Chapter 4: The Facts of Life

In Which Baba North Learns her Husband can, at times, be Right

"JACK!" North cried. His great bellow reverberated off the wooden walls as the white haired man stumbled out of the portal and onto the third floor of North's workshop, slamming face first into Phil's furry backside.

"Ugh!" Jack recoiled in disgust from the understandably startled yeti. The frost sprite immediately stuck out his tongue and rapidly brushed it with his hands, desperately trying to remove long strands of coarse fur from his mouth.

North laughed jovially as he strode towards the retching boy. The large man had been toiling away at his workbench, designing new toys for the yetis to replicate. He was dressed down with a simple pair of dark canvas pants with intricately embroidered suspenders. The sleeves of his plain, red, button up shirt were hiked up over his massive forearms, displaying his ornate "Naughty" and "Nice" tattoos.

Taking these muscled arms, he picked up the scrawny, struggling Jack and squeezed him in a deadly bear hug. It was sad, really, North noted. The boy was practically full grown, but he barely put on any muscle and he scarcely reached North's nose in height. Apparently, Frost was doomed to be tiny. At least he finally grew out of that hoodie. In North's expert opinion, the dark blue blazer he now sported was far better.

After a moment, North was jostled from his thoughts by a rapid tapping on his forearm and he looked down. Jack's blue-ish pallor was quickly turning purple and the boy gasped, "Air…"

"Oopsie," North cringed with embarrassment as he unceremoniously dumped Jack on his bare feet. Rubbing at the back of his neck, he admitted, his Russian accent thick, "It has been long time since I see you, Jack. You no write. You no call." He pinched his huge fingers together, "I got a tinsy winsy carried away."

"Tinsy?!" Jack wheezed in disbelief. It felt like half the bones in his body had been crushed.

North shrugged and Jack sighed. There were some wonderful perks to being an immortal with mystical ties to the universe. However, the downside was that once you were set in your ways, they were set… forever. North was never going to change. It was a blessing and a curse. Shaking his head, Jack said curtly, "You called. I'm here. What do you want?"

The sprite's brevity made North raise a suspicious eyebrow. In the years following his rise to Guardianship, North had taken the time to get to know the boy. And if there was only one thing he learned about Jack Frost, it was that he was not a man of few words. He used his words; loudly, often and usually as snarky as possible.

Leaning in to examine the boy more closely, he asked guardedly, stroking his long white beard, "Jack, what is matter?"

"Nothing," Jack deflected, trying to side step the large man. North barely had to shift his weight to block his path. "Look," Jack grumbled in irritation, "I came because whatever you need to tell me, apparently, can't wait. Let's just get on with it so we can fix whatever needs fixing and I can leave." Looking around, Jack suddenly realized that beyond the usual cluster of yetis and elves in Santa's workshop, he and North were the only Guardians present. "Uh… where is everybody?"

North eyed him closely and said, "This needed talking before others arrive. Want to pick brain. Make sure I can explain to others."

Jack stared up at North, utterly flummoxed, "What are you talking about?"

The large man pointed up and Jack's eyes followed. Up above the bustling workshop, in the center of the ceiling, was a giant oculus. It opened out onto the arctic night sky. The waxing moon was perfectly framed in the circular skylight, casting its silver glow down on the giant replica of the Earth North kept in the middle of his workshop. Solemnly, the old man said, "Man in Moon tells me that you," he turned to Jack and pressed his finger against the boy's chest, "caused ending of world tonight."

The silence that followed was broken by Jack's hysterical laughter. He had to. It was absolutely absurd. There was no way he did anything to end the world. Wasn't that something a person tended to notice? Like in the movies, there was supposed to be a giant gleaming red button that says, Don't Push. Since he knew he hadn't done anything like that, it had to be some weird joke. It was the only thing that made sense.

Jack wiped a tear from his cheek and chortled, slapping a hand on North's broad back, "Ah, thanks Nick. I needed a good laugh."

