of the project no for the sake of their friendship.
If they wanted to have that of course.
Nanaka wasn't great at talking, but she was a good listener. So even if she didn't contribute a lot to the conversation, she listened, laughed and enjoyed everybody's company. Indeed she learned a bit more about "first years".
And that's what you never got bored with them.
When Anchan started talking about her experience recording the new song, Nanaka thought it was time to leave.
She was next to record and she didn't want to have a preconceived idea of the song; it was enough with the information she already had.
A happy, fast and "sunshine" feel song.
So she excused herself and left the dining room to go straight to the cottage and change her clothes for her recording session. It's not that changing was mandatory, but she felt a little sweaty and smelly with the training clothes.
So she changed into her blue long sweat-shorts, a yellow shirt and put on a light grey jersey. Even if it was hot outside, she heard from Anchan that the recording studio had an air conditioner, so it could get a bit chilly.
She did her hairstyle too, with a half bun; she thought about doing Kanan's ponytail but dismissed the idea for no particular reason.
Then got out of the cottage to abruptly stop her steps to find out someone sitting on the porch of the cottage.
She swallowed hard.
She closed the door slowly, but it didn't matter, the only way out was at the front door, so she would stomp with this someone anyway.
She blinked a few times and then sighed.
It can't be helped...
She walked in her slow pace towards her but stopped again when she heard soft sobs coming from her. She made a bitter expression.
"Anchan?"
Nanaka called, Anchan turned her head around fast towards Nanaka with a shocked expression, then quickly tried to dry her tears
"Su... Suwawa..."
Said softly Anchan trying to gather her dignity back. Nanaka walked to her side with a worried expression.
"What's wrong? Something happened?"
Anchan just shook her head.
"Damn, I don't have a handkerchief... wait..."
Nanaka said with a soft tone and rushed inside the cottage, entered the bathroom and took some toilet paper and rushed outside with Anchan.
"Here..." Nanaka said offering the paper, Anchan took it and said a soft "thank you"
Nanaka smiled back and moved out of the cottage.
"Suwawa..." called Anchan; Nanaka stopped her steps and looked back at her
"Can...can we talk?" Anchan said softly
Nanaka rose her eyebrows, and then she gave her the perfect "Suwa face"
Perfect, another "talk"...
She blinked a few times, trying to convince herself that her actions with the toilet paper should have been enough.
But of course, it wasn't.
Nanaka walked back to the cottage and sat by her side then rubbed her back.
"There, there..."Nanaka tried to ease the moment
"I'm sorry Suwawa, I thought I was alone..."
Sure, no one saw me leaving the dining room...
Nanaka didn't say a thing.
"I'm sorry..." Anchan said again; Nanaka just rolled her eyes.
"What happened Anchan? It's this because of the song?"
Asked sweetly Nanaka.
That made her sense, the production staff sometimes forgets that they are working with children. Yes, she is 20, but Anchan and Shuka are 19 and 18 respectively; they were newbies in this industry and of course, they can get a little sensitive...
She was also completely destroyed by them when they told her she wasn't up for the task.
Maybe Anchan performance during the recording of the song destroyed her confidence too.
"I think it's everything..." she said softly, " I was thinking what you told me yesterday; I believe I can't be the leader..."
Nanaka opened her eyes wide and stopped rubbing Anchan's back.
"Really...?" asked Nanaka with clear surprise in her voice.
"Yeah... I mean... you are right, no one asked me to be the leader of 'Aqours', I just assumed that because of 'Chika-chan' and tried so hard to be like her... but I think I can't... I don't fit, I'm not up for the task"
Nanaka bit her lips.
So clearly she ruined "Aqours leader".
"Where is this negativity coming from?" asked Nanaka trying to soften the ambient.
"I'm like this ..." Anchan said sadly, "I've always been like that, I'm also very insecure ... I do not know how I got this role ... I promised that if I did not get the role of 'Chika-chan', I would quit being a Seiyuu..."
Nanaka opened her eyes wide and bit her lips once again.
She could tell that Anchan was kinda shy, and very reluctant to make a fool of herself (task that she constantly fail due Shuka and Aiai making her doing silly stuff anyway) but hearing this kind of statements from someone who was always talking "positively" and trying so hard to push them further, was a big punch to take.
So she wasn't the only one who was wearing a mask within the group.
"You are not talking seriously are you?" said Nanaka in shock
"I am," said Anchan cleaning her tears out of her eyes
Nanaka hummed
"Isn't too soon to decree such thing? Anchan, sweetie you are just 19... you have your whole career ahead..." said Nanaka with a sweet tone
"I know! But one thing it's to have a role and the other one is, besides that role have another one with the members..."
