I led Eli up the stairs and into my room. I sneakily tossed my purity ring into the vase that was on a table in the hallway. There was no reason for me to have it any more. I was no longer pure. I laid down on my soft green bed and he made himself comfortable on the huge white bean bag that was next to my bed. We sat in silence for a good ten minutes before Eli spoke. "Clare, I know you're not ok, so tell me what's bothering you. Did something happen to you last night?"

I couldn't tell him. "No! Nothing happened last night!" I said way too quickly.

"Clare, you're lying."

"I don't want to talk to you about it!" I snapped.

The tension between us was growing even more heated in the silence that now took over the conversation. His eyes practically saw into my soul as they stared at me so intensely I though I might have died. But I stared back just as hard, neither one of us breaking the gaze. His hand lifted up and cupped my face. He pushed his whole body up towards mine and our faces were only centimeters apart. He locked our foreheads together, "Clare, tell me what happened last night. I need to know."

For a second, I almost caved and told him that I had been raped, but I stopped myself. The embarrassment was still too much. I lifted my hand up and pulled his hand away from my face.

"Clare, where is your ring?" He asked me, "Oh no, you didn't…with them….no…please tell me you didn't!" The concern filled his eyes and so many emotions flashed through them I could barely keep up.

Anger.

Sadness.

Regret.

Hate.

And so many more that I couldn't tell.

"Why do you care?" I spat, suddenly angry for no reason, "So little St. Clare isn't so innocent any more, surprise, surprise." I mocked.

"Clare, your better than that, don't tell me you had sex just to have sex." He pleaded.

"So what If I did? Everyone does, I'm being a normal teenager. I was giving into my hormones."

I had been raped. The only meaningful time that I would have sex had been stolen from me. So, why did it matter any more? I had nothing to keep anymore. I might as well fuck anyone I was attracted to now that I had no innocence to protect. So I lunged at Eli, connecting our lips together in a fierce kiss. I he kissed back for a second then pushed me away.

"Clare, stop it, this isn't you. Don't do this, you'll regret this." He tried to stop me.

I pushed myself onto him and kissed him again. "What happened to just going with the flow Eli? I want you right now, and I'm going with the flow just like you always wanted me too. So take your own advice and kiss me!" I said, and then attached our lips together. He flipped us over so he was on top. I thought he was giving in. But he broke the kiss and pinned my arms above my head.

"Clare, No. I'm not doing this right now. Your obviously not thinking straight." He pulled himself off me and stood up. He made his way to my door. He took a long look at my before leaving me stunned in my room. I heard him leave but I still couldn't move. He didn't want me. He rejected me. What had I almost done? I was losing myself. My faith and morals had almost been thrown out the window. I didn't care any more. But I was alone again. I was utterly alone for the first time in my life. I just had to smile, and pretend nothing was wrong until I could tell some one about what had happened to me. Life goes on right?

I fell asleep soon after from exhaustion.

"Your beautiful," the skater boy who addressed me first, who I called now called Ryan, "I think that you and I should get together tonight." His voice slurred from the alcohol. His friend parked the car and everyone except Ryan. He pushed me back and got on top of me. I tried to push him off but he was too strong. He unbuttoned my shirt through my sobbing, and then my pants.

I woke up screaming and sweaty. I looked at my clock and saw that it was 6:45 A.M. I had to get ready for school. I scrubbed my body raw in the shower trying to some how rub the imaginary dirt away from my body. But I still felt dirty even after it. I did my hair and my makeup and began the walk to school.

"Clare!" Alli linked arms with me as I approached the school. "Ok, I'm not going to give you a lecture about Saturday night. I'm just so glad your ok!" She stopped us and hugged me tightly.

"Yeah, me too." I said quietly.

We walked into the school and went to our classes. I cleverly avoided Eli the entire day. But English was next. Should I stay and continue to ignore him? Or should I leave and not see him at all. My mind settled on plan b and I began to walk in the opposite direction of Mrs. Dawes classroom. I reach the side door of the school that led to the student parking lot. I opened the door and let the sunlight stream onto my face. I moved through the parking lot quickly. I saw the hearse only a few feet away from me. I didn't expect to see Eli there but I did. He knew I would skip class so I didn't have to see him. I ducked behind the various students cars so he couldn't see me. I made it all the way to the street, victorious that I had made it past him. Turns out I hadn't though, because the hearse pulled up next to me and Eli stepped out of Morty and onto the sidewalk in front of me.

"You were avoiding me." He stated bluntly.

"No I wasn't." I lied. I looked at the ground to avoid his piercing eyes.

"Clare whatever happened to you, I won't ask about again until your ready to tell me." He said. What?
I looked up, "You won't?" I asked my voice wavering.

"No, but I will ask about us. Clare, I want to be with you but you're not ok right now and I don't think its such a good idea right now."

I guess he was right but my stomach began to hurt after he said it.

"Ok, I said as I walked away."