North glowered down at Jack, arms folded, "This is not laughing matter."

"Seriously?" Jack asked, incensed. When he saw the look in the large man's gleaming eyes, it felt like a knife twisting in his gut. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING!" he cried, throwing up his hands in disbelief. "What could I have possibly done to end the world?!"

The man's bushy white brows furrowed, "That is what I would like to be knowing."

Jack stared dumbfounded at the large old man. The sprite couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did North actually believe that he would ever put the world in danger? It surprised him how deeply the old Guardian's accusation cut.

Before either could say another word, a matronly Russian voice called out from behind them, "Lyubov moy, leave myshka alone!" A large, silver haired woman in a beautiful, red, and green embroidered black dress with long, puffy white sleeves climbed up the wooden stairs and draped a protective arm over Frost's shoulders. Glaring daggers at North, she said, "Can you not be seeing he is already having bad day?"

"But lapochka!" North protested. He was immediately silenced by a stern look from the old woman's fierce brown eyes.

"Don't you lapochka me!" she pursed her lips and placed her fists on her ample hips. Wagging a finger at her husband, she admonished, "This is no way to be treating guest."

"But… crisis!" North cried in exasperation, indicating the moon, then his giant spinning globe rising from the ground level of his workshop.

The old woman rolled her eyes and shooed him away, "There is always being crisis." Turning on her heels she captured Jack's face in two large, well-worn hands. With a loving smile she said matter-of-factly, "Now then, tell Baba North what is problem."

Baba North was everything you could want in a grandmother. Like her husband, she was larger than life, both in height and size. She was comfortably plump, wearing her weight like a suit of armor, rather than as extra baggage. The wrinkles on her face spoke of a lifetime full of laughter and warm smiles. Her long silver hair was pulled back into a tight bun, but wisps of downy fuzz had worked their way out, softening the otherwise austere look. The woman was unbelievably strong due, in part, to her and North's daily fencing matches. And when she was mad, she cursed like a Russian sailor, traumatizing any elf within earshot. She was self-reliant, extremely opinionated, and seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to people's troubles. So when something went wrong in Santa's workshop, everyone knew to get out of her way.

"It's nothing," Jack managed to squeeze out through his squished cheeks. Trying to smile, he added, "Really."

"Chush' sobach'ya," the old woman cursed, but not unkindly. Several yetis gasped and North grabbed the elves that he could, covering their innocent ears. It was the normal drill.

Jack had no idea what Baba North said, but he understood her meaning. She was calling him out and, based on the look in her eye, it would be a lot easier on everybody if he just gave in.

So with a deep, pained sigh, unable to meet her gaze, Jack said, "Jamie had his first kiss."

North bellowed, a happy grin spreading across his face, "But that is great news!" The little elves around him began to dance a little jig in celebration.

Baba North gave her husband a warning glance, causing the elves to freeze mid jig, before returning her attention back to the little boy, just barely a man, in her hands. She knew what this was about. With a heavy heart, she said, "He can be no longer seeing you." It was not a question, for they all knew the answer.

Jack nodded in her grasp. He tried to fight the tears that were threatening to burst, but it was hard. Sensing this, Baba North let go of his face only to embrace him in the most caring hug he had ever received. It was warm and her grip was tight. But instead of feeling crushed, like with North's bear hug, he felt supported; braced on all sides and protected. The hug offered no more, nor less then what it was; a symbol of understood sorrow, a boon for the pain. Surrounded by such love, Jack let lose all the anguish he felt inside. He cried, morning the friend he lost.

After what seemed like ages, Jack found he had no more tears to shed. Baba North slowly opened her arms and allowed the young man to step away. "There," she said, wiping away a tear. She then leaned down to pick up a hot mug of coco brought on a silver tray by one of the elves. Turning she offered the happily steaming mug to Jack, saying, "That is much better, yes?"

Nodding, Jack took the proffered mug and drank the rich chocolaty liquid. To his surprise, he was better. The pain was still there, and he had a feeling it would continue to be for a long time. But it helped to know that someone, anyone understood how he felt. It somehow made it easier to bare.