Nanaka blinked a few times; well that made sense this franchise requires the cast to jump out of the screen, it's like a double role.
"If you don't feel up to be the leader, then who among us?" said Nanaka softly trying to soften the conversation
"Well... you told me that you don't have the personality," Anchan giggled," I thought that maybe 'Dia-sama' could fit perfectly..."
Nanaka frowned
Dia...sama...?
Good Lord, Arisa Komiya...
"Really?" asked Nanaka a bit annoyed
So Arisa wasn't just hunting her, she was hunting Anchan too...
"Yeah, she is so mature, so dependable, so reliable—"
"Ok stop," said Nanaka with a tired tone.
If she wanted to hear a list of all the fabulous attributes of Arisa Komiya, she just needed to remember how she wasn't up for her own task.
Anchan looked at her with a sad face.
"Anchan sweetie," started Nanaka with her calm tone, " I know I told you to think about it, but that was yesterday, you still have days to keep thinking, I think you are rushing this topic a bit ..."
"But-" tried Anchan, Nanaka just give her a sign to wait
"What happened while recording the song?" asked Nanaka
Anchan tighten her grip on the toilet papers
"I don't think you are like this just because what we talked yesterday"
"Yeah... well, I got a lot of crap from the producer..."
No kidding...
"They are really looking up for me, and wanting a lot for me, I just don't feel capable..." Anchan voice started to crack once again, Nanaka looked at her with sad eyes
What should I do...?...What should I do...? What Kanan would do...?
"So, when they started talking about my role as a leader and how I wasn't acting like one, our conversation came to me, and stroke me you know? You were right! I'm still young, and inexperienced...and this it's a lot of pressure, I just I can't!"
Anchan ended her statement crying once again; Nanaka didn't think twice and hug her.
She gently rubbed her back and comforted her.
This wasn't fair, Nanaka thought, why these people were so reckless with a bunch of kids. Yes, they are kids! No matter how "experienced" might Rikako be because being the oldest or Arisa being the real "experienced" one. They were kids playing to be idols and these people were putting too much pressure on Anchan's back.
So who among them fit as a leader?
Right now maybe no one, that's why they are "training" them.
In any case, the production was really stubborn making Anchan the leader, they even changed her card presentation, reaffirming 'Chika' as their leader.
Maybe the production saw something in Anchan on the auditions?
Because, in her case, they saw another Suwa Nanaka, capable to fit in the Matsuura Kanan they designed, but in the reality, she couldn't.
Instead, they changed the character to fit her and tossed her attributions to another person who fits better, like Arisa Komiya.
So, if they keep trying to make Anchan the member's leader that means that no one else can.
Anchan was screwed. She has to do it. Period.
And then again, they signed up for this, so they have to bear with it.
Nanaka separates from Anchan and looked right into her eyes.
"Anchan if you have these thoughts why you haven't told the Chief of Staff?"
Anchan sobbed a few times, then cleared her voice.
"I can't...I can't disappoint them."
Nanaka frowned
I disappointed them...
"Have you talked this with Komiya-san?"
Anchan opened her eyes wide in alarm
"No, why?"
"You think she fits as our leader, I don't know, get her advice...?"
"Oh, no, no, I can't "
Nanaka blinked a few times
"Why?..."
"Suwawa, she is scary..."
Nanaka snorted
Yes, she is...
"Why you think she is scary?" asked Nanaka in an amused tone
"She is so serious..."
"I am serious too..."
"But you are kind! And have a sleepy sweet face... and Shuka likes you, it's easy to talk to you..."
Nanaka made a goofy smile.
Shuka likes me... she likes me... hey! Focus...
Nanaka shook her head and shared a smile with her
"Well if you feel that way about Komiya-san then she can't be the leader..."
Anchan blew her nose with a few toilet paper.
"The leader should be someone who you can trust with, not to be scary by... what about Aida-san? She is the oldest..."
Anchan blinked a few times thinking
"In μ's, the member's leader wasn't Nitta-san, it was Nanjo-san, not sure why, maybe because she was the oldest and maybe the experienced one?...but Nitta-san just did her role as 'Honoka' in front of the audience, but behind it wasn't her..."
"I know... but, I don't know... I can't give that to Rikyako..."
"Why not? You were willing to give that role to Komiya-san, or me!"
Anchan giggled
"Maybe I don't see her so reliable..."
And you see me reliable?!
Nanaka snorted and rubbed Anchan's back
"If someone it's reliable in this group that's Furihata-san, but I'm sure no one will take her seriously..."
Anchan laughs hard about that.
