I am participating in The Twilight 25, a challenge to write twenty-five one-shots &/or drabbles based on predetermined prompts within a three month period. I'm participating for fun, as well as using this as a learning experience. I would love your feedback.
Huge thanks to the beta. I've got comma issues, and she is the only cure. Also, thank you for all of the reviews! They make my day!
The Twilight 25
Prompt: Plea
Pen name: distantxdream (LJ) distant(dot)dream118 (FFn)
Pairing: Bella/Edward
Rating: M
The scene is set, and she won't back out this time. She had planned to do this once before, but he had come home early and looked at her with loving eyes and a happy smile. She couldn't do it, so she lied about them taking a trip for the weekend. He had been so excited to get away, just the two of them. It had been a beautiful weekend, and she hadn't wanted to come back to reality.
They had met approximately two years ago at a bank. She was taking out a loan, and he was depositing a check. It should have been apparent to her then that they shouldn't get involved. She was in so much debt, and by the looks of his check, he did well for himself. She had wanted to back away, but he smiled at her and any resolve she had held melted away.
So, for two years they loved each other. Bella had never believed that love like this could exist. It was passionate, fiery, sweet, infinite, and all consuming. She often thought it felt like a dream, or something that existed so far out of this world that holding onto it would be nearly impossible. Edward would have told her that anything is possible, but she knew better.
She couldn't fault him for his endless optimism. His entire life had existed in positive experiences, flowery words, and bright colors. If Bella's life had been so brilliant, she would be his match. Together they would be bright and beautiful, and in endless love.
Bella would never be bright and beautiful. Outside of Edward, she had only ever known vile, desolate, depraved love. In truth it wasn't love at all, but it was all she had ever seen of love. These people said love, but did loathsome and terrible things to each other. These people, she could hardly bring herself to call them parents, cheated, lied, walked away, screamed, and disregarded.
She existed in the desolate black world of a mother who cheated, a father who walked away without turning back, and alcoholism that left a young girl fending for herself and raising her mother.
Three weeks ago, they had been doing well. It was their two year anniversary, and Edward had out done himself. They sat down for dinner and began simple conversation. The words flowed easily and eventually they were talking about their future. In their two years together, Bella had successfully avoided this conversation. He wasn't going to let it go tonight. He brought up marriage and children. He wanted it, every single piece of the fairytale puzzle. It had led to a huge fight, in which Bella had to attempt to get her point across. She didn't want marriage or children; she didn't want someone else to depend on her, because chances were, she would only let them down.
She let him have it. She finally filled him in on exactly what childhood had been for her. Stories that involved things that children should never know. She told him of how she would sleep in front of the door in order to be sure that her mother made it home from the bar. She was an expert on preparing meals out of nothing, and sometimes without electricity. She recounted every single memory that made the thought of having children seem like a nightmare.
He had told her that some people just weren't meant to be parents or just weren't meant to be married. Renee and Charlie were prime examples for both categories. She didn't believe that was the case. Everyone has the capacity to love, but sometimes circumstances alter our ability to love as freely as we would like. With tears streaming down her face she turned to him, and told him that no one gets married or has a baby thinking that they are going to screw it up. Bad things happen, and in turn they destroy the good things. She wasn't willing to take the chance.
After that conversation, he had looked so wounded. She had backed off, but she knew that she would have to go. He would never willingly leave her, but he wanted things that she didn't have to offer. They had been stolen from her in the supposed innocence of childhood, and she had nothing to offer but empty hands and a broken spirit. Bella decided that she had to face her reality.
Reality didn't involve Edward, or the life they had built together for the last two years. Bella's reality didn't involve diamond rings, white dresses, picket fences, and tiny fingers and toes. It wasn't because she didn't deserve it. Bella deserved every ounce of happiness that life had to offer, but she couldn't make herself believe that love and happiness could be forever.
The large silver suitcase sat empty at the end of their bed. She stood just in front of it, preparing herself for the moment he walked through the door. She willed herself to be like the suitcase, empty and void of feelings and heart.
Originally she was just going to pack her suitcase and leave. She didn't want to watch him fall to pieces. She never wanted to see the scars that her words would carve into his skin. She had packed her bag and written the letter before she realized that it wouldn't work. He would search each corner of the earth to find her. He wouldn't give up that easily. He would need to hear the poisonous words leave her mouth, and watch as her feet walked over the shattered pieces of his heart. He wouldn't understand, but he would know without a doubt that she had left him willingly.
She heard his key turn in the lock, and her heart picked up its pace. The sound of his keys landing on the counter sent her flying to their closet. She grabbed the first thing her fingers touched as his voice rang out.
"Hey, babe. I'm home."
She said nothing, as she counted his footsteps from the door to their bedroom. Twenty four.
She began bunching the ball of clothing into the bag, just as he entered the door.
"Are we going away again?" He asked incredulously.
"I can't do this anymore." Her heart is seizing in her chest. Sputtering beats and she is gasping for air.
"Can't do what?" He has crossed the tiny space that separated them. His hand lies gently on her arm, and it's causing her stomach to turn.
"This. Us." She chokes out. Instantly, she feels the shift. It pours through his finger tips, and straight into her heart. Complete fear. The awful feeling that the most important thing you have ever known has somehow slipped away without you knowing it. His grip tightens, as if he believes that if he just holds on tighter she won't fly away.
"Yes. Yes, we can." He doesn't understand. She is stumbling and lost in love. It's the scariest thing she has ever known. In Bella's life, love had meant nothing but screaming goodbyes and haunting emptiness. She wasn't whole, and he deserved more than broken.
"No." Her voice is firm and it surprises her. He won't love her when she lets him down, when she runs, or when he discovers she doesn't even love herself.
The contents of her bag are random. She is pulling and grasping for anything to throw inside. It doesn't matter what she forgets, she won't be back. When she walks away from him, she will walk into nothing. A sea of bitter oblivion that will completely own her.
"You can't promise me forever and then walk away." She can. She has. She will. He won't love her after this.
"Watch me." It should sound cold and unfeeling. Instead the words catch in her throat and come out staggered and begging. The sound of the metal teeth of the zipper reverberates in the empty room. There is nothing left here. She has destroyed it. Destroyed herself. Maybe even destroyed him.
The door is hollow wood and cold metal under her fingertips. He is on his knees behind her.
"Don't do this. Please. Don't." She makes the mistake of turning around, and instantly he seizes her legs. His arms tighten around her thighs and his head rests against her stomach.
"I need you. I love you. Why isn't that enough? Why am I not enough?" She feels his warm tears soak her shirt, and he is shaking.
She gently detaches his arms from her body and quickly opens the door. Behind her, he grasps at the air hoping to catch her again but is blinded by his tears. The door closes behind her, and his agonizing screams rip through the air and torment her soul.
His words echo in every fiber of her being.
Why isn't that enough?
Why am I not enough?
Every part of her is broken. No one wants broken. Not her mother. Not her friends. She would walk away so he could have complete and whole. Walking away is her painful way of saying I love you.