I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR THE 'FOURTH ANNUAL WICKED AWARDS' IN THE CATEGORY 'BEST ONESHOT'!
Thank you so, so much everyone for nominating me! Now, if you'll just click the link below, or search 'fourth annual wicked awards', follow the instructions in chapter 3, and vote for me, that would be ozsome. To read the oneshot nominated, just head over to my profile page, and click the story 'Terrible Beauty'. It's a Fiyeraba :D
Thank you again!
Link to Fourth Annual Wicked Awards (chapter 3, for voting!): .net/s/6474729/3/The_Fourth_Annual_Wicked_Awards
Neither of us spoke for several minutes – minutes crammed tight with more succulent, stolen kisses – before we finally, slowly, drew apart.
My face felt hot. Too hot. Lips swollen, cheeks flaming…not just from that strange, frightening pleasure I taken from the kisses. From guilt that was eating me away from the inside. From self-hatred that made me want to scream. From a sudden, terrifying desire to hurt, to harm myself; suffer how I should be suffering for what I'd done. What I was doing.
And, now, what should be done.
My insides writhed into knots. Of course I knew what should be done, what should happen, now; I needed to get him away, needed to fly him straight back to the wizard's palace as fast as Broomstick would carry us, throw him into the arms of his fiancé, force him into this engagement he was running so stupidly from, drag him up the isle of the church if need be, bind him to the woman he had pledged himself to forever, forever, forever…
Forever…
The thought was unbearable. No, every part of me moaned, no, oh Oz, please, no…the very idea drove knives through my heart, made me want to shriek with pain, with denial, with refusal…
Most of all…made me want to gather all my power – every precious, carefully nurtured little scrap of it – and coil the man in front of me tight into every enchantment I knew, every spell that could imprison him here, keep him for myself, mine, mine, only mine, forever and ever and ever…
How tempting a thought that was. How terribly, wickedly tempting. How dangerous.
And how wrong.
No. I couldn't do that, I couldn't. I wouldn't.
But to take him back…back into Glinda's arms…
Oh Oz, what was I going to do…?
I took a slow, deep, shuddering breath; closing my eyes.
"Elphaba?"
My name. Spoken in his gentle voice, so deep and velvet smooth, the sound was more beautiful than I could ever have imagined my name being. Elphaba. The odd, foreign sounding name had never bothered me…after all, what part of me wasn't odd, as alien as it was possible to be for my own country…?
"Elphaba?"
I took another breath – then let my eyes drift open to meet his; those dazzling, diamond bright eyes, the colour of crushed sapphires…wide with anxiety as they gazed into mine.
"Elphaba…"
The way he spoke my name…
His hands reached and cupped my face, so tenderly, his touch as light and tentative as feathers, as though I were made of spun glass as opposed to filthy slime-green flesh. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had touched me like that.
"Listen, Elphaba," Fiyero's soft voice murmured. "Listen, I…"
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as though bracing himself.
"Glinda and I…we…she…I…never, never loved Glinda, Elphaba."
Silence. I waited – for a punch line, a surprise ending, a twist to the statement? I had no idea. I looked steadily at him for a moment…then spoke a word I almost never, ever spoke alone in one sentence and with that note of dumb question.
"What?"
Very, very gently, Fiyero's hands moved to stroke back the stranding of filthy, knotted hair hanging down on both sides of my face.
"I never, never loved her. Not at Shiz, not now. Not back when I was Mr. Dancing Through Life, the famous playboy prince, a brainless idiot…or a rather pathetic excuse for a Gale Force captain. Not ever. Ever. Ever."
He bent to press a burning, searing kiss to my lips.
"I'm in love with you, Elphaba. Elphaba…Elphaba, I love you. I love you."
My heart stopped. Ground to a halt, just like it had the first time he'd said the words, gasped them between our heated kisses just a few minutes ago. I couldn't speak; could only stare at him as he shook his head hopelessly, wordlessly, his eyes begging me to understand – and his hands cupped my face again, holding it tight, now, his fingers cool and smooth against my skin.
"When you left us, left me, all those years ago…oh Elphie, that day with the lion cub, when you caught my hand, when you touched my cheek…"
"You flinched away from me like every other student would flinch at the mere mention of me touching them," I heard my voice snap out, finally finding itself again. "You thought all those Oz-damned rumours Avaric spread about my condition being contagious might be true, you fled before I could speak more than two words to you, you wouldn't speak to me for weeks afterwards, not till I left that day on the train station -!"
"Elphaba," he sighed. "Your skin had nothing to do with it, nothing whatsoever, I swear to you –"
"Then why?" I hissed, inches from him. "Why did you run?"