Nanaka stopped the rubbering and cleared her voice.
"If you think carefully, then who can fit that role besides you?" asked Nanaka sweetly
Anchan remained silent thinking about it. Nanaka didn't need to think too much, it was clearly for her that no one fitted that spot.
"From "first years"; no one seems to take this seriously, Aiai it's the mascot, Aikyan and King were always fooling around..."
Nanaka nodded
"Then for seconds year; besides me, Rikyako it's clumsy, and not very reliable...maybe a little plain? We bullied her almost all the time too... then Shuka... well, she is the youngest...and a little bit silly..."
Hey! That's not fair! Silly? she is not silly, she is cute... Is she serious?
Nanaka opened her eyes wide.
"As for third years...well you told me you don't have the energy..."
"If Aida-san it's plain for you then I'm dead..." said Nanaka in her monotone, Anchan giggled
"For me Anchan, it's not only that I lack energy, I'm sure plainer than Aida-san, I'm not spontaneous, and I'm very quiet. I can follow the script, but I can't improvise, so trust me, I can't lead..."
"Well if you said so... ah.. 'Dia-sama' it's too serious and scary, and well...Ainya..."
Both stayed silent, then look at each other and laugh.
"She is adorable..."
"Yes she is..." said Nanaka with a smile.
Aina was just too weird to fit in that spot.
"Suwa-san?"
Both heard clearly at their left, so both of them turned her heads towards the voice.
Nanaka frowned while Anchan cleaned ferociously her eyes.
The creepy assistant of the notebook was standing there with a smile
To tell the truth, Nanaka had already forgotten about her, she was like a ghost.
"It's your turn to record, please follow the schedule..."
Nanaka nodded and sighed heavily; she stood up.
The assistant left and walked to the recording studio.
I bet there's going to be some cute and sisterly interaction between 'Chika' and 'Kanan' now...
She looked at Anchan.
"Well, Anchan, I can't decide for you, but I can tell you one thing;"
Anchan opened her eyes wide
"You are not alone, there are nine of us here, even if right now looks likes everybody is trying to run on their own and nothing had shape, we will soon grab some self-confidence to feel like a real group, at least that's it what I want to believe after this camp, today it's just the second day...so no matter how lost or down you feel, even if we don't have a leader; if we could unite, the nine of us, I'm sure that everything will gain a better form and it could grow in some good production for all of us to be proud..."
Anchan was in awe, maybe this was the first time she heard Nanaka talking that much.
"Suwa-san..." she said softly
"Just keep thinking about it, but don't give up on us yet"
Said Nanaka walking at her own slow pace to the recording room.
First "talk" done.
Nanaka understood what she told Anchan yesterday was different from what she just told her now.
Anchan was still too young and inexperienced to be the leader, that's for sure, but the production wants her and no one else to fit that spot, if they wanted another person they would have changed her already, instead they keep trying to force her to do it.
Anchan has to realize that on her own and do her best to fit the spot the production it's giving to her.
She believed that Anchan will choose to keep up being the leader because, after this talk, she will realize that no one else can do it beside her, but everybody will be there supporting her.
That's her role in this group...
Nanaka stood out of the recording cottage.
She took a deep breath; if the producer gave Anchan a lot of crap, then she will receive more than her for sure.
She blinked a few times and a thought stroke her like a lightning
Then, what's my role in this group?
.
.
The recording session was terrible.
But she expected that anyway.
The room was big and full of people, from the producer Nagasaki Yukio, to the Chief of staff, one of his assistants, all the recording staff and the cameraman. ( she had forgotten about him too, Anchan didn't tell them that the recording session was going to be filmed as well).
She had her "Suwa face" while feeling embarrassed about being the center of attention; another reason why being the leader was out of the question.
First, she sat on the big white couch that it was almost the size of the room; she got a lot of insight about the song, the lyrics and it's meaning.
She first listened to the instrumental version; recognized how the "noise" they recorded a few hours ago will fit in the song's intro.
Anchan was right, the song was happy, fast, beach like, and gives you a "sunshine" vibe.
After a what it seemed a long talking with Nagasaki Yukio about the song and how it should be sung, the vocal training started; here is where everything started to be terrible.
Kanan's voice was supposed to be mellow and high pitched; like a "Pure" attribute should be, and of course, it's a little bit far from her normal tone.
This vocal training took her a lot of glasses of water, a lot of deep breathes and a big share of patience to don't cry, get mad, or just send everything to hell. In the back of her mind she repeated to herself constantly "this is for my own good, this is for me to get better... I need to bare with this"
As for the Chief of staff and Nagasaki Yukio, this vocal training took them a lot of messages on their temples and a big share of patience too.