Baba North led Jack over to a bench in one of the alcoves on the floor. Offering him a seat, she settled herself next to him. With one hand, she gingerly patted his knee while she agitatedly signaled her husband to join them with the other.

North shuffled over, tripping over several elves and grumbling about them always being under boot. He sat awkwardly next to Jack, completely at a loss as to what to do. Comforting adults was not something he was used to. His expertise was purely with children… and yetis and elves, but none of that could help him with Jack. Unfortunately, it appeared Mrs. North wanted him to take it from here.

Rubbing at the back of his neck, North decided that honesty was his best option. Turning to the quiet young man, he began, "I am sorry, Jack. Losing your first… it is never easy." Shaking his head, he recalled the little blue eyed girl that smiled at him for the first time. He sighed, "You never truly forget them… and they never truly forget you." Wrapping an arm around the boy, he continued, "But you are needing to be happy for Jamie. First kiss is very important. Very special."

"Why?" Jack asked grumpily, hiding his reddening face in his mug. "What makes it so special? And why does it have to mean Jamie can't see me anymore? It's stupid."

North opened his mouth to answer, but paused. He had no idea where to begin. It was all very complicated and he was always horrible at explaining complicated things. Turning to his wife, he gave her a pleading look.

Sighing at her floundering husband, she turned to Jack and explained, "It is fact of life. Immutable. For child, they see world in one way; small, but full of wonder," she turned and smiled lovingly at her husband, tenderly caressing his cheek. "Adults, they see world in whole other way. For them, it is big and complicated. They know there is pain, but they also experience beauty no child can understand." Her warm eyes danced knowingly as North waggled his eyebrows at her. Then turning to Jack, she added, "That is what first kiss is: a door. Once door is open and you walk through, you can never go back."

Jack rubbed an absent minded finger against the side of his mug. It was half empty now with swiftly cooling coco sludge. After a while he said, "I tried to stop it, you know."

Baba North nodded sagely, "It is a hard thing; letting go."

"But you don't understand," Jack insisted, standing up and pacing away from the couple. Turning around, he explained, "It's worked before."

"Jack!" the old woman cried out in horror as she clutched her breast, acting as if he had just cursed in church.

North stood up and strode toward Frost. Wagging his finger accusingly he bellowed, "You mean to be telling me you kept own dear friend from first kiss?!"

"How could you?" North's wife asked, reproachfully.

"But it did work," Jack defended, completely unrepentant. "And it would have worked this time too if that weird bow girl hadn't shown up."

North froze mid stride, eyes bulging like he had just stepped in something smelly and awful. Glancing back at his wife who sported a similar wide eyed stare, he slowly turned back to Jack and asked, tone deadly serious, "What bow girl?"

"The bow girl with the cherubs," Jack shrugged, uncomprehendingly. "I guess she's in charge of those little winged bastards."

Shaking his head, North signaled the sprite to slow down. "Wait, wait," North said as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, "You mean to be telling me that you saw Lovely?"

"Huh. So that was her name," Jack said as the realization finally dawned on him. "Saw her… fought her. What's the big deal? Why do you all look so pale?"

"Bozhe moy," North slapped a hand over his head and ran it down his face. "Oky doky, you are to be telling me exactly what happened."

So, a bit uncomfortably, Jack told the couple everything that happened on that lonely street outside the movie theater: the confrontation, the fight. But when he got to the kiss, North exploded.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" he cried, sending elves scattering and ducking for cover.

Baba North stared, thunderstruck, at the fool in front of them. Then looking to her husband, she spoke words she rarely said. "I am sorry, lyubov moy. You are right. This… this is crisis."

Author's note: Russian translations.

Lyubov moy= my love.

Myshka= little mouse.

Lapochka= essentially it means sweetheart or darling.

Chush' sobach'ya= roughly translates as bull shit.

Bozhe moy= Oh my God.