He sighed again – his eyes leaving mine to rake the forest floor beside us, now full of suppressed guilt.
"I guess for the same reasons you tried to run just a few minutes ago," he murmured, almost to himself. "After that day, after that lion cub, I started to…well…I started think. Probably for the first time in my life. Think about…Oz, Elphaba, so many things. About the animal bans. About your take on it all, your defiance, your suspicion…all the reasoning behind your views. About me and Glin. About Glin herself…and about you…always you…"
I was shaking my head again – I couldn't listen to this, couldn't hear it, couldn't, because it was impossible, impossible, and even if it was, this was sick, twisted, wrong –!
"- Elphaba, you knowhow it's always been with Glinda – you worried at Shiz, I know you did, worried because you knew, you told meyou knew it wouldn't last, and you were scared for her. You knew how…devoted she was to me –"
"- and that has never changed–"
"- but it has for me!" he burst out, hands clutching at my face. "Don't you see, Elphaba, you were right, you were always right, it wouldn'tlast, it didn't last – for Glin, yes, just like you worried, but for me…she was no more than any of the others. Those hundreds of others, all the hearts I broke, all the scandalous one-night-stands, those things I never thought of twice or questioned till Glinda -!"
"She was more to you than the others!" I almost spat, battling away the hope which was coiling pathetically, uselessly inside me, but I wouldn't let it, wouldn't let it... "You cared enough for her to stay by her side for all those years, right up until tonight, didn't you? Now explain thatto me, Captain."
He sighed again, sadly this time. "Elphaba, can't you work that out for yourself? Yes, you're right, of course, I…care for her. I'm fond of her. That's part of the reason why I'm wearing this Oz-damned ring, even now – you didn't see her that day after the Emerald City when she came tumbling out of that train carriage into my arms, sobbing her heart out, begging me to help her, insisting that we had to find you, that she'd betrayed you, that she'd been too much of a coward to do what you'd done – and I was a coward, Elphie, I was too, I couldn't do it, I couldn't break up with her then and there like I'd planned, not when she was in such a state –"
"You could have," I hissed, clenching my fists round the hem of my skirt. "You could have broken it up, if you were that desperate to, if you'd had the courage -!"
"You're right," he said. "I should have, but I didn't and for that…for that I paid dearly. When Glinda got offered the position by Morrible to work at the palace…Elphie, you've got to understand, she didn't even tell me at first. She secured positions for both of us – I didn't even have a say in the matter. She told me days before we were set to leave, and oh Elphaba, she was so happy, the first happiness I'd seen on her in so long, and…I couldn't do it. I couldn't break it off. I couldn't tell her the truth, not even then...
"And then the position for with the guard came up, with the Gale Force, and it seemed so perfect – I could hunt for you, really track you down like I'd been planning to do the instant I got out of Shiz, only with so much more ease and the rank and resources I would need all at my fingertips! And all those years I spent, hunting, hoping…dreaming of you, of the day I'd find you…and then…"
And his face changed then; melted so beautifully, sank into tenderness, into wonder, and his hands shook as he wound them into my curtains of hair, gliding his fingers through the locks, like they were spun silk instead of grime and tangles.
"Then you showed up, the day Glinda announced to me we'd be getting married of all things, just as soon as I would agree to a date, and you were there, beside the Wizard's throne, and your face…and it was you or Glinda…you or Glinda…and oh Elphaba, there was just no competition…"
"That wasn't love!" I almost snarled, hands twisting together; writhing green snakes. "You wanted to get out, Fiyero, to get free of it, of Glinda's grasp, of the wizard's reign, but nothing more, I had nothing to do with it -!"
He didn't let me finish – just dived for my lips again, kissing hard and fast, till I was breathless from it –
"- no," I hissed, when he let me go. "I can't, we can't –!"
I was frantic, now, desperate, panic seizing my body as I remembered things I knew I shouldn't; how Fiyero had never once shot at me whilst hunting with the Gale Force, how he'd ordered them to never kill, always capture, never shoot with bullets, only sleeping-darts, how he'd led them so many times in the opposite direction of where he must have known I was, of those poppies he'd given me so many years ago, of Glinda's complaints of how distant he was from her after that Lion cub day…
…oh sweet Oz…
"It's not true," I heard myself saying, my lips moving of their own accord. "It's not true, Fiyero, not true, you and me…me…me, Fiyero, look at me!"
"You're beautiful –"
"Look at me, Fiyero!" I hissed, shaking his shoulders as though willing him to see what was truth rather than whatever delusion he'd made up for himself, must have done, to say such a thing… "Really look at me, look, see this hideous, this vile, this disgusting, wretched stainof a colour, look at it, look at me…!"