After what Nanaka thought it was forever, her moment to record started.
And it was equally terrible.
She had to repeat the song lots of times for several reasons; like she wasn't in character, she didn't get the tone right or she didn't bring any emotion at all.
Once, Nagasaki Yukio had to stop the song and asked Nanaka if she didn't get the insight of the song.
Nanaka just look at him with her "Suwa face", but didn't give him any answer; he told her the song was happy, it was a coupling song but she looked so dead singing it.
"Suwa-san, it supposed that you have to convey the feelings of this camp into this song..."
said Nagasaki Yukio on the other side of the booth.
"Yes..." said Nanaka in her monotone looking at the door of the booth where the cameraman was with a happy grin recording her, she just tried to ignore him.
So, the feelings of this camp ah? ...well, that's confusing... how should I sing this? this camp gave me... what?...Love? Passion? A hot kiss...?...Nanaka focus! confusions? Anger?... no, I don't think Arisa gave me anger, frustration ...? Disappointment...
"Suwa-san?"
She hears from the headphones, then she realized that the song had already started and she didn't sing at all...
"I'm sorry..." she said again; she saw the Chief of staff grabbing his temples once again and Nagasaki Yukio rubbering his eyes.
How should I sing this thing?!
She freaked out.
But she looked so dead from the outside, and that was what the Chief of staff and the producer had them at the point of taking their eyes out.
They didn't understand that Suwa Nanaka was like that; serious, her emotions were hidden deep inside of her, and she can't sing histrionically like the rest of cast.
She was a low energy person and they can't change that, even if they gave her a super energetic character to play.
After the recording, Nanaka was very well drained; but she couldn't leave yet.
The producer made her sat on the couch a few minutes and told her that in the next few months she needs to work on her charisma; Kanan it's a charismatic character and she isn't portraying her the way she should, and that's bothering him.
He reminds her that her role as "third years" leader was still on hold, he really wanted Kanan to have it because that's was what they designed, but with Nanaka behaving that way it was for sure that the role was going to be tossed to Arisa Komiya.
She needed to fight about it.
In October they will hold a commemorative campaign for the first single, they will be separated into year groups to promote it; so he highly recommended her to use that opportunity to prove them wrong, that Kanan deserves the leader role and not Dia.
Well, we are in August, there's still time to do something about it.
.
.
Nanaka left the recording studio with her heart and soul shrugged.
Not to mention that she was drained almost to death too.
She walked a few steps to nowhere in particular; she was feeling dizzy, tired, sad...
And now she had to return to dance practice...
No way, I can't do it...
She walked with her slow pace to Lodge 202, if she recalled right, Arisa was the next one to record.
She checked her phone to watch the time; her recording session was almost for 4 hours, more than Anchan for sure.
Arisa's recording will take place in one hour from now; that meant that the production knew that her recording session will be long, 5 hours long.
And between Arisa's and Rikako's are a 4 hours gap because dinner it's in between, so in reality, it's a 3 hours gap.
Of course, Arisa Komiya will take fewer hours for recording and she will nail it.
Fuck it.
Suwa Nanaka reached her limits.
She increased her speed to reach Lodge 202, where her room was; every step was more painful than the other one.
Every step was a failure, every step was a reminder that she wasn't up for the task, that she didn't fit the character, that she isn't fitting the new character the production changed for her, that she can't sing in her character's tone nor reach her high tones.
She started running.
She disappointed the production, she has low stamina, she can't get the choreography right, her role as a leader will be tossed to someone else, she doesn't have anything related to her character.
Why was she here?
She reached the porch of Lodge 202, and almost crash her body into the door with her arms.
She rested her forehead on the door and couldn't help but cry with bitterness against the door with her teeth tightened in anger, frustration, and sadness.
"Suwawa...?"
She heard; the world stopped.
She sobbed a few times, and closed her eyes tight with more pain, letting her tears fall helplessly.
That was Aina's voice.
Ready or not, she was going to have that "talk".
.
.
.
The night was a bit cold, but somehow it felt refreshing.
After a long and tired day, a bit of a cold breeze was very well welcomed.
It was late, it was dark, it was quiet.
It was perfect.
Nanaka sighted with a heavy heart and her soul shrugged.
She was sat outside on the porch of the Reception cottage; she had a bottle of milk between her hands, her comfy sleeping clothes, her hair made into a bun and her glasses on, and her basket with her stuff on her side. She just got out of the bathroom but didn't feel like going back to Lodge 202.
After dinner Arisa had this wonderful idea to go the 9 of them to the spa; she said something like "this is Japan, and on ancient times people bond opening to each other and taking a bath together".
