Patrick's POV

Ever since Robin died I felt a blackhole just sucked all the life from me. I try to be strong for Emma but sometimes I feel like I am broken and no matter how much I try for her the pieces won't mend. I know my baby girl misses her mama like a limb and she tries her best not to cry in front of me and that hurts my heart something terrible. My front of trying to keep everything together has caused her to make one of her own. Sometimes when I check on her I can see her crying when she is dreaming. There is nothing I can do to ease that pain. I can't bring Robin back no matter how much I want too. For the longest time I just wanted and prayed that I was living a nightmare and I would soon wake up.

The nightmare hasn't stopped but the sharp pain of Robin's death has dampened. I remembered when I just didn't want to go out into the world again. Robin still lives in my heart and head and she would kick my ass if I hadn't started to work again. Robin always said I was pretty much a gifted asshole. She always chastised me saying I could use my skill and mind to help people and I finally found the headspace to abide by her wishes. I can honor my wife in the way I knew best to be going back to work and helping people live because that's how she lived.

I see the new doctor specifically an Ob/Gyn and she is tall and beautiful. She is assertive to the nurses and staff but she is also not personable maybe its because she is new and doesn't know anyone or maybe she is one of those kinds of doctors. I can see that Liz doesn't like being talked to like that but Dr. Westbourne is always professional maybe too professional from what Liz is used too. I have worked in many hospitals but most people in Port Charles who work here have only worked here and don't know how other hospitals run. Compared to other hospitals this is too personable. I understand where Dr. Westbourne is coming from I was the same way when I first came here.

I am waiting for the new oncologist to come since I have to consult with them about one of my patients who has a brain tumor. I want to see if they agree with my assessment or if they have an alternative to Andres's current treatment. I really like the guy he is a hard worker and he is one of my pro bono cases and I really want the guy to pull through. The oncologist is running late and that is getting a little bit on my nerves because how the hell are you going to be late when its your first day consulting with me? The worst part is they are not even gracious enough to send someone or an email saying that they will be late.

"Hi, Doctor Drake it is going to be a pleasure working with you sorry about the tardiness." I see it is the beautiful Ob/Gyn and why the hell would I be working with her unless we both have ER duty? Is there a pregnant lady with a brain tumor I don't know about.

"Hi umm..." I Know who she is but I don't know why I am acting like a douche maybe its because the damn oncologist is still not here.

" ." She looks at me as if I am supposed to know her name.

"Yes, it is nice to meet you but I am in the middle of waiting for an incompetent oncologist who doesn't have the decency to show up for a case. I don't know if it is because its pro bono or if they are just a jerk but I am probably not in the best moods to be dealing with a baby doctor right now."

The woman is downright angry now like I offended her. Maybe she is a bitch or something...

"Dr. Drake I am sorry about the delay but I assure you I had one of the nurses deliver the messages. I was dealing with rare case of postpartum preeclampsia that caused my patient blood pressure to rise so high that I had to monitor her personally for longer than I intended. I sent Nurse Dubois to tell you that my case was running late and that I would be here as soon as I can." Felix never gave me any type of message. What could have possibly have been so important for him not to inform me about something so serious regarding a patient?

I feel like all kinds of a douche when she says all that but I am still confused on why should be here? Andres is not a woman and definitely not pregnant.

"I am very sorry to hear about your patient but I don't see why you would be here regardless..."

"I am the consulting oncologist you asked for? I am not just a 'baby doctor' I am an oncologist as well and one that isn't unprofessional. I sent someone to tell you over an hour and half ago it really isn't my fault you weren't informed I would have sent you an email or paged you but I give my patients everything with no distractions. If you have a bone to pick it shall be with the nurse who was too ill-equipped with just walking to you and explaining the situation after I told him where you would be and I sent him with ample enough time before our appointment." Well she definitely put me in my place because I can't think of anything to say. I am a little ashamed I allowed my anger to diminish her as a doctor. No doctor ever deserves to be slighted by another because of their field. I can't believe I called her a baby doctor. What she does is important she helps brings a life into this world and that is an amazing thing to do.

"I am really sorry for my behavior there is no excuse you speaking to you like that. I never got any message from Nurse Dubois but nonetheless I should have never spoken to you like that. It was uncalled for and disrespectful truthfully obstetrics is demanding and not for the faint of heart. I apologize if I made it seem inferior and I would like to start over please." I hope she says yes it will be very awkward to work with her after I just belittled her. I want everything to work out for Andres and having a good work relationship with Dr. Westbourne is tantamount.

"You only get one reprieve. I am sorry that the message wasn't relayed to you but I assure it was not my intention. Let's just start over I am Dr. Britta Westbourne but you can just call me Britt." She extends her hand out and I shake it and introduce myself.

"Nice to finally meet my oncologist. Britt, I am Dr. Patrick Drake you can call me either of the two."

