We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could
Damon has his port now. He has what feels like a bubble under the skin of his chest. His incision is healing nicely. Fortunately we have been able to delay his chemotherapy for a short time so we could meet with the fertility specialist. He told us that although all men aren't rendered infertile from cancer treatment, many are so he thought it was wise for us to plan ahead as it were.
Damon flushes with embarrassment when Dr. Case tells him he literally needs to take himself in hand to collect a specimen. They need the first specimen to check his sperm count, "Can my wife give me a hand?" he smirks. It feels good to see that silly smirk on his face. It's been absent for far too long.
After receiving word that his sperm count was within normal limits, we go back to the Dr. Case's office so Damon can do it all over again. This time they collect his sperm for semen cryopreservation. I am so happy we are able to take this step. I'm so very grateful to have this option. I would love nothing more than to have another baby with Damon. Before his health crisis, we often talked of having a big family. The means are certainly unconventional but that matters little to me right now.
Joe and Kathy flew up from Florida to spend some time with us. Damon and his father are tight. They always have been, Damon being the baby of the family and all. He and his dad take walks and watch sports. Damon really seems to be enjoying having them here for a few days.
One afternoon, Kathy takes me baby shopping to take my mind off things. While we are out, Damon's nose began bleeding badly. Unable to get it to stop, Joe drives him to the emergency room. They pack his nose with something that looks like a tampax. He scowls when the Dr. instructs him that it needs to stay in place for two to four days.
We settle into bed for the night. I turn to face him. "I'm sorry I wasn't here this afternoon, sweetheart," I tell him remorsefully. I notice that Damon is just staring at the ceiling. I raise up, putting my weight on my elbow and forearm while stroking his bicep with my other hand. "Do you want to talk about it Damon?" I see his eyes glistening when he shakes his head before he whispers, "I'm scared."
I take his hand and lay it softly on my bump. He looks at me, attempts a smile but it doesn't reach his eyes. "It's okay to be scared Damon. I don't think there is anyone who wouldn't be afraid when facing such a daunting foe. This is going to be a hard battle but we will win the war. I'm certain of it. Any other outcome is unacceptable. Okay?" He pulls me into his arms, kisses my forehead then closes his eyes.
I lay awake for a long time. If he can't handle this, how do I even begin to handle this? Damon is my rock. He pulled me back from the ledge when my parents were killed. I would never have survived without him. I was in the accident too. Our car was hit head on by a drunk driver. My parents died instantly. I hovered between life and death, descending into coma for over a week. The nurses told me how he never left my side. He would read to me, wash, comb and braid my hair, tell me stories over and over till finally I broke free of the coma that was holding me captive. I can do nothing less for him. "You have my word, Damon, we will survive this." I whisper ever so softly.
"Good mornings" greet me when I make my way to the kitchen the next morning. Matt is sitting with Damon and their parents enjoying coffee and donuts. I bend down to give Damon a kiss before pouring myself a glass of orange juice. "Who brought the donuts?" I ask, tearing off a piece of Damon's and plopping it in my mouth. "Mmm, these are delicious." I cover my mouth with my hand and mumble hello to Matt. "You didn't buy these around here did you?" I ask curiously.
"I ran into a little bakery on the drive over. Since I was going for a surprise, thought I may as well bring breakfast with me. How are you and baby Salvatore?" Matt asks, smiling. "Mom texted that they were here. I figured I was due for a visit anyway so here I am."
Of Damon's siblings, Matt lives the closest to us, residing in Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. Damon is close to all of his siblings. Rose lives in a small town in upstate New York. She and her husband, Trevor, have two daughters, Amy and Amber. Stefan lives in Texas with his girlfriend Caroline and their 3 year old son, Tommy. Matt still enjoys bachelorhood.
Deciding we need some happy time, Matt suggests the Durham zoo. We have a fabulous afternoon. Even Damon is enjoying himself. He laces his fingers with mine and we take a seat in front of the big cat exhibit. We have talked of getting a cat for him but Dr. Mikaelson cautioned against it since his immune system will be severely compromised once he starts his chemo.
"Elena, look at the baby lions. They're really adorable aren't they?" he smiles, pointing them out to me.
"Yes, they most certainly are precious. Remember that time you took me to New York for a weekend? We spent the whole day at the Brooklyn Zoo. I know if you had your druthers, you would've spent the entire day just watching those cats. I happen to love the seals and sea lions. They were fun too, remember?"
He nods wistfully. He squeezes my hand, leans in to drop a tender kiss to my lips then turns his eyes back to the lioness and her cubs.
Just watching him reminds me of one our first dates. It was such a welcome surprise to see that side of him. Smiling fondly, my mind retreats to that wonderful day.