Nanaka freaked out.
How should more hate Arisa need to receive from her?
"First years" of course made a lot of fuss and said that it was a great idea, Anchan and Shuka, of course, followed thru with them, Aina just laughed like an old man, while Rikako made a bitter smile but she didn't say anything about it, she was really nervous about her time to record even if you couldn't tell; she ended up eating Nanaka's dinner leftovers.
While Nanaka massaged her temples trying to figure it out how to avoid this situation, the rest of the members just started to move and prepare.
She didn't feel ready, she was coming out from an exhausting conversation with Aina, plus training; she didn't feel ready to see everybody naked.
Actually, she needed space, and please God, silence.
Somehow she manages to avoid that situation exchanging it with another one that maybe she wasn't prepared to have yet; the "talk" with Shuka.
Good Lord.
I manage to do almost all the "talking" today...
I'm beaten.
She took some sips from her milk.
In the end, she ended up bathing in her cottage, Lodge 202, and then went out for a bottle of warm milk to avoid going upstairs with everybody.
She could hear them even from where she was seated; she could recognize Aina's laugh in a crowded place easily now and with this quiet place, Aina's voice stood out even more.
She is cute...
She heard footsteps approaching towards her; she tightened her grip on the bottle of milk and silently prayed for that to be someone of the staff, maybe someone of the village, but no one from the members, 3 "talks" today was enough.
"Suwa-san" she heard clearly
Nanaka did a painful mock on her face.
Good Lord!
From all of them...
HER.
Nanaka lifted her head and looked at her with her "Suwa face"; it was late, it had been a long day to have her mask on.
"Komiya-san."
She said dryly.
From all the members, the last person she wanted to talk right now was her, Arisa Komiya.
Arisa had her serious face on her, but one of her hands was on her stomach. Something wasn't right.
Arisa did a small bow and walked inside the cottage.
For a small moment, Nanaka felt relieved, that meant that she didn't want to talk too.
But nothing it's perfect. She heard her steps stopping just in front of the door.
"You know..." said Arisa.
Nanaka closed her eyes painfully
Damn! Why?!
Go your way...and I go mine...
She heard the steps going back to her side
"I think it's a good moment, you can't run away anymore," Arisa said, both shared some gazes.
"I can refuse to talk," said dryly Nanaka
"I appreciate if you don't do that"
Nanaka blinked a few times and took her sight away from Arisa
Ok, talk number 4...
"Why you didn't come to the spa?" asked Arisa concerned
"I didn't want to." said dryly Nanaka
"Why?" Arisa insisted
"Because reasons."
"Do you have something to do that Shuka didn't come too?"
Yes
"No."
Arisa sighted and with a bit of resignation she sat at her side.
"It's ok if you don't want to talk; I'm gonna do the talking, so please listen,"
Arisa said in a very mature tone; Nanaka hummed.
"I don't know why are you like this with me, I know you are not this unpleasant with the rest of the members, it's just me, so I need to know what the hell did I do to you to have this treatment,"
Nothing...
"But I guess I can figure it out," Arisa searched for Nanaka's eyes, but Nanaka was focused on nothing in the distant.
"I can relate to you, you know?"
Said Arisa, that statement made Nanaka turn her face furiously towards her.
Relate? with me?
HOW?!
"That surprise you?" Arisa asked like if she had read her mind
"Totally," said Nanaka dryly
Arisa giggled
"Within the members, you and I are the quietest, I can understand your annoy when all of them are like...well the way they are.."
"What about Aida-san?" asked Nanaka
"She is quiet too, but fits with them more than us...she is a 'second year", Saito-san and Inami-san will take care of her"
Nanaka hummed again.
This has nothing to do with her unpleasant behavior towards her.
"Listen, I don't know what happened, I assumed it has something to do with 'Kanan-san',"
Nanaka tightened her grip on the bottle more
"...I, I had a conversation with the producer today, on my recording session, he told me that I have to take the 'third years' leadership because 'Kanan-san' can't do it..."
Nanaka swallowed hard.
Of course, they were going to tell her, it's not going to be a secret for too long
"Did you know about it?" Arisa asked
"Yes, I knew..." Nanaka said with a bitter and sad tone
"Ok..."
Nanaka looked at the nothing in the distance once again; she felt her eyes watering
"Why can't you do it?...or is it that you don't want to?"
Asked Arisa again with concern
"I can't do it, I'm not up for the task," Nanaka said with a knot in her throat
"I see..." said Arisa with her serious tone
They were silent a few more seconds that Nanaka thought it was forever, and since she didn't say a thing, Arisa continued.