We start going over the case and Britt has some ideas I never really heard of before but if they help Andres then who cares. She tells me she has some success in the past with cases like this but its so few people that it cannot be deemed a success yet. She says with the combination of surgery Andres should begin remission. As we spend more time together she reminds me a little of Robin with her vast knowledge of her fields. As beautiful as she is it is her intelligence that attracts me to her and I see she is attracted to me until she sees the wedding ring she stops her playful banter and is only about business.

Well it is nice to see she respects the sanctity of marriage but I am a widower and I am surprised that she doesn't know that even if she is new around the hospital. I feel a little guilty myself when I look at my ring but I have warring thoughts. I love Robin with all of me but she told me I have to live and try to find happiness if anything should happen to her. It is impossible to do both how can I move on from the love of my life? Is it the right time? How will Emma feel? Would Emma think that I forgot about her mother?

"Patrick... Drake are you okay?" I get snapped out of my thoughts from the catalyst of it all.

"Umm... yeah sorry I just got lost in my head for a second."

"Well we are almost done for today so maybe you should get some rest after this." She looks really concerned about me and it makes me war with my thoughts again.

"Yeah I could use some rest actually."

We continue to outline our treatment protocol for Andres and everything sounds like it is a go. I start to feel something heavy on my chest and hands rubbing me up and down. I feel myself waking up. My eyes start adjusting to the light and I feel like I am in a bed not my own because I am not alone. I smile recalling my dream my first interactions with Britt were less than ideal. Somehow I managed to be the douche I thought I left behind. I sometimes have to be reminded that there is an abundance of brilliant doctors out there. I am just glad that I took my head out my ass and didn't ruin everything too much because Britt is in my arms in this moment.

I know whatever we have going on isn't just sex no matter how awesome it is. I feel intensely attracted to her mind as much as her body. I wonder if we get serious what is Emma going to think? She is so young and she may feel a certain type of way when she sees or hear about me with someone else. I don't know how to navigate this terrain. This is my first relationship after Robin's death. Will Emma think I am trying to replace Robin? It is an absurd thought but Emma is a child and she has only ever known Robin to be by my side. Is this a mistake? Am I moving on too fast? How long do I wait before I dive back into dating? Fuck I never realized how lonely I am. I don't want to keep living with this hole in my life. I never loved anyone after my mom died until Robin and fuck it feels good to have reciprocated love. Robin you broke me and I don't know what to do.

"Patrick... sweetheart what's wrong?" I can't answer her because I can't even begin to tell her. I feel guilt for moving on from Robin even though she told me I have to go on with life. How do I do that? What is Emma going to think? I just start losing it and I finally breakdown in the worst times. I can't form any words because my throat constricts and only choke-filled sobs come out.

I just lay on Britt's chest and continue to cry and she holds me tight running her fingers through my hair. She whispers comforting words that I can't really hear because I can only hear my crying in my conscious mind. Subconsciously it must be working because I can finally feel my throat loosening up and my crying becomes more silent and I can just breath again. This is beyond what I ever imagined. I never thought I would be crying over my dead wife in my girlfriend's arms. She is probably going to dump me after this she didn't sign up for this shit. She didn't know she was dealing with a widower on the verge of a emotional breakdown and she shouldn't have too this is my shit to deal with.

When I feel I can gather words again I pick my head up from her chest and I want to tell her we can forget about all of this and just go back to being colleagues. She doesn't even give me a chance to give her the out because she just kisses me and its so soft and tender it isn't a kiss someone gives to a casual lover it's a kiss that means something. She cradles my head in her hands like I'm something special and I don't know that this is something I need until it happens. She stops kissing me and looks at me in the eye and just stares at me.

"Patrick I don't know what's going on in your brain but I'm not going anywhere. I can't even imagine how tough this is for you but I am never going to push you and that's a promise. If you can't handle a relationship right now that's okay we can be friends. I care a great deal for you Patrick and I only want what's best for you even if its not me. Patrick you are so special and you deserve so much don't let the doubts rule your life." What Britt says to me makes me smile like a teenage schoolgirl and it is in that moment that I know I made the right choice with the right person. Her eyes are so sincere I get lost in them. I hold her tight to me and I just smell her hair and I catch the scent of flowers and I start to relax.

"Britt I won't lie I am kind of a mess but I want to have whatever I can with you. I think you deserve an out from whatever we are doing because this may not be the only time I get like this. I never experienced something like this and I don't know how my daughter will react towards you. You are not a rebound I swear but you are the first woman that I would like to have more than friendship with since my wife died."

"Patrick its so nice of you to offer me an out but that isn't what I want. What I want is you to be my man. I don't want anyone else and we can take it as fast or as slow as you want. I know this isn't easy for you and you probably feel guilt and shame for things you shouldn't but the irrational thoughts best the rational truths when it comes to matters of the heart. I definitely don't know how your daughter will react to us but we will cross that bridge when we get there. I know somewhat of what she is going through. She is growing up with a single parent who is a doctor which means as much as you don't want to be away you have to be. I do not know what the future holds but I never want us to not be anything because we lacked the courage or the will to try."