Damon is being very ambiguous about our plans for the day. I remember him telling me to dress down. With a flash of that omnipresent smirk of his, he says, "We are going to get our hands dirty so you need to wear old jeans and shoes."
I raise my eyes to his. "Why are you being so evasive?"
"You'll see." He pulls into a pet supply store. Always the gentleman, he comes around to open the door for me. He offers me his hand which I take, entwining my fingers with his.
"What are we doing here?" I ask curiously.
"We're getting some pet supplies of course." he replies like it's nothing out of the ordinary. He purchases three fifty pound bags of dog food and three twenty five pound sacks of cat food. He loads them into the trunk before ogling me with his 'eye thing'. "I really think you're going to enjoy the day, Elena." he says, smile extending ear to ear. He drops a kiss to my lips then opens the door for me to slide in.
We drive for maybe a half hour when Damon pulls into the 'Falls Church Animal Shelter'. "So this is why you bought all the pet food."
He turns his radiant eyes to me and nods.
"Damon, how are you?" the receptionist greets as we walk in the door.
"Hey Ella. I'd like you meet Elena. She's going to help me today. I have food in the car to bring in. Is Mike working? Maybe he could help me unload the trunk then Elena and I can get to work."
"It's wonderful to meet you Elena," she says, shaking my hand. "Mike," she yells. "Damon has food in his trunk, come help him bring it in."
Just then a big burly guy walks around the corner pulling Damon into a guy hug.
Damon steps back with a smile, turning his gaze to me, "Elena, this is Mike. Mike, Elena."
"Great to meet you Elena. This is a first," he says raising an eye to Damon. "You're the only girl he's ever brought with him. You must be special." he says, voice trailing.
"I'd like to think so," I tease. Damon and I spend the entire day walking dogs, cleaning cages, cleaning litter boxes, playing with cats and shampooing dogs. I'm exhausted by the time we call it a day.
"Come again," Mike says as he waves goodbye to us. I nod my head and wave back before rolling up my window.
"Earth to Elena," Damon says while waving his hand in front of my face. "Where were you?"
"I was just remembering the first time you took me to the animal shelter. I really enjoyed that day."
Smiling, he squeezes my hand, "yeah, that was a really good day."
Soon the others join us. We watch the cats a little longer before making our way to see the other exhibits. By the end of the day, Damon is pretty worn out as am I. We all pile into Matt's car to go home. Before long, Damon is sound asleep.
Feeling the exhaustion of the day, I decide to turn in early. I wake up to pee and turn to look at the clock. It's just after midnight. Damon's side of the bed is empty. I use the bathroom before I go looking for him. He needs to get some sleep as he's scheduled to start chemotherapy tomorrow.
I hear Damon's voice asking Joe about making a will and an advance directive. "Dad, I need to know they'll be taken care of. Please do this for me. I want to make sure Elena and our baby don't have to worry about anything," he implores. "I'll do everything in my power to fight this, but I also do not want to be kept alive on machines if there's no hope of recovery. Please dad."
I hear Damon suck in a breath. I peak around the corner to see Joe embracing Damon as he reaches up to wipe a tear from his eye. "Thanks dad. I knew you would understand. I'm going to bed. Chemo starts tomorrow," he says with a shaky voice. "They're finally going to take this darn packing out of my nose too. Goodnight Dad." I hear his footsteps and race to our bedroom.
I confront him as soon as he walks into our room. "Why are you asking your dad about wills and such stuff? You're giving up Damon. Why are you giving up? The fight hasn't even started yet," I attack him angrily, tears welling in my eyes.
"I'm not giving up, Elena. We have to be realistic though. I could die. You can deny that all you want but you know it's true," he says forcefully.
I start pounding my fists into his chest. "You are not dying, do you hear me? You can't die...," I blurt out, sobbing. He pulls me to him forcefully, crashing his lips to mine. I kiss him back just as passionately. He hurries us to the edge of the bed before ripping my nightgown off and undressing himself before covering my body with his. He peppers my body with feverish kisses then latches his mouth onto my nipples, one then the other. He flips me over and enters me heatedly. I match him stroke for stroke. I cry out in rapture moments before he does the same. He takes a moment to compose himself before rolling off of me. My chest is heaving as the aftershocks wane. He turns to his side. His eyes, glistening with tears, turn their focus on me.
He takes a moment to wipe the tears that are beginning to trail down his cheeks. "Elena, you have to face the truth. I could die… And you need to promise me that our child will know me and know that I loved him or her. Please Elena, you must make me this promise." He whispers brokenly. After witnessing my tearful nod, he joins our tears when he kisses me gently, moments before closing his eyes...
Happy Halloween! Special thanks to Eva. Thank you again for your reviews, follows and favorites. They really are important to a writer so please hit that review button and let me know what you think. Have a wonderful weekend. Until next time...