"Ok, so, I'm guessing your behavior towards me it's because you feel I'm stealing your role, and it's been a while you are acting like this, so I'm assuming you knew this from almost the beginning..."
Nanaka looked in shame on the floor.
It sounded silly coming from Arisa's mouth
"That's so childish," she said at the end.
Nanaka frowned and looked at her with a serious face
"I don't want your opinion." Nanaka said dryly in her "Suwa tone".
Arisa lifted her eyebrows with surprise; Nanaka had always been so quiet and polite, the only moment she lost her nerves was when the lead teacher tried to force her to do the leapfrog on the first day.
But maybe because Nanaka was having a really crappy day, the last thing she wanted was to be forced to do something she knew she couldn't do, and she was at her patience limits.
Then, Arisa understood.
That day was the voice check session, maybe that day Nanaka was told that she couldn't fit her character, that she wasn't up for the task, that her leadership role would be tossed to her, and later on, she was forced to try to do a leapfrog that she knew she couldn't make, and Shuka had to do it instead of her, yet, another failure.
So, no, it's not childish, she is hurt, she must be feeling like crap.
"I'm sorry," said Arisa with clear sincerity
Nanaka took out her sight of her
"I..I didn't know..." continued Arisa with a sad tone
"Nobody knows" Nanaka lied, Aina, it's the only one who knows, but who cares now.
"You should have told me," said Arisa more confident
"Why? It's not my decision..." said Nanaka looking at Arisa again
"Because I would help you, I don't know! Do something about it, say no to the producer or at least know!"
"How? Komiya-san, it's not that easy to refuse production orders"
"I don't know,"
Arisa made a pause then she placed a hand on Nanaka's shoulder forcing her to look at her right into her eyes,
"Suwa-san, the last thing I wanted it's to take somebody's job, I don't want to take your job away, I just knew about it; and I believe in this group, I want to be part of it, and you were shutting me out because you are feeling crappy about it, if I knew something like this was happening I would just help you...you should have told me"
Nanaka blinked a few times; Arisa's face was indeed scary, she is so serious
Nanaka made a motion for Arisa to leave her; Arisa withdraws her hand and looked at her.
Nanaka sighed softly
She is not a bad person, it was just me...
"You are not an easy person to talk Komiya-san," said Nanaka softly
"Eh? Why?" Arisa said with clear surprise
"You are so serious all the time, it's scary, actually it scares ours 'kouhais',"
Arisa snorted, then laughed
"Oh my God, Suwa-san, we are not 'senpais' here, we are in the same boat, we are... I dunno, friends wannabe?"
"You still call me by my last name"
"Because you do too, and actually I don't feel like I'm your friend with that unpleasant behavior of yours...I don't even feel like your coworker"
"Point taken," said Nanaka dryly
"But now I know why, and I'm sorry, I wish I could help you somehow..."
"I think there's nothing that I can do about it," Nanaka said sadly
"Why? How did this happen?" Arisa asked with concern
Nanaka took her time to answer; should she trust Arisa with this? Well, she will find out anyway, and she is a "third years" like her, so maybe it's foolish to try to hide her situation.
"Well," she started, and tightened her grip on the bottle," it happened because my audition was different from the voice check session; the 'Kanan' they designed it's way more different than me, also the inconsistency of the creators towards the voice attributions, everything turned out way different from what they designed"
"What? How?"
"'Kanan' was supposed to be a 'cool' attribute, straightforward, a tomboy, energetic, sporty, and of course, with a nice body..."
Nanaka turned her head towards Arisa and looked at her with a funny face
"Do you think I fit that profile?" she said with an amused voice
Arisa bit her lips
"Of course not Komiya-san, don't sweat it" she giggled
"My voice fits more like a 'pure' attribute, I'm not sporty as you can see, I don't have energy and I have low stamina, I'm not straightforward like they want me to be, I'm too girly and of course I don't have that nice body..."
"But–" Arisa tried But Nanaka gave her a sign that she wasn't finished
"They saw that, and within the 'third years', 'Dia' was the conflict, she has to be a 'cool' attribute too, she has character and... well, you are her voice..."
Nanaka made a pause and looked at Arisa with a coy smile
"Your voice it's 'cool', you have more experience as an MC, you had better stamina and of course... you have a nice body..." Nanaka felt her cheeks becoming red, clearly, she saw Arisa's cheek becoming red too
"You fit 'Kanan' more than me, but you also fit 'Dia', you even look like her and of course you can't do two roles, so for them it was easy to toss you some attributes that can be tossed, and as for me, change the character a bit ..."