"Okay baby our relationship status is solved." Britt starts moaning and it piques my interest.

"Mmm I love it when you call me that."

"Oh do you now?"

"Patrick don't play dumb its unbecoming I think you knew that I liked it from the first time I came."

"What can I say when I say how wet it made you I couldn't resist."

"You are so lucky that I like you because if you were trying to impress me these tired ass lines wouldn't work."

"Baby we both know that's a lie you love my tired ass lines because they come from my mouth the same mouth that allows you to come."

"Maybe"

"More like definitely."

We spend the whole weekend holed up in our hotel room only taking breaks from each other to get up to speed with our work and me speaking to my baby girl. This is the first time in a long time that I have felt refreshed and a semblance of happiness. I didn't want this weekend to end but time waits for no one me included. I wish I could have stayed in this cocoon for some more time but its back to work. After I took Emma to school I get on the elevator and as it closes a hand sticks out right before the elevator can close and I see the owner of said hand and its my girlfriend and it brings a smile to my face.

She rushes in which means she is coming in later than she wants to be. I go to give her a kiss and I can tell she is a little annoyed when she doesn't return the kiss. It worries me for a second because we had such a good weekend did something happen in the time we haven't been together.

"Baby what's wrong?!" My voice comes out weaker than I want it too but I guess its good because it conveys my hurt and confusion on how she can act like this after us having such a great time. Did I read too much into it? Maybe she had enough time to change her mind.

"Patrick stop overanalyzing okay honey. I didn't change my mind about us its just that when I am at work I am Dr. Westbourne the professional doctor and when we are not at the hospital I am Britta your girlfriend who drops her panties when you whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"Well if you want to us to be professional at work you got it but don't say the last bit because saying shit like that makes me hard and I might just rush you in an empty closet or something. Can we at least kiss each other when no one is looking?"

" I guess I can be amenable to kissing you when no one is around like now." I give her a quick kiss because the elevator is getting to our floor. I have a wide smile on my face and the first thing I see is Liz at the nurses station. She smiles back at me but her smile dims when she sees Britt. Did something happen between the two of them or something?

We start walking over and I want to say a quick greeting to Elizabeth and then walk Britt to her office. As much as I want to hold her hand I know Britt may just give me a hard scowl because we just talked about being professional at work. Before I can even greet Elizabeth she is already talking.

"Patrick I was wondering if I could talk to you? You wouldn't mind that Britt would you?" Elizabeth narrows her eyes at Britt. I know enough that Britt definitely doesn't offer many people her first name especially at work.

"Nurse Webber please address me by my title like I address you by yours and of course I don't mind if you speak with Patrick I don't control who he does or does not speak too." Britt just walks away and Liz rolls her eyes.

"Patrick do you want to tell me what's going on between you and Britt?" Whoa this is coming out of left field?

"What do you mean?"

"Patrick I see the way she looks at you and I know she is looking for more than you can give if you know what I mean." What the fuck? Who the hell does Liz thinks she is talking to me like that? I understand that Robin was her friend for a long time but she has no say in life whatsoever. But the tone she is using is condescending as fuck like she is disappointed in me.

"Liz not that my personal life is any of your business but please don't ever tell me what I can give and what I cannot also please don't speak for me I am not a child my mother died a long time ago and I don't need another."

"Patrick I am just trying to be your friend I don't trust her intentions and I think they are better people out there for you like Sabrina who truly care for you." What the hell is going on? I am not attracted to Sabrina she is a nice person but I don't want her like that plus whether she knows it or not someone has her heart. I remember when I was in denial of Robin place in my life.

"Liz honestly I don't care if you don't trust her intentions. One it is not your place to speak as if you have a say in my life. Two last time I checked I have a brain and I decide what I am going to do with my life."

"Well you should watch out because I have seen her in the company of Nikolas and they look really comfortable with each other's company." Oh that's what this is really about she is jealous of Britt. She wants Nikolas again. After she torpedoed her relationship with Lucky she wants to have another chance with his brother. This woman has the audacity to try to dish out relationship advice when her life is a damn mess. She doesn't know who she is unless she is in a relationship. So much for being my friend she isn't looking out for me she is looking out for herself because she is jealous.

Although I am interested in how Britt knows Nikolas she doesn't cross me as the one to play us both. Nikolas and I both have unpredictable schedules and we are both parents it is hard for her to try and play both of us when she wouldn't even know when we would be free.

"Liz I don't care who Britt hangs out with as long as it doesn't affect my patients she can do whatever she likes and you should stop being so green it doesn't look good on you. " I am over this conversation and I go to my office and lock the door. I have patients who need me to be on top of my game and I don't petty shit to bring me down.

Well that was my Patrick chapter. How do Britt and Nikolas know each other? Have they ever been romantic? Should Patrick be worried about competition for Britt's hand? Patrick is not going to give in to what people want. Although Patrick is in a vulnerable do you think Britt will take advantage of it How will Emma react to Britt? I am going to try to get some more chapters out soon for you guys.