"I can't see it," he stated plainly. "I can't see the hideous, the vile, the disgusting. I see you, Elphaba."
He bent to steal another kiss – I slapped him away, determined this time, but his hands caught my wrists, holding them tight…and his lips were on mine again, smouldering with kisses, kisses my lips wanted to return so badly, so badly…
His mouth was gentler, this time, tender…little ghosts of touches…
My eyes fluttered closed in the moment of pure, unadulterated bliss.
Then…
Then Fiyero reached up with one hand, one pale, ever-familiar hand…and lightly, so light it was barely the brush of a feather…began to trace the features of my face.
"I see you, Elphaba," he whispered, his voice soft and rippling velvet again. "You. I see all that you are, are on the inside, all the courage, all the wit, all those poisoness bite-backs and insults…"
His fingers traced down my pointed nose, my scratched forehead…
"…all the incomparable power, all the fiery anger, all the passion, all the fearlessness, the determination…"
And his hands stroked back my hair, traced down my cheeks…
"All the incredible bravery, the loyalty, the gentleness and kindness I've seen you keep for the Animals…for Glinda…"
…over my temples, caressing stray strands of ruined black hair into place…
"…I see all of it, Elphaba. All of it, everything that's you, everything you are, and it's you, all I can see…when I look at you."
And his fingers moved from my hair – stroked again my cheeks, my chin, my neck…
"It's here, Elphaba, written over every part of you, and I see it, I see it all, every bit of it I love so much…"
And his hands stroked over my collarbone, my shoulders, arms, caught my bare hands, caressed the skin, that cursed skin, but when he was touching me…
"…and over your face, in your eyes, your hair…"
…and he was gliding his touch through tangles of midnight now…
"…your body, your hands…"
…and he wound my fingers in his…
"…your touch, Elphaba, your…your skin. Your incredible skin, like nothing there's ever been or will be; unique, incomparable, striking, magical, ethereal, other-worldly emerald green…"
…emerald green…
"…and that…that…"
And he stopped then, stopped and looked at me, really looked at me, for moments impossible to count.
Then…
"…and that…Elphaba Thropp…is true beauty."
I didn't speak.
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't say a word.
Fiyero reached up one last time to my face, and softly stroked the skin just underneath my suddenly…undeniably…wet eyelids.
I blinked hard; my hands trembled as I shook my head slowly, exhaustedly, for the umpteenth time, but all conviction had gone from the movement and I was close, so close, so treacherously close…to hoping…
Fiyero's face was inches from mine again.
"Elphaba?" he murmured, barely breathing the words, his eyes so gentle, and so open and ready and begging me to speak to him, tell him, confide in him, trust him…
Believe him…
It was no use. Tears spilled over, trickling down my cheeks – beautiful, beautiful, he'd called me beautiful…
Tears streamed down my face. He kissed them away, one by one by one.
Then he bent for my lips – and this time, I let him kiss me without even one word of protest. His mouth was sweet and faint as a breath this time – not needing a response, no wanting a response…just comfort. Love.
Love…
"You…can't…love me," I heard myself murmuring, but the words were dead, robotic, an automatic reflex…
"But I do."
More kisses. And I was returning them, without even planning to; moving with the same soft, sweet little movements back against him of my own accord...
"…you're engaged, Fiyero…"
"I don't care."
Another kiss, warm and fluid as silk, followed by another, and another, and another…
"…I'm all wrong for you…"
"You're everything I want. Everything I need. Everything right for me."
Softer kisses, gentler; tender little brushes…
"…Fiyero…"
"What?"
"…I'm the wicked witch of the west, Fiyero…"
Deeper kisses, at that, and hungrier, hot and burning, delicious to taste.
"I'm very much aware of that."
Another kiss. Another. Another…
My voice choked.
"…I'm…hideous…"
"You're beautiful."
Silence.
Then…
"Tell me again."
Another kiss…
"You're beautiful."
…beautiful, he was calling me…beautiful…
…but there was something else…
…something more important than all the others put together…
…something…
…someone…
"…Glinda…" My lips moved round the name, moving against his in the process…
"…is neither here nor there…" Kiss. "…nor anything to do with this…" Kiss. "…neither my girlfriend nor fiancé…" Kiss. "…nor someone I have or ever will love…" Kiss. "…and she's far, far, far away, you know that, far away…" Kiss. "…she'll never know…"
"…never…?"
…kisses…
"Never."
...one last gentle…melting…silk-soft kiss…
"And I love you, Elphaba."
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