Nanaka finished her sentence and looked at the ground closing her eyes in sadness.
What didn't she tell her is that she was disappointing the production in the new character they designed as well, but what now? They are going to made Aina fit for her? Of course not.
"Wow," said Arisa in a small tone
"I'm sorry Komiya-san, I know it's not your fault, I know you didn't know, I know it wasn't fair, but every time I see you, I see my failure..."
Nanaka's voice was trembling but was soft
"The only thing I have from 'Kanan' it's her ponytail..."
"And her voice." said with confidence Arisa
Nanaka looked at her and made a bitter expression
Not yet...
"Suwa-san, I'm really sorry about this, I wish I could know sooner, really..."
"I'm still trying to figure out why they chose me you know?" said Nanaka sad
"Don't waste time on that,"
Said Arisa with her strong voice, Nanaka rose her eyebrows in surprise
"Suwa-san, you are 'Kanan-san', no matter what did they designed before, you make the character come alive and that's all that matters, they chose you for something, you are here and you are part of Aqours, because 'Kanan-san' its part of them, don't shut her out as well..."
Nanaka bit her lips
"About me reminding you your failures... I.. l..."
Arisa was trying to find the right words
"I'm not what you think, I have this body because I'm a model, I work with my body, you are a radio personality, your voice should be your strength, also, I'm...I'm so clumsy and insecure... I'm not used to working in groups...that's why I'm so serious, so I get that the younger ones got scared... but I'm not like that... I'm a nerd."
Nanaka snorted
"What?!"
"Yeah... I'm an otaku too"
Nanaka opened her eyes wide in surprise
Who have ever thought...
"I like manga," said Arisa with her cheeks red
Nanaka hummed with a smile on her face
"So, what I mean...it's, like I'm not 'perfect', I have flaws like everybody, you paint me like if I was someone unreachable...it's what you do to 'Kanan-san' too, you think she is unreachable, but you are here, you need to get closer to her, in that way you can portray her the way you should, forget about what they designed, it's in the past, focus on you, you have more of her than her ponytail..."
Nanaka made a bitter smile but she felt relieved. Maybe now she could record that song way better than she did in the afternoon.
Maybe she should have talked with Arisa sooner.
"Thank you," said softly Nanaka
"Don't mention it" said Arisa sincerely
"I'm worried you know," continued Arisa," I know I don't fit as a leader because people it's afraid of me, but I couldn't help but worried about the group's bond, that's why I proposed the spa thing"
"How so?"
"'First years' are already bounded, 'second years' are on its way, Rikako it's the only one who needs to fit better, but it's on her way... but 'third years'?"
Arisa looked at Nanaka with concern
"We are a mess, Aina, it's always with 'first years' fooling around or with that silly couple; you are always with Shuka...now with Anchan too, and me I'm always with Rikako or King, we 'third years' don't bond, well you and Aina fit better than with me...but because you were acting weird with me"
Nanaka nodded, she felt that too.
"Besides that, Aqours felt like a group already segregated in subunits...I don't feel a sense of unity...like everybody, it's with her partner of comfort... I'm not judging, I like to spend my time with Rikako because she is quiet...but we need to be a group"
"You are totally right..."
"And it's not fair that our leader had to do it for us"
Nanaka rosed her eyebrows again
"You see Anchan as our leader?"
"Not yet, that's why we need to help her"
Nanaka smiled at her.
She is nice.
"I'll tell you what," said Arisa with a happy tone," What about I help you to become more suitable for 'Kanan-san's' sake? For you to be able to be an MC, more spontaneous and such...and you can help me be more friendly and no this serious..."
Nanaka snorted, it's not like she is friendly either, she is just not that scary
"Sounds fair."
Sentence Nanaka at the end.
Both shared a smile, then felt quiet for a moment.
The atmosphere felt nice once again, but they couldn't stay like that for too long, it was starting to get chilly.
Nanaka stood up, her bottle of milk now cold.
"Why did you come here Komiya-san?" Nanaka asked with a soft tone
"My stomach hurts...I came to get some pills" Arisa said standing up
"Oh, is it bad?"
"Not that bad, maybe something in the hamburger was wrong? I hope Rikako don't get sick too, she ate her portion and part of yours..."
Nanaka giggled.
Rikako was something like a glutton, she with Aina and King enjoyed so much eating.
"You need me to wait for you?" asked Nanaka
"Nah, it's ok, go get going, tomorrow we will go for a jog at the Yamanaka lake, you need your stamina" she laughed
Nanaka deadpanned but smiled at the end.
"Oh, did you heard about Shuka's birthday party right?" asked Arisa
"Yes, Aina told me about it, it's next week right?"
"Saturday" confirmed Arisa, who started to move to the entrance of the cottage
"I'm not gonna miss it for the world," said Nanaka dropping her bottle in a trash can, then grabbed her basket.
Arisa stopped at the entrance and looked at Nanaka with a malicious grin.
"I thought so... have a good night Suwa-san"
"Good night~"
Said Nanaka in her singsong voice and started moving in her slow pace towards the cottage.
To her surprise it was silent.
She couldn't hear all the fuzz her teammates were doing a few minutes ago, maybe the lead teacher sends them straight to bed again; she looked carefully to the second floor of the cottage, the lights were out.
She frowned.
Now how is she supposed to found her futon?
She made a soft sigh and continued her way.
It was a difficult day indeed, from the beginning till the end, not just because the practice and recording were extremely soul-draining, but her "talks", with Anchan, Aina, Shuka and now Arisa... were heart draining as well.
Entering the cottage she saw that the teachers and assistants were still awake, it seems that they were waiting for her and Arisa to come back.
Nanaka made the first stop in the bathroom to washed her teeth. When she got out, she said "goodnight" to the staff and carefully went upstairs.
She stopped on top of the stairs; It was dark, she could see only black shapes on the floor, she waited a bit for her eyes to be adapted to the dark.
The soft light from outside helped her to find her futon; she could find it "easily" because she remembered yesterday order, and because the only two futons without being touch were from her and Arisa's and they were sleeping next to each other.
She moved carefully toward her futon; quietly she left her basket in the floor beside the wall, she left her glasses inside, and took out her phone with her, then arranged her futon groping it.
She sat there a few seconds, somehow feeling all her exhaustion invading her.
What a day...
She got inside the futon and turned around to Arisa's side. She left her phone at her side but didn't even care to look at it.
Finally, she felt at ease, but still not quite comfortable.
She closed her eyes.
Today sure was a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions, and at the end of the day, the average of it was a sad one.
She had been struggling with her role in this project from the beginning, not fitting, trying to fit, failing constantly, needing help from everyone and then she insisted on having this mask around Anchan, Shuka and "first years", that she is so demure and bulletproof... but the truth is that she needed to be comforted. So how long can she keep lying behind her mask?
She felt so sad, so tired, so fragile; she couldn't help but feel the imperious desire to start crying again.
They still haven't had their debut and she was at her limit.
Suddenly she felt movement on her right; that was Aina's futon, she recognized, but in the middle of that thought she felt cold breeze in her back that it was quickly replaced by a warm body sticking in her back.
Nanaka opened her eyes wide.
Someone was inside her futon.
She couldn't move, she couldn't even breath.
The warm body stuck even more and wrapped her arms around her.
Nanaka didn't say a word.
Who is it? Is it Aina?
The only two people with enough confidence to do something like that were Shuka and Aina.
She moved her hands to touch the warm body's hands; she softly caressed them trying to figure it out who's hands were.
But she couldn't recognize it.
It wasn't small nor big so she couldn't guess.
She tried to feel the warm body stuck in her back, then again it was short, but how short? Shuka and Aina are short.
In this position, she couldn't tell.
Is it Shuka?... I can't smell sweet peaches...I can't smell anything...it can't be Shuka, her futon is two people away...and not after what we talked...
She tried to make sense.
Holy good Lord.
It's Aina.
She thought, but she wasn't sure, she was just too scared to turn and look.
Then a cold sweat invades her; the warm body tighten her grip and moved Nanaka's body with more strength towards her, and she could feel her head hiding in the back of Nanaka's neck.
Then she didn't care who was it.
She felt held, secure, loved; someone was comforting her, after this crappy and hellish day, someone was hugging her so tight and loving, something she didn't felt in years.
She tightened her grip into the body's hands and closed her eyes letting soft tears falling helplessly thru her cheeks and making small sobbing that the warm body could recognize, so she tightened her grip against Nanaka and then she whispered in her ear...
"Everything it's gonna be ok..."
Nanaka couldn't recognize the voice but to tell the truth, she didn't care anymore.
No matter who was it now, as someone who cares about her and it was there to comfort her, to hold her, and maybe to love her.
So the tears keep falling helplessly.
In the quiet night where everyone else was there resting after a long day of practice and recording, soft sobbing and whimpers could be heard from two of the nine futons.
The difference it was that one person was held by somebody while the other one was crying all alone.
—0oo0—
Notes:
Aina's and Shuka's talk are on Lies Under a Mask Ch 02.
Please look forward to that! ;)
We hoped you had enjoyed this chapter!
Thanks so much for the comments ;)!